


Sea Of Emotions

by Morgana_avalon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 19:32:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 92,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18350261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_avalon/pseuds/Morgana_avalon
Summary: Fawkes meddles and Severus survives, only to find a very curious and eager Harry Potter waiting for him.





	1. Chapter 1

Sea Of Emotions  
Lost in your dark eyes  
I have seen your shadow world  
Moments of madness  
Slowly drowning in your love  
I promise you nothing  
But this earthly misery  
Would you share it with me?  
High, much higher than moon  
Flies away the angel of love  
Deep, much deeper and true  
Is the sea of emotions we share  
The poem so beautiful  
Can turn into nightmare before we know  
The secret bound of our blood oath  
Keeps us together until the dawn

[Music: Jarmo Kylmänen, Lyrics: Juha Kylmänen]

The phoenix swept into the Shack, carefully manoeuvring through the open door and landing near the fallen body of Severus Snape. Still warm blood clung to Fawkes’ feet as he toddled toward the Potions Master’s lifeless body. He cocked his head and studied the Slytherin who possessed the heart of a true Gryffindor. Therefore Fawkes mourned the loss as greatly as he had mourned Albus Dumbledore’s passing.

When he had lost Dumbledore, Fawkes had understood and approved of the wizard’s decision. Dumbledore had been dying due to the curse he had so foolishly exposed himself to and his death had served a greater purpose. Snape’s death however was a different matter. Although necessary, it was too brutal, too undeserving an end for a wizard who had risked his life countless times in the service of Light.

Fawkes moved closer and took in the damage Voldemort and Nagini had done. Snape’s throat had been slashed first. That alone would have eventually killed the Potions Master. There had been no reason for Voldemort to order Nagini to attack, except for the perverse pleasure the dark wizard would find in such a cruel act. Where Dumbledore’s death had been swift and merciful, Snape had suffered. 

Fawkes climbed onto Snape’s shoulder and buried his feet into the fabric of the Potions Master’s robes, which were stained with his blood. He was very much aware of the limitations to his healing capacity, but Fawkes was determined to try. He had waited for Harry and his friends to leave and had then immediately headed inside. Snape hadn’t been dead for long. Maybe he could still bring him back.

Crystalline tears flowed from Fawkes’ eyes and they dripped onto the slashed flesh that had once been Snape’s throat. He continued to weep, determined to undo most of the damage Voldemort had done. Fawkes kept a close eye on the Potions Master’s face. He watched for any rise of the wizard’s chest, which would assure him that Snape was breathing again. He moved closer, settled his body in the crook of the wizard’s neck and wept silently, hoping against hope that he wasn’t too late.

/

The battle was over. Harry still had a hard time believing it, but he was slowly beginning to understand that they had won. Once the first round of commotion died down, he settled in a corner of the Great Hall, talking to several students, assuring them that the Dark Lord was indeed no more. 

Looking at them now, he found that House rivalry no longer existed. Slytherins, Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws and Gryffindors were all working together in order to help the wounded. Amidst of chaos and destruction, seeing such a unified front brought a smile to his face. He grabbed onto the hope that some good had come out of this tragedy after all.

“Harry?” 

Harry looked up and sighed deeply at seeing Remus. His friend looked rumpled and was bleeding from several minor wounds, but he was alive, which was the only thing that mattered. “You’re alive!” he said, feeling eternally grateful that Death had spared his mentor. Remus sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around it. Grateful for the support, Harry leaned against him, savouring the closeness they shared. It brought him comfort when he so desperately needed it. 

“So far, everyone seems to have made it out alive,” Remus whispered into Harry’s ear. “Sure, there are lots of injured, and some might carry reminders of the fight for the rest of their lives, but they will live, Harry.” On a deeply instinctual level, Remus realized Harry needed to be reassured. The young man sitting next to them had faced Voldemort in the heat of battle and, miraculously, had come out of it alive. 

“I can’t believe it,” Harry admitted as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy Remus’ company. “I never expected to survive that final battle.”

“You did great,” Remus said, suspecting Harry needed to hear it. “Tom’s gone and will never come back.” Like Harry, he too wanted to believe the threat Tom Riddle had presented was gone and like Harry, he was afraid to believe they could leave in peace now. Tom Riddle had terrorized the wizarding world for a long time. What would it be like, Remus wondered, to leave in a world without the Dark Lord in it?

Harry sighed and nodded. He pulled away from Remus and scanned his surroundings. Hermione, Ron and Neville were assisting Madam Pomfrey, and even professor Trelawney was tending to the wounded. “What will happen now?” Suddenly, Harry shivered. It wasn’t due to any cold he felt… It wasn’t due to the air of destruction that still occupied the Great Hall. It was something else, but he had no idea what. That worried him.

“Anyone with severe injuries will be transported to St. Mungo’s,” Remus replied, rubbing Harry’s shoulder in an effort to comfort him, as he had noticed the shivering. “Then we will rebuild Hogwarts and… Who knows what will happen after that? Aurors will probably hunt down the remaining Death Eaters. In the end, everything will settle down and there will be peace. But we still have a long road ahead of us.”

Peace… Harry couldn’t believe he would be able to live in peace. Could the sword of Damocles that had hung over his head for his entire life finally be gone? Was he truly free now that Tom Riddle was gone? The arrival of professor McGonagall pulled him from his musings. The fierce witch headed straight for him and Harry automatically got to his feet, wondering if trouble had found him already.

“Mister Potter.” She hated doing this right now, but it couldn’t wait. 

“Professor,” Harry said, acknowledging her. “What’s wrong?” The nagging sensation became stronger.

“Am I correct to assume that you entered the Headmaster’s office prior to the fight?” 

Harry nodded and felt Remus’ hand settle down on his shoulder in order to give him a reassuring squeeze. It was then that he realized that Remus came as close to a parents as anyone possibly could – and Remus had survived. He hadn’t lost him the way he had lost Sirius!

Minerva frowned. “Then I do not understand this.” 

“Maybe I can help? If you tell me what’s wrong?” Harry offered. He hoped it was just something small as he needed a break from the problems Fate tended to present him with.

“The Headmaster’s office remains closed to anyone who wants to enter it.” She had tried every password Albus had ever used, had tried to convince the gargoyle to allow her to enter. She had tried everything possible, but nothing worked. 

“That’s odd. I didn’t even need a password to enter. The gargoyle simply moved aside and let me in.” Harry’s eyes widened in remembrance. How could he have forgotten about it? “Oh, the pensieve!” 

“Pensieve, Harry?” Remus didn’t like the expression on Harry’s face. The young man suddenly looked stricken and increasingly pale. 

“Snape’s memories!” Harry tensed. In the midst of everything he had forgotten about the memories which the Potions Master had entrusted him with! They still swirled in the pensieve!

“Please make sense, Mister Potter and do so quickly!” They were wasting precious time as far as she was concerned. Furthermore, Harry’s expression showed worry, which caused her to grow concerned in turn.

“Before… he died,” Harry swallowed hard, his emotions suddenly overwhelming him. Everything came rushing back to him; finding Snape in the Shack, bleeding to death and the tears – those precious memories! “Before Snape died, he gave me his memories and I watched them.” Harry turned about, grabbed hold of Remus’ tattered coat and started to tremble. He had to tell them – had to get this off his chest. They had to know the truth. Snape deserved nothing less! “Snape always was Dumbledore’s spy, Remus. He followed Dumbledore’s orders until the very last.”

“Harry, I know you are upset, but…” Remus didn’t get a chance to finish though.

“No, you must understand! Both of you!” Harry said in a firm voice. He couldn’t allow them to harbour misconceptions about the Potions Master. They needed to hear the truth so they would understand! “Snape never betrayed Dumbledore. When he cast the Killing Curse, it was at Dumbledore’s order! You saw his blackened hand! The Headmaster was dying and Dumbledore used it against Voldemort… By making Snape kill him, Voldemort would stop distrusting their spy! Don’t you understand? Snape became Headmaster because Dumbledore arranged it that way! Earlier, in the Shack…” And he grew silent, remembering Snape’s final moments. Chills ran down his spine, finally realizing the entire truth – the sacrifice Snape had made. “Snape allowed Voldemort to kill him! Voldemort had to be certain he was the true master of the Elder Wand! He would never have used it in battle against me if he hadn’t been completely sure he was in command!” Harry shook his head, growing angrier by the minute. “Snape went to the Shack knowing he would die there! He didn’t even defend himself! I saw him… We watched the attack… Oh, I…” Harry felt nauseous. His breathing sped up and he started to feel light-headed when everything hit him at once.

“Sit down!” Minerva, still trying to process everything she had just heard, acted, and pushed Harry back onto the bench. “Mister Potter, calm down!”

Remus sat down next to him and rubbed his back. Harry tried to calm down – he really did – but knowing the truth made him angry. So damn angry. Not with Snape, but with the universe in general. “This isn’t fair,” he managed in-between heavy breaths.

“Life seldom is, Harry.” Remus exchanged a look with Minerva. If what Harry had told them was true then…

Minerva answered Remus’ look with one of her own. By Merlin, if Harry had told them the truth, and she had no reason to doubt his words, then… “I called him a coward!”

Harry managed to compose himself as a sense of purpose started to fill him. His duties weren’t done yet. Yes, he had destroyed Voldemort, but he had watched another wizard die that night. Snape was still in the Shack. He shuddered at the thought of what would happen to the body, should Aurors come upon it. As far as they knew, Snape was a traitor who had killed Dumbledore. They might take out their frustration on the fallen Potions master! “Professor, you must find Kingsley and tell him the truth! Tell him that Snape was loyal to the Headmaster to the end. The Aurors need to know!”

Seeing the urgency in his eyes, she nodded. She had come here in order to enlist Harry’s help in opening up the Headmasters’ office, but realized this needed to be taken care of first. If Snape had indeed been loyal to Dumbledore then he deserved their respect. “Harry, are you absolutely sure Snape acted on the Headmaster’s orders?”

“I am certain! Ask Dumbledore! Find a painting and question him if you must, but please… Tell Kingsley first. If the Aurors find Snape before I do…”

She understood his urgency then. “I will talk to Kingsley.”

Harry drew in a deep breath and got to his feet again, closely followed by Remus. “There is something I must do.”

He didn’t need to explain his words to them – they understood. Remus kept his hand on Harry’s shoulder and pulled the young man closer against him. “We will go the Shack and bring back his body. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

A determined expression appeared on Harry’s face as he looked at his friend. “He deserves to come home.” Switching his gaze to professor McGonagall, he added, “Everyone needs to know the truth before we bring him back. I don’t want anyone attacking him because they still believe Snape is a traitor.”

“I am not sure I can convince everyone that quickly,” Minerva said realistically, “but I will make sure they won’t be any attacks on his person.”

“Thank you…” Harry paused, looked about and found Hagrid in the far corner of the Hall. “We need Hagrid,” he told Remus, once professor McGonagall had left in search of Kingsley. “He can carry Snape, hide him from their eyes.” He didn’t want to levitate Snape and put him on display that way. He had developed too much respect for the wizard during the last few hours.

“Then we will enlist Hagrid’s help.” Remus knew Hagrid would follow Harry unconditionally. “How are you holding up?” He couldn’t help worry about the young man standing next to him. Harry had to be exhausted, but the eyes that met his, showed fierce resolve. No matter what would happen Harry was going to bring Severus home.

“I need to do this, Remus. I need to do this in person and I need to do this now.” The mere thought that Aurors might maim Snape’s remains in a fit of anger made him restless. “I owe him so much, Remus.”

“Why don’t you tell me while we make our way to the Shack?” Remus suggested, hoping that talking about past events might help Harry easier deal with them. He was a good listener, at least, he had been told so.

Determinedly Harry nodded. Yes, he would tell Remus – and Hagrid. Everyone needed to know the truth about Severus Snape!

2.

Fawkes nestled closer against the Potions Master’s body. He continued to weep, allowing for his tears to land on the terrible wound, which refused to close properly, but at least the bleeding had stopped. The phoenix realized that Snape needed time and professional care, something he couldn’t provide. But that was something he would worry about later. First he had to make sure Snape continued to breathe. He had noticed the moment Snape’s heart had started to beat again, because a soft drum had sounded in his ears. He had pressed closer, trying to offer warmth. He rested his beak against Snape’s neck and monitored the wound closely. Now that the bleeding had stopped he was growing hopeful again.

The phoenix had watched Snape throughout the years. He had been there when the young wizard had sought refuge with Dumbledore, who had given him a second chance. Fawkes knew that Snape still didn’t understand why he had been given that chance. Maybe one day, Snape would forgive himself the way Dumbledore had forgiven him – the way Fawkes had forgiven him. There was much the Potions Master didn’t know, and maybe, in time, some secrets Dumbledore had harboured would be revealed. If Snape lived, that was. 

Dumbledore would approve of his action – of that the phoenix was certain. The old wizard had greatly cared for Snape, even though Severus had seldom allowed any close contact. Fawkes knew of only two occasions during which Severus had allowed the Headmaster to console him. Fawkes however knew how starved the Potions Master was for contact and companionship. It had been during one of the numerous visits which Severus had paid to the Headmaster’s office that Fawkes had sought out the young wizard’s affections. Severus had been hesitant to touch him at first, and the phoenix had seen the reason why in those dark eyes. The Potions Master had believed himself unworthy. So Fawkes had been the one to take that first step – demonstratively landing on the wizard’s shoulder in order to preen that black hair, which desperately needed attention. Severus had been shocked and Fawkes had felt the minute tremors that had rocked the wizard’s body. It had taken him several attempts, but he had succeeded. In the end, Severus had stroked his feathers and rubbed his neck – his favourite spot.

Fawkes tenderly rubbed his beak against Severus’ cheek. He didn’t know what to do. He could return to the castle and alert Minerva, but that meant leaving Severus’ side, and at the moment, his tears were the only thing keeping the Potions Master alive – barely, that was. He didn’t dare leave the man. After everything he had done to bring him back, he couldn’t risk losing him now.

/

“I never doubted professer Snape,” Hagrid confessed as he followed Remus and Harry to the Shack. It was true – he had never really doubted the Potions Master, not even after he had killed Dumbledore, but to hear Harry confirm that the wizard had always fought for Light, did help. 

“Why?” Harry’s heart grew heavier with every step he took towards the Shack. He didn’t want to confront what had happened in there; didn’t want to look at Snape’s body and be reminded of the fact that he hadn’t even tried to save the man’s life. He didn’t want to face the possibility that Snape could have lived, had he acted instead of simply watching the older wizard die. He felt guilty – it was as simple as that. What if he had put a statis charm on the Potions Master? He was driving himself mad, thinking that way, but the thought wouldn’t leave him alone. Could he have saved Snape?

Sensing some of Harry’s troubled thoughts, Remus gave his young friend an encouraging smile. He didn’t feel like smiling, but giving into his own dark feelings wouldn’t help Harry. He had to be strong and offer Harry a shoulder to lean on.

For once, Hagrid thought everything over before answering Harry. “Yer didn’ know ‘im the way I did, Harry. Yer didn’ see the way he was when he returned ter Hogwarts. There was pain in ‘is eyes. He learned ter lock it ‘way durin’ the years he taught here, but I ‘ways knew it was there.”

Then why had he never seen it? But Snape had been a master at manipulation and disguise. Snape had only allowed him to see what he had wanted him to see. Snape would never have exposed himself that way. 

“You couldn’t have known,” Remus added, hoping to ease Harry’s burden a little. “Most members of the Order thought he was Voldemort’s, not Dumbledore’s. That is how Severus wanted things to be. That was how it had to be. He couldn’t allow anyone to look behind his mask.”

“It must have been lonely…” Harry closed his eyes and recalled the memories he had seen. There hadn’t been any regarding Snape’s personal life, and he wondered if the Potions Master had had one to begin with. As far as he knew, Snape had always stayed at Hogwarts, even during holidays. As a spy, Snape couldn’t have taken the risk of befriending anyone, of confiding in anyone, save for the Headmaster. “And I thought my life sucked,” he whispered, fully realizing he’d had friends to pull him through, where Snape hadn’t had anyone. 

They had reached the Shack and Harry came to an abrupt halt. “I am not sure I can go inside.” A sense of deep despair, of utter guilt overwhelmed him. “I might have been able to save him, but I didn’t even try. I watched him die. I didn’t act…” Harry started to feel light-headed again. “It’s my fault he’s dead.”

“Humbug!” Hagrid roared. “It was that bastard who killed him! It wasn’ you, Harry!” But he understood the guilt Harry experienced. The fact that Harry had been too overwhelmed to help, weighed heavily on the boy’s mind. 

Harry forced a smile onto his face. Rationally, he knew that, but emotionally it was a wholly different matter. He turned toward the entrance and found it open. His heart missed a beat, hoping that none of the Aurors had happened upon the place. He didn’t know how he would react upon finding Snape’s body defiled. “I don’t want to do this,” he muttered, “But I must. I owe him that much.” Remus squeezed his shoulder and Harry drew courage from that touch. He wasn’t alone; his friends were with him and would support him. “I must do this,” he told himself and took a step closer to the entrance. Remus remained at his side and Hagrid was only one step behind. He could count on them to catch him should he fall.

Harry’s hands turned into fists due to the tension he was in as he stepped over the threshold and into the Shack. There was still enough light for him to take in the interior. His eyes first encountered a pool of blood, then black robes, and when he found the courage to raise his gaze, he finally looked upon Severus Snape – the wizard who had risked so much in order to give him a chance at survival. Harry blinked in disbelief. “Fawkes?” The phoenix sat nestled against Snape’s neck and precious tears dripped from the magical bird’s eyes and onto the Potions Master’s mangled throat. Harry’s breath caught. 

Remus exchanged a stunned look with Hagrid, who shrugged in turn. The half-giant hadn’t expected to find Fawkes there either. “Harry,” Remus said, uncertain of the effect that finding Snape would have on Harry. “You don’t have to do this.”

But Harry barely heard Remus’ reassurance; focused as he was on Snape, he was the first to notice the slight movement to the wizard’s chest and Harry’s heart suddenly thundered loudly in his throat. “He’s alive!” Harry shook off Remus’ hand and knelt at the Potions Master’s side, already running a diagnostic spell on the fallen wizard’s form. “He’s alive…” His voice shook as he tried to understand what was right in front of him. The readings of his spell revealed how fragile and weak the Potions Master was, but it also confirmed that he was indeed alive. 

Remus blinked in surprise, then urged himself into action. Studying the readings of the spell, he realized the same thing. “We need to get him to Poppy.” 

Harry stared at Snape and cringed at seeing the damage Voldemort and Nagini had done. It was beyond him how the Potions Master could still be alive considering the grave injuries. “It was you,” he said, addressing Fawkes who cooed softly in reply. “You are doing this. You are keeping him alive.”

Fawkes was eager to confirm that assumption, but wished Harry would act instead. Severus needed to be returned to the castle as quickly as possible! If only he possessed the ability to speak!

“We need to take him to Poppy,” Remus repeated as he lowered himself onto his heels next to Harry. He couldn’t blame the younger man for being shocked, but he couldn’t allow Harry to dwell on the fact that Severus was still alive, no matter how unexpected it was. “We need to get moving now,” he stressed.

Remus’ urgent tone brought Harry back to his senses. “Of course, you are right!” The possibility of Snape surviving Voldemort and Nagini’s attack had never crossed his mind. “What do you suggest?” However, it was Hagrid and not Remus who answered him. 

“Lemme,” the half-giant said as he bent down to gather the Potions Master in his arms. He didn’t think much of levitation spells. Not in a case like this. If the caster’s concentration faltered, it would send Severus crashing down – hard. “I’ll carry ‘im.” 

Harry and Remus quickly exchanged a look and both nodded. Hagrid would be careful and the injured wizard might benefit from the half-giant’s body warmth. They moved aside, eager for Hagrid to lift the fallen wizard. Harry’s thoughts raced. “I need to warn them! Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey need to know he’s still alive and in need of care!” They also had to make sure no one attacked the wounded Potions Master. He hoped Kingsley had already updated the Aurors! 

“Why don’t you send your Patronus ahead?” Remus carefully moved Severus’ hand towards the Potions Master’s abdomen, making sure he wouldn’t accidently bump it against the doorframe when Hagrid carried the wizard outside. Remus felt incredibly light-hearted, especially upon catching Fawkes winking at him. “Thank you,” he whispered at the phoenix. 

Fawkes moved slightly, making himself comfy again now that Hagrid was shifting Severus to make sure he rested comfortably. He felt reassured now that they were finally taking action. 

Harry cast his Patronus and considered the message he should send to professor McGonagall. “Professor, Snape is still alive. He is hanging on thanks to Fawkes, but he is desperate need of medical attention. Please tell Madam Pomfrey that we are on our way. Fawkes managed to stop the bleeding, but I doubt even his tears can neutralize Nagini’s venom. Kingsley also needs to know we are on our way. I don’t want any Aurors attacking Snape!” He sent the Patronus on its way. 

As he was the only one left in the Shack, he looked about and cringed at the still present blood. Snape had lost so much of it! His gaze shifted toward the window – even more blood clung to the glass panels. He remembered Snape impacting against it and sliding onto the floor. Nagini had pounced on him – not once, but several times. It was nothing short of a miracle that the man was still alive and if Voldemort and Nagini hadn’t been destroyed already, he would have hunted them down to make them pay. The anger – the fury – that consumed him stunned him, but it was something else besides anger that motivated him to start walking; the hope that Snape would survive and recover.

He ran in order to catch up with Hagrid and had to work hard to keep up. Every now and then, he looked at Snape in order to make sure the man was still breathing. Fawkes caught his gaze and trilled reassuringly. Harry’s hand trembled when he lifted it in order to move some hair away from Snape’s face. “I can’t believe he’s alive.” 

Remus wrapped an arm around Harry. “Severus has a chance, Harry. That’s more than we could have hoped for.” He hoped Severus survived, especially after learning the truth about the Potions Master.

“Do you know what that means?” Extremely carefully, Harry placed his hand on the Potions Master’s in an effort to convince himself that the older wizard really was still alive. Feeling warm, although clammy skin beneath his finger tips made him sigh. Severus Snape was alive.

Remus wasn’t sure what Harry was hinting at. “What does it mean, Harry?”

“It means I can talk to him – ask him questions and finally get some answers.” He desperately needed to talk to the Potions Master. “I always thought he was a bully. I was convinced that he hated me. But after witnessing his memories, I understand that a lot of it was an act, meant to pacify the Death Eaters – to convince that he truly hated me. Now, I understand why he favoured Draco and the rest of the Slytherins. Not because they belonged to Snape’s House, but because he had to appear to hate me.” Harry sighed. “I want to know what really goes in his head. I want to know how he really feels about me.” That Snape didn’t hate him had become clear to him after he had seen those memories. Snape wouldn’t have risked his life if he had truly hated him. “I want the truth, Remus, and I want all of it.”

Remus drew in a deep breath. “Harry, you do realize it will take time for Severus to start to heal? We don’t even know what kind of state he is in – physically and emotionally.” He hated being the one to say this, but he had to. “Don’t forget that Severus is severely injured. You might have to be patient.” Looking at Severus, Remus wasn’t even sure the other wizard’s vocal cords were still intact. Voldemort’s hex had cut deeply. He had to admit that he had become used to hearing Severus drawl in his sneering way. Although his words often were as sharp as knives, there had always been an entrancing timbre to the man’s voice.

“I will be patient,” Harry assured his friend, “As long as there is a chance for me to get some answers.” Harry had to let go of Snape’s hand the moment they descended underneath the Whomping Willow. He fell into step behind the half-giant, but his gaze remained focused on the dark hair, which presented a stark contrast to Fawkes’ red and golden feathers.

/

“Alive?” Kingsley wondered if he had misunderstood. “Did you say Severus is alive? I thought Harry had said he was dead.” It was a lot to take in; like many others, he had doubted Severus’ loyalty in the past. But now Minerva was assuring him that Snape had always fought on their side in the war. 

Minerva nodded once. “You saw Harry’s Patronus. Harry assured me that professor Snape is still alive, although in a bad way. You need to keep the Aurors in line, Kingsley. If Snape’s condition really is that critical we cannot take any chances.”

Kingsley cringed. “I am not sure I can control them to such a degree. When Severus murdered Albus a lot of them lost their faith in him.”

“I tried to talk to Albus,” Minerva admitted. “But the Headmaster’s Office remains sealed. No one is allowed inside.”

“What about the paintings? They are everywhere. Can’t you ask one of them to fetch Albus?” Kingsley had no idea if such a thing was even possible, but it would simplify matters.

Minerva grew uneasy. So far no one but her seemed to have noticed and she would have preferred to keep it that way, but alas, Kingsley’s request made that impossible. “Look at the paintings, Kingsley. Does something strike you as out of the ordinary?” She knew it was only a matter of time before a student or teacher noticed what was going on, but still, she would have preferred for it to last longer. 

Kingsley raised his head and looked at the paintings that adorned the Hall. Some looked tattered, but a few were still intact – that was when he noticed it too. “They aren’t moving.” The paintings were just that – paintings, unmoving, their inhabitants lifeless. “Minerva?” That had never happened before, had it? He had studied here for years and not once had the paintings become immobile. Focusing his magic, he realized something else. The Hall seemed dead. All candles were extinguished. The charmed roof was gone. All of Hogwarts’ so familiar magic was missing. “What’s amiss?”

“I do not know,” Minerva said and it pained her to admit it. “It started before the battle began… After we heard Riddle’s demand to hand over Harry. First, the candles died, then the paintings stilled, and slowly, the castle’s magic came to a halt. I hoped to find the reason for it at the Headmaster’s Office, but I can’t get inside. No one can. Filius and Horace tried as well.”

“This is bad,” Kingsley said and swallowed hard. “Has this ever happened before?”

“Not to my knowledge. Kingsley, I can’t ask Albus to confirm Harry’s claims. I am afraid we need to trust the boy in this matter. If he says Severus never switched sides, and always remained loyal to the cause, then we must believe him. Harry is the last person who would lie or manipulate in order to get his way. You know that. Harry has nothing to gain by protecting Severus.” Minerva tiredly rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Kingsley, Albus always urged us to put our trust in Severus. Maybe he had good reasons for saying it. Maybe he was the only person who really knew what was going on and why Severus did the things he did?”

“I will instruct the Aurors to keep their distance. I will not condone any attacks on Severus.” Kingsley had finally made up his mind - for Minerva was right; Albus had always urged them to trust Severus. Dumbledore’s faith regarding Severus had always been strong and stable. Maybe Severus deserved the benefit of the doubt. 

/

“Snape’s alive?” Ron felt something akin to horror slither down his spine. “But, he died!” 

Hermione rolled back her eyes. “You heard the professor! Fawkes is keeping him alive! Now, move it!” She pushed him down the corridor. Learning that Snape had always been on their side had surprised her less than she had thought. There had been countless clues, which she had failed to interpret correctly at the time, but looking back, a lot of things finally made sense. “We need to get to them as quickly as we can! You do realize a lot of people still hate Snape? They will want a shot at him!”

Ron glared at her, but allowed Hermione to pull him along. “I happen to be one of those people!”

“Stuff it, Ron. If you are honest with yourself you have to admit that Snape’s actions make a lot more sense now that we know he always was loyal to Dumbledore. He saved Harry’s life more than once!” She knew he would come around – eventually. “For now, we need to help Harry to get professor Snape to the infirmary.”

“Hermione!” Ron came to a halt, and because of the brisk movement, Hermione had no choice but to stop running as well.

“What?” she challenged him – eyes sparking and hair flying.

“Snape can’t be one of the good guys! He can’t!” It would upend his world in which the bad guys were evil and the good guys good. 

They didn’t have time for this, but she knew she had to get him thinking – somehow. “Ron, don’t you remember what happened in the Shack? The professor gave Harry his memories! Now why would he do that except in order to help him?” Ron gave her a pleading look, but she continued. “You heard his last words.”

Ron had heard them; he couldn’t deny that. It wasn’t the words which still confused him. It was the tone of voice Snape had used. He had sounded as if he had cared. “Hermione…”

“Ron, you know that professor Snape is a spy – Dumbledore’s spy and the Headmaster trusted him unconditionally. Maybe he had a very reason to do so? Maybe the Headmaster knew that, regardless of what would happen, the professor would never switch sides?”

Ron hated admitting it, but she was probably right. “But that means…”

“It means,” Hermione said, impatiently interrupting him, “That we need to help Harry to get the professor to the infirmary. Ron, you need to trust me. You need to trust me to be right about this.”

Ron sighed. Hermione was much smarter than he was, and she was seldom wrong. Being honest with himself, Ron had to admit she was probably right about this too. The way Snape had sounded when he had told Harry that he had his mother’s eyes had revealed some of the feelings the Potions Master had always kept hidden.

“What’s going on?” Neville stepped up to them and looked questioningly at Hermione, knowing she was the one calling the shots.

“We are going to help Harry. He’s escorting professor Snape to the infirmary and there are lot of frustrated Aurors and students about,” she explained.

Neville still had a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that Snape had never been on Voldemort’s side, but professor McGonagall had been rather convincing when she had confided in them. “I will help,” he offered and raised Godric’s sword with a smug smile on his face. “Maybe this will ensure they keep their distance. Though I must admit; I never thought I would one day be using it to protect Snape.”

Ron sighed overly dramatically. “I know the way you feel. I can’t believe either that I am about to help the greasy git.”

Hermione decided she’d had enough and started running again. The two young men quickly followed her example; she could only hope they were still in time to prevent any escalations.

TBC

3\. 

The atmosphere could only be described as grim, at least as far as the reception at the hands of the Aurors was concerned. Harry had his wand at the ready, prepared to hex any Auror who dared to stop or attack them. Snape needed to get to Madam Pomfrey as quickly as possible and he wasn’t going to allow anyone to delay them.

Remus felt the tension as well and hoped that the Aurors were sensible enough to leave them alone. Considering the mindset Harry was in, Remus wouldn’t be surprised to find the young man using one or two particularly vicious hexes.

Hagrid marched on, determined not to let any of the Aurors intimidate him. He had no fond memories of them either as he had also been subjected to their methods of interrogation during his short stay in Azkaban. He shifted Snape a little in order to blanket him from the vile looks the Aurors gave him. 

The Aurors even managed to rouse Fawkes’ disdain and the phoenix reacted by spreading his wings and draping them protectively over the Potions Master’s body. Should they decide to attack, Fawkes was going to show them just how much damage his beak and claws were capable of!

“Harry!” 

At hearing his name, Harry turned his head slightly, but made sure he still had one eye on the group of Aurors. His heart felt a little lighter at seeing his friends run toward him, wands extended and ready to stand by him. “Hermione!” It was good to know he could still count them, even while protecting Snape.

Hermione wanted to embrace her friend, but decided against it. The situation called for vigilance; that thought reminded her of Moody. Constant vigilance, the old Auror had always told them! “It is good to have you back!” She had worried for Harry when she had learned he had gone back to fetch Snape’s body. Speaking of Snape, she gave him a quick look and cringed at seeing the damage Voldemort and his pet snake had done. She had seen it all before of course, but back then, it had been too dark to notice any details. “He looks bad.”

Ron took up position next to Hermione, flashing an Auror an angry look when he tried to close in on them. “Stay back!”

Harry couldn’t help but smile broadly upon seeing Neville raise Godric’s sword and trying to look menacingly. Without the fabled sword, Neville would have failed to pull it off, but it was hard to ignore the fact that Godric’s sword chose to stay with the Gryffindor. “Neville, Ron, thanks guys!”

Ron was about to tell Harry that he wasn’t thrilled about protecting the dungeon bat when he caught sight of Fawkes. The phoenix glared at the Aurors and the gold and red wings cradled Snape protectively. Ron would have loved to hang onto his doubts – his belief that Snape was an evil Death Eater, but it was impossible to ignore Fawkes’ actions. He wouldn’t have dared to cross the phoenix for fear of having his eyes picked out by that sharp beak! Fawkes would never protect a traitor – Ron knew that, so it could only mean that Snape was the real thing. He swallowed hard at admitting that truth.

“Stay back!” Now that he had his friends supporting him, Harry felt in control of the situation. “Stay back!”

“Stand down!” Kingsley quickly marched up to them. “Put your wand away, Harry. No will attack Severus.”

“It’s nothing personal, Kingsley, but I rather keep my wand ready.” Harry refused to put it away. “We are wasting time!” Time which Snape might not have!

Fawkes didn’t let down his guard either – not even when Minerva joined them. The hostility toward Severus was palpable and Fawkes was going to make sure no one harmed the injured wizard!

Minerva took in the scene with a mix of amusement and fascination. “I cannot recall seeing Fawkes that riled up before.” The phoenix looked ready to unleash his fury on the Aurors. She had always assumed he was a docile and peaceful being. 

Fawkes settled down again, but kept his left wing in such a way that it covered Severus’ upper body. Why were they talking when they needed to be on their way to the infirmary?

“Well, quickly, follow me!” Minerva took charge and guided them through the corridors. Kingsley caught up with her and she noticed the looks he gave the paintings they passed by while running. “Stop drawing attention to them!” she hissed at him. 

Kingsley immediately averted his gaze. He hadn’t realized what he was doing. They would solve the mystery later, after safely delivering Severus into Madam Pomfrey’s capable hands!

/

Poppy wished Pomona would finally stop talking. Ever since Minerva had revealed Severus’ true alliance, the Herbology professor just wouldn’t shut up. In the end, Poppy could take it no more. “Pomona, I want you out of the infirmary – now!” Pomona gave her a shocked look, then she turned around and marched out of the room. Thank Merlin, her sanctuary had been restored! 

Poppy’s reprieve didn’t last though, as only two minutes later, Hagrid forced his way inside. The half-giant was almost too tall for these rooms! “Quickly, over here,” she said and pointed at a bed. She needed a moment to take in the entire scene though. She had been told to expect Hagrid, Remus and Harry, but now Kingsley, Minerva, Ron, Hermione and Neville had shown up as well. “Out,” she announced, “All of you! I need to work!”

“I am not leaving,” Harry replied in a firm voice. “I am staying.”

Poppy had heard that tone before and decided that fighting Harry would only take up precious time. “Fine, you can stay… Remus, you too. The rest – out!” She gave Minerva, who looked at her pleadingly, a stern look. “Later, dear,” she comforted her friend. “Hagrid, wait over there in case I need you,” she said and pointed him to the corner of the room. 

Hagrid reluctantly moved away; he would have preferred to watch over Severus, but he knew better than to cross Poppy.

Poppy drew in a deep breath and readied herself for the injuries she had to tend to. “Oh, my,” she sighed, her breath escaping her at seeing Fawkes pressed close to the Potions Master. “What are you doing here?”

Fawkes stared at her. What did it look like?

“You have to move away from him, my dear,” she told him. Fawkes however didn’t move. “You are going to be quite stubborn about this, aren’t you?”

Even though the situation was rather dire, Harry chuckled softly. “He refuses to leave Snape’s side.”

“I will have to work around him then.” Poppy briefly stroked Fawkes’ head and then lifted her wand to run her first set of diagnostic spells.

/

Harry lowered Snape back onto the bed, feeling better now Madam Pomfrey had started her regime of potions on her patient. He recalled the way she had gasped when those first readings had come through. The diagnostic spell she had cast had supplied more details regarding the wizard’s condition.

Snape had been dead for at least five minutes. Harry had seen his own shock mirrored on the medi-witch’s face when they had realized it. Snape had died in the Shack – all alone, and thinking Harry believed him to be traitor.

The man had died… Harry pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down. He cradled Snape’s right hand in his and shared a look of understanding with Fawkes. Normally Fawkes could easily cure an injury. The phoenix had healed him when the Basilisk had gotten to him, but back then, he hadn’t died. The fact that Snape had, must have changed matters. That Fawkes had been able to bring Snape back to life was extraordinary. It wasn’t the phoenix’ fault that he couldn’t heal the additional injuries. He was grateful to the phoenix for everything he had done, and even now that Madam Pomfrey had declared her patient stable and out of danger, the phoenix remained close. “He died, Fawkes.” And Snape would have stayed dead, hadn’t it been for the phoenix’ intervention. “Thank you for bringing him back.”

Fawkes wished he could do more, but Snape’s death had done a lot of damage. It would take time for the Potions Master to recover. He trilled softly and rubbed his head tenderly against Severus’ shoulder. If only it wasn’t so close to his burning day, than he might have done more.

“I left him there,” Harry continued, needing to unburden his soul. “I didn’t even…” He hadn’t even closed Snape’s eyes. He had simply left him there.

“Harry…” Remus, who had settled down in a corner of the private room, tried to stay on the background and to allow Harry to work through the events, but he couldn’t bare hearing the young man blame himself for what happened. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Harry angrily shook his head while his fingers twined with Snape’s. He constantly felt the need to convince himself that the Potions Master was alive. “I didn’t kill him, no,” he admitted, “But I didn’t help either. I simply left him there.” Fawkes moved a little closer and pecked at his other hand, which rested on the pillow next to Snape’s head. Harry gave him a melancholy smile. “I know you mean well, but that doesn’t change the fact that I couldn’t wait to get out of the Shack and left him there!”

Fawkes understood the pain he read in the young man’s eyes and hoped Harry wouldn’t fall into the same trap Severus had so long ago. Guilt – survivor’s guilt – wouldn’t get him anywhere.

Remus left his chair, made his way over the bed, and sat on his heels next to Harry. He waited for the young man to look at him, and when he did, he said, “Severus wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. He made the decision to go to the Shack, knowing he wouldn’t come out of it alive. He knew what needed to be done in order to convince Voldemort that he was the master of the Elder wand.” Remus ran a hand through Harry’s messy hair. “Seeing you there must have shocked Severus, but it probably also consoled him. He got to see you one more time. He got to say goodbye – in his own way,” he added upon seeing Harry wanting to protest. “He gave you his memories in the hope that you would survive.”

Harry had to close his eyes or his emotions would have gotten the better of him and he definitely didn’t want to cry at Snape’s sick bed. “Snape will recover, won’t he?” Although Madam Pomfrey had already told him what to expect, he needed to hear it again.

Remus indulged him, seeing how hard the situation was on Harry. “You know what she said. Severus needs time to heal. He has had his first set of potions and he will need more. Fawkes managed to disperse with an amount of the venom, but Severus’ body endured too much.” Now came the hard bit. “Severus’ vocal cords were slashed. They will heal, but that will take time as well. As you said yourself, he died… There is no miracle cure for him – not this time. You need to be patient.”

“But he will be fine eventually,” Harry said, pleadingly gazing at his mentor.

“Eventually, yes.” Remus managed what was hopefully a comforting smile. “And he will need us to support him.”

“You know he will glare at us,” Harry chuckled. “He will give us hell for wanting to help him.”

Remus cocked his head and watched Severus sleep. “I don’t know about that, Harry. Severus had to act a way for a long time. We don’t really know what he is really like. We might be in for some surprises. Look at him,” Remus said and changed his position. He sat down on the side of the bed, careful not to cause any movement that might discomfort their patient. “He looks at peace for the first time. I have known him for almost two decades and I have never seen him like this.”

Harry studied the sleeping wizard and agreed. Snape looked at ease. His features had relaxed in sleep, making him look younger. “I will stay with you,” he promised and carefully moved Snape’s hand inside his own. He rubbed the back soothingly and then wrapped his fingers around the limb – not too tightly, but firmly enough for the other man to know he wasn’t alone. “I will wait for you to wake up.” He would even put his questions on hold until Snape was strong enough to answer them. 

Snape, he mused. That name belonged to the bullying Potions Master who had made his life hell. “Severus… Severus Snape,” he whispered, ignoring the puzzled look Remus gave him. This was a different man. This was a wizard he really didn’t know. This was Severus.

Remus didn’t know what to make of the odd expression on Harry’s face, but decided against questioning him. Harry had lived through quite an ordeal and needed time to find his inner peace again. 

/

He must have fallen asleep, for when he opened his eyes, his head rested on the bed, right next to Severus’ body. Harry blinked, forced himself to fully wake up, and sat upright, only to look into the amused eyes of professor McGonagall. “Ah…” he started.

“Don’t worry, Mister Potter,” the witch said and chuckled softly. “It was only a matter of time before exhaustion would catch up with you. I am surprised you lasted this long in the first place.”

Harry smiled at her and then looked at the sleeping Potions Master. “Have there been any changes?”

“Poppy assures me that Severus is resting comfortably. She spelled some potions into him earlier on.”

Harry nodded. Severus’ throat was still too damaged for the Potions Master to swallow anything. “How’s everyone doing?”

Minerva inclined her head, appreciating the fact that he still worried about the other inhabitants of the castle as well. A dead castle – she reminded herself and shivered. “As well as can be expected. We transferred ten patients to St. Mungo’s for treatment. Most students are quickly recovering and family members are arriving in order to take them home.”

“They’re leaving?” Harry said surprised.

“The castle saw battle, Harry,” the witch said in a remarkably tender tone. “It wouldn’t do to keep the students here while it is in ruins. They are better off at home.”

“Of course.” Harry looked a bit bashful when he addressed her again. “I must admit I didn’t pay much attention to the damage.”

“How could you have? You were busy dealing with Voldemort.” And later on, Harry had left to retrieve Severus. She had hoped Hogwarts would come back alive now that Severus had returned within its walls, but nothing had happened. And even worse, several students had noticed the immobile paintings. It didn’t help either that the stairs were no long shifting and that they had to lit candles themselves, where normally the castle would take care of it. The house-elves were upset as well. They wanted to carry out their duties, but found they were no longer able to apparate or work their magic. Something was very wrong. 

“So, did anyone opt to stay?” Harry asked hopefully.

“Your friends of course,” Minerva assured him. “Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna, Ginny and Seamus have opted to stay. Furthermore, Molly Weasley has taken up residence at the Gryffindor common room. Fred, George, and even Bill and Charlie are helping out wherever they can. Arthur has left for the apparition point as even Percy expressed a desire to help.” And Merlin help her, Molly had also noticed the castle’s current desolate state! 

“That’s good!” Having his friends close would help. Harry’s gaze came to rest upon the Potions Master’s face again. “I want him to wake up,” he admitted.

“You need to be patient. Poppy and Remus must have told you that it will take time.”

“They did,” Harry said and sighed. “But I have so many questions for him. I want to know what he’s like. I want to know him.”

“You are not the only one,” Minerva said, confiding in him. “All these years I never realized that Severus was merely putting on an act. Oh, he played his part to perfection, but it was still an act.” But there was more. “And I need to tell him I am sorry.”

Harry quickly realized what she was talking about. “About attacking him?”

“That too… But he won’t hold that against me. He pushed me and I played my part. No, I need to tell him I am sorry that I called him a coward, for he is anything but that. It took a great deal of courage to do what he did. He walked his path alone after Albus died. He had no one to confide in. No one to support him.” Minerva fought hard against the tears that threatened to form in her eyes. “During the reign of the Carrows, students and teachers had each other for support, but Severus… He must have been so lonely.” 

Harry’s grip on Severus’ hand tightened. “He is the bravest man I know.”

Minerva smiled tiredly. “That he is… Let’s hope he will agree when he wakes up.”

Harry pondered her words. How did Severus see himself? How did he view his past actions? How much damage had fighting this battle on his own done? He prayed he would get a chance to find out and if necessary support the older wizard.

/

“Harry, you really should take a break. Eat something, shower, slip into a new set of clothes.” Remus wished he knew of a way to get through to Harry, who still refused to leave Severus’ side. “It’s been twenty-four hours now. You must be hungry.”

“Bring me some food then.” He refused to let Severus out of his sight. He had to know the man was safe, resting comfortably and being taken care of. The fact that he had left him in the Shack continued to haunt him. Why hadn’t he helped? 

Fawkes raised his head and trilled. He could do with some food too. Tomorrow was his burning day and he needed to keep up his strength.

“See? Even Fawkes is hungry!” Remus exchanged a look with Poppy. The stern Medi-witch had threatened to have Harry removed, but the young man hadn’t bulged. 

“It might be best if we had some food delivered,” she decided eventually. It was a huge inconvenience that she couldn’t just summon a house elf and order food. By now, the news had spread throughout the castle. Hogwarts’ magic was gone and it scared students and staff alike. Minerva hoped that Hogwarts would wake from this awful state the moment Severus did. 

Remus sighed; he disliked giving into to Harry. “How about a quick shower? And I will have some clothes waiting for you. Harry, you need to take care of yourself.”

Harry was about to give in just to escape more of Remus’ nagging when Severus’ hand suddenly twitched inside his. It was just a minute movement, but he had felt it. Could the Potions Master be waking up?

Poppy had noticed the movement too and quickly cast a diagnostic spell. “I hate to disappoint you, Harry,” she said. “But he is still vast asleep, and he will remain that way for at least twenty-four hours. Time enough for you to clean up.”

“But he moved!” Harry didn’t dare leave Severus’ side now.

“Harry,” Poppy said and she moved closer until Harry had no other choice but to look at her. “Severus is asleep. The sleeping potion I gave him ensures that he will remain asleep for another day. Now go shower or…”

Harry swallowed nervously as she had never used that tone with him before. “But I won’t be gone for more than ten minutes!”

“Fine,” she relented. “Severus will still be here when you come back –asleep and comfortable, or do you think Fawkes would allow anyone to disrupt him?”

She was right; after seeing Fawkes’ reaction toward the Aurors, Harry knew the magical bird would give them hell. “Fine – ten minutes.” He tenderly placed the Potions Master’s hand back on the mattress. “Don’t wake up without me,” he whispered, as he desperately wanted to be there when Severus opened his eyes. He had the feeling the older wizard might not react well to finding out he was still alive!

/

“It worries me – deeply,” Minerva shared with the other members of the Order of the Phoenix. “The magic that fuels Hogwarts seems gone. There is nothing I can do bring it back.”

“I share your concern and I also agree. There is nothing we can do to restore the castle’s magic. Only one wizard can.” 

Sybil sounded remarkably coherent, Minerva noticed. “The Headmaster needs to take charge.”

“But Severus is unconscious.” Horace realized their predicament. “Can we renounce his status as Headmaster and install you instead, Minerva? You were Albus’ Deputy. That honour should have fallen to you.”

Minerva resolutely shook her head. “I will pretend I didn’t hear that, Horace. Severus is Hogwarts’ Headmaster. Albus arranged it that way. He must have had his reasons.”

Arthur nodded his approval. “Minerva is right. Severus is the rightful Headmaster.” Kingsley had asked him to represent the Aurors in this meeting and he had agreed. The new Minister of Magic was busy reorganizing the Ministry the best he could and Arthur was glad he could help. “Does Poppy knew when he will wake up?”

“She reckons it will take another twenty-four hours,” Remus updated them after Minerva gave him a questioning look. “But she can’t tell what kind of mental state he was in. He was dead for five minutes. He stopped breathing and the oxygen supply to his brain was cut off. We are wizards,” Remus said thoughtfully, “but our bodies have their limitations.”

“What’s her best guess?” Pomona asked. Now that she knew Severus had been on their side all along it was easy to move on. She still hadn’t forgiven him for cursing the students, but she realized he’d had no other choice than to go along with the Carrows. Had he opposed them, the Death Eaters’ reign might have turned out much more terrible.

“Poppy thinks he suffered minimal damage if any at all. Fawkes’ intervention was right on time,” Minerva told them.

“But we don’t know what kind of emotional state Severus will be in,” Molly pointed out to them. “He died,” she reminded them. “Doesn’t that change a man?”

“Maybe,” Minerva conceded. “But this is Severus Snape we are talking about. Nothing about that wizard is ordinary or predictable.”

“I want to help, if I can,” Molly told her. “I have no Medi-witch training, but I raised seven children and they turned out all right.”

“I will let Poppy know. I am sure she will appreciate the help.”

“Harry might not,” Remus whispered and gave Molly an apologetic look when she raised an eyebrow at him. “It’s impossible to make him leave Severus’ side for more than ten minutes.”

“He is waiting for Severus to wake up,” Sybil stated. “I understand why he wants to be there.”

Minerva narrowed her eyes at the fellow witch. “Sybil, is something wrong?” Her colleague was definitely acting out of character.

Sybil slowly removed her glasses and placed them in front of her on the table. “Severus hasn’t been the only one pretending to be something he is not. I had to play my part as well.” 

Minerva frowned. “What are you saying?” She didn’t know Sybil this composed!

“Although most of you mocked me in the past, I do possess the sight. It comes at odd moments, but I can predict parts of the future. I do not see everything and can’t select certain moments in time, but I do have visions. Albus felt it was imperative that Tom didn’t know this. He felt Tom might try to take advantage of my gifts if he knew the truth. So I played the part of the loony divination professor and I played it well.”

Remus couldn’t stop staring at her. They had been colleagues for a year and he had never noticed a thing. “Have you had any visions lately?”

She shook her head. “Not since Tom died.”

“Well, for what it is worth, I am happy you no longer need to pretend to be someone you are not,” Minerva told her. It irked her that she had never suspected anything either!

“So, what do we do?” Arthur didn’t think they had much of a choice really.

“We wait for Severus to wake up and hope that when he returns to consciousness, Hogwarts’ magic will return with it,” Minerva said, saying what everyone was thinking.

“Then let’s hope he wakes up shortly,” Horace commented, “For we need Hogwarts’ magic in order to set everything right.”

4.

“Harry, mate, have you been here the entire time?” Ron pulled a chair up close to where Harry was sitting and looked his friend over. Harry looked tired, but not exhausted. He also looked worried, and it was odd to realize his friend worried about Snape. 

“Yes, I don’t dare leave him alone. I want to be there when he wakes up.” He had died himself, but he had chosen to go back to the world of the living. Severus had never had the luxury of a choice. Fawkes had made it for him. Harry couldn’t but wonder how Severus would react upon finding out he was still alive.

Reluctantly Ron shifted his gaze from Harry to the injured man on the bed. Snape still looked bad – too pale, too still – so much unlike the Potions Master he had come to fear that it seemed impossible that it was the same person. “Remus told me that he will recover.”

Harry nodded. “Eventually, yes, but it will take time.” Harry didn’t think much of it when he wrapped his fingers around Severus’ fingers. Fawkes opened tired eyes to look at him. Burning had tired the magical bird, who looked a lot like an owl’s chick at the moment and not like the imposing phoenix he really was.

“Ah, that sucks,” Ron commented at seeing Fawkes. “Burning day?”

Fawkes chirped very softly and then ignored the noisy redhead. He wanted to rest and closed his eyes after pressing closer to Severus in order to savour the wizard’s body heat.

Ron wondered about the fact that Harry was holding Snape’s hand, and tightly at that. “Care to tell me what’s going on?”

Harry considered what to share and what to keep to himself. “I know what it’s like to die, Ron… And I wasn’t in such a bad way as Snape is now. I am afraid how he will react when he wakes up. He’s still weak, very weak actually. He must rest and stay calm. I guess I am afraid of how he will act upon seeing me at his side.”

Ron realized the moment called for sincerity and empathy. It wouldn’t do to chuckle or dismiss Harry’s worries like that. “You won’t know until he wakes up, but seriously, how much damage can he do? He’s bed-ridden and can’t even sneer at you.” Ron’s first reaction at finding out that Snape’s vocal cords had been cut had been glee. He had lost count of the times Snape had spat spiteful words at him. But once he realized that Snape had been cut down in the line of duty to Dumbledore, his perception had changed. Although he still didn’t care much about the older wizard, he also realized that he didn’t know the man. The look Harry gave him made him grin though – he couldn’t help it. “Don’t give him too much credit, Harry.”

Harry shrugged. “I don’t know how much was an act and how much was the man’s real character coming through.”

“I doubt he hates you. He might not like your temper,” Ron said and chuckled softly. “But I doubt he would have risked his life if he hadn’t cared about you in whatever small way.”

Harry nodded. “Still, I worry.”

Ron decided it was time to distract his friend. “Did anyone tell you yet about Hogwarts?”

Harry frowned. “What are you talking about?” What was wrong with the castle? He knew repairs were underway, but…

“Its magic’s gone.” Ron raised an arm and pointed at the painting above the entrance. “Notice anyone?”

Harry’s breath caught. “Nothing’s moving!”

Ron nodded. “The house-elves are going bonkers, mate. Apparently they can’t apparate. The ghosts are gone – even Myrtle has disappeared. Everything feels dead. McGonagall is worried. She tries not to let it show, but you can tell she’s close to panicking. She can’t get into the Headmaster’s office either.”

Harry’s eyes narrowed in thought. “Snape’s still Headmaster, isn’t he?”

“Yes,” Ron confirmed. “I heard Slughorn wanted McGonagall as Headmistress instead, but she refused. Until Hogwarts wakes up from whatever stupor it is in, they can’t make any changes anyway.”

“Maybe it’s because Snape is unconscious?” Harry suggested, although that seemed hardly a reason for the castle to shut down. “Maybe it’s because he died?”

Remus, who chose that moment to join them, tended to agree. “The same thought crossed my mind as well,” he said as he sat down on the other side of the hospital bed. He quickly looked Severus over; nothing had changed. The other wizard was still in a deep sleep.

“It makes sense,” Harry continued. “Snape dies and Hogwarts shuts down.”

“Mate, it didn’t shut down when Dumbledore died. So why would Snape’s death be different?” Ron questioned.

“Fawkes brought him back to life – that’s what’s different!” Harry rubbed the back of the Potions Master’s hand as he had felt the limb twitch again. Severus seemed peacefully asleep and Harry hoped he wasn’t having any nightmares. “Maybe Hogwarts didn’t know how to deal with that? I reckon it was the first time a Headmaster died and came back to life again.”

Remus nodded. Harry might be on to something. “So how do we fix it?”

“I don’t think we can,” Harry said and shook his head. “Only the Headmaster can.”

Seeing the affection and worry on Harry’s face warmed Remus’ heart. He had the feeling Severus would need the young man’s support when he finally woke up. But Remus also realized that Harry’s support might shock the Potions Master. Severus might not know how to react to such care. For Harry’s sake, Remus hoped, that Severus would be careful with the young man’s feelings.

/

Minerva stood in front of the Headmaster’s office and had to admit defeat. Although she’d had little hope of succeeding, she had every trick up her sleeve. Nothing had happened though. The entrance remained barred and statues and paintings lifeless. Shivers ran down her spine. She could only hope that once Severus woke up Hogwarts would do the same. 

She walked down the corridor and headed for the Great Hall. The hall felt cold, dark, and deserted. Although Aurors, students, and teachers had managed to do away with most debris, the hall remained in a wretched state now that all magic was gone. 

Miraculously, the Headmaster’s chair had escaped destruction. It stood – lonely and desolate – its sight making her sigh. Albus used to sit there. When Severus had taken the seat, she had wanted to scream at him. She had believed him utterly unworthy – a complete disgrace. He should never have been allowed to hold the title of Headmaster!

Considering everything she knew now, she felt angry with herself. Albus had always told her to trust in Severus. Actually, Albus had told everyone and several times at that. And yet she had chosen not to listen to her old friend. But what had she been supposed to believe once Severus had murdered Albus? Trust in Severus, she recalled Albus’ gentle voice. She had always wondered why the older wizard trusted Severus to such a degree. Now she knew why – Severus had been loyal to him until the end.

Minerva approached Albus’ former chair and wanted to rest her hand on the wood when sparks suddenly erupted from it. She quickly stepped aside. What had happened? Magic still tingled against her fingertips. How could this chair still be magical, when Hogwarts was dead? 

She frowned; she had often wondered about the centre of Hogwarts’ magic. She had always assumed its focus to be in the Headmaster’s office. But what if she was wrong? She turned around and took in the hall. What if the seat of power was right in front of her? Was that the reason the chair hadn’t been destroyed? Hogwarts’ magic was still there then, merely waiting for Severus to take his rightful place. The more she thought about it, the more sense it made.

/

Severus couldn’t remember ever feeling anything like this before. His body felt heavy, he had trouble opening his eyes, and even organizing his thoughts was taxing. He didn’t know where he was. Where did one’s soul go after death? He didn’t believe in heaven or hell or representations of it. He had always believed death to the utter absence of the self. At one time, that thought had scared him. No longer being able to think, breath, eat, drink, or even dream had terrified him. But he had still been young at that time – before he had taken the Dark Mark and forfeited his life by telling Riddle about the prophecy. 

After that day, he had started to yearn for death. He had never actively sought it out – knowing he had to atone and right his wrongs before he earned the right to go to sleep for all eternity. He had longed for such a state of non-existence. 

He remembered he had died. Voldemort had hexed him, slashing his throat effectively. The bastard hadn’t needed to order his pet snake to attack as the blood loss alone would have killed him. But Riddle had wanted him to suffer. Severus painfully recalled the way the huge and heavy serpent’s body had crashed into his before it had buried its fangs in his arm and abdomen. 

And then the unexpected had happened. Suddenly *her* eyes had stared at him and he had fought to stay conscious, realizing his work wasn’t yet done. It was her son, Harry, who had miraculously found him. He had done the only thing he could think of. He had given the young man his memories, hoping Harry would find a way to survive the upcoming duel. Albus had always concentrated on defeating Riddle for once and for all, but his agenda had differed from the Headmaster’s. Everything he had ever done had been to ensure Harry’s survival. He had never wanted the young man to die. He hadn’t been able to save Lily – he owed it to Harry to save him at the very least.

Movement which mirrored a soft caress urged him to concentrate on the present. Something soft and oddly itchy rubbed against his neck. He couldn’t recall ever feeling something like it before. Whatever it was – it was small and felt warm against his skin.

Next he became aware of another touch. Something warm and slightly coarse rubbed against the skin of the back of his hand. Maybe calloused fingertips, but he couldn’t be sure. His thoughts felt defragmented and it was hard to focus for long. He acknowledged the touch and then let go of any worries or questions he might have. He felt afloat and couldn’t bother to worry about a touch which was clearly meant as a caress.

The question remained; was he dead? And if he was, what kind of delusion was this? Had he been wrong? Was there an afterlife after all? By Merlin, he hoped not. He had deserved his rest. He just wanted to forget he had ever existed!

The odd sensation against his neck refused to go away though and its presence puzzled him. In spite of everything, he realized he needed to know what it was. Did it present a threat? Had Riddle kept him alive in order to continue to torment him for his personal entertainment? But why would Riddle use something warm and soft, even it was itchy? He needed to open his eyes, but his eyelids felt heavy and he lacked the strength to open them. Whatever torment Riddle had come up with, he would bear it, like he had endured the misery that had been his life. He would not give in now – not to that bastard!

“Professor?” Harry’s heart missed several beats at seeing the movement beneath Severus’ eyelids. Either the Potions Master was already awake or about to wake up. He considered calling for Madam Pomfrey, but he felt strongly that he should be the one to welcome the older wizard back to life.

“Professor Snape? Can you hear me? Are you wake?” Severus’ eyelids continued to tremble, but the dark eyes remained closed. Harry however felt certain the Potions Master was awake as the man’s fingers twitched again – stronger this time. “You are safe, sir. You are back at Hogwarts. We took you to the infirmary and Madam Pomfrey is looking after you.” He sighed with relief now. “You don’t need to worry about Voldemort. He is gone and will never come back.” 

Severus’ fingers twitched again and then a spasm seemed to run through the limb. “Professor Snape? You are safe. I am here to make sure your rest isn’t disturbed. I will watch over you.”

Harry’s left hand moved to the Potions Master’s brow and stroked the clammy strands of hair away from the pale face. Severus was still running a fever and it would take a while for it to go away. “You are safe here,” he repeated, hoping Severus heard him – understood what he was trying to tell him. “Fawkes is here too,” he added. “He refuses to leave you. He is the reason why you are alive. He brought you back.”

Had Severus heard him? It was hard to tell now that the eyes remained close. Harry’s instincts however told him that the Potions Master was coherent. The twitching increased and a fine layer of sweat appeared on the injured wizard’s brow. “You are safe, sir. Fawkes and I will make sure of that. You should rest though. You are gravely injured and need all the rest you can get. You don’t need to stay awake. You can go back to sleep.” Harry gently squeezed Severus’ hands and hoped to convey through touch that he was safe. 

It was that touch that managed to rouse Severus to such a degree that he doubled his efforts to open his eyes. He recognized the voice, but didn’t understand how such a thing could be. Why in Merlin’s name would Harry sit at his bed and assure him he was safe? The young man hated him. The boy he had been had hated him. This had to be a delusion – maybe death was a state of hallucination? His life had been full of horror as it was. He didn’t desire to continue it.

Harry sucked in his breath upon seeing those eyes open to reveal their familiar dark stare. Unfocused, unsteady, and full of puzzlement and disbelief, but at least Severus was looking at him. “You know me, sir. I have no reason to lie to you. You can believe me when I say that you are safe.”

Severus tried to wrap his mind around those words. How could he be back at Hogwarts? Why would Harry continue to assure him that he was safe? Had Harry found a way to survive that final duel with Riddle? Or was Riddle still alive? Was the war still going on? 

Harry had a good idea of the thoughts that had to occupy the wounded man. He could easily envision the questions Severus needed answered. “Voldemort is dead,” he repeated and caught Severus tremble at the mention of the name. “Sorry,” he said belatedly. “But he is really gone. In a way he killed himself. He’s gone. He will never come back.”

Severus heard the words – words he had yearned to hear for almost twenty years. But could it really be the truth? Was Riddle gone?

“He’s gone,” Harry repeated. “He… unmade… himself,” he said after searching for a word that would effectively describe what had happened. “He’s gone, but we are not. We survived.” Another question appeared in those dark eyes. “I was given a choice. I met Dumbledore in the afterlife,” he explained, trying to find the best words to describe what had happened. “I chose to return to the world… I didn’t want to be dead – not yet.”

Severus closed his eyes again, growing tired, and finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on the words. He was tired - so tired, and all he wanted was to go to sleep – and preferably never wake up again. There was that strange sensation again. His hand felt warm and was tightly locked in someone else’s. It couldn’t be Harry’s though. Why would the young man want to hold his hand? It had to be another delusion.

“You can go back to sleep,” Harry said, desperately trying to prolong their contact. He knew better than to expect Severus to talk to him. The older wizard was too exhausted for it and his vocal cords were far from healed. “Try to rest, sir. You deserve it.”

Harry’s words made little sense to Severus, who was quickly falling asleep again, wondering if he should be happy about being still alive or curse Fawkes for bringing him back.

Harry felt relieved now that Severus had regained consciousness, even it had only been for a short time. It was the first step on the road of recovery.

/

It was a good sign, Madam Pomfrey mused, that her patient had been awake, even if it had only been for a short time. “He’s stronger than you think.” A sad expression flashed across her face. She probably shouldn’t confide in a student, but Harry was more than that, wasn’t he? He had destroyed Voldemort. “He often returned injured from those Death Eaters’ meetings. He always bounced back though. It was his resolve, the dedication to the cause that kept him going.”

Harry felt strangely guilty. After all, Severus had returned to Voldemort’s service in order to retrieve information that would help the Order and eventually save his life. “His life will change for the better,” he whispered, more to himself than the Medi-witch. He would make sure that Severus was as comfortable as possible.

“You are a good person, Harry.” Poppy merely hoped that Severus would allow the young man to care for him. Severus might have become to used to being on his own.

/

Severus stared at the young man sitting at his side in wonder. Harry was vast asleep – his head resting on the side of the bed, close, very close to his abdomen. Warm fingers had tightly wrapped themselves around his. Harry was holding onto him even in his sleep. What had caused this change? What had happened that the young man remained close?

“You are awake,” Poppy said, feeling incredibly relieved to see those dark eyes taking everything in. She moved to his side, so he could see her, and noticed his surprise. “You are at home, Severus. You are safe.”

Safe – Harry had told him the same thing – that he was safe. He wanted to say something, but merely trying to speak caused a terrible burning sensation to cut through his throat. He gasped and because of it, the pain flared again.

“Don’t try to speak,” she chastised him. “Voldemort damaged your throat and vocal cords. You will have to remain quiet for a week at least, maybe even longer, depending on the rate you are healing.”

Severus briefly closed. Yes, he remembered Riddle hexing him and slashing his throat. 

“Harry, Remus, and Hagrid brought you to the infirmary two days ago. You floated in-between sleep and unconsciousness for the first twenty-four hours. It is a good sign you woke up by yourself.” She marvelled about the fact that Harry remained asleep, but then again, the young man’s exhaustion might have finally caught up with him.

Severus opened his eyes again, but not to focus on Poppy. Instead he turned his head slightly, bit down the staggering pain that erupted from his throat and neck and looked at Fawkes, who had raised his head and was cooing softly at him. If he recalled Harry’s words correctly, the phoenix had saved him. Severus wondered what he had done to inspire such loyalty in the magical bird. The look Fawkes gave him could only be labelled as fond and Severus could have sworn the phoenix laughed at him. Stupid bird, he thought tiredly. Fawkes shouldn’t have bothered with him. He had been better off dead. As if he had read that thought, Fawkes promptly began trilling loudly. 

Harry’s head shot upwards at the sound and he blinked tiredly. He needed a moment to realize where he was and why he was at the infirmary in the first place. Severus! Worried for the Potions Master’s wellbeing, he sought out the man’s face. A mix of relief and apprehension swept through him upon finding those eyes open and the dark orbs meeting his half way. “Professor,” he said, relief winning out. “You are awake again!” He looked at the Medi-witch. “That’s good, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” she replied. “That’s excellent. I believe our patient just discovered he isn’t alone in bed.”

Harry grinned. “Fawkes…” The transformation the magical bird always went through amazed him. It was hard to imagine he would grow into such an magnificent phoenix during the next week. 

Fawkes affectionately rubbed his head against Severus’ cheek and then settled down to rest. 

Severus wanted to speak, wanted to address Poppy and Harry too, but with his vocal cords damaged he wasn’t able to express himself, which was frustrating

Harry caught the involuntary twitches to Severus’ lips and realized the injured wizard felt upset. “Your voice will return in time, but for now you need to be patient.” He had to figure out a way to communicate though. “Can you close your eyes once for yes and two times for no?”

Eager to communicate in whatever way possible, Severus closed his eyes. 

“Great!” Harry said enthusiastically. Although he wanted to ask hundreds of questions first, he forced himself to concentrate on Severus’ needs. “I need to ask you some questions. Are you strong enough for that?”

Severus suspected he knew what those questions were about and wasn’t looking forward to having to confront his failures, but he owed Harry the truth and so he closed his eyes once. 

Harry smiled and moved from the chair to sit on the side of the bed. He noticed the way Severus’ body twitched now that he was that close, but the last thing on Harry’s mind was retreat. Severus had to get used to him being there. “Are you in any pain?”

Severus’ eyes widened – he couldn’t help that reaction from showing. He had expected Harry’s first question to be about Lily, his parents in general or his involvement with the Death Eaters. He had most certainly not expected Harry to inquire about his comfort. 

“Don’t lie… please,” Harry added belatedly. He caught Madam Pomfrey’s smile, which told him she approved of the question. “Are you in pain?” 

Severus knew Poppy could tell when he was lying. She knew him to well to be deceived. So he opted for the easiest way out. He didn’t have the energy for anything else. He closed his eyes once.

“I will get you another pain potion, my dear,” Poppy said and briefly caressed his hair. “I will be right back.” She smiled at Harry, realizing the young man would love a moment alone with the Potions Master.

Harry was grateful that the Medi-witch gave him a chance to talk to Severus. Sitting on the side of the bed, he studied the injured wizard. Thankfully Severus seemed rather calm and accepting of the situation. “I am glad you survived.” He moistened his lips and gathered his courage. “I want to apologize to you for leaving you at the Shack. I didn’t try to help. Maybe I could have stopped you from dying.”

How Severus wished he could speak! He would tell the young man that there was no reason to blame himself. It wasn’t Harry’s fault that he had been attacked. 

“I know what you want to say, but I could have helped! I should have helped!” Harry grew increasingly nervous. “After watching your memories I realized what you did in order to keep me safe. You watched over me. You went back to Voldemort because you knew I needed every advantage I could get.”

Severus sighed and cursed the fact that he couldn’t speak – couldn’t contradict Harry. The young man made him into a hero, which he definitely wasn’t. 

“You were so brave – heading back there, knowing Voldemort might not trust you. Each time you met up with him or any of the Death Eaters you risked your life. And no one knew the truth!”

Severus watched with growing apprehension as Harry got up from the bed and started to pace the room. What kind of idiocy was he sprouting? 

“I had Ron and Hermione to back me up. Then there’s also Neville and Luna… I can count on Remus and the rest of the Weasleys to support me. But you… You had no one!”

This was spinning out of control fast. Harry had it all wrong! There was nothing heroic about him! If anything, he was a traitor and coward. He had cursed students as a Headmaster. Students who should have been able to trust him. He had bullied Harry for years and now the young man was making him into something he was not!

“I am sorry,” Harry quickly said at seeing the anxiety in those dark eyes. “It’s too early for any of this. You need to rest instead.” He shouldn’t stress the recovering wizard. As an cue, Madam Pomfrey appeared with Severus’ pain potion. 

“You brewed this yourself,” she told him as she spelled it into his stomach. “I am sorry, but the potion would burn your tender throat. This is the best way.”

Severus closed and then opened his eyes to let her know he understood. She was a competent Medi-witch and he trusted her judgment. 

“I mixed in a mild sleeping draught,” Poppy told him. “Don’t fight it. Allow it to lure you into sleep. You need the rest.”

Harry returned to the Potions Master’s bedside and sat down on his chair. “I will stay. I will be here when you will wake up again. You can go to sleep, sir. You are safe.”

Severus had the sneaky suspicion that it was Harry himself who needed to hear those words the most. The young man apparently felt the need to constantly reassure them that they were safe. Unable to snap, sneer or snarl, or even speak in general, Severus had no other choice than to fall asleep again.

“Take heart, Harry,” Poppy said at seeing his worried expression. “Severus will recover. He merely needs time.”

Harry nodded. He could do that – give the Potions Master the time he needed as long as he could stay at the man’s side. He wasn’t going to abandon him ever again.

TBC

5.

Minerva had practically ordered Harry to freshen up, slip into a clean set of clothes and not to return to the infirmary for a few hours. Harry in turn had clearly stated that he wouldn’t leave for longer than thirty minutes. Minerva had had no choice but to give in. It had been the only way to get Harry out of the infirmary.

Severus was asleep once more and seeing Fawkes cuddled close made her smile. It seemed the phoenix had chosen a new wizard to stay with. It didn’t surprise her that he chose to stay with Severus, not after learning the truth about him. 

Her hands rested in her lap, and after fighting the urge to touch Severus, she finally gave in and ran her fingers through his hair. She had never touched him when they had still been colleagues. She would never have thought about comforting him in such a way. Severus had always been distant and had seemed to abhor physical contact in general. How he must have missed human touch! 

Black eyes focused on her and her smile brightened. “Severus, it’s good to see you finally awake.” She wished she had better news for him, but he was Headmaster and needed to know about Hogwarts’ predicament. 

Severus found it hard to believe that Minerva was actually stroking his hair. The fact that she smiled at him puzzled him even more. The last time he had seen her, they had been locked in battle. He had never wanted to fight her, but he’d had no choice. The Carrows would have informed Riddle had he spared her. Retreat had been the only option and he had gladly taken it. He would rather be branded a coward than causing her injury. 

Minerva continued to smile, even though the look Severus gave her was one of shame. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, my dear friend.”

She would call him that? A friend? After everything he had done to her and the students? Had she lost her mind?

Minerva had known him for more than twenty years. She had known the student he had been and had also gotten to know him as a colleague. She knew what was going on in that head of his. “I know what you did and why you did it. It still pains me that our students suffered because of the Carrows’ presence here, but I understand that you didn’t have a choice in the matter. For what it is worth, I forgive you, though there is nothing that needs to be forgiven.”

Did she really believe that? Too tired to even think about arguing with her in whatever way, Severus just gave in and continued to listen to her.

“Severus, I wish I didn’t have to burden you with this, but you are Headmaster. Do you realize that?”

Severus looked at her with tired eyes. They should take that title away from him. He had never wanted to be Headmaster in the first place, but Albus had manoeuvred him into that position. Slowly, he closed his eyes once. He wished he could ask her to inform the Board to take action. Minerva had always been predestined to be the next Headmistress. They should name her instead.

“Severus, you won’t like hearing this, but Hogwarts has shut down. The house elves can no longer apparate, the ghosts have disappeared, the staircases stopped moving and the paintings are without life. Hogwarts seems to be waiting for something,” she guessed.

Severus didn’t want to do this – didn’t want to re-open the connection he shared with Hogwarts. He had never expected the castle to accept him in the first place, but it had readily opened the office to him. He had expected it to reject him like it had rejected Umbridge.

“Severus, I realize you are not well. I wouldn’t ask this of you if I didn’t think the situation called for it. Hogwarts’ magic needs to return. The castle is still in ruins and the students need to be assured that everything is returning to normal.”

Severus understood Minerva’s reasoning and he would probably have done the same. But was he strong enough to do what she wanted from him? Reconnecting and sparking the castle’s magic was something he hadn’t done before and he was still weak. But no, the students’ needs came first. It shouldn’t matter if it set back his own recovery. He closed his eyes once, hoping she understood he agreed.

“Can you do it from here?” she wondered. She didn’t really want to move him in his current condition. But, as expected, he blinked twice. Being honest with herself she had to admit she had expected it. “It’s not the office, right?”

Severus blinked in order to confirm her statement. No, Hogwarts’ heart didn’t beat the loudest at the office. The office was more like the castle’s intellect, not its heart.

“It’s the Great Hall,” she said with certainty.

Severus blinked again. Yes, Hogwarts’ heart was located in the Great Hall. It was the centre of the castle’s magic.

Minerva wavered. “You can’t be moved, Severus. You are still rather weak.” She chuckled at seeing his fierce glare. “Even if you could argue with me, neither Poppy nor I would allow it.”

Severus felt exasperated. How did she expect him to repair Hogwarts’ magic if she was going to keep him locked up in here?

Minerva thought everything over and saw the glare he gave her. Severus wanted to do this and would find a way to escape the infirmary. It would be in their interest if she found a way to get him to the Great Hall safely. Hagrid! The half-giant had brought Severus to the infirmary – safe and sound. Yes, that might work, if Severus consented to being carried. 

Severus could tell the moment she came up with a solution. He also suspected he wasn’t going to like it. His left hand showed his tension when it grew into a fist, but he instantly halted that action when pain cut through his arm, radiating the strongest from where the Dark Mark was located. But Riddle was gone! Why did the Mark still burn then?

A spell, which Poppy had cast on him, was activated and buzzed alarmingly. A few seconds later, Poppy burst into the room, wand at the ready. He cringed. The last thing he had wanted was to worry Poppy.

The Medi-witch ignored Minerva’s puzzled look and concentrated on the displayed readings. She felt relieved at realizing the problem. She moved closer, caught Severus’ gaze, and gave him her most reassuring smile. “It isn’t the Mark itself, Severus. Nagini bit into your arm and tore the Mark apart. The wound is still healing though and when you moved your hand, the tender tissue contracted, causing pain. It will heal though.”

Severus tried to take it all in. It was still hard to focus for a longer period of time. Fawkes seemed to notice his unease and rubbed his beak against his head, probably in an effort to comfort him.

“Try to move as little as possible,” Poppy advised.

“Poppy, can I have word?” Minerva got to her feet, realizing it would be wise to consult with the Medi-witch before asking Hagrid to carry Severus to the Great Hall.

“Of course,” Poppy raised an arm and pointed the other witch toward her office.

Severus watched them go and wondered what way Minerva had come up with to get him to the Great Hall.

“Why are you all alone?” Harry frowned upon his return. The professor had assured him that she would sit with Severus until his return. Finding that she hadn’t kept her word made Harry less inclined to leave again. “Are you in pain?” he took his familiar seat and scooted to the front of the chair. “Remember? Once for yes, twice for no?”

Severus closed his eyes and opened them again. He wasn’t an imbecile!

Harry chuckled at reading the indignation on the older wizard’s face. “Sorry, but I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t get it mixed up. Would you answer my question now though? Are you in pain?”

Well, Potter was quickly becoming a pain in the arse! Severus would remedy the situation the moment he regained the capacity to speak!

Harry felt relieved when Severus signalled him a no. “Let me know when you are in pain. Madam Pomfrey has some powerful pain potions.”

Severus studied Harry closer. He couldn’t call him a boy any longer. The young man had paid his dues and deserved his respects. Harry had actually destroyed Riddle! Severus had always hoped he would be free of his nemesis one day, but had never dared to envision a future without Voldemort. He wasn’t sure what to think of the situation he currently found himself in.

Harry considered what to tell Severus and what to keep from him. But in the end, he realized Severus was still Headmaster and needed all the information he could get. It wouldn’t do to withhold information, even if he believed it might stress his patient. “Most of the repairs are on their way,” he started. “Three more students were able to leave St.Mungo’s and are on their way home to their family to recuperate. The remaining seven students are doing better as well.”

Severus was relieved to hear it. He had worried about the students’ safety during that final battle. He had known that Riddle wouldn’t spare them.

“The castle’s something different though.” Harry carefully monitored Severus’ reaction, but the older wizard didn’t seem surprised. “Professor McGonagall told you?” he deducted.

Severus closed his eyes once. Looking at Harry again, he hoped the young man would supply him with additional information. 

“Can it be that Hogwarts doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that you died and came back to life?”

Severus continued to look at Harry, hoping the young man would figure out what he was trying to say. 

Harry frowned. “That might have something to with it, but isn’t the main problem?” After Severus closed his eyes once, he knew he had drawn the right conclusion. “But what else might it be?”

Severus was at a loss to explain it – without his voice he was practically helpless. 

“Maybe there is a spell that allows me to read your mind?” Severus signalled him that there wasn’t one. “Pity… Though I doubt you would have allowed me to read your thoughts.”

Severus wanted to tell Harry he would have allowed it, but had no means to do so. His focus shifted to Minerva and Poppy as the two witches entered his room.

Minerva walked over to the bed and wondered about Harry’s intention to stay at Severus’ side and to support him. She couldn’t help but wonder what had happened between the two of them for Harry to completely change his perception of the Potions Master. “Severus, Poppy and I had a little chat regarding our problem.”

“Are you talking about Hogwarts?” 

Minerva nodded. “This state of inactivity, of unavailability, must stop. We need the house elves to be able to perform their duties. This can’t continue.” Where Severus looked at her in a way that signalled resignation, Harry’s glare told her the young man would fight her should her plans endanger the injured wizard.

Severus was amazed to see the play of emotion on their faces. Where Minerva looked pleading, Harry’s expression was one of defiance. What was happening here?

“I am not going to like this, am I?” Harry’s gaze shifted from Severus to his other professor.

“In order to activate Hogwarts’ magic, Severus needs to take his rightful seat in the Great Hall. Am I correct, Severus?” After he had closed his eyes once, Minerva nodded. “I already thought so.”

“You can’t move him!” Harry exploded, almost yelling at her. “He’s too weak for that!”

Severus’ eyes widened at hearing Harry’s outburst. He wanted to tell the young man that his condition didn’t matter. He would do whatever necessary to bring back the castle’s magic. Harry needed to understand that!

“It does you credit that you worry about our Headmaster to such a degree,” Minerva said and noticed the way Severus flinched at being called that. “Severus, you are Hogwarts’ Headmaster, and I am proud to call you that!” The look he gave her wasn’t lost on her, and acting on instinct, she gently took hold of his hand. “Severus Snape, you are a brave man who deserves to hold that title. I am proud to call you that,” she repeated. “Very proud, and honoured, indeed. You might not believe me, but it’s the truth.”

She was right; he found it impossible to believe her! Severus wanted to turn his head away, but remembered just in time the pain such movement would cause him. So, he had no choice but to look at her. 

“I will ask Hagrid to carry you. I doubt you want me to levitate you.” 

She was right; he preferred being carried by Hagrid to her levitating him down the corridors.

“We will take you there this eve. Is that agreeable with you?”

What choice did he have? Yes, it was.

“Excellent.” Minerva carefully rested his hand back onto the mattress. “Maybe Hogwarts will boost your health once its magic returns.”

He doubted it very much. He knew enough about venom to understand that his road to recovery would be a long one.

/

“Maybe you should wait another day. You might be stronger then.” Hagrid was about to arrive and Harry was worried. The Potions Master’s still and pale form seemed fragile and the mere thought of moving him made Harry expect the worst. Severus’ expression however told him the older wizard wouldn’t change his decision. Severus was determined to do this, and Harry did understand, he just didn’t approve of the timing. 

Severus managed to shift his head slightly without the pain flaring again. What he wouldn’t give to be able to communicate with Harry! Then he might be able to explain the need to do this *now*.

Harry looked up, only to find professor McGonagall and Hagrid standing in the doorway. Remus hovered behind them and kept his distance. “Professor, maybe…” But he didn’t finish at seeing her serious expression. This needed to be done today – without delay.

“We will look after him,” she promised as she approached the bed. “Poppy will join us and she will monitor his condition. Should it deteriorate we will return him at once.” Poppy stepped into the room and Minerva hoped her presence would reassure Harry.

Harry felt only slightly better about this undertaking upon seeing the Medi-witch. “He’s still weak.”

“I’ll be careful,” Hagrid promised. “Hullo, professor. Ready ter go?” Hagrid knew he had to be careful when handling the Potions Master. He had hoped Severus had recovered somewhat by now, but the wizard still looked fragile. “I won’t drop yeh,” he promised in an effort to reassure both of them – Severus and Harry. Minerva had told him how protective Harry had become of the Potions Master and he welcomed that development. Severus needed friends – the more the better.

Harry moved aside – reluctantly, but also knowing this had to be done. He carefully monitored Severus when Hagrid lifted him from the bed and cradled him in his arms. Fawkes protested at being moved and buried his beak and claws in the blanket that covered Severus.

Pain had been his constant companion for years, and so Severus managed to hide his discomfort. He wished Hagrid would put him back down though as his upper body pulsed with pain. 

“Professor, are yeh fine with this?” Severus had tensed against him and Hagrid had noticed.

Severus signalled them that he was fine, although he felt anything but fine. Curling his fingers slowly, he managed to bury them in Hagrid’s coat. He couldn’t help but worry about what would happen should the half-giant drop him accidentally.

“I’ve got yeh,” Hagrid promised. “I won’t let go.”

Severus prayed Hagrid would keep his word. Harry suddenly stepped up to them and righted his blanket, making sure he remained warm. The expression in those eyes took him aback. Why did the young man worry about him to such an extent? 

Harry made sure to fall into pace with Hagrid the moment they left the room. He only had eyes for Severus. Remus joined him, but he barely registered his friend’s presence. Instead he slid his wand into his hand so he would be able to cast a cushioning spell should Severus’ slip from the half-giant’s hold. 

Remus exchanged looks with the two witches, who walked close to him. They had noticed Harry’s protectiveness too.

Severus’ heart thundered in his chest and emotions almost got the better of him as Hagrid carried him down the corridors and towards the Great Hall. It was unsettling to find the castle that unresponsive. It chilled him to the bone that Hogwarts’ magic was gone. Had he caused it?

Severus thought his heart might stop beating all together when he realized the Great Hall wasn’t empty. He could deal with the debris and devastation, but what caused him to close his eyes was the fact that the Gryffindor table had been re-erected and was currently hosting a number of students and Order members. Had he known they were there, he would have insisted they sought out the Hall later! Why hadn’t he realized that they might be there? Severus did his best to avoid eye-contact, but Molly caught his gaze. He quickly looked away and hoped she would let the matter go – at least for now. He was under no illusion that he would escape persecution for the crimes he had committed, but he hoped they would give him time to heal Hogwarts first.

“The chair?” Even Hagrid had realized where they had to be headed as the Headmaster’s chair was the only thing still standing where once the imposing staff table had been situated. Minerva nodded at him and he carefully carried their injured Headmaster over to his chair. Realizing he also had to put him down, Hagrid worried about the pain Severus would find himself in. Poppy appeared at his side and gave him a reassuring look. Hagrid had expected to see the Medi-witch there, but seeing Harry also hurry up to the chair surprised him. Although he had learned about the vigil Harry kept at Severus’ bedside, seeing Harry so acting so protective puzzled him. “I’m ‘fraid this is gonna hurt,” he told the injured wizard. Severus’ expression told him that the Potions Master was very much aware of it.

Harry, Poppy, and even Remus helped Hagrid to settle Severus on his chair. They could easily tell the Potions Master was in pain when the dark eyes closed and deep lines appeared on the wizard’s brow. 

Harry didn’t like it at all. He was about to cancel the trip and to demand they returned Severus to his bed when the Potions Master’s fingers dug into the armrest. Sparks of green magic erupted from the chair and cloaked its Headmaster in a protective layer. Everyone standing close to Severus took a step back. Harry fought the impulse, but it was stronger than him and he backed down as well. 

Severus closed his eyes upon sensing Hogwarts’ familiar magic running through his fingertips. It searched deeper, travelled up his arms, momentarily and curiously halting at the area where the Dark Mark had once been. The energy suddenly lurched, emitted a sense of satisfaction and travelled toward his shoulders, where it flowed down his chest and into his legs until it tingled in his toes. More magic made its way up his neck and buzzed around his head. It amazed Severus that Hogwarts still wanted him as its Headmaster. He didn’t deserve it.

Fawkes opened his eyes at encountering the sudden stream of magic. Knowing he wasn’t meant to share in this experience, he awkwardly flew toward Harry. He settled down on the young man’s shoulder and watched Hogwarts reclaim its Headmaster.

Soft singing voices filled Severus’ ears. Vibrant colours erupted behind his closed eyelids until he couldn’t bear its brightness any longer and had to open his eyes. This was it. He had experienced it once before, but back then, it hadn’t been as intense.

Looking at his friends, Harry found them equally enthralled. Suddenly the roof above their head started to repair itself and once it was whole again, a brilliant sun appeared, showing them a striking blue sky even though evening was already upon them. Chandeliers appeared carrying lit candles and warmth settled on the Great Hall. Debris vanished, wall, windows and even the floor repaired itself, and a moment later, the Great Hall was whole again.

A swishing sound caught Harry’s attention and caused him to look over his shoulder. Several ghosts drifted into the Hall, led by the Bloody Baron. Familiar thuds alerted him that the house elves were able to apparate again. The Great Hall was quickly filling up with both ghosts and house elves. Paintings, which had been lifeless a moment ago, now rustled with activity as their occupants came to life again. The cracking movement coming from outside the Hall told them the stair cases were shifting again. Although Harry felt relieved that the castle’s magic was back, he also worried about Severus. Had bringing back Hogwarts’ magic come at a price? Had it drained him and how much? 

Severus sighed the moment everything righted itself. His work here was done. His head slumped to the right and he tried to slow down his heartbeat. He felt light-headed and was grateful he was already sitting down. Reconnecting hadn’t exactly drained him, but it had overwhelmed him. He still couldn’t understand why the castle wanted him. 

“Severus?” Poppy leaned in closer and ran a diagnostic spell on him. She was relieved to learn that the undertaking hadn’t drained her patient, but it hadn’t been beneficial for his recovery either. “I want to return you to your bed. You need to rest.” And he needed the next series of potions.

Severus gathered his remaining energy and managed to open his eyes. He didn’t seek out Poppy though – no, he needed to make sure the Great Hall was able to serve its students once more. He took in the ghosts first and a weak smile formed on his face at seeing Peeves giving him an awed look. He managed a minute nod and dismissed them now that he knew they had returned to their normal state. The house elves whispered among themselves, and in the end, Winky stepped away from them and approached him. 

“The house elves welcomes their Headmaster back to Hogwarts. Is there anything Winky can do?” 

He caught himself just in time before shaking his head at her, which would have caused him discomfort. Instead he mouthed ‘no’, and although no sound left his lips, she understood. 

“We will return to our duties now, Headmaster,” she added once exited chatter erupted from behind her. A moment later, the house elves were gone from the Hall.

Severus raised his gaze and relaxed upon seeing the animated paintings. But he also realized it was only a matter of time before Albus would seek him out. He hoped Albus would give him some time to rest though. A moment later, his world shifted again, as Hagrid carefully lifted him. Cradling him in his arms, the half-giant headed for the corridor. Severus rested his head against Hagrid’s chest and tried to ignore the look Molly Weasley was giving him. 

Molly however was determined to do this. She walked toward him and halted in front in the half-giant. “Just one moment, Hagrid.”

Hagrid quickly looked to Minerva for instructions and after seeing her nod, remained in place.

A sigh escaped Severus. Why did she have to do this now? He was barely able to keep his eyes open!

“Severus…”

That caught his attention though; she had never called him that before.

She smiled guiltily at seeing his reaction. “I am sorry for having doubted you in the past. Albus always told us to trust you, but the truth is we never did. I want to apologize to you – privately as well as speaking for the Order. We are sorry we never trusted you. We should have…” She failed to find the right words in order to describe the emotions she felt. “Things have changed though,” she assured him eventually. “You have our unconditional trust and support.”

Severus’ eyes closed due to exhaustion. Maybe having the Order to back him up would keep him out of Azkaban. Maybe they would support him when he had to stand trial.

“You need to rest. We will speak later.” Molly cringed at realized just how drained he was. She wanted to reassure him via touch, but stopped herself, as she had no idea how he would react to physical contact. So she stepped aside to let them pass. She watched them leave with trepidation. She hoped Severus would make a full recovery, but seeing the damage Voldemort and Nagini had done made her apprehensive.

TBC

6.

Severus was relieved to be laying in bed again. The whole trip had tired him more than he wanted to admit. 

“Professor? Are you comfortable?”

He had almost forgotten about Harry’s presence – almost, since the young man made sure to regularly remind him of his presence. Severus continued to wonder about Harry’s determination. He simply refused to leave his side for more than five minutes. He could tell it was beginning to irk Poppy, who found her every move carefully monitored and sometimes even questioned.

“Sir? Did you hear me?”

Harry’s concern was taking on absurd dimensions. Severus forced himself to look at the anxious young man sitting next to his bed. He blinked once, letting Harry know he had been heard. 

“Are you comfortable, sir?”

Severus sighed softly and blinked again. He wished Harry would stop mothering him. 

Harry felt reassured now that Severus had answered his questions. The Potions Master’s frailty continued to worry him though. Madam Pomfrey had repeatedly assured him that time was all Severus needed in order to recover, but he wished the healing process would speed up. He wanted to ask the injured wizard about his friendship with his mother. He wanted to know what Severus really thought of him. Had Severus merely pretended to hate him, or did the Potions Master really detest his very sight? Instead, he had to be patient and wait for Severus to regain his strength. 

Poppy remained near the doorway and took in the scene with some bemusement. Severus had never reacted well to being mothered and Harry’s fussing would eventually cause a tantrum on the Potions Master’s part. “Severus,” she said as she approached the bed and smiled at Harry upon seeing his startled expression. The young man had been so focused on Severus that he hadn’t heard her enter. “If you continue to rest, you might try your voice tomorrow.”

That particular news pleased Severus, who couldn’t wait to berate Harry for his constant hovering. It was beyond him why Minerva and Poppy allowed it. Even Remus, who had thankfully cut down on his visits, didn’t seem to mind the fact that Harry spent all of his time in the infirmary.

“It is late already – close to midnight - and I want you to sleep,” she told him and presented him with a sleeping draught. “Do you want to drink it?” She was under the impression that his throat had healed sufficiently for him to attempt it. She easily interpret his look correctly. “I assume you want to try.” 

Harry eyed her suspiciously, but decided against getting involved. After all, she was a qualified healer and he wasn’t. 

“Harry, help me sit him a bit more upright. He can lean against you for support.”

Severus wanted to object, but Harry was faster. The young man tenderly hauled him upright, sat down on the bed, and rested his tense back against his chest. Severus shivered at the odd sensation of intimacy that struck him. 

“Very good.” She placed the goblet against Severus’ lips. He tried to raise his right hand and she allowed it. She took hold of it, guided it toward the goblet, and helped him down the potion.

The sleeping draught burned its way down his throat and he silently endured the discomfort. The ache was bearable - he had suffered worse in the past. He emptied the goblet and Poppy lowered his hand back onto the mattress. At the same time, Harry guided his back against the pillows, which the young man had placed against the headboard. Feeling comfortable and sleepy, since the potion was already unfolding its effect, he studied Harry for a moment. The young man looked pleased and his smile was unmistakably directed at him. The reason why escaped him though while slowly drifting off into sleep.

Harry waited until he was certain that the injured wizard was asleep and then addressed the Medi-witch. “Is he truly getting better? He still looks awfully frail.”

“He is getting better,” she confirmed. “But it is a slow process. His throat is healing and I expect him to be able to eat some porridge and soup tomorrow. I will limit the time he’s allowed to speak, but he needs to start using his vocal cords again.” Her expression darkened. “There’s no way to tell if his voice has been affected. I am not sure he will sound like himself.”

Harry hoped Severus’ voice was mostly undamaged. “He will remain confined to the infirmary?” He disliked the idea of Severus taxing himself by walking about the castle.

“Oh, I expect him to be bed-ridden for at least one more week.” Poppy suspected Harry might like that as it kept the Potions Master in one place. That way he was easier to guard. “You don’t have to sit him with the entire time,” she said, although already suspecting what his reply would be like. “He’s safe here.”

“I know that,” Harry acknowledged. “But I need to be able to assure myself that he’s alive and recovering. I left him in that Shack. I don’t want to leave him now that he is still weak. I owe it to him to stay.”

Poppy considered it. “Knowing Severus the way I do, he wouldn’t agree. But I understand what you are going through and I won’t order you to leave. However, I do urge you to take good care of yourself.”

Harry smiled at her. “Don’t worry. Professor McGonagall already keeps an eye on me.”

“And I will do so too,” she informed him. If Harry wanted to support Severus throughout his recovery, he had to keep up his strength. 

/

During the two hours in which Harry watched over Severus’ sleep he had to soothe the injured wizard twice because of nightmares. He wasn’t surprised that the man was having nightmares, but the fact that Severus almost instantly calmed upon his touch did. 

Harry considered what he knew about the Potions Master, which was startlingly little. Well, he is the same age Remus is, as they all went to school together. That meant Severus was only in his late thirties. The wizard looked much older though. He reckoned a harsh life did that to someone. 

Severus’ dreams grew uneasy again and Harry rested his hand on the pale brow. He rubbed the cold skin beneath his fingertips and whispered, “You are safe with me. No one will harm you.” Would knowing the truth have changed his reaction in the Shack? He couldn’t have intervened while Voldemort was still there, but he could have tried to stabilize the older wizard after Voldemort had gone. Yes, he had to admit the truth to himself. It would have made a difference. But Albus – and Severus too – had made sure no one knew the truth about the spy and it had gotten Severus killed. Fawkes, who had settled against Severus’ abdominal area, looked up, as if he had heard his thoughts. “I understand why Dumbledore made those decisions,” he told the phoenix, “but it got Severus killed.”

“I didn’t have much of a choice, I am afraid.”

Harry startled momentarily at hearing Dumbledore’s voice. A quick scan of the room told him that the former Headmaster currently occupied the painting above the entrance. Dumbledore looked sad, but Harry had learned not to take anything at face value. “Did you know Voldemort would kill him?”

Albus cringed. “Yes, I did. We even discussed it. Severus knew Voldemort would kill him at one point. Voldemort needed to be absolutely certain he was the Elder wand’s master.”

“And you accepted his death just like that?” He was growing angrier by the minute.

“Harry, Severus’ death couldn’t be avoided. It was necessary he died – just as it was necessary that you allowed Voldemort to cast the killing curse at you.”

Harry hadn’t fully realized it until that moment, but Dumbledore had manipulated both of them in such a way that they had willingly committed suicide. His fury rose. “Did you know I would survive?” 

Albus nodded. “I greatly suspected it. By casting the killing curse Voldemort targeted the Horcrux.”

Harry rose from his chair and stalked toward the painting. “Why didn’t you provide Severus with a way out?”

“Severus?” Albus raised an eyebrow questioningly. Although unexpected, this development was not unwelcome. 

“Yes,” Harry whispered, feeling oddly caught. “I can’t go back to calling him Snape, not knowing the things I do.” 

Albus nodded again. “Severus always wanted you to be safe. I had my own agenda as you discovered, but Severus… He just wanted you alive and safe.”

“You always told me to trust him and I never understood why. After witnessing those memories, I understand why he’s the only person who really looked out for me. I just wish you had given me a reason to trust him in the past. I might have saved him at the Shack.”

“And now it was up to Fawkes,” Albus said, smiling at his old friend. Fawkes chirped softly, but then pressed close to Severus again. “Fawkes always knew about Severus’ true allegiance. He tried to befriend Severus at one time, but our Potions Master fought him every step of the way. I am happy to see Severus allows him close these days.”

“Severus is still Headmaster,” Harry said, wanting to change their subject. “Are you behind that?”

“I can safely say that it’s not my doing. Harry, Hogwarts knows that Severus was loyal to me until the end. It was sad to see him die, and although it rejoiced when he came back to life, it also didn’t know how to reconnect with him. It’s Hogwarts who wants Severus as its Headmaster.”

Harry turned around, headed back toward the bed, and sat down again. Since Severus’ sleep was peaceful, he settled for reclaiming the man’s hand and holding it. “What will happen now? Will the Ministry or the Wizengamot come for him?” He would defend Severus at all cost.

“No, I took precautions,” Albus said firmly. “Before I died, I recorded the facts and made sure the document would be delivered to both the Minister and the Wizengamot after my death. They should know by now that Severus acted on my orders.”

“I won’t allow him to rot in Azkaban.”

Harry’s statement, delivered in a determined voice and with a similar facial expression, made Albus smile. “It appears that Severus finally found himself a champion. I am glad you decided to stand by him. Severus needs the support. He suffered from survivor’s guilt for so long, that I doubt he will be ever able to forgive himself without your help.”

Harry was more than willing to be Severus’ champion – actually he was quite eager to do so. “One step at a time,” he reminded himself. Severus needed time, and it appeared, time was one thing they had in abundance now that neither the Ministry nor the Wizengamot would be after Severus’ blood.

/

Severus woke to a sleeping Harry Potter. The young man sat slumped back in his chair and snored softly. Severus slightly shifted on the bed and was grateful that his body only mildly protested. Hopefully it indicated he was indeed improving.

“Harry hasn’t left your side for longer than thirty minutes,” Remus said as he pushed away himself from the wall he had been leaning against. “He has been constantly guarding you.”

Remus appeared in his line of sight and Severus wondered if his vocal cords had sufficiently recovered from him to speak. Well, there was only one way to find out. “Does… not… need to,” he managed in a raspy voice. His throat ached, telling him he had to pace himself. “Get… him… out.” To his surprise, Remus shook his head and seemed even indignant he had suggested such a thing.

“I won’t. At first I thought he was acting out of guilt. But I no longer believe that. You see, Harry cares about you. He wants you to be safe, and recovered – rather today than tomorrow.” Remus smiled at the perplexed-looking Potions Master. After making sure Harry was still asleep, he sat down on the side of the bed, careful not to unnecessary rock it. “I never thought I would ever say this, but it is good to hear your voice again!” Although Severus’ voice lacked it’s normal smooth elegance, it was unmistakably the Potions Master speaking. 

Severus didn’t know how to respond to that. He had been convinced Remus would oblige him and kick Harry out of the infirmary. 

“He’s a good guy, Harry, that is. He has taken you under his wing and I suspect you will find it difficult to change his mind. He is determined to get to know – the real you, and not the person you pretended to be during all those years.” Remus sincerely hoped that Severus had been acting. He wasn’t sure how Harry would react should Severus really hate him. “By Merlin, I hope you will give Harry a chance to prove himself to you. He deserves a fair chance at winning your friendship, Severus.” Judging by the odd look Severus gave him, the Potions Master felt confused. “I will let you get some more sleep. Harry would throw a fit if he knew I am keeping you from your sleep.” Severus’ eyes widened the moment he patted the back of the injured wizard’s hand. It told Remus just how unused Severus was to be comforted in that way. That knowledge saddened him. “You are not alone any longer,” he told the stunned man. “You are amongst friends now.”

Severus closed his eyes – he was too tired and too confused to wonder about Remus’ little speech. He slipped back into sleep, wondering why everyone around him acted so out of character.

/

Harry was still asleep when Molly entered the room the next morning. The tray she levitated in front of her carried breakfast for two; porridge with honey for Severus and a full English for Harry. Poppy had gratefully accepted her offer to help out in the infirmary and the Medi-witch had decided to catch up on her sleep. That left Molly in charge of her favourite two patients. She shouldn’t have been surprised to find Severus awake, as she knew what a light sleeper he was. He had probably woken when she had entered the room. “Morning, Severus,” she said, placing the tray on the nightstand next to the bed. “I hope you are hungry.” Before Poppy had gone to bed, she had updated her on Severus’ condition. Molly had been relieved to hear he was doing better.

Severus gave her a tired look. What was she doing here? It was bad enough having to deal with Poppy, but Molly Weasley’s presence definitely shifted the power balance, giving the Medi-witch an advantage as she had back up now. “Morning,” he managed, sounding hoarse and tired. Molly’s smile brightened and Severus wondered why it was directed at him. 

“Poppy said you would need assistance eating. Would you rather have me help you, or shall we let Harry do it?”

The mere notion that he needed help feeding himself frustrated him. Part of him was disgusted with the fact that he couldn’t even take care of himself – that he had become a burden to others. Another part simply no longer cared. They had decided to bring him back – or rather he should put the blame on Fawkes, but it was easier to aim his outrage at all of them.

“I will do it,” Harry quickly said, interrupting them. Molly’s arrival had woken him, but he had needed a moment to fully wake up. He still needed to sleep some more if he ever wanted to catch up. 

“No,” Severus whispered. He wasn’t sure though what horrified him the most; the fact that he needed assistance while eating, or that Harry was so eager to wait on him. 

Harry closed his eyes in relief at hearing Severus’ voice, even though it sounded nothing like the normally sneering tone. He sounded broken instead – tired and about to give up. Well, he wouldn’t allow that. “It’s no problem, sir. I want to do it.”

Severus watched Molly levitate the bowl filled with porridge over to Harry. The young man took hold if it, stirred the content, and cautiously slid onto the mattress, sitting down next to him. “I… do not… need…your help.” Damn, talking hurt and the burning sensation in his throat was increasing again. He shouldn’t talk that much – maybe he shouldn’t talk at all! 

Harry forced himself to think about what he was going to say, instead of simply blurting it out like he used to. “I want to help, sir. I would greatly appreciate it if you allowed me to do this.” 

Harry’s reply took Severus aback as he never expected being addressed in such a respectful manner. It was quit odd to hear Harry Potter ask for permission in the first place. Remus’ little speech returned to him, and in the end, Severus blinked once, opting for their former way of communication instead of suffering the discomfort speaking still brought.

Harry exchanged a content look with Molly, which thankfully escaped Severus. He concentrated on feeding his patient small amounts and waited for Severus to signal him that he wanted more. 

Molly made sure they were fine and left with a smile. Severus’ mellow reaction surprised her, but then again, the former spy was badly hurt.

Harry placed the bowl aside the moment Severus signalled him that he’d had enough. Harry would have liked it better had his patient emptied the bowl, but Severus had managed half of it, which Harry already felt was a small victory considering all the Potions Master had consumed so far were potions. Silence descended onto the room, making Harry nervous. The only way to remedy that was to start talking – hopefully without offending Severus too badly. “Things are settling down now that Hogwarts’ magic works properly again. Professor McGonagall is especially relieved that everything is back to normal. The house elves have gone mad cleaning though.” 

Severus turned his head ever so slightly so he could watch Harry as the young man tried to stay in place. It was rather obvious that he wanted to pace instead. “The… Dark… Lord,” he managed weakly. He needed to know the details of what had happened.

“He’s gone,” Harry said. “Truly gone. We destroyed all the Horcruxes Riddle created. Including Nagini.” Harry smiled awkwardly. “I reckon you won’t be pleased to learn that it was Neville who beheaded the snake.”

Severus mouthed Neville’s name, knowing Harry would understand. His throat already ached and he wanted to limit voicing his questions.

“Yes, he pulled Godric’s sword out of the Sorting Hat and used it to behead Nagini.” 

Severus meekly accepted the explanation. Nagini was dead – he didn’t care about who had killed the serpent. “Last…horcrux,” he managed while looking Harry in the eye.

“Yes, that was me. I died – in a way, but thanks to Dumbledore I came back. I destroyed Voldemort and… then I remembered leaving you behind in the Shack.” Harry carefully monitored Severus’ reaction, but the older wizard seemed in control of them. “Remus and Hagrid joined me when I went to retrieve your corpse.” He paused, still finding it hard to deal with the fact that he had left the man there to die. He had done nothing to help! “I don’t know how I felt upon realizing Fawkes had brought you back.” He lowered his eyes. “Maybe feeling ashamed describes it best.”

Ashamed? Why would Harry feel like that? He tried to catch the young man’s gaze, but as Harry was staring at the floor, he had to resort to different tactics. He lifted his right arm and reached for Harry’s hand. He ignored the fact that tremors shook the limb. At least moving his right arm didn’t hurt as much as moving his left did. 

Harry never expected the Potions Master to willingly touch him and he instantly raised his gaze in order to look at him. Seeing the compassion in those dark eyes hit him unprepared. Maybe Severus did care about him? Could it really be that the older wizard had merely pretended to hate him? “I feel ashamed because I didn’t try to save you in the Shack. You gave me your memories and I didn’t even try to stabilize you! I watched you die and did nothing!” He wanted to run off, but since Severus’ hand still rested on his arm, he stayed in place. He didn’t want to jostle the limb. “I am sorry for the way I behaved.”

Severus gathered his strength. He was draining himself, but he couldn’t let this go. “Not… your… fault… I do not… blame you.” His throat burned by the time he had finished his statement. 

“You should!” Harry’s eyes grew misty with tears. He tried to fight them back, but failed to do so. As they slid down his face, he quickly wiped them away with his other hand. “I should have done something! I watched you die!” He grew quiet again when Severus weakly tugged at his hand. “You shouldn’t do that. You are still recovering.” He gently gathered the older man’s hand in his and protectively wrapped his fingers around it. He realized that Severus was trying to comfort him, but he really didn’t deserve such leniency. He had messed up – big time!

Not your fault, Severus mouthed again, careful not to use his vocal cords. He had never expected the young man to come to his rescue. Being able to give Harry his memories and to look into those familiar eyes while he had been dying had been a blessing in itself. 

Harry shrugged and rubbed Severus’ clammy hand. “I will make things up to you.”

Ah, that was why Harry remained close and seemed to guard him! You do not have to, he mouthed again, hoping Harry would understand.

“I know I don’t need to,” Harry said, showing he had gotten the message. “But I want to. I want to know you. You don’t hate me, do you? You never hated me in the first place. It was all an act, “ he guessed.

Severus managed a minute nod. He had loved Lily – loved her still – and although Harry had inherited James’ looks, the eyes and character were definitely Lily’s; so how he could possibly hate the boy? Severus wasn’t prepared to see such relief on the young man’s face and its intensity took him aback. 

“I hated you though,” Harry admitted in a small voice. “But I don’t hate you any more. I am curious, mostly. I want to know more about you.”

Then the young man would have to wait. The conversation was quickly tiring Severus and he felt drowsy.

Seeing the older wizard was about to fall asleep again, Harry stroked the back of Severus’ hand. “You have already given me more than you will ever know.” Just by confirming that Severus had never hated him, the older wizard had given him a very precious gift. “I will wait,” he promised, watching Severus lose the battle to stay awake. “I will wait for you to recover and then we shall talk.”

/

“Are you sure you really don’t mind, mate?” Although Harry had assured him that he didn’t mind them going to the Burrow for a well deserved break, Ron wasn’t sure leaving was the right thing to do. “Hermione and I can stay. Just tell us what you want.”

Harry cast a quick look at the resting Potions Master. He had stepped outside to talk to Ron, as he didn’t want to disturb the older wizard. “Ron, I am fine with you going home. You deserve it, and so does Hermione.” The two of them had had to put their lives on hold in order to help him defeat Voldemort. It was about time they had a chance to deepen their relationship.

“Harry, Ginny wants you to know you’re welcome to join us.” Ginny had repeatedly tried to talk to Harry, but Madam Pomfrey had told her that she had limited the amount of visitors, and unless Harry stepped out of the infirmary the girl had to wait.

Ginny – and Ron as well – deserved the truth, Harry reckoned. “Ron, I won’t be heading for the Burrow any time soon. I need to stay with Snape.”

“But why? He’s getting better! You don’t need to stay!” 

Harry sighed as he wondered how to make Ron understand. “I need to do this, Ron. I have to put his recovery first. I am sorry about this. I should have told Ginny not to wait for me, but everything happened so fast and…” He still hadn’t processed half of it. “Tell her to stop waiting, Ron.”

“You need to tell her that yourself, Harry.”

“I know that, but… I can’t deal with it at the moment. I need to put Snape first.” He doubted his friend would understand though. Therefore, feeling Ron rest a hand on his shoulder surprised him. He sought out Ron’s eyes and thought he saw understanding in them.

“I will tell Ginny, but you need to realize what you are throwing away in order to hold Snape’s hand. My sister loves you.”

Harry cringed. “I know that, Ron, but at the moment Snape comes first and it wouldn’t be fair to make her wait.”

Ron was convinced Harry was making one hell of a mistake, but he also knew his friend needed to be able to make his own choices. Dumbledore had always been in control of it in the past. “I understand why you need to do this, Harry. Ginny however will be howling mad and you had better avoid her for the next few months.”

“Are we still friends?” Harry feared finding out the answer to that question, but he had to know.

“Yes, mate,” Ron said after a moment’s thought. They had been through too much together for them to break off their friendship over this. “But I still think you’re making a mistake. I realize that Snape isn’t the greasy git we thought him to be, but be careful.”

Harry’s first reaction was to lecture Ron. Severus could be trusted; he had realized that after watching his memories, but Ron hadn’t seen them, so his friend couldn’t understand. “He needs me, even though he doesn’t know it yet.”

“I hope so,” Ron said; he would hate seeing Snape hurt his friend’s feelings all over again. “Just be careful.”

/

“What do you think you are doing?” Harry hurried into the room and headed for the bed. 

What did it look like? Severus wondered. He was trying to sit upright of course!

“You need to lie down again. Madam Pomfrey will throw a fit if she catches you do that.”

Severus was about to tell Harry that he wasn’t afraid of the Medi-witch when Poppy rushed into the room with her wand already pointed at him.

“Severus Snape, lie down this instant or I will do it for you!” she threatened.

Severus sighed and ceased his effort as Harry was already pushing him back onto the bed. They were overreacting! He felt weak, that much was true, and even rather light-headed, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t sit up by himself! A stabbing pain travelled down his neck when he moved his head too quickly. He hated admitting it, but they were probably right to make him lie down and confine him to bed.

“You need to rest, sir!” Harry pulled the blankets up to the Potions Master’s shoulders and made sure he rested comfortably. “It is too early for you to try anything like that.”

By Merlin, he had merely tried to sit upright! “Stop… fussing,” he managed, trying hard to ignore his sore throat.

“Stop talking,” Poppy countered. “Your vocal cords are far from healed! You talked enough for today!” She took in the readings of the diagnostic spell and realized he had talked too much already. “I don’t want to hear you for the rest of the day. Maybe, if you actually do as I say, I will allow you to talk tomorrow.”

Allow? She would allow him to speak? He was about to tell her how he felt about that when Albus’ voice cut him short.

“Severus, Poppy knows best. Listen to her.” Albus worried about his friend as well. Severus seldom took the time to heal when he was wounded, but this time, Albus was going to put his foot down.

Hearing Albus’ voice caused Severus to grow still. “Albus?” he whispered, barely audible. Poppy immediately gave him an admonishing look, but he hadn’t spoken aloud on purpose. Albus’ presence had taken him by surprise. 

“I am here, my friend. I will always be at your side.” Albus wished he was still alive so he could embrace his dear friend. But, all he could do now was press close to the front of the painting. “You need to rest, Severus. You need to listen to Poppy. Let them take care of you. Merlin knows you deserve it!”

Severus didn’t bother to voice his objection. He didn’t deserve any of this!

“Maybe a sleeping draught will help, Poppy?” Albus suggested.

She nodded and accio’d a mild sleeping potion. It wouldn’t knock Severus out, but cause him to doze. “Severus, please be sensible.”

Severus admitted defeat. It was the three of them against him. He nodded and obediently swallowed the potion; it was one of his own making. Harry tugged at the blankets again, fussing over him for some reason. 

“Please try to sleep, sir.” Harry sat down at Severus’ side and claimed the Potions Master’s right hand. “I will guard your dreams.” 

Severus’ eyes closed and Harry’s promise echoed in his ears as he drifted off into sleep.

TBC

 

7\. 

Kingsley had fought hard to convince Poppy to let him visit their patient. As he now sat next to the bed and took in the Potions Master’s condition he understood why she had been so reluctant. Frankly put, Snape looked like hell. Too pale, too thin and way too fragile. He had grown used to a Snape whose robes billowed around him and black eyes that easily stared him into submission. Seeing this shadow of the former spy brought home how much Snape had suffered recently. 

Fawkes raised his head and chirped at Kingsley in greeting. It was good to see another friendly face. 

“Hello, Fawkes,” Kingsley said and smiled at the phoenix. “You are looking after Severus for me, aren’t you?”

“He refuses to leave him,” Harry said upon entering the room. Madam Pomfrey had informed him that Kingsley wanted to speak with Severus. He would have preferred to stay with Severus all the time, but nature had called. 

“And so do you,” Kingsley replied, wanting to understand Harry’s motives. Harry seated himself on the other side of the bed and instantly claimed Severus’ right hand. Kingsley wondered about the casualness to the gesture. In the past, Harry would have never willingly touched the Potions Master, but apparently, that too had changed. 

“I want to make sure he’s safe.” Harry caught Kingsley’s gaze. “Why are you here?” 

“They promoted me,” Kingsley said, cringing with obvious discomfort. “I am the new Minister of Magic.” At hearing Harry’s surprised gasp, he shrugged. “I never wanted the job, but I might be able to change some things for the better.” That was why he had accepted.

“And you are here, because…?” Harry made sure his wand was within easy reach. He would defend Severus if necessary.

“I want permission to view his memories. There are still some witches and wizards on the Wizengamot that want him to stand trial. Even though Albus assured us that Severus acted on his orders, they want to question him. I offered to mediate. After seeing his memories I will be able to answer most of their questions. I do not want Severus having to give testimony. Certainly not in his current condition.”

Harry considered everything carefully. “The memories he shared with me are highly personal. I doubt he will be keen to allow you to see them.” But he happened to agree with Kingsley – he didn’t want Severus to be questioned either. “Should he refuse, I will try to change his mind.”

“Thanks, Harry. We both want what’s best for him.” Kingsley was relieved to have Harry’s cooperation. After destroying Voldemort, Harry’s reputation had soared. He was practically being hailed as their saviour. Which reminded him… “Do you still want to be an Auror? I am certain they will gladly accept you now that you have proven yourself against Riddle.” And the Department would use Harry as they saw fit – the Ministry would try to do likewise, he feared.

During the long hours he had sat at Severus’ bedside, Harry had asked himself that question as well. The outcome had rather surprised him. “Not at the moment,” he told Kingsley, who looked oddly relieved at hearing it. Why was that? “Right now, I want to stay with Severus. Until he has recovered I am putting everything on hold. I can’t run off to become an Auror when he still needs support.”

Remus, Minerva, and Poppy had told him about Harry’s dedication to Severus, but he hadn’t fully realized the young man’s measure of commitment until now. “The two of you used to hate each other.”

Harry made sure Severus was still asleep and tucked the blankets around the sleeping wizard’s form before replying. “I had no choice but to think he hated me, especially if you take into account how he bullied me. But I realize it was an act, put on for Voldemort’s sake. After all, children of Death Eaters were in his house. He couldn’t afford to be seen to like me.”

“You have grown up rather quickly.” Harry’s new attitude toward Severus impressed him. “But then again, you didn’t have much a choice this last year.” 

Harry nodded. “I realized a lot of things.” Some were still too private to discuss. “I think he’s waking up.” Harry felt Severus’ hand twitch in his. It was either that or another nightmare was upon him. 

Severus woke because his instinct warned him he wasn’t alone with Harry any longer. Someone else was near. Slowly he opened his eyes. The light in the room almost blinded him, although it was at a normal level. It told him how exhausted he still was.

“Severus,” Kingsley said in a warm tone, eager to let Severus know that he wasn’t here in order to intimidate him. “You look awful, but Poppy told me you looked even worse some days ago. Riddle and his pet snake really did a number on you.”

Severus felt irked at Kingsley for stating the obvious. What did the Auror want? Suddenly he grew aware of fingertips caressing the back of his right hand and he shifted his gaze to find out who was touching him. It was Harry, of course, who else? But why kept the young man touching him?

Kingsley grew amused at seeing Severus stare at their joined hands. It surprised him that Severus wasn’t removing his hand or even glaring at Harry. Instead, the Potions Master allowed it – though a puzzled expression shone from his eyes. It was rather out of character for the spy he had thought he had known. 

“Sir, Kingsley wants to ask you something.” Harry quickly redirected Severus’ attention as the stare the older wizard gave him was about to make him blush.

Severus forced himself to focus on Kingsley again. What did the Auror want?

“I am not here to arrest you or take you to Azkaban.” Kingsley felt it was important Severus didn’t get agitated. He wanted to reassure the injured man instead. “Albus left instructions after he died and explained your involvement in the war. However, the Wizengamot still has some questions.”

Alarm appeared in Severus’ eyes and his body tensed in apprehension of what would follow. He had believed himself safe - what a fool he was!

“No,” Kingsley said and shifted his chair closer to the bed. “They know your actions were necessary to win the war. But… it would help if you allowed me to watch your memories. It would be easier for me to satisfy their curiosity and no one would bother you.”

Severus forced himself to calm down and to think rationally. Why would Kingsley want to help him?

“They made me the new Minister of Magic,” Kingsley explained. “In that capacity I can help you – a lot. But only if I know the details of what happened.”

They made Kingsley minister? Severus frowned. Kingsley wasn’t minister material. Kingsley was used to working in the field. He was an Auror – not some diplomat. But then again, Kingsley might be able to help him if they had truly made the Auror minister. However, he disliked allowing Kingsley access to his memories. He had intended them for Harry – and for no one else.

“I realize you dislike the idea,” Kingsley said, hoping to convince the injured wizard to go along. “And although the Wizengamot won’t put you on trial, they will harass you until you answer their questions. I can act in your stead, if you will allow it.”

“Professor, Kingsley wants to help,” Harry said, still rubbing the back of Severus’ hand in the hope to calm him that way. “I watched your memories,” Harry admitted in an emotional voice, “and believe me when I say that you have nothing to feel ashamed of. Yes, you made mistakes, but you also risked your life in order to make sure I had a chance against Voldemort.”

Nothing to be ashamed of? Harry was talking nonsense! He was ashamed of many things and the mere thought of Kingsley watching his crimes made him nauseous. Why did Kingsley bother asking permission in the first place? Harry probably left them in Albus’ pensieve and Kingsley could easily access them. “Why… do you… want… permission?” Damn, his throat still burned.

“The decent thing to do is to ask first,” Kingsley replied, “but there’s another reason as well. Harry left the pensieve in the Headmaster’s office and Hogwarts won’t let anyone enter it.”

Ah, that was why Kingsley had ‘decided to do the decent thing’ and talk to him first. Severus tried to think through all the possibilities, but his thoughts remained unfocused and he had to admit defeat. He simply wasn’t up to his usual tricks! Maybe Albus would council him? He looked over to the painting his mentor had previously occupied, but found it empty. 

Harry had noticed the look though. “Sir?” He waited for Severus to focus on him and then leaned in closer. “Kingsley truly wants to help. I am not sure if my advice means anything to you, but I urge you to accept. Now that he is the new minister of Magic he will be able to keep the Wizengamot off your back.”

Harry’s observation was correct of course, but he still hesitated. “Some things… are private,” he told Harry.

“Kingsley will only divulge as much as is absolutely necessary, won’t you?” Harry sought out his friend’s gaze.

Kingsley was quick to assure him. “Of course. I will only share those things with the Wizengamot which I deem necessary. Whatever secrets you worry about are safe with me,” he assured Severus, who now shifted his gaze from Harry toward him. “You earned my respect, Severus. I won’t do anything to harm you. I promise. If necessary I will make it into an unbreakable vow.”

But Severus didn’t want that. “We made… too many… of those.” Although his voice sounded stronger, his throat continued to burn. “Fine,” he decided eventually. “You can… watch them.” It was the most sensible thing to do, even though he would never be able to look Kingsley in the eye again. Once the Auror – no Minister – knew the truth about him, Severus wouldn’t be able to bear the man’s presence. 

“Thank you.” Kingsley rose from his chair. “The office will allow me in?”

Severus nodded minutely. The castle would accommodate Kingsley. 

“I will keep you updated,” Kingsley told the Potions Master. “And I will do my best to make sure no one bothers you.” He knew how rare it was for Severus to trust anyone. 

Severus watched Kingsley walk away from the bed, and once the Minister had left his room, he closed his eyes and gave into his fatigue.

“You will be fine. Kingsley will take care of any problems that might arise,” Harry quickly reassured the tired wizard. “And even if someone gets through to you, I will kick them out.”

Severus partly opened his eyes to look at the young man. He couldn’t recall anyone ever addressing him with such determination to protect him before. He wouldn’t put it past Harry to hex anyone who dared to interrupt his rest. Why though? Why such dedication to his miserable person? 

Harry read those questions in those dark eyes, and realizing Severus was wondering about him, made him smile, for it meant the Potions Master wasn’t dismissing or rejecting him. He was about to tell Severus not to worry when the older man’s eyes closed once more, as he had finally succumbed to sleep.

/

Fawkes had regained some of his strength, and although he enjoyed the body warmth Severus supplied him with, he was also a bit restless. He enjoyed the wizard’s presence, and yes, he could have aided his healing, but he felt it was best to allow the mind time to heal as well. Even if he healed Severus’ body, the mind needed to heal as well. This way, body and soul both were granted time to mend. Once Severus was ready to fully return to his duties, Hogwarts and its students would realize just how worthy a Headmaster they had gained.

He checked his feathers and started grooming. Severus’ black hair got in the way though and Fawkes decided to tend to those strands first. He tucked the hair behind Severus’ ear, rather carefully, and chirped with glee. The Potions Master had been something of a hermit in the past and each time Fawkes had tried to gain the wizard’s attention, Severus had retreated. Fawkes had quickly realized Severus’ true colours. The wizard’s dedication to their cause, his loyalty to Dumbledore, the courage which with the Potions Master had faced Voldemort, and the dazzling intellect so often found in the house of Slytherin, had made Severus precious to the Phoenix. 

“What are you… doing?” Severus had woken to Fawkes messing with his hair and now the phoenix was giving him a very odd look. Fawkes trilled excitedly and rubbed his head against Severus’ cheek. Severus frowned deeply. “Stop… that.” It was beyond him why the phoenix remained close. 

Fawkes on the other hand was growing frustrated with the current Headmaster’s refusal to see his worth. He directed his gaze at Severus and looked him in the eye. The only other wizard he had ever allowed to learn some of his secrets, had been Albus, but Severus was equally worthy and it was about time the Potions Master realized that!

Severus tried to avert his gaze, but found he couldn’t. Suddenly he was back in the office. Albus sat behind his desk and was looking through some correspondence, while he found himself standing in front of the window. If he wasn’t in his own body, in whose was he then? And then it hit him. The height and location of his whereabouts led him to believe he was on the perch and looking through Fawkes’ eyes. He hadn’t known the phoenix could do this. 

Since Fawkes was looking at him, Severus was forced to do the same. He was shocked to see a delicate golden light emanating from his chest, from where his heart was. The golden shine illuminated his face and mellowed his harsh features. Was this how Fawkes saw him? But why would the phoenix see him in such a way? A sigh floated into the room and Severus realized it was Fawkes’, not his. His vision blurred, and a moment later, he found himself in a different situation. 

He remembered this particular night well. He had returned from a Death Eaters’ meeting and Voldemort had been extremely irritated by him. Voldemort had cursed him several times that night and he had been barely conscious when he had finally returned to the castle. He recalled that it was Fawkes who had found him near the apparition point. After that, he had lost consciousness. He had never known the phoenix had shed tears in order to heal his worst injuries, but now he felt those tears leave his eyes and drip onto the bloodstained robes. 

He had woken up in the infirmary, feeling much improved and he had thanked Poppy for her assistance, but it had been Fawkes who had healed him. Why? 

The golden light that radiated from his heart appeared stronger now and Fawkes chirped excitedly. I don’t understand, he admitted.

His surroundings changed again and this time he found himself seated on Albus’ shoulder. They were in the Great Hall and Fawkes directed his gaze toward him. He saw himself seated next to Minerva and he was looking at Harry from across the hall. Again, the golden light surrounded him and finally Severus realized what it was that Fawkes saw; love. He had loved Lily. How could he care any less for Harry? In his own way he had always loved the boy.

Severus found himself in his bed again, staring at the phoenix who had stretched across his chest. The wise eyes looked curiously at him. Maybe I do understand after all, he thought. But the fact that I love… Severus gasped. Was that it? Fawkes nodded, rested his head close to his heart, and closed his eyes, allowing him to process what he had just realized.

He had loved Albus – loved him like a son would his father. He loved him still. He greatly cared for Harry. He had spied on Voldemort so the people he loved would have a chance to survive the war. He wanted to know each and everyone of them to be safe; Minerva, Hagrid, Filius, and yes, even Remus. He had fought Voldemort because he loved them and needed them to be safe. That was why Fawkes was drawn to him. He had endured all that pain and solitude because he *did* care. 

When Fawkes had decided to stay with Albus – all those years ago – he had assumed it was because Albus was a Gryffindor. But now Severus had to change his way of thinking. It didn’t matter to Fawkes what House he belonged to. It didn’t matter to Fawkes if he was a Gryffindor, a Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw or Slytherin. The phoenix looked deeper than that – he looked into people’s hearts and Fawkes had found him worthy. “Stupid bird,” he whispered, unable to keep the emotions he was experiencing out of his voice. Fawkes snorted, but didn’t raise his head. The phoenix merely cuddled up tighter to him. 

“Your rejection always frustrated him,” Albus said, who had witnessed Fawkes opening up to the Potions Master.

Severus sought out the painting and found Albus smiling at him. 

“Fawkes doesn’t think in Houses, Severus. He doesn’t sort. He doesn’t look at the colours we wear, or which banner adorns our home. He examines the heart, and he found you worthy from the start. Had you allowed him close, he would have sought out your company throughout the years.” 

Severus had kept the phoenix at a distance for the reason; he had lacked the luxury of befriending anyone, even Fawkes. 

“He will stay with you until you die, Severus. Fawkes greatly values loyalty, and as far as he is concerned you are the only one worthy of his devotion.”

Severus was lost for words, but there was one thing he needed to know. “That… golden light,” he said questioningly, hoping Albus would understand. 

“Fawkes looks into the hearts of people, Severus. What he saw in yours impressed him. You always believed it was guilt, your need to atone, that made you spy on Voldemort. It wasn’t. It was love that made you take a stand. You loved Lily. You love Harry. You even love an old man like me. Severus, your capacity for love, it’s… It’s what gave you the strength and courage to risk your life day after day.”

Harry, who stood near the doorway after returning from a quick visit to the bathroom, listened carefully. Albus’ words didn’t surprise him. Ever since retrieving Severus from the Shack he had realized the truth about the man. 

“Severus, I know you,” Albus continued. “I know what you did in order to survive all those lonely years, but the time for change has come. It is time to let people in, Severus. Don’t keep them at a distance. Minerva, Kingsley, Poppy, Molly, they want to help. They want to support you; let them.”

“Harry?” Severus whispered, watching Albus closely.

“Ah, Harry,” Albus said and chuckled.

Severus noticed the sudden twinkling in his former mentor’s eyes and wondered about it.

“Harry wants to do all that and more. You are doing the right thing by allowing him to support you. Don’t push him away, Severus. Don’t.”

Harry grew flustered although he had no idea why. 

Severus suddenly caught sight of the young man standing in the doorway and wondered how much Harry had heard. “You are back.”

Harry gathered his wits and nodded. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Severus watched as Harry seated himself on his familiar chair. It was true. He cared for the young man. He always had. He had rocked him as a baby, trying to calm him down after Voldemort had killed Lily and James. He had watched Harry’s back more than once, trying to keep him safe. 

‘Sir?” Harry grew worried as Severus didn’t react. All the Potions Master did was to stare at him. 

“I am… fine,” Severus said eventually, ignoring his sore throat. Maybe it was time to answer some of the questions the young man had. “What did you… want to know?”

Harry’s heart missed a beat. He had hoped Severus would offer to answer some questions, but now that the moment had come, he wasn’t sure he wanted to question the man about the past. Other questions seemed more important. “Will you stay at Hogwarts?”

Harry’s question surprised Severus, who had expected the young man to ask him about Lily and James instead. “Yes, I will… stay,” he managed, trying to keep his answers as short as possible.

“Great,” Harry commented. “I have decided to stay as well. I want to take some classes. Maybe I will even eventually graduate!”

Severus approved of that, though he was quite certain the Aurors would gladly take in Harry anyway. He waited if more questions were forthcoming.

“Are you okay with me being here all the time? I don’t want to pressure you or invade your privacy, but I feel my place is at your side right now.”

Again, Severus felt it was an odd question. “Fine, yes… I do not… mind.” Harry smiled at hearing that. Why was it so important to the young man to know he didn’t mind the company?

“Madam Pomfrey told me that you will need to rest for a few more days, but then she will allow you to leave. Are you moving back into the office?”

Why was Harry asking questions that addressed the present and their future instead of finding out more about the past? “I will move back… into the office." Hogwarts wouldn’t react well if he rejected his rightful quarters.

“I will tell the house elves to prepare for your return then.”

Severus didn’t bother to explain to Harry that the house elves knew about his plans. The moment Hogwarts found out about his thoughts, the castle automatically updated the house elves. 

“I can stay with you,” Harry said, suddenly speaking softy. “I would feel honoured if you allowed me to keep you company.”

Severus blinked in surprise. “Your friends?” he questioned. Wouldn’t Harry rather spend time with his friends instead?

“Most of them went to the Burrow. Neville and Luna headed home. At the moment, I am the only student here. Well, if you can still call me that.” He was still young in years, but he felt old – much too old for his age. “Professor McGonagall has taken over your duties for the moment. She is overseeing the repairs and keeps in touch with the Ministry. Oh, and Remus is still around – somewhere.”

Severus would have been surprised if the wolf had deserted Harry. 

“Misses Weasley is still helping out in the infirmary.” Harry thought Severus might like to know that. “Madam Pomfrey and she are teaming up against us. They told me they will throw me out if I don’t spend the night in a proper bed instead of sitting in this chair.” He had already thought up a solution though. He would simply take up the other bed in the room. That way he could still monitor Severus. 

“What’s the… time? Evening? Morning?” Severus had lost all track of time.

“It’s seven in the evening. They will probably bring us dinner in a moment and then Madam Pomfrey will want you to rest, or if possible, sleep.” Harry was surprised to find he didn’t have any more questions at the moment. The past could wait.

Only seven… It was still early. Severus shifted on the bed in an effort to make himself more comfortable. However, by doing so, he disturbed Fawkes’ rest and the phoenix was quick to let him know by chirping loudly.

Harry chuckled at seeing the phoenix’ antics. He was glad Fawkes wanted to stay with Severus for he had the feeling the Potions Master needed the company.

Severus’ eyes narrowed now that Harry was chuckling at him. Apparently being chastised by a phoenix struck Harry as funny. He was about to berate him when the door opened and Poppy stepped inside, closely followed by Molly Weasley. Damn, he stood no chance against their combined forces!

“It’s time for dinner, Severus.” Poppy levitated the tray over to Severus and lowered it onto his lap. “Pumpkin soup and shepherd’s pie. And I expect you to eat a fair amount. You need to add weight.”

Harry smiled gratefully at Molly Weasley when the matron gifted him with dinner as well. He was actually rather hungry. “Thank you,” he said, remembering his manners.

Severus however glared at the food. He wasn’t hungry at all. 

“Is anything wrong?” Poppy frowned at her patient. Both, the soup and the pie tasted good. She’d had them for dinner too.

“Not hungry,” Severus whispered.

“Severus, you need to eat, even if you are not hungry.” Poppy took an educated guess. “You never eat much in the first place, do you?”

Severus carefully shrugged and relished the fact that it didn’t bring him any discomfort. He ate because it was necessary to maintain all bodily functions, not because he relished the food.

“You need to eat, Severus. You need to add weight. You are much too thin.” Poppy hoped she would be able to sway him. 

Severus sighed and gave in. He would eat a little then. He was going to use his right hand though, since he could move that one without being in pain. He wanted to move it, but then realized Harry’s fingers were still curled around it. “I need that,” Severus said and nodded toward his hand.

Harry blushed and quickly let to. “Sorry.” The contact helped him to convince himself that Severus was fine.

Severus nodded and then curled his fingers around the spoon. It took him a while, but he managed to empty the soup bowl. He felt full and doubted he would manage the pie.

“Just eat a little bit,” Poppy said encouragingly. 

Why was the Medi-witch still here? Why was she watching him eat? Then it hit him – she was making sure he did eat! Realizing it made him feel odd. He hated the fact that she didn’t trust him to feed himself properly, but at the same time, he understood she was doing it because she cared. He silently ate a few bites from the pie and then had to stop. His stomach couldn’t handle more food than that. 

“That will do,” Poppy said and levitated the tray over the nightstand. “Severus, you must eat regular meals. You need the energy the food supplies you with. You have too little reserves as it is.”

He nodded to show he understood. He was grateful that Molly wasn’t getting involved. He would have a hard time if they teamed up against him.

“Try to rest, Severus. Sleep if you can.” Poppy ran another diagnostic spell on him. “You are improving. I will even allow you to continue to talk this evening, but don’t over do it. Your throat is still tender.” Poppy redirected her gaze at Harry. “Make sure he drinks at least four cups of tea or water.”

Harry nodded. “I will make sure he does.” Like Severus, he felt relieved when the two witches left. “Madam Pomfrey runs a tight regime.”

“Yes.” Severus watched Fawkes toddle down to his lap where the phoenix curled up and went back to sleep. “I never thought… Fawkes would want… to stay with me.”

“Why not? You carried out Dumbledore’s order ‘til the end. You died in order to convince Voldemort he had mastered the Elder wand.”

Severus raised his head and stared at the ceiling. “It was no… real sacrifice… I wanted to die…I made my peace with it.”

Was that the reason why Dumbledore hadn’t provided Severus with a way out, Harry wondered. Was it because Severus had wanted to die? “I am glad you came back, sir. If you had died, I wouldn’t have the chance to get to know you. For that, I am grateful.”

Severus turned his head and looked at Harry. He had never considered what might happen should he survive and have to face Harry. Maybe he had been too much of a coward to envision a future in which he would survive Voldemort’s attack. 

“I am happy too you came back,” Albus echoed from within his painting.

Severus looked at his former mentor. They had discussed his death and he had told Albus that he accepted his fate. He hadn’t asked Albus to help him find a way to escape death. He had accepted it much like Albus had accepted his own death. “What do I… do now?” He never expected to survive the war. What was there left for him?

Harry looked at Dumbledore in order to find out if he wanted to answer that question.

Dumbledore smiled happily at Severus. “You are Headmaster, Severus. You can finally change things here at Hogwarts. Through the years we often discussed your plans to make certain adjustments to the system. Use the chance you have been given. You will make a good Headmaster. I am certain that bullies will fear you and the students that need a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on will find you once the word spreads that you don’t allow bullying. Give them some time to get used to you. Everything will work out.”

“But Minerva…” Severus had always assumed she would be the one to follow in Albus’ footsteps.

“She makes a fine Deputy, Severus. I suggest you ask her to continue her work.”

“But…” Severus objected.

“Severus, Minerva never wanted to be Headmistress. I talked to her about in the past. She is happy to support you.”

Severus still wasn’t sure though. He would talk to her himself. “I am not sure…”

“But we are!” Albus stated. “Fawkes and I know you will excel at this. Allow yourself to find out if you desire the office or not. You can always resign,” Albus reminded him, “Though I doubt Hogwarts will allow it.”

“For what it is worth,” Harry said, quietly. “I believe Dumbledore is right. The castle obviously wants you. Just recall the way it reacted when you took your seat in the Great Hall. It could have rejected you, but it welcomed you back, rather eagerly, if I may say so.”

Harry and Albus were right; he couldn’t deny it, but that still didn’t mean he liked it. He had never wanted to be Headmaster; hell, he didn’t even know what it entailed to be Headmaster!

“Do not worry about that,” Albus said, “Hogwarts will show you. It will be delighted to do so.” Albus felt Hogwarts’ eagerness and if Severus hadn’t been so preoccupied, the Potions Master would have felt it too. “Just give it a chance.”

It wasn’t like he had much of a choice, Severus realized. Hogwarts had made it very clear that it wanted him as its Headmaster. He merely hoped he wouldn’t disappoint anyone.

8.

The silence that settled between them felt more comfortable than Severus had thought possible. Harry was reading the Daily Prophet and every so often chuckled, made a remark, or offered to read to him, at which he had scoffed that he was perfectly capable of reading an article himself if he desired so. To his surprise, Harry had merely chuckled at being berated. It appeared he had lost the ability to intimidate the young man. Severus wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He had never enjoyed bullying Harry – or any student for that matter – but it had kept the young man at a distance. Now that Harry seemed determined to befriend him, Severus didn’t know how to react. 

Poppy had made Harry change into infirmary standard night clothes – similar to the ones he was wearing -- and Harry had obeyed the Medi-witch. It was definitely odd to see the young man out of his normal clothes. Seeing him sit there in pyjamas brought home that Harry was determined to stay with him. Nothing would draw the young man out of the infirmary.

“Are you all right?” Harry frowned upon seeing Severus looking rather lost.

“I am fine,” Severus replied, relieved that his throat seemed to continue to improve. Although the burning sensation still hampered him, it didn’t hurt as much as it used to. “You do not have to sit with me all the time.” 

Harry shook his head though. “But I do!” Again, he thought before addressing Severus again. “I like your company. You are no longer a bully and you… I don’t know how to say this… You treat me with respect. That’s new and I like it.”

Severus blinked. Yes, it was true. His attitude toward Harry had changed. “I was forced to act that way in the past.”

“I know that. I finally understand why you acted like that.” He placed the Prophet aside and moved his chair closer to the bed. “It makes me want to know you better. I want to know what you are really like. So far you have surprised me. I had hoped you would turn out to be this mellow and approachable, but I wasn’t sure.”

Mellow? Approachable? He must have really scared the boy in the past if Harry thought him amicable now. Harry was definitely the first to think him mellow!

Harry registered Severus’ surprise and smiled encouragingly. It was getting late and he expected Madam Pomfrey to look in on them and to tell them to get some sleep. He wanted to talk to Severus before the Medi-witch appeared. “How did you do it? How did you get through those days when you taught us during the day and also spied on Voldemort? Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore hinted that Voldemort often cursed you and that you came back injured. Did you have anyone to confide in except for Dumbledore?” Severus’ life must have been a lonely one.

The young man’s question took Severus aback, but he had offered to answer any questions earlier. It was the timing though that surprised him. “I did not give it much thought,” he admitted. “I took it one day at a time.” Why did Harry want to know this? Why not ask about his parents? “I had Albus to confide in, which was satisfactory.” He couldn’t have possibly confided in anyone else – he would have endangered them.

“And when you had to attend a meeting? Or face Voldemort?”

Harry’s tone became serious and Severus realized the young man wouldn’t be denied. Harry wanted to know these things. “I thought of Lily. I thought of you,” he admitted quietly. 

Harry gasped. Although he had hoped for an honest reply, actually hearing it made him feel humble. Severus had endured much because of his love for his mother – and for him. He had expected Severus to admit to the first, but not the latter. “And I always thought you hated me.”

Severus smiled. “I needed you to think that.”

Hearing Severus’ voice turning raspy, Harry poured a cup of chamomile tea and offered it to the older wizard. Severus accepted and wrapped the fingers of his right hand around the mug. Harry had noticed that the older wizard tended to use his left arm as little as possible. He wished he could take the pain away, but the tender tissue needed time to heal. Severus sipped and seemed to relax further. “That has come to an end now. I know the truth about you and you won’t be able to chase me away again.”

Severus realized the same thing. Harry seemed determined to play a vital part in his life. “Why? Why are you so determined to stay close?” He hadn’t wanted to voice that thought aloud, but he needed answers too. 

Harry shrugged and smiled contently. “As I said earlier, I like you. I enjoy your company. I want to know you. I want us to be friends.” His mother had befriended Severus for a reason. He was certain that if he persevered Severus would eventually allow him in and then he would find out about the man’s true character.

Severus wondered if that was the whole truth, but instead of questioning the young man he was content to sip from his tea. 

/

“Remember to sleep, Severus. You are improving faster than I had expected, but you still need all the rest you can get.” Poppy sat on Harry’s chair while the young man was in the bathroom getting ready to turn in for the night. 

“I will rest,” he assured her. It wasn’t like he had much of a choice as she still kept him confined to bed.

Poppy cast a quick look at the bathroom door. “Are you sure you don’t mind Harry being here? Having him check on you constantly must irritate you.”

“It is not that bad.” Did he dare admit he actually liked the company? Although it was odd to have someone stay with him, he liked it better than being on his own all the time. “It is fine. Do not worry about it.”

“Your voice is still improving,” she noticed contently. “Maybe you can try to walk in the morning. I want you to get moving again. Not too much,” she tempered him. “But your muscles need the exercise.”

“I would love to try,” he admitted. Being able to walk would bring him one step closer to freedom. 

“We shall try then,” she agreed and smoothed some hair away from his face. “Try to sleep, Severus. I would rather not give you another sleeping draught as they are addictive, but if you fail to fall asleep, let me know.”

The fact that people continued to touch him still took him aback. He had lived without touch for so long that he had forgotten what it felt like – being touched with affection. He briefly closed his eyes in order to savour the sensation – uncaring if Poppy caught on or not. 

Poppy stroked his hair for another moment, but then got to her feet again. She looked at Fawkes, who was beginning to look more like his adult self. The phoenix seemed to have adopted the Potions Master, which pleased her. “Keep an eye on him for me,” she told the magical bird, who blinked at her in confirmation.

/

Severus was dozing when Harry returned ten minutes later. Even in his state of semi sleep he smelled the fresh scent of soap on the young man. He opened his eyes again and looked at Harry. 

“Are you ready to go to sleep?” Harry walked up the bed and checked if Severus was comfortable. “Anything I can do before I turn in too?”

“I am fine.” He really was. “Go to bed.” Harry nodded and smiled at him. The warm expression in those eyes made Severus wonder if the affection he currently saw there would stay or go away again. He wasn’t a pleasant person to be around with, Severus knew that. 

“Do you want me to wake you should you have a nightmare?”

Harry’s question made him close his eyes. He had deluded himself into thinking that the young man didn’t know about them. “Yes,” he admitted softly. He had grown used to having them during the years, but these nights they mostly featured Nagini’s attack and he had no desire to relive dying over and over again. He could do without that particular nightmare.

Harry wished he knew of a spell that would keep those nightmares away. “I will watch over you,” he promised.

The wrongness of the situation suddenly struck Severus. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Wasn’t he supposed to keep Harry safe? The young man shouldn’t have to worry about him!.

Some of Severus’ thoughts showed on his face and Harry claimed the older man’s hand again. “I don’t mind,” he assured him. “I am honoured that you trust me to guard your dreams. I want to help. I want to do this for you. Thank you for letting me.”

Harry’s sincere words made him re-establish eye contact. Yes, the young man was being honest. Harry wanted to do this for him. “Thank you,” he whispered, wanting this young wizard to know that he did appreciate the offer. 

Harry didn’t know what had caused it, but a sudden desire to kiss Severus’ brow almost made him lean in closer. He barely managed to hold back, but he did, and wondered about that sudden urge. “I will see you in the morning.”

“Good night, Harry.” Although he had thought of the young man as Harry – and not Potter -- since waking up, he hadn’t addressed him yet in that manner. Harry’s smile broadened at hearing it; apparently being addressed that way pleased him.

“You called me Harry,” he said with wonder. He would have accepted being Potter again, but Severus calling him Harry was so much better. “Thank you for that.” To his utter amazement, Severus grew flustered. Realizing it was time to back off, he let go of the older man’s hand and headed over to this bed, which was only a few feet away. He made himself comfortable, pulled up the blankets, and turned onto his side so he could watch Severus. 

Maybe it had been a mistake to call him Harry, but Severus couldn’t go back to his old ways and call him Potter instead. Too much had happened and it had changed everything.

“Night, sir,” Harry said. He had briefly considered addressing him with Severus, but felt it was too early to do so. In time, the older wizard would hopefully ask him to drop the sir and call him Severus instead.

/

Severus woke from a surprisingly peaceful sleep and wondered what had woken him. Fawkes opened his eyes as well and turned his head in order to look at Harry’s bed. That was when Severus realized what was wrong. Harry’s sleep was restless and he kept mumbling. Severus sighed; no rest for the wicked then. What was he supposed to do? He could hardly sit back and watch nightmares torment Harry. After all, the young man had offered to wake him should nightmares get the better of him. The least he could do was return the favour. However, that meant leaving his bed and Severus wasn’t sure he was strong enough to stand and walk unaided. Yes, he could shout at Harry, which would wake him just as well, but it might also provoke an unpleasant reaction. 

Fawkes jumped onto the mattress, allowing Severus to get up. He carefully tested his strength and hoped he was up to this. He elbowed himself upright, leaning strongly to his right. Next, he slowly swayed his feet onto the floor. So far, so good. He was a little dizzy, but that was to be expected after lying down for so long. Fawkes released a thrilled squeak which Severus interpreted as encouragement. He pushed himself to his feet, as slowly as possible, and placed his right hand against the wall in order to steady himself. His upper body felt heavy and his neck throbbed due to the sudden strain. The rest of his body seemed cooperative however. 

Sliding his right hand along the wall for support, Severus succeeded in making his way over to Harry’s bed. Fawkes, who still had some difficulty flying, landed on the headboard and watched him. Severus took it step by step and didn’t hurry, knowing he might stumble otherwise. It took him a minute to cross the distance between their beds. Harry’s sleep was growing increasingly restless and tears flowed from behind closed eyelids.

“No, don’t… You can’t die… I won’t let you! You must live!”

Severus hoped the nightmare wasn’t about him. Harry shouldn’t worry about him to such a degree that it caused him nightmares. Carefully, he sat down on the side of the bed. He raised his right arm and rested the palm of his hand on Harry’s brow. “You are having a bad dream. Everything’s fine. You don’t have to worry. Harry, let go of whatever is ailing you.” Harry’s reaction wasn’t the one he had expected. Instead of slowly waking up, Harry lunched for him and wrapped his arms around his waist. He shook under the impact. Thankfully Harry wasn’t holding onto his neck or shoulders. That would have really hurt! “Harry, you are fine. You can let go.” He tried again, hoping to get through to the troubled youngster.

“No, you are not died! You can’t be died! I need you, Severus!”

Severus flinched. Damn, that nightmare was about him after all. “Harry, I am here. I am fine. You need not worry about me.” Harry’s hold however tightened and the young man pulled him onto the bed with him. Realizing he might hurt himself by fighting the young man, Severus decided to move with Harry. Thankfully, he ended lying on his right side. Had he ended up on his left, he would have been in agony. This position however was tolerable.

“You must stay. You can’t leave me. I need you, Severus.”

Severus rolled back his eyes. He knew he couldn’t hold Harry accountable for his dreams, but the young man really had to stop tormenting himself about what happened in the Shack. It wasn’t Harry’s fault that he had died!

“Harry, I am here. I will stay with you, but you need to calm down.” Luckily, Harry’s subconscious seemed to register his presence at last, and the young man finally stopped moving about. The younger man didn’t let go though – and Harry’s embrace wasn’t something he could break out of – not while he was still injured. Fawkes softly squeaked and flew down onto the mattress. The phoenix managed to find a comfortable spot in-between them and sighed in pleasure after settling down.

Severus resigned himself to the situation. Apparently, Harry wasn’t letting go, and Fawkes wasn’t going to help either, seeing how comfy the phoenix currently was. All he could do was make himself as comfortable as possible in this odd situation he found himself in. He had never shared a bed with someone before and had never expected Harry Potter to be the one to pull him into his arms and hold him during his sleep. His little trip had tired Severus and he closed his eyes. Since he was stuck here anyway, he should make the best of it.

/

Poppy looked at Molly and saw an equally stunned expression in the matriarch’s eyes. Had a stranger told her that he had caught Severus Snape holding Harry Potter in his sleep, she wouldn’t have believed it. But now that she saw it with her own two eyes, and Molly was bearing witness as well, she couldn’t deny it.

“I can’t believe it,” Molly whispered, making sure she wouldn’t wake the sleeping man. Severus actually comforted Harry during that nightmare.”

The monitoring spell that Poppy had set on Severus had alerted her that the Potions Master had left his bed. She had headed there over at once, ready to lecture him and to tell him exactly how she felt about him disobeying her orders. Molly had tagged alone, ready to back her up if necessary. But both witches had stopped in their tracks at finding Harry crying and Severus trying to calm him down. 

“Severus does care,” Poppy told her friend. “In the past, he wasn’t allowed to act on it though.”

Molly nodded. “I am glad the war is over. Hopefully the two of them will get a chance to heal.”

Poppy hoped so too. She was determined to help them recover in whatever way possible. 

TBC

9.

The first thing Harry noticed upon waking up was that he felt warm – warm and safe. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt like that and he savoured every second of it. He didn’t know why he felt so comfortable, but he wasn’t going to question it. 

Suddenly he grew aware of the fact that he wasn’t alone in bed. There was some movement – even though minute – which clued him in. There was no way around it; he had to open his eyes.

Harry stared at Severus in shock. The Potions Master was in bed with him – holding him! Severus exhaled and warm breath tingled against his cheek. This was why he felt warm! He was in Severus’ arms! Harry almost panicked – he managed to control himself at the last moment though. Things would already be awkward once Severus woke up!

A quick check showed that he was in his bed. That meant Severus must have made his way over to him during the night! That had been dangerous, damn it! The Potions Master was still weak and shouldn’t be on his feet at all! But why had Severus joined him in bed? 

Growing aware of the fact that his fingers clawed at Severus’ shirt, he realized he must have grabbed hold of the older wizard some time during the night. Maybe he had even pulled him onto the bed, leaving Severus no choice but to go along? Harry searched his thoughts and came across a certain memory. He’d had a nightmare last night! He had been back at the Shack and had been forced to watch Severus die all over again!

He must have woken Severus, who had then made his way over to his bed in order to wake him. Had he grabbed hold of the older wizard and pulled him along? It was the most likely scenario. It also made him feel embarrassed. He had offered to watch over Severus instead and now the injured wizard had had to comfort him! 

A pleased squeak made him realize there was someone else in bed with them. Fawkes was waking up, stretched his wings, and flew onto the headboard where he started to groom his feathers. He should have known that Fawkes would stay with Severus!

Now – damage control. How was he going to act the moment Severus woke up? Should he pretend still being asleep? Or maybe it was best he faced the Potions Master? How angry could Severus be? Or maybe he should apologize right away and appear repentant? But it was Severus who chose to comfort him. The older wizard could have just let him be. Severus chose to intervene. What did that mean?

Had their circumstances been different, seeing Harry so confused and on the brink of full blown panic, Severus might have felt amused. At the moment though, he began to worry. Harry hadn’t even noticed he had woken up – which showed just how lost in thought he was. Severus remained quiet and didn’t move, giving Harry a chance to sort out his thoughts. 

Harry was still debating apologizing versus pretending to be asleep when Severus’ minute movement told him the other wizard was awake. Growing tense, Harry tried hard not to look at Severus, but that would be disrespectful – the Potions Master didn’t deserve being ignored. Raising his gaze slowly, he felt apprehensive about making eye-contact. How was Severus going to react?

Severus had never seen Harry this insecure ever before and realized he didn’t like it. “It is fine. Do not fret,” he offered, finding himself wanting to reassure the younger man. “You had a nightmare. I tried to calm you.” The fact that his throat no longer burned was a relief. If only the rest of his body would recover as well. But he had to be patient – unfortunately.

Harry stared at Severus in disbelief. But what had he expected? Severus to blow up? To scream and sneer at him? 

Severus had a good idea why Harry gave him such a stunned look. “I might have done the same, had you tried to comfort me. There is no shame in needing comfort.” What did surprise him however, was the fact that Harry hadn’t jumped to his feet yet. It almost seemed as if the young man was quit content to stay where he was. To find himself in Severus’ arms must upset him, but apparently it didn’t. Severus thought that very odd. 

Harry had a hard time believing Severus wasn’t pushing him away. They were both awake and he expected Severus to either push him away or free himself of the hold. But Severus seemed to be content to stay the way he was. Why wasn’t Severus telling him to let go?

Severus reminded himself that he was the adult here. If anyone should take the initiative it was him. But what should he do? In the end, the answer came easier than he had expected and the thought that had come to him surprised him. Severus hoped Harry wasn’t going to mock him or make fun of him, but now that the young man seemed so vulnerable, Severus realized that he could take away the awkwardness by sharing some of his personal life. 

Harry held his breath the moment the expression in Severus’ dark eyes changed. The other man had made up his mind about the situation they were in and dread filled his heart. Was he going to be rejected?

“When I was young – about your age – I was never held in my sleep in this manner – not once. My mother wasn’t very tactile and my father extremely distant. Therefore I would have felt awkward about waking up in someone’s arms, especially as I hadn’t gone to sleep in them.”

Severus’ words caused Harry’s heart to take courage. It hadn’t been the rejection he had so feared. Instead, Severus was trying to make him more at ease. “What happened last night?” he asked, finally finding the courage to do so. It still surprised him that Severus was comfortable holding him and wasn’t moving away from him.

“You had a nightmare. I came over here in order to wake you.” Severus fought the smile that threatened to spread over his face, as their situation was beginning to amuse him. “You proceeded to grab hold of me and to pull me onto the bed. I gave in.” That correctly summarized it.

“I am sorry,” Harry said at once. “I don’t know why I did that – grab hold of you. I apologize.”

Seeing Harry clearly ill at ease and looking humiliated wasn’t something Severus liked. “You had a nightmare, Harry. You thought I was dying. When I appeared at your bed, you wanted to convince yourself that I am alive. I do not blame you for that.” Harry grew flustered, something which puzzled Severus. But maybe it was due to the intimate setting they found themselves in. However, he couldn’t get up until Harry let go of him.

“I am still sorry.” Harry forced himself to release Severus’ night shirt. Truth be told, he would have loved to stay where he was, but he couldn’t force the older man to stay put as well. A thought occurred to him then. “I didn’t cause you pain by grabbing hold and pulling you along, did I? Your injuries, did I aggravate them?”

“I am fine.” Severus said, repeating his earlier statement. His muscles felt cramped and his body stiff from being unable to shift his position, but he had known more uncomfortable nights. Harry finally let go of him and then rolled away from him, quickly sitting up and placing his feet onto the floor. Harry looked at him from over his shoulder and Severus couldn’t recall ever seeing such a insecure look on the young man’s face before. 

“Did I damage our… friendship?” He hoped Severus still considered him a friend. He would never forgive himself should this stupidity cause the older man to distance himself again. 

Friends. The concept was alien to Severus. He knew what friendship entailed of course, but he had never had any friends. No real friends. Lucius had pretended to be his friend, but only in order to better himself. He would have loved to call Minerva a friend, but the witch didn’t really know him, and he had never had the chance to get to know her in turn. He didn’t have any friends – and now Harry assumed them to be friends?

“Did I say something stupid?” Harry got to his feet and turned to face Severus, who remained in place, watching him. 

“No, you did not. It just occurred to me that…” Severus was hesitant to finish that thought. He would look pitiful indeed if he admitted to having no friends. 

“I am sorry for whatever I did.” Harry wished he knew of a way to do away with the awkwardness that had risen between them. He was grateful neither Molly nor Madam Pomfrey were in the room with them – that would have made matters worse. 

“You worry too much,” Severus remarked and started to push himself upright. Harry moved forward to help, but Severus glared at him and stopped the young man in his tracks. “I am not an invalid,” he told him firmly.

Harry nodded. Severus needed to do things on his own again if he wanted to regain his strength. Watching Severus struggle was hard though, as he wanted to help so badly. 

Severus managed to lean his back against the headboard and briefly closed his eyes in order to regain his momentum. He had to be careful not too overestimate his strength. Fawkes climbed over to him and affectionately rubbed his head against his hair. Severus sighed. Fawkes seemed determined to show his affection for him. It made him feel embarrassed. But he didn’t tell the phoenix to stop – neither did he move away in order to break the contact. 

Harry watched the scene with wonder. That Severus so easily accepting Fawkes’ affection made him smile. It made him hope that Severus would also continue to open up to him and that they could deepen their friendship for he really wanted that. With each passing day he cared more deeply for the older wizard. 

Severus drew in a deep breath and mentally prepared himself for what was to come. “I need to return to my bed. Poppy can’t find me here.” In the mildest case she would tease him with heading for Harry’s bed. In the worst case scenario she would give him hell for leaving his bed in the first place. He had no desire to expose himself to either of those reactions – not when he could prevent it. Harry reached for his wand, but Severus reacted immediately. “Don’t you dare levitate me!”

Harry blinked. “But I thought it would be easiest to levitate you. Walking will tire you.”

Severus hated the idea of being levitated back to bed. He wouldn’t be in control of his body and he refused to go along with something like that. “Support me instead!”

Harry wasn’t going to argue; he just wanted Severus safely back in his bed. He leaned in closer, wrapped an arm around the Potions Master and gently assisted him back to his feet. “Are you all right?”

Severus bit back an old-fashioned sneer upon hearing Harry’s question, reminding himself that the young man was merely worried about him. “Fine, now let’s move!” He wanted to be back in his bed before Poppy showed up, giving him hell and demanding an explanation!

Harry carefully walked Severus back to his bed and helped him sit down. He studied the older man and realized Severus wasn’t out of breath or looking that frail any more. He looked much improved. 

Lying down, Severus felt safe once more. He was back in his bed, Poppy wouldn’t know about his stunt and Harry would keep quiet – he knew that. 

“I brought breakfast,” Poppy announced as she levitated the tray onto the nightstand. “Ah, you are already awake!” She had waited until Severus had safely made it back to his bed before entering the room. She didn’t want to embarrass him, certainly not after the normally so stern Potions Master had gone out of his way to comfort Harry. She respected him for that.

Severus’ gaze quickly shifted to her. It was rather a coincidence that she entered the room the moment he had made it safely back to bed. He felt a bit suspicious of her timing. 

Poppy put up her best act and pretended ignorance. She cast another diagnostic spell on the Potions Master and was relieved to find that his little trip had done no damage. The rest was doing the trick – Severus was finally healing. “After you eat breakfast I want you to take your potions. After that I will allow you to leave your bed for one hour. No major walks though. No leaving the infirmary. Do you understand?” She sent him her best glare.

Severus nodded, suspecting she might know about his nightly trip after all. The diagnostic spell would reveal he had left his bed. If she was pretending to be ignorant of his little stunt, he wasn’t going to aggravate her. He would follow orders.

Harry had used Madam Pomfrey’s visit to quickly freshen up and change his clothes. Stepping out of the bathroom now, he felt invigorated. His stomach growled hungrily upon seeing the toast, sausage, eggs and cheese waiting for him on the nightstand and he gave Severus an apologetic look upon realizing the Potions Master was only getting porridge. 

“Harry, I trust you to keep an eye on him. The moment he overexerts himself, take him back to his bed and make sure he rests.” She relished the fact that Severus was slowly letting Harry in. In her opinion, the two of them becoming friends would benefit Severus especially. The man had too few friends as it was. 

“I will stay with him,” Harry promised while he fed Fawkes his favourite seeds. They had been on Severus’ tray next to the porridge the Potions Master was eying grumpily. 

“Something wrong with the food, Severus?” Poppy hoped Severus would tell her. Severus had never like porridge and it was time that old grumpiness made its return. She wanted him to fend for himself.

“I hate porridge and you know it.” Severus considered his options. “I want real food instead.”

Poppy privately applauded him but was careful not to let it show. “You only need to tell the house-elves what you would like for breakfast, dear. After all, you are Headmaster.” And it was damn time Severus fully acknowledged that! She understood why he was hesitant to hold that office, but he had no choice. Hogwarts wanted him to do it.

Severus rolled back his eyes and relished the fact that the movement brought him no pain. “Winky?” he said and wasn’t surprised to see the house-elf apparate a second later.

“How can Winky serve the Headmaster?” She looked pleased, exited even that he had called her an no one else.

“I want what Harry’s having; toast, cheese, sausages and scrambled egg. And a strong cup of Earl Grey.”

“Of course! Headmaster only needs to ask! Winky will bring Headmaster his breakfast!” 

Harry grinned at seeing how exited Winky was. He wished Dobby hadn’t died and was still with them, but the elf’s death had saved them. He would never forget the sacrifice Dobby made. 

A moment later the porridge vanished from the nightstand and the requested food items appeared instead. Severus reached for the tea first, blew onto the surface and very carefully sipped. Bless her, Winky had added some honey – just the way he liked his tea. 

Harry relished seeing Severus sip his tea so peacefully. It told him that the older wizard might have accepted the fact that he was Headmaster here. Hopefully Severus wouldn’t fight it again.

Harry smiled at him, which made Severus wonder why. “What do you find so amusing?”

“Nothing really. I merely realized that I have never seen you this relaxed before.”

Severus quickly averted his gaze. The young man was reading him like a book. In the past he had always kept up his guard and had hidden himself behind the mask of the cold and snarling Potions Master. He felt uncertain about revealing so much to Harry, but also realized it was too late to turn back now. “I never had much of an opportunity to enjoy some peace and quiet,” he said, opting for the truth. 

Poppy suspected Severus might need a moment to sort out his emotions and turned toward Harry. “Why don’t you take a break, young man? Go to your room and clean up. Once you get back, you can take Severus for that stroll.” 

Harry didn’t want to leave Severus’ side, but realized the older man might need some privacy. “I will be back in an hour,” he announced as he headed toward the doorway. “You had better still be here,” he told Severus, with only half a smile on his face – for he was being serious. He still expected the Potions Master to vanish.

“I will be here,” Severus assured him. The sudden insecurity in Harry’s eyes surprised him. Harry nodded and left. Severus turned toward Poppy, realizing they were about to have a long overdue heart to heart. He knew her too well to think otherwise. “Say it then.”

Poppy chuckled. “It is good to see you allow the boy in. Your death shook him hard. I believe it affected him worse than facing Voldemort did.” She took in his sincere expression. “When he brought you back – alive and with Fawkes tucked against you – it must have seemed like a miracle to him. It did to me. You will have a hard time making the boy understand that you are here to stay – which you are, aren’t you?”

He understood why she was worried. “Poppy, even though I never wanted to be Headmaster, Hogwarts apparently does want me. Should I try to leave the school for a longer period of time, which the intention of staying away, it won’t let me. It will pull me back.”

Poppy arched an eyebrow. “I didn’t know that.”

Severus trusted her so he continued to confide in her. “It’s a symbiosis, Hogwarts and its Headmaster. When I re-connected with it in the Great Hall, I affirmed the connection we share. It’s a full bond, Poppy. I am bound to this place and Hogwarts won’t ever desert me. Even if the board of governors decides to replace me, it won’t be able to do it. They can officially denounce my status, but a new Headmaster would have no control over Hogwarts.”

“Interesting,” she admitted. “As long as you can’t leave I am fine with everything.”

This time it was Severus who chuckled. “I never thought I would see the day that you want me around.”

“We didn’t know what role you really played in the war,” she explained. “Albus didn’t tell us anything, and when you returned with the Carrows in tow, we assumed your true colours were showing.”

“I don’t blame you. I don’t blame anyone for a matter of fact. You saw what Albus wanted you to see.”

“But not anymore. You no longer need to act a certain way.” She smiled. “And I must admit I like the new you. I never believed you could be this mellow.” She sat down on the side of his bed and smiled at Fawkes who raised his head to acknowledge her.

“I never expected to survive the war,” Severus admitted, finding it freeing to talk to her in such a way. He didn’t really want to burden Harry with his problems. The young man had his own nightmares to cope with. “But due to Fawkes I did.” The phoenix playfully nipped at his fingers and he quickly appeased the magical bird by rubbing his neck. “I knew Voldemort was going to kill me. He had to.”

Poppy sighed. “And Harry witnessed your passing?”

“And his friends too, but yes, I reckon it might have hit Harry the hardest.” Especially after viewing his memories. “He has nightmares about it.”

Poppy rested a hand on his right arm. “And you consoled him. Severus, Harry needs you more than you know. It does him a world of good that you aren’t rejecting him.”

A sad expression appeared on Severus’ face. “His decision to stay with me still surprises me. He should join his friends at the Burrow. He will find comfort there and maybe the nightmares will leave him alone once my presence doesn’t constantly remind him of what happened in the Shack.”

“I disagree,” Poppy said in a stern tone. “That boy needs to be around you. He’s doing the right thing by staying here.”

Severus sighed. He knew what Poppy was like and he wouldn’t be able to change her opinion. He decided that a change in subject might be in order. “Tell me the truth about my condition. Is there any permanent damage?”

She shook her head. “No. You will need to rest for a few more weeks.” Upon seeing Severus was about to object, she raised a hand in order to stop him. “I said rest. You don’t need to stay in bed all day long. But you need to temper yourself. No running yourself rugged. You need to eat regular meals, sleep during the night and maybe try to fit in an afternoon nap if you can. Don’t patrol the halls. You have staff now. Make them do it.”

“I understand.” Severus felt relieved; he had worried about any permanent damage. “And my left arm?”

Poppy cocked her head. “Nagini bit right through bone and blood vessels, Severus. Although Fawkes started the healing process, the venom and whatever magic resided in the Dark Mark when you were bitten, complicate the matter. I do believe you will acquire full function over time. Also the pain will go away – slowly. Don’t expect a miraculous recovery.”

He didn’t want an instant recovery – not really. He needed time to sort out his emotions and determine his goals for the near and long turn future. In a way, he was grateful that he was required to stay in the infirmary to recover. He wasn’t quite ready yet to face the world.

/

“Careful, sir!” Harry tightened his hold on the Potions Master. “Madam Pomfrey said not to overdo it!” But the older wizard was determined to rebuild his strength - which was fine with Harry, but at a slower pace!

Severus stepped into the corridor, pleased to be leaving the room he had been cooped in for the last few days. “Stop complaining. You wanted to help, remember?”

“I did, but you shouldn’t exhaust yourself.” Harry felt relieved upon seeing Remus and professor McGonagall at the end of the corridor. They would hopefully talk some sense into the stubborn man!

Minerva was the first to catch sight of them. “Severus, are you sure Poppy is fine with you being on your feet? Shouldn’t you rest instead?” She hurried over to him, promptly followed by Remus. 

Severus sighed instead of growling at them, which had been his first reaction. “There is no need to worry about my health. Poppy allowed me out of bed.” 

Minerva sought out Harry’s gaze. “Is that correct?”

This time, Severus did growl. “I am a grown man, Minerva! I fought in two wars and even survived them! I taught Potions for years without blowing up myself or a student! Stop fretting!”

At first, Minerva looked shocked at hearing his outburst, but then she smiled at him. “We worry because we care, Severus.”

“I know that, but stop flaunting it!” He was unaccustomed to being cared for. He had always looked after himself and it was hard to allow others to do so. 

“Madam Pomfrey gave him permission, professor,” Harry said, getting them back on track. “As long as he doesn’t overdo it.”

And Minerva got the whole message – not just the thing Harry said. The young man would make sure Severus didn’t exhaust himself. “Actually,” she said, switching topics, “I was on my way to talk to you. Can we discuss it now?”

“Is it school-related?” Severus refused to discuss anything regarding his health in a corridor where staff or patients could listen in on them.

“It is,” she confirmed and nodded toward the comfortable chairs at the end of the corridor. “Will that do?”

He reluctantly nodded. “As long as you give me time to cross the distance.”

“All the time you need,” she assured him as she matched his slow pace. She looked over her shoulder at Remus, who looked lost. She signalled him to come along though, which he did.

Harry concentrated on supporting Severus and anticipating any problems which could arise. Severus walked slowly, but secure, and although he needed the support, the older wizard seemed rather steady on his feet. Nonetheless, Harry was relieved when they finally reached the sitting area. He ignored Severus’ mumbling to let go of him and held on until the older wizard was comfortably seated. 

Minerva sat down next to Severus, which left Harry and Remus sitting down next to each other. She eyed Severus closely and liked what she saw; that sly look had returned to those dark eyes. His body might still need rest, but there was nothing wrong with Severus’ intellect. Good, because she needed him to make some decisions.

“What do you wish to discuss, Minerva?” Severus focused on her and realized at the same time that she had brought Remus for a reason. He wondered what reason that might be.

“I started to prepare for opening up the school again, Severus. Most repairs are almost finished and Hogwarts can cater to its students’ needs shortly. However, we do face one last problem.”

Ah, there it was, Severus realized. “Which is?”

“We need a Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. Now that you are Headmaster, we need someone else to teach that class.”

She wasn’t that subtle, Severus thought, or maybe she didn’t quite enjoy manipulation the way Albus had. “And you believe Remus to be the best choice for that position?” The content smile she gave him, told him everything he needed to know. “You do.”

Remus blinked. When Minerva had asked him to accompany her to the infirmary, he had assumed it was in order to talk to Harry – to find out how the boy was doing. Not because she wanted him to teach again! “Severus, I swear I didn’t know about this! I didn’t put her up to it!” He grew silent the moment Severus’ gaze locked with his.

Minerva was right; they did need someone to teach those classes. Remus had taught them before; he was familiar with the curriculum and would fit in. Most importantly, by offering Remus the position, he wouldn’t have to turn to an outsider. “Do you want it?”

Remus’ eyes widened. Did Severus really say that? “I beg your pardon?”

Under different circumstances, Severus might have snapped at Remus, but times had changed. The offer was completely unexpected; Remus’ reaction was genuine. The werewolf had never considered teaching again. Severus couldn’t help but wonder what kind of future Remus had had in mind for himself? And Tonks? Especially now that she was pregnant? “If you accept, Tonks and you can reside here. The baby will have a steady home. You will have a good income and you won’t have to worry about Aurors or Ministry agents to hunt you down because you are infected.”

Remus couldn’t believe his ears. Was Severus really offering him sanctuary? To stay and build a future here at Hogwarts? A home? Tonks and he had discussed their options and they had realized they were rather limited. “Are you sure about this, Severus?”

Severus carefully shrugged. “You played your part in the war well. Why shouldn’t you be rewarded for everything you did? You kept Harry safe – most of the time.”

Remus gave him a shy smile. “Severus, you don’t know how much this means to me! I accept!”

“You don’t need to consult your wife?” Severus said in an amused voice. 

Remus grinned. “No. I know what her answer will be. I don’t want us to raise Teddy while we are on the run.”

“Teddy?” Severus echoed.

“Yes, we already decided on a name.” Remus was about to burst with joy. “I need to tell her – now!”

“Then go. What are you waiting for?” Severus slyly baited him. To his amusement, Remus jumped to his feet and ran down the corridor. 

“Severus,” Minerva started and then sighed happily. “You do realize you changed their world for the better? Sooner or later, werewolf legislation will catch up with him. When that happens, he will be as safe as he possibly can, here at Hogwarts.”

That was part of the reason why Severus had gone along with Minerva’s plan, yes. “Plus he does make a decent teacher.”

“Plus that,” Minerva agreed and winked at both of them. 

Harry winked back at her, happy for Remus and Tonks that everything was working out for them.

TBC

10.

“Your hour is up, sir. We should really head back to your bed.” Harry had worried about Severus overestimating his strength, but the Potions Master had paced himself. As a result, Severus was tired, though not exhausted. The older wizard still nodded his consent as Harry started to guide him back to bed.

Severus felt he had done well. He had been up and about for most of the hour, only sitting down shortly to hire Remus as his new DADA-teacher. 

Harry kept an arm locked around his waist, and although he had tried to persuade the young man that he could do without the constant support, Harry refused to let go. Severus made his peace with it in the end. 

Harry lowered him onto the bed and Severus admitted to himself that he was happy to sit down again. Maybe he would even indulge himself with a nap. He was about to berate Harry when the young man raised his legs so he could lie down, but stopped short, reminding himself Harry was only trying to help. Now that he was comfortable, Fawkes climbed onto him and settled down against his abdomen. The phoenix looked at him and Severus could have sworn the magical bird was grinning. 

Harry pulled up the blanket and arranged it in such a way that it covered Severus, but didn’t threaten to suffocate Fawkes beneath it. “That went well,” Harry said, belatedly realizing Severus might not appreciate that comment. “If I may say so, sir.” The smile Severus gave him, reassured him though.

“Yes, it did.” Severus was happy about that. “Maybe we can go for another stroll this evening?” 

“If Madam Pomfrey agrees to it.” Harry sat down on his chair and watched Severus press deeper into the mattress. The older man’s eyes were closed and his features looked relaxed. It made him look much younger. “I want to thank you for what you did for Remus and Tonks today.”

Severus opened his eyes and focused on the young man. “You need not thank me. He makes a decent teacher and I rather have him teach those classes than a stranger.”

“Even though he is a werewolf?”

Severus frowned and considered the question before answering it. “I will supply him with Wolfsbane when I am capable of brewing once more. In the meantime, we will find ways to control him.”

“I really like Remus – and Tonks! I am glad they will stay!” Harry studied the older wizard. “Would you have also offered him the position if he didn’t have a family?”

“Probably,” Severus admitted. “As long as he takes the Wolfsbane he presents no danger to Hogwarts. It is when he doesn’t take it, that I worry.”

“He will take it,” Harry said. “With Tonks and Teddy depending on him, he can’t take any risks.”

“Very true.” Fawkes shifted and stretched across his chest, resting his head against his shoulder. 

Severus’ eyes showed true wonder and affection for the magical bird when Harry looked at them. Severus raised his right arm and rubbed Fawkes’ neck, which caused the Phoenix to produce an odd noise. “Is he purring?”

Fawkes raised his head and glared at Harry. Phoenixes didn’t purr! They merely expressed their pleasure that way!

“Now you offended him.” Severus guided Fawkes’ head back against his shoulder and stroked the feathers. 

“I am sorry,” Harry said, chuckling softly. “But it did sound like purring!”

Severus didn’t comment, but had to admit it had sounded that way to him too.

The relaxed atmosphere made Harry more confident. He had the feeling Severus might answer some questions for him. “Can I ask you questions about my mother?”

Severus nodded. He had expected this. It merely surprised him that Harry had been so patient that far. “Let us get something to drink first.” His trip had made him thirsty. “Winky?” The house elf appeared, pleased to be called again and eager to serve him.

“What can Winky do for the Headmaster?”

“Tea for two. Make it chamomile.”

“Of course! Winky will get it!” She disappeared and a moment later the tea appeared on the nightstand closest to Harry.

“Do you mind?” Severus inclined his head toward the tea. His left arm still throbbed with a dull ache. It was merely an inconvenience though – he didn’t think it qualified as pain. 

“Of course not!” Harry poured the tea, noticing the honey that stood next to the tea pot. “Do you want some?”

“Yes,” Severus whispered, mentally preparing himself for whatever questions Harry had. He accepted the tea and carefully curled his fingers around the cup, letting its warmth and familiar scent anchor him to the present. “What do you want to know?”

Harry’s nervousness returned. “I watched your memories, you know that.”

Severus nodded, wondering why the young man looked so insecure all of a sudden.

“My mother and you were best friends once.”

Severus nodded again. “She was a witch – I was a wizard. We were the only ones in the vicinity. Petunia often bullied your mother and in order to get away from her, Lily often visited me in my shelter.”

“Shelter?” Harry flinched, remembering something he should never have seen. During one of their occlumency lessens, he had looked at the memories which Severus had deposited into a pensieve for safekeeping. 

Severus’ eyes narrowed as he also recalled the incident. There was no use in hiding the truth then. “My parents were harsh people, Harry.” To his surprise, the young man practically beamed at him when hearing his name. Did it mean so much to Harry then? Probably. “My mother was a witch, but she renounced her powers in order to marry my father. He didn’t want anything to do with her magic. She loved him so much that she vowed to never use magic again. The marriage didn’t last though. He had countless affairs and she grew bitter. They often fought. Whenever that happened, I fled the house.” He sipped from his tea and noticed his hands were shaking. He had expected this to have some emotional impact on him, but the intensity surprised him. 

“I am sorry,” Harry said, it was the first thing that came to mind and he meant it. “I am sorry for breaching your trust that day, and I am sorry that you had to grow up that way. I know what’s like to…” Harry didn’t finish, but Severus would understand what he was trying to say. Severus’ nod confirmed it. “At least you found a safe place far away from them?”

Severus had expected Harry’s questions to be about Lily, not his childhood. “There was an old, hollow tree, large enough to hold two. Once Lily found out I used to hide there, she started to use it as a shelter too.”

Harry moistened his lips, trying to conceal his nervousness, and utterly failing. “I know what happened at Hogwarts. How they bullied you.”

Severus was grateful that Harry wasn’t pressing for more details about his family life. “Sirius and James were the worst. Remus was too scared to stand up to them and Pettigrew – I don’t want to talk about the traitor.” 

Harry understood. He didn’t want to discuss the Marauders anyway. “Were you in love with my mother?”

Harry’s question made him blink. He had assumed Harry would want to know more about Lily’s character, her preferences, things like that. But not if he was in love with her. “Not romantically,” he said honestly. “I thought of her as my best friend – a sister maybe. Someone to protect, to trust, to turn to if I needed support.”

“Not romantically?” Harry hadn’t expected that. “But everything you did, you did because of her! Because you loved her! You looked out for me, saved my life time and time again, and…” Harry frowned. “I don’t understand. I was convinced you loved her.”

Severus wanted to sip from his tea, in order to buy himself some time, but the trembling was worsening. It forced him to put the cup onto the nightstand instead. “Harry, I love Lily because she was my best friend. My only friend. Not because I desired her.” 

“You didn’t desire her? But I thought…” Harry’s confusion grew. “When I watched your memories you said you would always love her.”

“Harry, there are many ways in which we can love someone. Not all love is based on sex.” He couldn’t believe he was having this particular discussion!

“You weren’t sexually attracted to her?” The second the question left his lips, Harry wished he could take it back. He had no right to question Severus about something that personal!

Severus realized he had to be very clear on this. He couldn’t afford to be ambiguous. “Harry, I do not desire women in that way.” Hopefully that was explicate enough, for he would hate elaborating.

“You are gay?” Harry blinked in surprise. “You like men?” Why had that never occurred to him before? 

Severus realized he did have to be blunt. “Yes, I am gay. I am attracted to men.”

Harry’s nervousness spiked again. “You are being honest, aren’t you? You aren’t lying to me?”

“Why would I do that? I am exposing myself to you. Except for Albus no one else knows this about me.”

“Dumbledore?” Harry stared at Severus, perplexed. “Was he gay too?”

“No!” Severus raised his right arm and rubbed his brow. He was quickly developing a headache! “Albus wasn’t gay. He merely knew I was gay.”

“Ah…” Harry wasn’t sure how to get himself out of the mess he had gotten himself into. “I am sorry. I have no problems with anyone being gay… The way you said it made me jump to a stupid conclusion.”

“Not that stupid,” Severus said, trying to reassure him. “Taking his dress code into account – the hats – the jewellery…” As he had hoped, his comment made Harry smile. “Now that we have established that I am gay, and Albus wasn’t, can we get back to the point? You wanted to know more about your mother.”

“You kept this a secret all your life?”

Harry’s question confused him. He had assumed they were done discussing his sexuality! “Yes, I did.” He considered how much to share with the young man and then reminded himself that Harry deserved the truth. “Voldemort – and most purebloods – think of homosexuality as a vile act that needs to be eradicated. Had anyone of them suspected I was gay I would have been executed on the spot.” And painfully too.

Harry remained quiet for a moment, thinking everything over. “You had to hide that part of you.” The realization saddened him.

“Yes,” Severus acknowledged. “It was necessary.”

Harry was about to ask Severus if he’d had lovers, or one-night stands, but quickly covered his mouth with his hand before he could utter the questions. They would be too private.

Severus wondered about Harry stopping himself from voicing a question, but decided to let it go. He probably didn’t want to know why Harry had felt it necessary to stop himself. In order to distract the young man, Severus picked up the second tea cup and handed it to Harry. “You can’t have any Fire whiskey yet, so don’t even think about asking for it,” he said and smiled, trying to do away with the odd tension between them.

“I rather have tea,” Harry admitted. Drinking alcohol would only make his emotional upheaval worse. He blew on the surface, stalling for time, and was grateful that Severus allowed it. 

Severus cocked his head and looked questioningly at the younger man. Something had definitely upset Harry, but he didn’t think it was the fact that he was gay. It was something else – still tied to the conversation they had just had, but he didn’t get the impression that Harry shunned him for being gay. 

Harry knew he had to say something. The look Severus was giving him told him the Potions Master wasn’t sure about their relationship at that point. Which was understandable; after all, Severus had just revealed a very personal detail and might expect being condemned for it. “As I said earlier, I don’t have problems with homosexuality.” Not anymore – no. “Thank you for trusting me with this. I will keep your secret. I will tell no one.”

Severus nodded, relieved that Harry respected his privacy, but still, something worried him. Something about the young man’s expression was off. Instead of confronting Harry, Severus decided to pick up his tea again. He did however wonder, why Harry was giving him that particular look.

/

“Is something wrong? I expected to find our Saviour guarding you.” Minerva sat on the chair Harry normally occupied and arranged the fabric of her dress around her. 

Severus, who had just eaten lunch, felt a tad tired now that his digestive system was using up too much of his already low energy. He had been dozing when Minerva had entered, but now he forced himself to concentrate. “Harry needed a moment,” he said, rather cryptically. Something about their conversation had worried the young man, who had excused himself without giving him a reason. Severus worried about that.

Minerva studied him and was under the impression he needed to talk so she decided to push him. “And why is that?”

Severus felt torn between confiding in her and reminding her to mind her own business. They weren’t friends exactly – that would imply they actually knew each other, but except for Poppy, she was the only one he was willing to trust in this delicate matter. “You will promise to keep this private. You can’t discuss this with anyone. Not even Poppy and certainly not Harry.”

Minerva arched an eyebrow. The fact that Severus called the boy Harry instead of Potter amazed her. “I promise to respect your privacy, Severus. This will go no further.”

He knew he could trust Minerva to keep her word. She wouldn’t betray him. “We had an odd conversation.”

“What about?” She had the feeling he might be willing to share what troubled him, but she might have to pull the details out of him, unused as he was to sharing his thoughts.

Severus felt tense and resorted to stroking Fawkes’ head. The phoenix purred again and pressed closer against him. It helped Severus relax.

Minerva saw it and smiled. Trust Fawkes to find a way into the Potions Master’s heart like that!

Severus knew there was no best way to say it. “It started off as a conversation about his mother.”

Minerva nodded. It was only normal for the boy to want to know about Lily. “And then?”

Severus bit onto his lower lip, finding it harder than he had thought to confide in her. “We ended up discussing my sexual orientation instead.”

Minerva’s curiosity was piqued. “And why did that confuse young Potter?”

Severus drew in a deep breath; he couldn’t believe he was actually going to tell her. He had kept this a secret for over twenty years! “Because I am gay, Minerva.” He had to give her credit; she didn’t even blink at him. She simply accepted it.

Minerva relaxed. “That is your terrible dark secret? That you are gay?”

Severus felt speechless. That was definitely not the way he had expected her to react!

“You can’t expect me to feel shattered over this!” Minerva shook her head and smiled at him in bemusement. “You are Head of your House. Students who are struggling with their sexuality must come to you in order to discuss their feelings.”

“Of course they do.” He had talked to about thirty students in the period he was Head of Slytherin. 

“Why then do you expect me to react any different in this case? Severus, I am not prejudiced.” It was different because it was about him – she realized that only too well. “I don’t mind.”

Severus released the breath he was holding. “Thank you, Minerva.”

Minerva grinned. “You are welcome, my friend. Now let’s go back to Potter.”

Ah that, damn, he had hoped she might have forgotten about it. “He reacted in an odd way.”

“Define odd. Spooked? Disgusted?” Minerva used those words on purpose, because she didn’t think that had been the case. And seeing Severus shake his head confirmed it. “Define odd,” she repeated. She wasn’t blind and suspected she knew what was going on with Harry.

“No, he didn’t reject me,” Severus said thoughtfully. “Odd is the only way to describe it. It didn’t seem to disgust him. He didn’t appear spooked either. If anything, I’d have to say he appeared… curious.”

Minerva nodded. She had to be careful now as she didn’t want to make mistakes – not in this case. “Now why would a young wizard like Harry be curious about your sexual orientation?” With a little bit of luck, he would figure it out himself.

Severus frowned. Why indeed? He gasped; that couldn’t be it! He looked to Minerva for confirmation. “Do you believe Harry might be…”

“Gay himself? Or bisexual?” she helped him along when he seemed hesitant to say the actual words. “You can hardly believe you are the only gay wizard at Hogwarts, or witch for that matter.”

Of course he wasn’t. Severus closed his eyes, hoping it might help him think more clearly. “But Harry?” he questioned upon opening his eyes. “He dated girls, didn’t he?”

“Yes, he did. As far as I know the last girl he dated was Ginny.”

Something about the way she said it made him alert. “What do you mean by that?”

She leaned in closer. “This isn’t official. I merely heard – one way or another- that they are no longer dating. Apparently Harry broke it off.” Molly had told her during one of her earlier visits to the infirmary. 

Severus remained quiet. The fact that Harry had broken off his relationship with Ginny didn’t necessarily mean anything. “Maybe he realized they aren’t compatible.”

“Compatible?” Minerva shook his head. It was rather typical for Severus to phrase it like that. “Maybe he realized he didn’t love her?”

“Maybe,” Severus admitted. Suddenly the whole conversation was tiring him. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “You might be right about Harry questioning his sexuality though. It explains his odd reaction to finding out I am gay.” Maybe the young man would seek him out again to discuss it with him – when Harry was ready. In the meantime, he wouldn’t bring up the matter himself.

/

“Harry? Why are you here on your own?” Remus frowned when he happened upon Harry in one of the many deserted corridors. “Do you want to be alone, or may I sit with you?” Something about Harry’s expression made him wary. He wasn’t sure that being alone was the right thing for the young man – not at the moment.

Harry wavered. A part of him wanted to turn to someone for advice. Another part didn’t trust anyone with something so private. 

Remus waited, allowing Harry to make up his mind.

In the end, Harry sighed and signalled his friend and mentor to join him. Remus walked over to him and joined him in looking out of the window. There was nothing special to see, but this wasn’t about the view. “What’s going on?” Remus cocked his head and studied his friend.

“A lot – in my head, that is,” Harry wasn’t sure he was comfortable discussing this with Remus, but there was no one else he could turn to. There was no one else he trusted with this. So it came down to this – did he want to talk to Remus about Severus?

“Anything I can help with?” 

Harry shrugged. “I am not sure.” He returned to staring out of the window. It was a beautiful day today; the leaves were already turning amazing shades of red, gold and brown. He loved autumn; it was his favourite season.

“Is this about Severus?” Remus decided to push a little harder. Harry appeared troubled and the older wizard hoped he would confide in him. Harry sighed, confirming his hunch. “What did he do?”

Harry shrugged again. He felt awkward telling Remus. Hell, he hadn’t even fully accepted the facts himself!

“You don’t have to tell me,” Remus said, giving Harry a chance to back out. “But I might be able to help. Or maybe you will feel better after you told someone.”

Harry turned his head and made eye-contact. The gentle expression in those amber eyes reminded him that Remus could be trusted. He collapsed onto the windowsill and merely sat there for a moment.

Remus sat down as well, but kept some distance between them as he didn’t want Harry to feel cornered. “Do you want to tell me what this is about?”

He didn’t want to tell Remus, but he knew he had to tell someone! “This isn’t about Severus per se,” he started. “It’s about me.”

Remus nodded and waited patiently for Harry to continue – or not. “I am your friend, Harry. You can trust me.”

“I know that. That’s not the issue. It’s accepting that…” Harry stopped talking and nibbled on his lower lip. “I am gay,” he said, bursting with emotions. “I am gay, Remus.”

Remus knew his reaction would determine if Harry continued to trust him. So he kept quiet for a moment and then rested a hand on Harry’s shoulder. The gesture made Harry, who had lowered his gaze, establish eye contact again. “Thank you for telling me, Harry. That must have been hard on you.”

“You don’t mind?” Harry fervently hoped that Remus would accept this part of him. He needed a mentor – a father figure -- at this point in his life and Remus was the only one who could fill that void.

“I don’t mind, Harry. I am a werewolf… It would be pretty stupid of me to condemn people for being gay. It is not something you choose to be.”

Harry nodded eagerly. “I found out this summer. I didn’t really miss Ginny the way I thought I would. And I kept glancing at boys instead of girls.”

“What made you realize you are gay?” Remus hoped the question wasn’t too personal; he was new at this too.

“I had dreams,” Harry said and grew flustered. “Erotic dreams about boys.”

“Ah,” Remus did feel a bit nervous about discussing this. “That is normal. Your hormones are kicking in.”

“Yes, but lately…” Harry bit onto his bottom lip. He couldn’t say it – not even to his best friend and mentor.

Remus waited instead of pushing Harry. The young man would tell him once he felt comfortable enough to confide in him.

“Lately…” Harry faltered again. “I am developing feelings for someone – another man.” Harry kept his gaze trained on the floor. Admitting being gay was one thing, but admitting he actually wanted to be with another man was something else.

“And why is that a problem?” Remus used his hold on Harry to turn the young man toward him. He tried to catch Harry’s evasive gaze and it took him a minute to finally make eye contact.

Harry’s nervousness increased. “Because it is someone you know.”

Remus blinked at hearing that. There weren’t that many males left at Hogwarts at the moment. His heart missed a beat when he reached a terrible realization. “Is it me?”

Harry couldn’t help it; he burst out laughing. Remus had managed to do away with his tension by saying that. “No,” he said, gasping for breath because he couldn’t stop laughing. “It isn’t you.” Damn, his nerves, hormones, and fears were messing with his mind. He forced himself to stop laughing and managed to compose himself again. “No, Remus, it isn’t you.”

Remus felt relieved. “For one second, you…”

Harry nodded in understanding. “I can see why you reached that conclusion, but you are not my type, sorry, Remus.” He chuckled, and when Remus joined in, the last bit of tension left him.

Remus however wondered about the man Harry had developed feelings for. It couldn’t be Hagrid. Kingsley had visited, but he couldn’t believe Harry felt attracted to him. Neville and Ron had left for the Burrow, so they couldn’t be it either. Harry had said that the man in question was still at Hogwarts. The only one still residing at Hogwarts is… Remus’ heart missed a beat, but he had to ask Harry nonetheless. “Is it Severus?”

TBC

 

 

 

11.

He had made it rather easy for Remus to deduce, hadn’t he? He only had himself to blame for that. Harry averted his gaze and looked outside. A gust of wind whirled up the fallen leaves and seemed to engage them into dance. “I didn’t plan it,” he whispered. “I didn’t even realize it at first. Not until yesterday. They banned me from his room for an hour and I went back to the dormitory. I fell asleep on the couch and dreamt about Severus – in that way,” he added and cringed. He felt too embarrassed to even consider to look at Remus. “That was when I knew it.” He moistened his lips and hoped Remus would come through a second time. The older wizard had accepted the fact that he was gay rather easily. “I didn’t want for it to happen,” he added, growing nervous since Remus was keeping quiet.

Remus needed a moment to sort through his thoughts. His first impulse had been to tell Harry that Severus was a bad choice, for many reasons. But the Severus he had always known, wasn’t the Severus lying in the infirmary today. The man he had known in the past had been an actor – someone who had been forced to play his part in a certain way. What he had seen from Severus since his return, indicated that there was a different man beneath the front of the spy he’d had to uphold.

“Remus?” Harry shifted nervously, wondering why Remus wasn’t reacting.

“Give me a moment,” Remus muttered. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing, knowing his advise would weigh heavily on Harry’s mind. He wanted to do this right. He cringed at seeing Harry’s wounded expression, but he needed another moment.

Harry tried hard to remain quiet and not to irritate Remus, but it was difficult. Remus’ opinion mattered a lot to him.

Remus ran a hand through his messy hair and then faced Harry. “You certainly set yourself a challenge.” Harry meekly nodded, which caused him to smile. “But not an impossible one.”

Harry sighed in relief. “You won’t try to change my mind about this?”

Remus shook his head. “No, why should I? You are a good judge of character, and if Severus caught your attention, then it must be a for a reason. But Harry, you do realize he’s twenty years older than you are?”

“I do, but I can’t see why it is a reason for me not to pursue him.”

“It isn’t,” Remus acknowledged. “I just want to make sure you are fully aware of it.”

“I don’t mind the age difference. Most boys my age seem rather immature.” Harry blushed upon seeing Remus laugh and shake his head. “Well, it’s true!”

“Harry, you are seventeen. You are of age in the wizarding world and you can date whomever you like.” Remus found it hard to advice the young man as he had never been in such a situation. “I reckon that you never took things further than kissing?”

Harry’s blush deepened. “I kissed Cho and Ginny, but we never went beyond that. It never felt right. Now I know why.”

Remus did his utmost to put himself in Harry’s situation. “And now you want to kiss Severus?”

Harry coughed nervously. “I almost did – on his brow, but still. I wanted to kiss him. I still do.” He cautiously made eye contact. “He’s gay too. He told me.”

Well, that simplified matters! Remus allowed for a small smile to come through on his features. “And that got your hopes up?” After seeing Harry nod, Remus said, “Severus is a very private man. He had to be, considering everything he went through during these two wars. I do think you are doing a good job reaching him. He allows you in, which surprised me. He seems to like your company…” Remus took a moment to ponder his next words. “Are you sure you are not mistaking hero worship with falling in love?”

Harry grew angry. “No, of course not! I dreamt that he was making love to me! How do you rhyme that with hero worship?”

All right, that had been a bit too much personal information and Remus swallowed hard. “I am not going to stop you if you want to pursue him, Harry. But you might find it hard to convince Severus that you are in love with him.” In a way, he wanted to see Harry try and succeed, for both wizards’ sakes. He just hoped Harry wouldn’t end up hurt in the process. 

“I don’t care, Remus. I just want to try. I want a relationship that means something to me and Severus… He might be the one.”

Remus did understand. He had felt like that when he had decided to ask out Tonks. There had been no dramatic age gap in their case, but he was a werewolf and being with him could endanger Tonks. He hadn’t made the decision to date her lightly. “If it’s Severus who you want, then…”

Harry nodded. “I am not giving up before I even got started, Remus. I don’t know how I am going to do this, but I want to try!”

/

Severus looked up the moment Harry entered his room. The young man had left quite abruptly, without giving a reason for his departure, and Severus wondered what exactly had set Harry off. Was Minerva right? Was Harry gay too and had his admission merely taken the young man aback? 

Harry remained standing in the doorway and hesitantly made eye contact. “I am sorry for the way I left. Am I still welcome here?”

Severus rested his head against the piled pillows. He had been reading Potions Monthly in order to distract himself. “Of course you are still welcome. I will never turn you away. Come, sit down.” For some reason Severus felt like walking on egg shells. Something about the young man set off his alarms. “I am glad you came back.” 

Harry managed a weak smile and sat down. Fawkes raised his head, looked at him, and then stretched his wings. The phoenix flew over to him and settled on the arm rest, cocking his head questioningly.

Things had to be bad for Fawkes to desert him and to comfort Harry instead. Severus’ heart thumped painfully in his chest. “Do you want to talk?”

Harry cringed. “Not yet, if that’s fine with you. I need a little more time.” 

Severus nodded. “You have it.” He recalled Harry asking about the state of their friendship the other day and thought it might be wise to do the same. “Did I somehow upset you? Did I damage our friendship by telling you I am gay?”

“No, not at all!” Harry belatedly realized he had sounded rather forceful.

Severus considered the answer carefully. It appeared Minerva might be right and Harry was wrestling with his own sexuality. Instead of questioning the young man further, Severus said, “I want you to know that you can always talk to me. I realize that it is too early for you to share what is on your mind and I accept that. But please know that you can always come to me.” Severus was utterly unprepared for the brilliant smile that Harry gave him. Apparently, he had exactly said what the young man had needed to hear.

“Thank you, sir.” 

Severus cringed a little at hearing the ‘sir’. If they were truly on the way to become friends, he should offer Harry another way of addressing him, even though it would take time getting used to hearing his name rolling of Harry’s lips. “Why don’t you call me Severus instead? Friends should be on first names bases, don’t you agree?” Severus had thought it impossible, but Harry’s smile brightened further. The green eyes beamed with happiness. Fawkes seemed to notice it too, as he began to sing softly. 

“I would love to!” Harry hoped he didn’t sound too enthusiastic, but being able to call the other man by his first name was something he had dreamt of. “I would love to, Severus,” he added, carefully monitoring the Potions Master’s response. 

The longer he studied Harry, the more Severus grew inclined to believe Minerva’s theory. Well, it wasn’t like he had never done this before. He had guided several students through accepting their sexual preferences. He could do the same thing for Harry. 

/

Poppy watched the two of them from a distance. It wasn’t hard to see what was happening between them once one knew how to look for it. She hadn’t wanted to eavesdrop on Severus and Minerva’s conversation, but she had happened to hear it. Now she felt conflicted; should she admit the truth to Severus or pretend ignorance?

She entered the little room and smiled upon seeing Harry fluffing the pillows, while Severus claimed it was completely unnecessary. It was obvious that Harry wanted to please Severus. The young man’s eyes never left the Potions Master’s form. Severus on the other hand, seemed mostly amused and indulged Harry whenever he could. It was odd to see them like that. Poppy vividly recalled a time when Harry had hated Severus’ sight and Severus had constantly bullied the young man. It pleased her that they were trying to get to know each other. Both of them deserved that.

“Poppy.” Severus hadn’t been expecting her. “Is something amiss?”

“Everything is right for a change,” she muttered and came to a halt next to his bed. “How did things go today?”

“Walking went well,” Severus summarized. “A little better this morning than it did just now.”

“I told you not to overdo it,” she chastised him. “When did I tell you to go for a second walk?”

“I feel strong enough to push myself.” He hoped she wasn’t going to fight him over this.

“Yes, you do,” she realized upon looking at his latest readings. “Actually, you are strong enough to leave the infirmary, lest you take good care of yourself and rest.” She expected him to get up at once and march out of the room, but he didn’t. Instead he stayed put. “Would you like to leave?”

Severus exchanged a quick look with Harry, who seemed rather interested in hearing his answer. “It isn’t that simple,” he offered eventually. Maybe it was a mistake to make himself so vulnerable, but he was through with lying and pretending being someone he wasn’t. 

“And why is that?” Poppy smiled patiently at him, feeling honoured that he would confide in her.

“I don’t wish to move back into Albus’ rooms.” He wouldn’t be able to avoid entering the office, but he couldn’t bear the thought of having to live there. The place was too full of memories – bad memories. 

Poppy was about to answer Severus, when she found Harry beating her to it and she let the boy take over.

Harry moved from his chair onto the bedside. Severus shifted slightly on the bed, telling Harry the older wizard was uncomfortable discussing this, but he would face it nonetheless. “What you did was necessary to win the war. You gave me the chance to defeat Voldemort. Whatever actions you feel ashamed of, don’t. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Severus released a shaky sigh. “You don’t understand.” He looked away, unable to maintain eye contact. “I cursed students. I allowed the Carrows to punish them. I was Headmaster and let them get away with it.” Poppy gasped and he quickly shot her a look, before equally fast looking away again.

“Severus,” Harry said, relishing finally being allowed to use that name. He carefully gathered Severus’ left hand in his and noticed the small tremors that shook it. “Albus would want you to reside there. You are Hogwarts’ chosen Headmaster. No one forced Hogwarts to accept you. You have every right to live there. Hogwarts wants you to.”

Severus stared at the way Harry held his hand – it was gentle and loving. “Harry,” he started and found the courage to look at the young man. The determination and dedication he encountered in those eyes left him breathless. Harry truly believed what he had just told him. “I am not sure I can do it.”

“I can come with you, if that helps. I will stay close.” Hell, he would even move in! Severus only needed to hint at it and Harry would gladly exchange the dormitory for the Headmaster’s quarters!

Severus easily read that eagerness on Harry’s face and marvelled about the young man. “Why would you put your own life on hold in order to support me? Harry, I know you mean well, but you can’t–“ Harry however cut him short before he had a change to finish.

“I am not putting my life on hold! I am finally able to do what I want! I am finally making my owns decisions. I don’t want to go to the Burrow! What I really want, is to stay at your side and help you whenever I can! Severus, I want to do this!”

It still took Severus aback that Harry had so quickly taken to calling him by his first name. Harry hadn’t addressed him with ‘sir’ or ‘professor’ once since he had offered the young man to call him Severus. It was almost like Harry had been waiting, or hoping, for him to make him that offer. “If that’s what you want, you may accompany me. But I am warning you – the Headmaster’s quarters may not be to your liking. If that is the case, tell me. I won’t hold it against you should you want to move out.” At least now Harry still had a way out in case he changed his mind. 

“Thanks, but I don’t think that will happen.” Harry felt proud that he had so easily managed to convince Severus to let him tag along.

Poppy found it hard to suppress her desire to burst out laughing. They were quite a sight; Harry determined as hell to stay with Severus, and the Potions Master not having a clue why!

Severus sensed Poppy’s amusement and gave her a puzzled look, at which she merely shrugged. So be it. “When can I leave the infirmary?”

“Stay tonight. It’s already late. You can move out in the morning. Do you want me to update Minerva?”

Severus reluctantly nodded. Minerva was his Deputy and needed to know where he was. “I suppose so. Harry, you don’t have to stay. I promise to still be here when you return in the morning.” The young man probably wanted some time alone. 

“If you don’t mind, I prefer to stay.” Harry wasn’t leaving now that Severus was growing to trust him. “I can sleep in the other bed.” He couldn’t help growing flustered when Severus arched an eyebrow at him. It was a pity that Madam Pomfrey was still present, because now he had to carefully choose his words. “Please allow me to stay.”

“Of course… I won’t force you to leave.” Harry remained a riddle though. Severus understood that Harry might want to talk to him some more about their shared sexual preferences, but that didn’t explain the young man’s eagerness to stay close.

/

Harry turned onto his side, so he could keep an eye on Severus. They had turned in for the night and Fawkes had returned to Severus’ bed. The phoenix had made himself comfortable in the crook of the older wizard’s neck and Severus didn’t look happy about it.

“Fawkes, that’s not a good spot,” he whispered at the magical bird, who lazily opened one eye. “Can’t you pick another?”

Fawkes could be accommodating if he wanted. Luckily for Severus, this was one of those moments. He hopped to his feet and settled down on the wizard’s abdomen, acquiring his favourite position by resting his head against the man’s shoulder.

Harry chuckled at catching Severus roll his eyes. “You are stuck with him for the rest of your life!”

A lump of emotions threatened to choke Severus briefly. After composing himself again, he managed, “I don’t mind. Fawkes is the first to state his claim in that way and… I welcome it.” He had been lonely for most of his life and he didn’t want to be alone any more. He wanted the company Fawkes provided. He even wanted the company Harry provided. Maybe it was egoistical of him, but he still wanted it.

Harry remained quiet after that admission. Severus Snape was turning out to be the opposite of the greasy git he had always known. The man had never had the chance to have a personal life, to make friends, to do things everyone else did. That realization hurt. No matter how harsh his own life had been, he had always had friends to fall back on. “I want to stay too.”

Severus turned his head toward Harry. “I know that. The thing I can’t figure out is why.”

Harry never expected that answer and felt briefly lost for words. But after a moment, he realized what he wanted to say. “Because I care about you.” It was too early to bring up the fact that he was falling in love. Harry knew that if he wanted to capture Severus’ heart, he had to go slow and had to prove his love and loyalty first. Severus was that kind of man.

In turn, Severus hadn’t expected an answer and certainly not such an honest one. But he should have known better. Harry was honest. “In that case you are welcome to stay.”

Harry grinned smugly. So far, so good.

/

“Remember to rest, Severus. The fact that I am letting you leave doesn’t mean you made a complete recovery. Let your left arm guide you. When it throbs, slow down and rest. It’s a good indicator of your general health. Does it hurt now?”

Since it was just the two of them and he didn’t need to keep up any pretence, Severus was inclined to give her an honest answer. “To some extent,” he admitted, “but it doesn’t hamper me.”

Poppy appreciated the honest answer. “Then I suggest you nap sometime during the afternoon. I will check on you in the evening and make sure you take your potions.”

He smiled slyly at her. “Are you implying I would skip taking them?”

“I know of a number of times when you didn’t take them. Do I need to make you a list, Severus Snape?”

He backed down at once. “No, you don’t have to do that.” He knew he hadn’t been on his best behaviour in the past. But back then, he’d had Voldemort and Albus breathing down his neck. “I will follow your directions.”

“You scare me by being this mellow,” she whispered. 

Severus shrugged. “I scare myself by allowing myself to be this mellow.”

“Oh, Severus.” In a rather uncharacteristic show of affection, she gathered him in a gentle embrace. She felt him freeze in her arms, but she ignored it. It was only understandable that he needed time to get used to being touched again. “Take good care of yourself, my dear. Or, if you find pushing yourself like you did in the past, let Harry look after you.”

Severus didn’t know what to make of the emotions running through him. Having Poppy touch him was odd. Being in her arms and being hugged was… beyond anything he had ever imaged that might happen. Being cared for was something he still needed to get used to. “I will let Harry decide when I am overexerting myself.” Her embrace tightened briefly and Fawkes protested loudly.

Poppy chuckled at seeing Fawkes stick his head out from beneath Severus’ coat. Apparently he had made himself comfortable there. “Does he ever leave your side?”

“Only when I go the bathroom,” he admitted shyly. She released him and Severus slowly got to his feet. There was no reason to risk vertigo by getting up too quickly. “Poppy,” he started awkwardly, “ I want to thank you for everything you did. Past and present. I know I am not the easiest patient to treat.”

Poppy raised an arm and tucked some wayward hear behind his ear, at which he flinched. “Severus Snape, you may not be the easiest patient, but you are definitely my favourite patient. However, I count on you to take excellent care of yourself, so I won’t find you in the infirmary again any time soon. You spent too much time here already.”

“I will try,” Severus muttered, his emotions getting the better of him. He quickly turned around and headed for the doorway. 

She let him go, knowing how hard it must have been on him to make himself that vulnerable. “I wish you the best, Severus – only the best.”

/

Severus’ steps faltered and looking at the older wizard, Harry saw the apprehension in those dark eyes. The statue moved aside the moment they had appeared in the corridor and now they stood in front of the doorway, Severus obviously reluctant to enter. His heart went out to the older wizard and Harry carefully wrapped his fingers around Severus’ left hand upon seeing the tremors worsen. 

Harry’s touch pulled him from his thoughts and forced him back into the moment. His gaze travelled to their hands, and he marvelled about the fact that Harry so easily touched him. The young man seemed to be just waiting for an opportunity to hold his hand!

“What’s going on?” Harry gently rubbed the trembling fingers in-between his.

“The portraits,” Severus whispered. “I don’t want to face their condemnation.”

“Why do you think they will condemn you? Don’t they know you acted on Dumbledore’s orders?”

“I don’t know… They never talked to me while I occupied these rooms.”

“Don’t you want to know why?”

Severus didn’t – he really didn’t want to know. “I would rather not go inside.”

“You don’t have a choice, Severus,” Harry softly pointed out to him. “You are Headmaster. You can’t ignore the fact that your office is in there.” He inclined his head toward the doorway. “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” 

Severus didn’t want to imagine that. He would rather not think of it all together.

“Humour me, what’s the worst that can happen?”

Severus lowered his head and stared at the floor. “That they will tell me to get out after everything I did to my students. They know I let the Carrows torment my students. By Merlin, I cursed them myself!”

“You had no choice,” Harry reminded him. “Severus, you feel guilty because of what happened. I understand that, but… Your hands were tied.” It would take Severus time to forgive himself for what he had done, no matter how unavoidable and necessary it had been. 

Rationally, Severus knew Harry was right, but his heart was a different matter. It still bled whenever he thought about the death and pain he had caused.

Harry remained still. He waited for Severus to make up his mind. He continued to hold the other man’s hand though, caressing those cold fingers and hoping Severus understood he was trying to support him. A shudder went through the Potions Master and then he stepped forward. Harry followed at once, relieved that Severus had found the courage to move forward. He squeezed Severus’ hand, but didn’t let go.

Severus couldn’t have done it without knowing Harry was there to support him, should he suffer a break down. Entering the office and facing those paintings was the scariest thing he had done in a long time. He had found it easier to go to his death. 

Harry followed Severus into the office, which was brightly lit by hundreds of candles. One of the first things he noticed was that the fire burned in the fire place. Then he noted the tea pot, two mugs, and a plate filled with scones and short bread awaiting them on a small coffee table near the window. “Hogwarts seems delighted to welcome you back.” The office felt warm – inviting, welcoming.

Severus couldn’t deny it, but he still felt on guard. He walked toward the desk and halted in his tracks when he faced Albus’ painting. Albus eagerly looked at him and a smile formed on the old wizard’s features. Severus however didn’t see it, as his gaze was trained on the stone floor. “I am sorry.”

Harry, who forced his gaze away from Severus’ miserable looking form, stared at Albus’ painting instead, and felt relieved. The condemnation Severus feared so much wasn’t there. Instead, Albus’ eyes sparkled brightly. 

“Severus, my dearest friend. It is good to see you again. I missed you!”

At hearing Albus’ friendly words, Severus found the courage to lock eyes with him. “I am sorry. Please forgive me.”

“Forgive you? Severus, you did well! You did much better than I expected!”

Severus’ shoulders sagged. “I cursed students, Albus. I allowed the Carrows to hurt them!”

“I am sorry that it was necessary, but we discussed what would happen once you became Headmaster. You were the only one who could monitor their moves – keep them from carrying out even worse punishments. Severus, what you did… You did in order to keep staff and students safe.” Albus wished he could lock his friend in an embrace. Severus needed the comfort so badly. Harry however seemed to have grown above the challenge. The young man had realized his potential and had embraced it. Harry had truly matured. “And it is good to see you too, Harry.”

“Hello, professor, and thank you for helping me make up my mind. I am glad I came back.”

Albus nodded. He had always known Harry would make that decision. He didn’t worry about the young wizard anymore, but he did worry about Severus. “Severus, look at me.”

Severus, who had averted his gaze the moment Albus had addressed Harry, complied, even though reluctantly. He didn’t want to face his mentor. Not after everything he had done.

“Severus, I never ordered Fawkes to save you. He did that out of own accord.” He smiled affectionately at the phoenix who had been such a good friend during his life. “Fawkes found you worthy of being saved. He wants you to live. I pray that you will honour that gift. You have been given a second chance at life. Please take it. Please start to live – truly live.”

Fawkes struggled free of the coat and climbed onto Severus’ shoulder, where he start grooming the wizard’s hair. It was such a mess; it was a disgrace!

Albus chuckled at the phoenix’ antics. Fawkes had waited a long time for Severus to allow him to befriend him. It was good to see Fawkes had gotten his way eventually. “He can be a pain in the arse.”

“Seriously? I hadn’t noticed,” Severus said, with something of his well-known sarcasm slipping back in. 

“Fawkes likes you,” Albus said. “He really does. It always irked him that you didn’t want anything to do with him. I reckon he wants to make up for lost time.”

Fawkes ignored them, working on some strands which had escaped his attention earlier on. 

Severus cautiously looked at Albus, and by doing so, realized the other paintings were occupied as well. During his first reign as Headmaster they had been empty instead. It was Phineas Nigellus Black who pressed close to the front of his painting, trying to get his attention. 

“I know that look,” the former Headmaster stated. “Many a student looked at me like that when they expected to be punished for something they had done. Snape, you did what you had to do. Get over it.”

Severus would have thought that Black, as a fellow Slytherin, would have phrased that different, with a bit more refinement. But then again, Phineas belonged to the House of Black. What could he expect? “You have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Don’t give me that attitude, young man,” Phineas sneered. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get to work! That correspondence won’t take care of itself!”

“You must excuse Phineas,” Albus said, trying to save the situation. “He wasn’t knowing for being subtle.”

“Subtle won’t work,” Phineas stated in a self-confident voice. “Believe me! I am a Slytherin, I know my people best!”

Severus wasn’t sure what to make of their argument and turned away from the paintings to look at Harry instead. The young man was smiling at him. 

Harry could tell that the presence of that smile puzzled Severus. “Black got it right. There is no need to blame yourself. You are Headmaster of Hogwarts. You need to begin carrying out your duties – within reason of course,” he added quickly, recalling Madam Pomfrey’s orders. “Work some, rest some.”

“But get to work, Snape! Why are you standing there, looking like Merlin’s wrath will hit you and strike you dead?”

“Phineas, please,” Albus tried to reason with the other painting. “Severus needs some time.”

“He’s had time enough! Hogwarts needs its Headmaster and Snape needs to start acting like one!”

Severus sighed. When Harry had asked him what the worst thing was that could possibly happen, he had never thought anything like this could happen! He almost wished the paintings would go back to being empty, but then he would also miss Albus’ presence and he needed his former mentor to guide him. 

“For now, he is going to rest,” Harry announced while shooting a glare at Black. “You’re tiring him.” To his utter surprise, Black immediately shut up. “Let’s sit down and have some tea. Winky will be disappointed if we don’t drink any. Maybe you are hungry too?” Those scones really smelled good!

Severus allowed Harry to lead him towards the windows. Severus complied and sat down, accepting the cup of tea which Harry poured him. Since Severus appeared lost in thought, Harry looked at the paintings instead and therefore noticed the smug grin on Black’s face.

TBC

12

Harry didn’t have the heart to wake Severus from his nap. The Potions Master had fallen asleep shortly after finishing his tea and Harry was content to let him sleep. The trip to the office had tired him. 

Facing boredom, Harry got to his feet and started exploring. He walked over to where the pensieve sat and found Severus’ memories still afloat there. He wasn’t going to tamper with them though. Harry turned around and took in the familiar office. For a student he had spent a lot of time here talking to Dumbledore. His gaze shifted to Dumbledore’s painting, but it was empty. Pity, he still had a number of questions for the former Headmaster. Albus probably knew that and was hiding.

Harry continued to walk and found a number of rooms tucked away to the side of the office. There was a small kitchen, a rather luxurious bathroom, a library and two bedrooms. The master bedroom was bereft of any personal belongings although Severus had lived here for some time. Severus had never made this into his home then. That had to change, Harry mused, if they wanted this to work. Maybe he should set an example? “Winky?”

“Young master Potter,” the house elf promptly squealed in delight. “How can Winky be of service?”

“Can you fetch my stuff from the dormitory and put it in the spare bedroom? I will stay here for quite some time.”

Winky nodded eagerly. “Winky can do this for young master Potter! Winky only needs a moment to do it!” 

Harry smiled at her, even though she had already disapparated. It was a sad smile though, as he still missed Dobby.

“Harry?”

Hearing Severus softly call his name made him turn around and return to the older wizard’s side. Severus actually seemed relieved to see him. “I was just having a look around.”

Severus did feel relieved now that he knew Harry had stayed. He had been alone when he woke up and had almost panicked because he couldn’t bear being alone in this memory-infested place. “Did I hear Winky’s overly enthusiastic voice a moment ago?”

Harry grinned. “Yes, she was rather eager to help. I asked her to move my things from the dormitory to the spare bedroom.” 

A heavy weight slipped from Severus’ shoulders and his heart instantly felt lighter. Harry was serious about staying then. He was grateful for that, because he doubted he would be able to live here all alone. He needed the support and he was brave enough to admit it to himself. It also occurred to him that Harry wasn’t asking for his permission to move his things into the spare room. He had already given Winky the order. It served to remind him that he was no longer dealing with a boy. Harry had gone through his own ordeals and had emerged stronger from them. Hunting for Horcruxes, standing up to Voldemort, and dying had forced him to mature – to become a man. 

Severus had the strangest look on his face, which made Harry reclaim his former seat as he wanted to be as close as possible to the older wizard. “Do I want to know what’s going on in your head?”

Severus broke off eye contact. “It just occurred to me that I am acting rather selfishly, claiming your support when you need some yourself. You died too.”

Harry sucked in his breath in surprise. “I don’t think you can compare the two.” The comment made Severus look up again, just as Harry had hoped. “I died a hero. My death brought down Voldemort. Yours was…” He swallowed nervously. “You died in that godforsaken shack with everyone thinking you had betrayed Dumbledore. You…” Harry merely shook his head. “You signed your death warrant the moment you ended his life.”

“Harry, I wanted to die,” Severus said in a voice which was barely audible.

Harry clearly heard the pain underneath those words. “To atone…”

“Yes, in order to atone for causing your parents’ deaths. Harry, death was punishment and release at the same time.” 

Severus’ gaze became unfocused, worrying Harry, who instantly moved his chair closer. Claiming Severus’ hand was quickly becoming second nature and Harry now curled his fingers around that limb again. He needed the physical contact if he wanted to get through to the older wizard. “Severus, you didn’t kill my parents. Voldemort did.”

“I delivered the prophecy to him, Harry. I might as well have cast the Killing Curse myself.”

“Nonsense!” Harry tugged at Severus’ hand. “That’s nonsense! Voldemort picked me! He could have gone for Neville instead. You need to let this go!”

Pain moved up his left arm and tore Severus away from his misery. He blinked, as if only now growing aware of Harry’s presence and the things the young man had said. “Harry, can you ever forgive me for what I did?” Maybe Harry’s absolution would ease his burden just a little. He didn’t deserve it – wasn’t even worthy asking for it, but something in Harry’s eyes told him he might be granted forgiveness nonetheless.

“Oh, Severus!” Abandoning caution, Harry moved even closer and wrapped his arms around Severus’ shaky frame. He guided the man’s head against his shoulder and rubbed his back. “There is nothing you need to ask forgiveness for, but if it helps… Severus, I forgive you for being young and stupid. I forgive you for turning to Voldemort when my mother abandoned you. I forgive you for telling Voldemort about the prophecy. I forgive you everything you believe yourself guilty of. You are a good man, Severus. You made mistakes – we all do.” Harry laughed mirthlessly. “I made my share of them too. But you didn’t kill my parents. I understand why you feel that way though, since you survived and they didn’t. You did everything you could to help them. I know that because I saw you when I watched your memories. You are a good man, Severus, and damn brave at that. I wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for you.” During his speech, the tremors died down, for which Harry was grateful. He had expected some sort of breakdown, but not so soon.

Severus clung to each word Harry said. He clung to the words that finally brought forgiveness. Even more surprising was the praise that rolled so easily from Harry’s lips. He had called him brave! He remained motionless, afraid to shatter the magical moment. 

“Severus,” Harry put as much affection as possible into whispering the name, and then pulled back, needing to see Severus’ eyes. Those dark orbs, which had never revealed anything in the past, were now the very windows to Severus’ soul. They no longer hid a thing and Harry cringed at seeing the pain in them. 

Severus knew he would hate himself later for giving in, but he had longed to hear those words for so long, that he failed to stop the tears that threatened to escape his eyes. He felt ashamed for showing his pain so openly, but he had hidden it for so long! It needed out.

Harry tightened the embrace, letting Severus know he was there for him. “I am not leaving, Severus. I will stand at your side and support you. I feel honoured that you’re letting me. It would have been easy for you to push me away – to lock me out. Instead, you are allowing for this to happen. It’s okay to let go of the pain. You don’t need to keep it all inside – not any more.”

Severus rested his head on Harry’s shoulder and wept silently. The war was over; Voldemort was gone; he no longer needed to play the part of spy and harsh Potions Master. He could finally let go and just be himself. Harry rubbed circles onto his back and the gesture soothed him. Slowly, he calmed down and his shame for letting go returned. 

Harry waited until Severus had brought his breathing back under control before addressing him. “You are very brave, Severus, the bravest man I know.”

Severus had wanted to apologize for breaking down in Harry’s arms, but those words caught him unaware. He stared at those green eyes, trying to process what Harry had told him just now. The bravest man he knew? 

“Yes, brave indeed,” Harry added upon correctly interpreting Severus’ confused expression. “Hopefully, in time, you will realize that too.”

He doubted it very much, but he wasn’t going to argue with Harry – not while the younger man was embracing him. To Severus, it was much more than just an embrace – it meant forgiveness to him. Forgiveness and acceptance – two things he had believed out of his reach. “Harry, I am so—“

“Don’t say it,” Harry said urgently. “Don’t say you are sorry for facing that pain. Don’t do it.” Severus started to move away from him and Harry allowed it. “You have every right to feel those things! Severus, please don’t apologize for being you.”

Severus couldn’t help it; he suddenly felt shy. “I don’t know want to say.”

“Then don’t say a thing.” Harry suddenly felt cornered inside the office. It felt constraining. “How about we go for a nice walk? Outside?” The sun would set shortly, but the last rays of the autumn sun would warm them and bathe Hogwarts in golden colours. 

Severus needed a moment to realize Harry had changed their topic, but then he nodded. Going outside sounded good. Walking beneath the sun and remembering that he had always been on the side of Light might help him heal.

/

Severus couldn’t remember a time he had felt this carefree. Harry walked next to him, guiding his steps and making sure he didn’t trip over some tree roots or branches hidden beneath the leaves. Somehow, the young man’s hand had found its way around his again and those warm fingers seemed to enjoy rubbing the back of his cold hand. Severus chided himself for accepting the comfort, but was unable to remove his hand from Harry’s hold. He wanted the contact as well – he wanted to feel warm again.

Harry studied Severus and was fairly sure that the older wizard was unaware of the play of emotions on his face. Harry read insecurity, apprehension, but also hope and trust in those dark eyes. He wished that hope would win and that Severus found a way to deal with his fears. Rubbing Severus’ chilled fingers between his, his gaze shifted to Fawkes, who flew above their heads, obviously enjoying being out in the open.

Harry reckoned the sun would set within the hour. They should probably return to Hogwarts; they had drifted further away from the castle as they had intended. “Maybe we should turn around and go home?”

Home… Severus’ emotions threatened to overwhelm him again. He had always thought of Hogwarts as home, but believed he had lost the right to call it that. “Home,” he whispered, lost in thought.

Harry heard the hope and longing attached to that one word. “Yes, home,” he repeated and squeezed Severus’ hand gently. The fact that Severus continued to allow the physical contact thrilled him. He still expected the Potions Master to shake off his hand, but Severus seemed to need the contact as much as he did. 

“Home is where the heart is,” Severus muttered, and in spite of all the traumatic things that had happened to him here, Hogwarts was the only home he had ever known. 

Harry smiled and moved closer to the older wizard. Although Severus seemed lost in thought, he also appeared at ease. Gathering his Gryffindor courage, Harry slipped his other arm around Severus’ waist and pulled him close. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” Severus’ eyes focused on him and Harry’s breath caught, realizing how close they were. He was definitely invading Severus’ personal space. Would the older wizard tell him off?

But Severus felt too mesmerized to push Harry away or to insist on more distance. The lack of intimacy which he had been forced to endure for so many years, had left him starved for contact – contact, which Harry offered so freely. Severus moved closer, rested his weary head on Harry’s shoulder, and closed his eyes in bliss. 

Harry’s heart thundered madly in his chest. Severus instigating an embrace merely fuelled his desire for the older man. He had never expected – had never dared to imagine – that the Potions Master would accept his closeness so quickly. Harry rested his head on Severus’ shoulder in turn and brought his arms up behind the older man’s back. 

Severus sighed the moment Harry embraced him. He briefly sagged against the younger man because he felt weak in the knees. Harry however reacted at once and steadied him, tightening the embrace and offering the support he craved. 

They remained like that for some minutes – both men relishing the physical contact and wanting for it to last. Fawkes suddenly burst out into song above their heads, making Harry raise his gaze to seek out the phoenix.

Severus lifted his head as well, but instead of searching for the phoenix, he ended up looking into Harry’s eyes. What he saw there, took him a moment to process. It was love – he was certain of it. Although such a look had never been aimed at him before, he had learned to recognize the expression. But why would Harry look at him in that way? He suspected the young man had grown to care about him, especially since Harry had taken it upon himself to support him during his recovery. But that didn’t quite explain the look. 

Harry quickly averted his gaze, aware he had given himself away. Was Severus going to address the matter? A part of him wanted to confide in the older wizard; wanted Severus to know that he was falling in love with him. Another part feared Severus might reject him. They weren’t ready yet to discuss this and Harry hoped Severus would find a Slytherin approach to their situation.

Severus decided against questioning Harry. He felt stunned – too stunned to believe Harry had developed feelings for him. As far as he was concerned such a thing was impossible; there was nothing lovable about him; he knew that. So why then did Harry’s eyes reveal such an amount of affection?

Harry fought the urge to move away from Severus. He was well aware of the fact that if he retreated now, he could damage their friendship beyond repair. Severus had suffered too much rejection in the past and it had left the older man emotionally scarred.

Severus eventually moved away. He did so slowly and made sure that Harry couldn’t possibly feel rejected. “Maybe we should start our way back now.”

Harry nodded. It was growing dark, and therefore cold. Severus’ hand still rested within his and Harry loosened the hold in order to allow the older wizard to pull it away. But Severus made no attempts to remove his hand. Harry smiled shyly at the other man. He knew some of his affection for Severus showed on his face, helping the older man to deduce the nature of his feelings for the Potions Master. The fact that Severus continued to allow the contact made Harry hope that Severus returned some of his feelings. He wasn’t sure Severus was aware of the mutual attraction though, and decided to wait. Severus would address it eventually. In the meantime, Harry was determined to enjoy Severus’ company.

/

Severus, dressed in his familiar black night clothes, came to a halt in front of the Master bedroom. It wasn’t home though. He doubted he would ever feel he deserved to be here. He couldn’t possibly fill Albus’ shoes. Albus had been a genius and a much loved wizard. He didn’t compare to his mentor, and he knew it.

“Is something wrong?” Harry, who had changed into his pyjamas as well, and who had been on his way to the spare room, gave Severus a worried look. Severus looked lost and desperately in need of reassurance. “You must be tired. Why don’t you go to bed and get some sleep?”

“I…” Emotion gathered in his throat and made it impossible for him to continue. How could he possibly explain what was happening? He shouldn’t burden a young man like Harry with his fears. “It’s nothing,” he managed eventually. He remained standing in the doorway though. He had never felt comfortable sleeping in the bed that had once belonged to Albus. It felt like sacrilege to invade his former mentor’s private rooms.

Harry followed Severus’ gaze, which was trained on the bed. It was fairly evident that Severus was hesitant to sleep in it. He also had a very good idea why. Memories of Albus probably haunted Severus’ every step. “You can sleep in the spare room,” he suggested.

Severus however shook his head. “That’s your room now. You need a place to sleep and I won’t have you sleep on the sofa. You are my guest.”

Harry stepped in front of Severus, forcing the older man to rearrange his gaze. Severus’ eyes hesitantly fixed on him. “And you are most certainly not going to spend the night on the sofa! You will take the bed.”

Severus was about to object again when he registered the fierce determination in those green eyes. Harry wasn’t going to back down. “Harry,” he said in the gentlest tone he could manage, “I am grateful for your concern, but I can assure you I slept on that sofa before and that it is very comfortable.”

“Then you won’t mind me claiming it.” Harry nodded. “You will take the bed. The days you were forced to sleep on a sofa are over. You deserve to rest comfortably.”

Severus sighed; nothing he said was going to change Harry’s mind. He didn’t dare look into Harry’s eyes, already knowing what emotion would stare back at him. But he wasn’t going to chase Harry out of his bed. “Maybe we can share? It’s big enough for two.” He didn’t know what exactly had made him say that. Maybe it was because he felt guilty for chasing Harry out of his bed, maybe it was because he wanted the young man’s company, or maybe it was simply because he was scared the nightmares would return. 

Harry blinked in surprise. He hadn’t dared to hope Severus would suggest such a thing! “I like your solution.” Blinking again, he grew aware of Severus’ hand resting in his once more. When had he taken hold of the limb? Severus wasn’t objecting though; had the Potions Master even registered the touch yet? Severus gave him a shy look, which made his heart ache with the need to draw the older man into his arms. He resisted that urge though; If they were to share a bed, he had better start to behave. If he didn’t, his hormones might urge him to take it further than merely sleeping close to each other.

Severus realized he needed to address what was happening between them. He was the adult and needed to take charge. He couldn’t allow this to go any further. He couldn’t abuse the young man’s trust and affection in that way! “Harry,” he started, having never felt so insecure before.

Harry swallowed nervously, but then interrupted the older man. “Don’t. Not yet. It’s still too early.”

The urgency to Harry’s tone caused Severus to stop talking. So Harry was aware of the developing attraction between them, but didn’t want to discuss it? Not yet? “Why?”

“Give me a chance, please. Give us a chance,” Harry pleaded, encouraged by the fact that Severus didn’t pull away his hand, but allowed him to hold onto it. Harry gently stroked the back and gave Severus a pleading look. “Just one chance.”

Severus wasn’t sure what Harry wanted; what he was asking for. But he agreed that this wasn’t the best time to discuss this attraction. He was tired, and all he wanted was to lie down and sleep. “I will let you decide when to discuss this.”

Harry felt relieved and sighed deeply. “Thank you.”

Severus nodded. “I am too tired for this at any rate.”

“Then let’s get some sleep.” Harry used his hold on Severus’ hand to pull him toward the spare bedroom. They would tackle the reason why Severus refused to sleep in the Master bedroom another time. 

Severus followed Harry’s lead, although he wondered why. Why did it feel so right to let Harry guide him? Why did it feel so good to have Harry take care of him? And why did he want for it to continue? He was forced to stop that inner dialogue when they stepped into Harry’s bedroom. He knew that Harry had asked Winky to move his personal belongs here, but seeing the broom, clothes, books, and other artefacts made him realize the young man had truly moved in. Harry planned to stay – to make this his home. And that home included him!

“Sit down, will you?” The fact that Severus seemed confused urged Harry into action. He gently pushed Severus onto the bed, making the older man sit down. 

Severus blinked in surprise at feeling Harry lift his legs. The young man had also done this for him back in the infirmary. Laying down, Severus absentmindedly registered the fact that he was on the wrong side of the bed. 

Harry frowned, realizing something was wrong. “What happened?”

“I am used to sleeping on the side closest to the doorway.” That way he could fight off an intruder and buy Harry time to get away.

Harry sat down on the bedside and studied Severus for a moment. Then he looked him in the eye and said, “You are safe here. You are at Hogwarts, in the Headmasters’ private rooms – your rooms. Voldemort is dead. There will be no intruders. You no longer have to worry about an attack. There’s no longer a wrong side of the bed.” Harry stroked Severus’ fingers, which shook with minute tremors. It was his left hand, Harry noted. “I will sleep on this side of the bed, between you and the doorway. I will watch your sleep like you guarded mine the other day in the infirmary.” He wasn’t prepared for the shimmer of moisture that filled those dark eyes. Had anyone ever offered to keep him safe before, Harry wondered? 

Severus watched, feeling rather nervous, as Harry slipped beneath the covers and turned onto his side, so the young man could watch him. “You never turn your back to the door.” He couldn’t help it; some behaviourisms were difficult to ignore.

“We are at Hogwarts, Severus. Voldemort is dead. That horrible snake of his is dead to. You are safe here. WE are safe. You can go to sleep without worrying about anything.” Harry hoped Severus believed him. He understood that it took time for the former spy to feel safe again. “Make yourself comfortable, for you are not leaving this bed until the morning. Forget about making me switch sides with you.”

Harry’s behaviour made little sense to Severus, who had never encountered such a fierce need to protect him in anyone before. He had spent his life making sure Harry was safe – protected. Now that their roles were reversed, he felt lost. 

“Just do it, Severus. You prefer to curl up on your right side, don’t you? That way your left arm troubles you the least.” In the infirmary Severus had always curled up on his right side. 

Doing so meant turning toward Harry and resting his back against the wall, which would make him safe, but he still felt uncomfortable knowing Harry would be the first victim an intruder would encounter. 

“We are safe here, Severus. Just close your eyes and try to sleep. You must be tired after our little trip. It was a nice day, wasn’t it?” Harry kept up the babbling, hoping it would settle Severus’ nerves. “We will probably have a few more of those sunny days before autumn turns wet and cold. Maybe we can go for another walk tomorrow? When it’s windy, we will watch those leaves dance in the air. Those golden sunbeams will warm us and…” Harry grinned, pleased that his tactic was successful. Severus’ eyes had closed and his breathing was evening out. The older man must have been exhausted to fall asleep that quickly! 

Fawkes, who had kept his distance, now hopped onto the bed. He settled down against the small of Severus’ back and curled up. Harry’s actions pleased the phoenix; Severus had had to wait too long for someone like Harry to finally come along. It was also encouraging that the Potions Master wasn’t fighting Harry. Yes, Fawkes mused, those two were definitely falling in love fast.

/

“No! Please… Don’t!” 

Harry instantly jolted awake, knowing only Severus could have woken him. A quick look told him that the older wizard was trashing on the bed, still asleep, and obviously in the clutches of a nightmare. 

“Don’t… No… My work here is not done yet! Harry!”

Harry scooted closer and gently caught Severus’ hands before the sleeping wizard could harm himself. Severus suddenly sat upright and stared blindly at the wall. “Not the snake, please…”

Harry didn’t have time to think. He acted on instinct only. He gathered Severus in his arms and slowly rocked the older wizard. “Nagini is dead,” he started and instantly regretted voicing the snake’s name, as Severus’ tremors increased. “The monster is dead. It can’t hurt you anymore. Neville beheaded it, remember?” He continued to rock Severus gently and slid one hand up behind the older wizard’s back so he could stroke that long, black hair. “You are no longer at the Shack. You are at Hogwarts instead.” Little by little, Severus calmed. Then the blind stare broke and awareness filled those dark eyes. Harry’s first thought was to release Severus, who might feel uncomfortable being held so close, but then reconsidered. He didn’t want Severus to think he was letting go because the situation embarrassed him. 

Severus swallowed hard and felt deeply ashamed of his behaviour. “I am sorry,” he whispered. It was bad enough Harry had to witness one of his nightmares, it was even worse that he still clung to the young man after waking up!

Harry understood why Severus reacted that way and felt it imperative he reassured the other man. “I cried when I had that nightmare, remember? I called out too. There is no shame in being haunted by the past.” He considered his next step; should he confront Severus with the dream? Would it help him deal with the trauma or would it make things worse? Severus WAS a strong man – a brave man, maybe all he needed was reassurance and a sense of security? “Nagini is dead, Severus. Neville killed her. You should have seen him swing that sword! Neville surprised himself by taking out that monster, but he did.” Severus shivered, but didn’t overreact, which encouraged Harry. “I am sure he won’t mind you watching that particular memory to convince yourself it really happened.” That suggestion however caused a reaction on Severus’ part.

Severus shook his head. “I would never ask such a thing of Neville. He suffered enough.” Neville was one of the students he had been forced to curse in front of the Carrows. “I will never seek him out again. At least he is safe now.”

Harry moistened his lips, cocked his head, and then rested the palm of his hand against Severus’ cheek, which enabled him to turn the older man’s face toward him. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news then, but Neville will come back in order to finish his education.” Severus’ eyes widened at that. “That’s his own decision. No one is forcing him to return.”

Severus felt ill to the stomach and his voice nearly faltered when he said, “Does he know I am still here?”

“He knows you are Headmaster,” Harry informed him. “During your first days in the infirmary the truth came out. It got published in the Quibbler and Daily Prophet, and Ron, Neville, and I have been in touch. Neville knows why you did those things. He doesn’t hold it against you.” Harry smiled reassuringly. “The last time I talked to him, he told me he isn’t averse to meeting you – the real you. Not Snape, the bully.”

Severus lowered his gaze and by doing so, realized just how intimately Harry was holding him. It still puzzled him why the young man felt attracted to him. He could no longer deny that fact – it was obvious that Harry cared deeply about him and to his eternal shame, he had to admit that the attraction was mutual. Why couldn’t he stop himself from wanting the close contact? The companionship and comfort Harry offered? Why did he want it so badly?

Harry easily read those emotions on Severus’ face. The former spy wasn’t even thinking of hiding them. “Do you want to go back to sleep or get up? Maybe a nice cup of tea will help? Or hot milk?”

But Severus didn’t want to trouble Harry – or Winky – and shook his head. “I am fine.”

He wasn’t, but Harry let it slip. “Maybe the next time we wake it will be because I am the one having a nightmare,” he consoled the embarrassed-looking wizard. “Maybe…” He let his voice trail off on purpose.

“What?”

As expected, Severus reacted at once. “Maybe the nightmares will leave us alone if we sleep while holding each other.” He left it up to Severus to make the actual decision. He didn’t want to pressure the older man.

Severus wavered. “I don’t think that’s appropriate.”

“We shouldn’t worry about what’s appropriate, Severus. You died a week ago… I died too. We need to work through this. This isn’t about you being Headmaster and me being a student. This isn’t about our age difference. This is about you, hurting. And me, offering comfort. Nothing else.”

The way Harry said it would make it easy for him to give in, but, “I am worried about hurting your feelings,” he admitted.

Harry put on his bravest smile. “You won’t hurt me, Severus. I don’t know where we are headed, but I am relishing each moment we have together. I savour each touch you gift me with. I yearn to hold you in my arms and to know you are safe. Stop worrying about hurting me, Severus. Haven’t I proven to you that I can take care of myself?”

Severus couldn’t possibly deny that. The young man had destroyed Voldemort; had finally accomplished the impossible, and by doing so, had freed them of the madman’s terror. Shyly, he glanced at Harry, only to find the young man giving him a pleading look. 

“Give me this chance,” Harry repeated. “Give US a chance.”

Severus doubted his very sanity when he nodded. “You have it.” Hopefully they wouldn’t regret it. He yielded upon feeling Harry pulling him back onto the mattress. 

Fawkes, who had watched them silently, hoped up onto the headboard and tucked his head beneath his feathers, going back to sleep. He could watch them from a distance now that Harry had taken over guard duty.

Although his conscience was telling him to stop, Severus accepted Harry’s invitation and moved closer. The young man cuddled up to him and sighed contently. The sound spiralled through his body, causing an odd sensation in his stomach. Does falling in love feel like this? And why can’t I stop it? I am too old for him – too old and much too damaged, in body and soul. Harry deserves better – much better. Severus lacked the energy to fight those feelings though. He felt tired and wanted to sleep – to sleep without those nightmares that made him panic.

Harry tucked Severus’ head beneath his chin and rubbed the older man’s back. “Sleep, Severus. I will watch over you and I will wake you if necessary.”

Harry’s promise accompanied him into sleep; hoping the young man’s presence would keep the nightmares at bay.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

13

Severus felt odd when he woke up the next morning. It took him a moment to process that he had spent the night in Harry’s arms. He felt relieved at finding himself alone in bed though. The space next to him was still warm; Harry could only have left seconds ago. Maybe that was what had woken him?

“Morning.” Harry entered the room carrying a heavy tray. “I bring breakfast, courtesy of Winky. The moment I left the bedroom, she appeared carrying it.” Severus looked confused, but calm, and Harry headed for the bed. He sat down, rested his back against the headboard, and raised his legs. He deposited the tray onto his lap and fed Fawkes his favourite seeds, giving Severus some time to compose himself. 

Severus pushed himself upright as well and wondered what to do – how to act. 

“You didn’t have any more nightmares,” Harry said as he offered his companion a cup of tea, which he had already sweetened with honey.

Severus nodded, still feeling dazed. Harry’s idea had worked; neither of them had suffered from nightmares during the rest of the night. He blew onto the surface in order to help the tea cool down. It gave him something to do and he tried very hard not to think about any implications which could arise after spending a night in the same bed.

Harry buttered a slice of toast, added strawberry marmalade, and offered it to Severus. The older wizard mumbled his thanks and took hold if it, biting into it and munching slowly. Harry wondered if Severus’ calm was a good sign or just the calm before the storm.

Severus felt terribly insecure. He realized that the two of them had reached a crossroads, and it was up to him to decide if their paths would separate, or if they would continue their way together. Although he had made dangerous decisions before, none had ever affected him as much as this situation. He didn’t want to make a mistake. He wanted to do everything right for a change. “We need to discuss this attraction,” he said eventually and put down his tea and toast. 

Harry realized the same thing and contrary to the other day, he felt up for it. He sought out Severus’ gaze and said, “I am falling in love with you.”

Severus drew in a shuddering breath and tried to avert his gaze.

“Please don’t. I need to look at you while discussing this.”

Severus reluctantly nodded and re-established eye contact. “Harry, you are making a mistake. Whatever it is that you think you feel for me, it’s…” His words deserted him. He had seen the truth in those eyes; Harry WAS in love with him. He wouldn’t be able to change the young man’s mind.

“Severus, I never felt like this before!” Harry was determined to make him understand. “It never felt right when I kissed Cho or Ginny. Something was missing.”

“We already established that you are gay,” Severus said, seeing his chance. “You should find someone your own age and try again.”

“I don’t want someone my age!” Harry glared at the older wizard. “I want you.”

Severus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Harry, I am not a good choice. Look at me! I am too old! Too damaged! I wake you up in the middle of the night because I am having a nightmare about Na—“ he couldn’t bring himself to say the name, not so soon after reliving his death in his dreams. 

Harry caught Severus’ hand in his and held on tight. “You are only thirty-eight, Severus. One can hardly call that old! And yes, you have nightmares because of the trauma you went through! I would worry if you didn’t have any!” 

Severus wasn’t sure he would be able to win their argument. If Harry was determined to pursue him, the young man wouldn’t give in. “Harry—“ 

But Harry cut him short. “Just tell me one thing and make it the truth. Don’t lie to me.” He studied those dark eyes and found his answer there. “Are you attracted to me? Do you want me to stay? Do you like having me around? Do you have feelings for me?”

Severus was sorely tempted to lie because he really believed that nothing good could come out of this. But Harry continued to hold his gaze, and although Severus was a good liar and actor, he found he wasn’t up to his old tricks these days. Not when Harry gave him that look. But telling the truth would only encourage the young man and Severus didn’t want him to waste his life that way.

“The truth, Severus. I deserve that, don’t I?”

Harry was right of course. Harry deserved the truth. Severus drew in a deep breath and then did avert his gaze. He couldn’t say this while looking into those eyes. “I… enjoy your company,” he started and hated the way his voice trembled; the way it showed his distress. “I…” he had to pause to search for the right words. He had known this would be difficult, but he had still underestimated it. “I want you close, yes. I…” he faltered again. He had never told anyone he loved them before. How did one do that? Just blurt it out?

Harry appreciated the effort Severus made. He had known all along that the older wizard might fail to label his feelings. “Severus?” The older wizard finally looked at him and Harry smiled reassuringly. “You are attracted me… yes?”

Relieved that he didn’t have to actually say it, Severus nodded.

Harry’s smile broadened. He felt beyond relieved that Severus was admitting the truth. The older man could have kicked him out instead, telling him to never come near him again. But at the moment, it seemed that Severus simply lacked the tools to express himself, which didn’t surprise him. The man had had to repress his feelings for two decades! “Then I don’t see any problems with pursuing you. You want this as much as I do.”

Harry was correct about that, but Severus still felt allowing it would be wrong. “You can do better, Harry. Why would you settle for me?” The sudden anger on Harry’s face was unexpected. The glare Harry shot his way made him cringe.

“Severus, you have no idea what attracts me to you, do you?”

Severus shrugged. “I know what I am, Harry. No one ever pursued me before and I have not changed. So why would you feel attracted to me now?”

Severus needed to hear it, Harry realized. Severus needed to hear why he was worthy being loved. Harry put the tray onto the nightstand and sat cross-legged opposite the older wizard. “Will you please look at me?” 

Severus raised his gaze and faced Harry. “You don’t have to do this. You are free to leave these rooms and return to the dormitories, or visit the Burrow,” Severus said, eager to offer Harry a way out.

Harry knew exactly what Severus was trying to do, but it wasn’t going to work. “I don’t want to visit the damn Burrow, or to go back to my old room! I want to be here – with you. Severus, if only you could see yourself the way I see you! I am not going to lie to you and call you breathtakingly handsome…” He paused at hearing Severus chuckle, “But you possess a certain air which I find attractive. The fact that you let down your guard and allow me to look beneath the mask you always wear allows me to meet the real you. And I like the real you. You turned out to be everything I hoped for. When you died and Fawkes brought you back, I merely wanted to talk to you about my parents. But while you recovered, I got to know you. You are incredibly shy, but at the same time, willing to befriend me. I understand that this attraction confuses you.”

“Does it not confuse you then?” Severus found himself hopeful that Harry would continue to pursue him. If only he was able to give himself permission to accept and enjoy the fact that the young man wanted him!

Harry cocked his head and considered the question. “Dating Cho and Ginny confused me, but this is different. I feel like I know you. You don’t confuse me. Thanks to you my hormones are driving me mad, but no, I am not confused. I know what I want and that’s you.”

Hormones? Severus stared at Harry in surprise. It was one thing to pursue a close friendship, but what Harry said, implied…

“Yes!” Harry shook his head in wonder. “I want to date you – court you, if that’s more what you would call it, and I do hope we will…” Damn, how to say this? “Touch and kiss to begin with.” Harry felt a blush creep onto his face and he was unable to stop it. “Some nights ago I dreamt you made love to me.”

Severus closed his eyes and tried to find some – no matter how small! – inner balance which would allow him to continue this conversation. “Harry, I…” He couldn’t possibly admit this! It would show just how unwanted he had been in the past. But Harry deserved the truth, he reminded himself. “I never had a lover before, Harry.” His voice hitched while uttering the young man’s name. 

It was obvious that Severus felt uncomfortable making that admission and he admired the older man for having the courage to actually tell him. “That makes two, Severus. I never went beyond kissing either, and the times that happened can easily be counted on one hand.” 

That wasn’t the reaction Severus had expected. “Are you sure about this?” he could barely believe he was about to give Harry his chance. Allowing himself to commit to Harry and to give in to his feelings could very well destroy him, should Harry change his mind. He was too old – too scarred to survive losing love after having finally found it. Risking his heart meant risking everything.

“I am sure, Severus. I want this. I want you, if you will have me.” Harry knew Severus would grant him his chance. Those dark eyes shone with hope and the need to love and be loved. 

“I must have lost my mind, but I do want this.” Severus fully expected one of the paintings to get involved and to stop him from doing this. But the paintings remained quiet. 

Fawkes, who had followed the exchange with great interest, chirped approvingly. 

Severus had forgotten about the phoenix until the magical bird squeaked into his ear. He looked up and Fawkes promptly pushed his head against his cheek in obvious affection and approval. It was beyond him why the phoenix reacted that way.

“See, even Fawkes agrees.” Harry knew he had pushed Severus to his limits and now he had to back down. Kissing him, like he would have liked, was out of the question. The Potions Master would probably push him away after all. ”How about breakfast, you taking your potions, and another walk?”

Severus nodded, grateful for the reprieve. He felt ill equipped to deal with the situation. Focusing on those things, feeding himself, taking his medication and getting some exercise might help him achieve some sense of normality in this absurd situation!

/

It was a beautiful day. Summer met autumn in a blaze of golden reds and coloured leaves. The wind played hide and seek with the ones already falling from the trees. Severus sat on a bench near the lake and felt happy – truly happy. His soul burst with joy and he had never experienced such a moment before. Most of his life he had walked in darkness and fate had been like quicksand trying to pull him under and suffocate him. But with Harry sitting next to him, and holding his hand so lovingly, the past seemed a million years away. It almost felt like being reborn.

Seeing such an rapturous expression on Severus’ face made Harry smile. As far as he was concerned his companion deserved nothing but happiness after everything they had been through.

“I like it here,” Severus whispered and drew in a deep breath, filling his lungs with the warm air. He felt warm – in body and soul. It was a wonderful experience and he wanted for it to last. 

Harry turned Severus’ hand around and ran his thumb along the lines of that calloused palm. It was truly a Potions Master’s hand; stained by hard and long labour over cauldrons and handling potion ingredients. It was Severus’ wand hand – the hand which had cast the Killing Curse at Dumbledore. Harry sighed and pulled Severus’ hand against his chest, cradling it and holding on tight.

Harry’s action surprised Severus. “What’s amiss?”

“Nothing really,” Harry whispered, rubbing Severus’ fingers. “I could have lost you – I did lose you, but Fawkes brought you back.” He sought out the phoenix who was hopping from tree to tree, chasing a dove. There was definitely a mischievous side to the magical bird!

Harry was first to notice they had a visitor. A woman, clad in a red dress with long auburn hair, was heading their way. Harry blinked in disbelief. “Is that…?”

Severus followed the direction of Harry’s gaze. “Professor Trelawney?” 

Harry’s eyes widened. “But she looks different!” 

Severus took in her appearance. Gone was the messy hairstyle. Her long, straight hair shone with health. The glasses were gone too; Severus had always known that she didn’t need them. She had exchanged her gypsy-like clothing for a simple, form-fitting dress that gave her a natural elegance. 

“But I don’t understand!” Harry expected Severus to look equally stunned, but the older wizard looked completely composed. 

“Harry, Severus,” Sybil said upon reaching them. Her dark green eyes studied them, and she didn’t need her inner eye to know that another vision she had once seen was finally coming true. “It is good to see you here. Nature is the best remedy for the soul and a sunny, warm day like this does wonders healing old scars.” She looked at Severus and nodded. “You will be fine in the end. Just give it time.”

Harry, still dazed, got to his feet, but didn’t let go of Severus’ hand. “Professor,” he addressed her. “What happened to you? I hardly recognize you!”

“Like Severus I was forced to act a certain way. By pretending to be a blundering and incompetent fool we made sure Voldemort wouldn’t take any further interest in me.”

Harry’s gaze shifted from her to Severus. “Did you know about this?”

“I wasn’t sure,” Severus admitted. Sybil had looked like this when he had eavesdropped on her. Younger, of course, but she had been an attractive woman, not the blundering fool she had pretended to be ever since. “Albus never confirmed my suspicions. It was better that way. Should Voldemort break through my shields he would discover the truth about her. She might have become another target then.”

Severus’ explanation made sense to Harry, who wondered who else had been forced to act a certain way in order to give him a chance to destroy Voldemort! He smiled shyly at her. “Are you going to predict my death again?”

Sybil returned his smile. “You died, didn’t you? Everything I foretold came true,” she reminded him.

His smile froze on his face, realizing she was right. “I died…” And she had predicted it. “Does that mean…?”

“That I truly have the Second Sight? That I am gifted with the curse of prophesy?”

Severus bowed his head, understanding better than Harry why she would look upon her gift as a curse.

“Yes,” Harry muttered uncertainly.

“I am a true Seer, Harry,” she confirmed and studied him. “Do you want to know what I See when I look at you?”

Harry was about to shake his head – he most certainly didn’t want to hear her predict his death again! – when she started to speak in an oddly monotone voice. Automatically, he tightened his hold on Severus’ hand, needing it to ground him.

Severus rose from the bench and wrapped an arm around Harry, sensing the young man’s sudden distress. 

Sybil smiled while looking at the two men; both too old for their years. “I see a content young man, who finally looks beyond the obvious. I see a young man who is willing to fight for true love. I see two men who belong together, and if you preserve, you will both find true happiness.” She rested a hand on Harry’s shoulder and continued to smile. “It’s up to you to make sure this future comes into existence. True love is extremely rare, Harry. Now that you have found it, I urge you to make sure Severus can’t slip away.”

Severus realized Harry’s feelings showed on his face for anyone who looked closely enough, but to speak of true love at this stage? Sybil must have sensed something. Maybe she had caught a glimpse of the future; otherwise she wouldn’t have told them that. 

Harry’s eyes narrowed in thought. Could his professor really be a Seer?

“Harry,” Sybil whispered in an amused voice. “I understand that you doubt me, but doesn’t your heart tell you the truth? Severus is your true love – you know that – here.” She briefly rested her hand against his chest and then pulled away. “I wish the two of you nothing but happiness. I know that we will meet again, but it won’t happen for the next few years. I am leaving, you see. I am finally free to travel the world – to see places and meet people I should have met years ago.”

Severus cringed. That meant he had to find a new Divination teacher as well!

Sybil gave him a sharp look. “You have some talent. You always had. Why do you think you survived both wars?”

Severus stared at her disbelief. “I survived because Fawkes saved me!”

“You KNEW you would die in the shack, Severus. You accepted your fate. You never doubted what would happen. Ask yourself how you knew with such certainty that you would die that way?”

Severus could have elaborated; could have told her he had known Voldemort would kill him because he needed to master the Elder wand, but he couldn’t. She was right; he had always known he would die in the Shack. The place had always scared him, but he had been unable to stay away. 

She grinned. “It is good to finally see you admit the truth, Severus.” She then leaned in closer and kissed his brow. “Don’t deny your gift; try to use it to your advantage and maybe you will realize you want to teach again. But not Potions – it is time for you to move on.” While she said that, she winked at Harry. “Keep a close eye on him, Harry. He needs someone to remind him he is loved.”

Harry nodded eagerly; she could count on him! He leaned against Severus and watched her walk away. “That was odd.”

“Maybe not as odd as you think.” Severus didn’t know what made him do it, but he pressed a kiss onto Harry’s ruffled hair. 

The affectionate gesture delighted Harry, who turned his head to look at his companion. “Is she right? Are you gifted that way?”

Severus was not ready to confront that question, so he opted for distraction instead. He raised his right arm and rested the palm of his hand against Harry’s cheek, tenderly rubbing the skin beneath his fingers. “Do you want to join me for tea? I am thirsty.”

Harry knew the distraction for what it was, but couldn’t grow angry with Severus. The older man would tell him once he was ready. For now, he relished the fact that Severus was touching him; caressing his face and holding him close. Harry rested his head against Severus’ shoulder and savoured the embrace for another moment before pulling away and nodding. “Let’s head home then.”

“Yes,” Severus muttered. “Home.”

/

Headmaster, you have a visitor. It’s Kingsley…

Severus looked up from the letter he was reading. The Board of Governors had written him to let him know they wanted him to stay on as Headmaster. It wasn’t like they had a choice, Severus mused. Hogwarts wouldn’t accept a new Head as long as he lived. You can allow him in.

Harry had been watching Severus and wondered about the sudden blank expression on the man’s face. Seeing it made him get to his feet and walk over to the desk. “What happened just now?”

“I let Hogwarts know that Kingsley is welcome here.” 

“You can actually do that? Communicate with the castle by just thinking at it?” 

“I told you before – it’s a symbiosis. It’s the reason why Hogwarts won’t accept a new Head, even had the Board decided to replace me. Hogwarts formed a bond with me – you witnessed it.”

Harry nodded. He had seen it happen all right. 

“Severus!” Kingsley walked toward the desk and was relieved to see Severus looking much better. He had worried about the other wizard, especially after realizing the full extent of the danger Severus had exposed himself to throughout the years. “Harry, it is good to see you too!” Ah, yes, Harry had kept Severus company in the infirmary – Kingsley remembered that! It made sense to see the young man here now as well.

Severus however recalled something else – namely that Kingsley watched his memories. His gaze shifted over to the pensieve which was empty. He wasn’t going to risk anyone else watching them. 

“Severus…” Kingsley whispered the name as he came to a halt in front of the desk. His newfound respect and admiration made him look at the Potions Master in a different way. “We couldn’t have won the war without you – I know that now. We owe you our gratitude.”

Severus raised an arm and waved the comment away. “I did whatever was necessary in order to destroy that monster. Don’t make me into a hero. That’s something I am most definitely not. I merely tried to fix mistakes I made.”

Kingsley now understood Severus much better than he had in the past. He now knew what made the man tick – what motivated him. He also knew Severus would never approve of being labelled a hero, but that was exactly what he had become to many readers of the Quibbler and the Daily Prophet. Both papers had proclaimed Severus a hero. Should Severus ever venture out of the castle, he would find himself surrounded by grateful witches and wizards. “You look much improved,” he said, stepping away from what was obviously a sensitive issue to Severus. 

Severus gestured for him to sit down on the chair he had transfigured. “Tea?”

Kingsley sat down and watched, bemused, Harry sit down on the edge of the desk. Those two seemed to have grown rather close, judging by the ease Harry displayed and that impression was reinforced by the fact that Severus wasn’t berating the young man. “Looks like the two of you buried the hatchet?” He accepted the cup of tea which Severus handed him, but didn’t sip yet. 

“We came to an understanding,” Severus confirmed. “Now,” he said, turning to the matters at hand, “What brings you here?”

“This.” Kingsley placed the letter on the desk. “The Wizengamot asked me to deliver it personally.” Kingsley realized he had made a mistake when Severus tensed; his whole demeanour changed and it was like he was looking at the Snape of old. “Relax!” he added quickly. “It is not a warrant! They merely wish to express their gratitude for the way you served Albus to the end!”

Severus studied Kingsley, trying to determine if the former Auror was telling the truth. He knew that Kingsley was an honest soul who seldom lied and so he was inclined to believe him. “They will not persecute me? Charge me?”

“No, you are a hero, as far as they are concerned.” Kingsley leaned in closer. “You have no idea how relieved they are to be rid of Voldemort.”

“And that means they will look the other way even knowing I killed Albus and cursed my students?” 

“Severus! Stop that!”

All three men looked at Albus, who pressed to the front of his painting. Albus shook his head disapprovingly. “I asked you to end my life! I begged you to cast that curse! It can even be argued that I emotionally blackmailed you in order to cooperate! Stop calling yourself a murderer!”

“If you don’t,” Phineas added, getting involved as well, “I will make sure you find no rest here at Hogwarts. I will bully you the way you bullied young Harry!”

“Phineas!” Albus glared at the former Headmaster. “Don’t threaten him!”

“Why not? What are you going to do about it?” Phineas measured up Dumbledore.

“Stop it! Both of you! By Merlin, just stop it!” Severus stared at them in disbelief. “Don’t fight over this! Don’t fight over… me!”

“But you are worth fighting over,” Albus replied smugly. 

Phineas merely snorted. “Snape, you are Slytherin! Start acting like one!”

Kingsley laughed. “I don’t envy you, having to put up with that!”

Phineas gave Kingsley a disgusted look and promptly left his painting, while Albus smiled, but kept quiet.

“I don’t mind,” Severus found himself admitting, much to his own surprise. “It shows they care.”

Kingsley never expected such a mellow answer, but judging by the expression on Harry’s face, the young man had. It made Kingsley even more determined to find out what had happened between those two. It didn’t surprise Kingsley to see that Severus placed the letter aside without opening it. 

“Does this mean I have nothing to fear from the Wizengamot and the Ministry? That they will leave me alone?”

“They would love to host a feast in your honour, but knowing you the way I do, you won’t attend.”

“That is correct,” Severus hissed. The mere idea of having to attend such a charade appalled him. “Do I have anything to worry about regarding you?”

“Because I saw your memories?”

Severus nodded. Kingsley was now aware of his deepest and darkest secrets.

“Severus, I am honoured to call you my friend. All I want for us is to continue in that manner.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed briefly, but then he nodded. “That is acceptable.” He might have overreacted a bit because Kingsley had brought up the feast. He hated such happenings with a passion. He never knew how to act or what to say, and as a result he always hid in the shadows, hoping no one noticed him. 

Kingsley rose from his chair, acutely aware of the odd tension that filled the room. “Take care, Severus, Harry. See you soon.”

Severus couldn’t help feeling relieved now that Kingsley had left. The Auror always reminded him of the fact that no one had trusted him in the past and he still expected to be charged for past crimes.

Harry scooted closer; let his legs dangled down from the desk. “What’s on your mind?”

Severus wasn’t used to sharing his thoughts, let alone his worries or fears, but since it was Harry who was asking, he would make an effort to explain himself. He gathered his courage and raised his gaze. Looking Harry in the eye, he said, “I find it hard to believe my life has changed to such a degree. People hate me, Harry. They never trusted me. They always expected me to turn on them and to deliver them to Voldemort. And now Kingsley tells me I am pardoned and that they want to hold a feast in my honour? It’s too much.” Severus wavered, wondering if he should add the next part as well or stay quiet instead.

“Say it,” Harry encouraged him as he ran his fingers through those dark strands. He hoped the gesture would calm Severus and remind him that he didn’t have to face this alone.

“I am still trying to accept that I am alive,” Severus whispered in a barely audible voice.

Harry rested his hand at the nape of Severus’ neck, which felt tense. He rubbed it, massaging it gently in the hope to do away with some of the tension. “It’s odd,” he remarked. “Being alive again feels natural to me.”

“You never wanted to die, Harry. To you it was a necessity in order to destroy Voldemort. I choose to die. I wanted to die. I had nothing left to live for, you see.”

“And now? Do you still lack a reason to live?” Harry moved closer until he was only an inch away from Severus’ face. “Do you still want to die?”

“No, I don’t,” Severus mumbled, feeling rather breathless due to Harry’s closeness. “I want to be with you.”

Harry’s heart thumped happily in his chest. That was the answer he had hoped for. “So do I, Severus, I want to be with you too.” Leaning in closer still, he slowly pressed his lips onto Severus’, finally kissing the man he loved.

TBC

14

Severus’ brain was painfully unable to fully register what was actually happening. Harry couldn’t possibly be kissing him! But those lips were soft and warm and eagerly pressed against his. A tip of a tongue teasingly slid along his upper lip, making him quiver. “Harry,” he breathed when those lips deserted his. 

Harry chuckled and gave Severus a shy smile. “I bet you didn’t expect that.”

“Very true,” Severus admitted, still feeling light-headed. “Why did you do it?”

“Because I am in love with you and I want to know what you taste like. Makes me hungry for more,” he whispered against Severus’ lips. Those dark eyes were hooded with emotion and Harry would have loved to instigate another kiss, but he knew Severus needed a moment to process what was happening. “Did you like it? I did.”

Severus was at a loss for words. Knowing that Harry enjoyed kissing him calmed him – but only slightly. His nerves refused to die down though and he was terribly worried about doing something wrong – or saying the wrong thing and shatter the magic that seemed to envelop them. Harry’s fingers moved through his hair, stroking it, and eventually wrapping a strand around a finger. He wanted to touch Harry in turn, but his upbringing, his fears, and worries wouldn’t let him. His breath caught when Harry leaned in closer again, but this time those lips sought out his brow instead. Severus swallowed hard, his nerves flaring again. 

Harry cocked his head, caught Severus’ gaze, and smiled reassuringly. He had half expected the older man to jump to his feet and distance himself. The fact that Severus stayed in place and allowed him close was encouraging. 

Headmaster? There is a problem at the gate which demands your attention. A visitor has arrived and seems to be in need of transportation. 

What visitor? Show me. A moment later, an image floated into his mind, showing him Remus and Tonks, who were about to start walking toward the castle. Tonks carried Teddy in her arms and looked tired. Remus looked even worse; Severus saw the telltale signs of an upcoming transformation on him. It was close to full moon then.

“Severus? Talk to me,” Harry demanded at seeing that blank look on Severus’ face again. “What is it this time?”

“Tonks arrived. I should see to them. Do you want to accompany me?”

“Is Teddy with her?”

“Yes.” Hogwarts distanced itself again from his mind and Severus was able to see Harry clearly once more. “Motherhood must be exhausting and Remus doesn’t look much better. I suspect tonight will be a full moon.”

“He didn’t have any Wolfsbane,” Harry said and cringed. He jumped to his feet and watched Severus rise from his chair. Although he no longer wore his teaching robes, Severus still looked intimidating in black. Maybe it was time to remedy that?

“I will make arrangements. The Room of Requirement will provide us with all necessities.” Severus straightened his coat. “Take my hand,” he whispered, briefly amused that Harry hadn’t claimed it yet out of his own accord. 

“I would love to,” Harry said, chuckling, and gathered Severus’ hand in his. Suddenly he felt the telltale suction of apparation. The next moment, he stood next to the main gate. Severus was at his side, the older man’s hand still cradled safely within his.

“Severus, Harry!” Remus didn’t expect anyone to welcome them to Hogwarts; he had hoped to sneak in Tonks and Teddy without causing a fuss. That strategy had always served him well in the past. Tonks moved closer to him and he instinctively wrapped an arm around her in an effort to offer her a sense of security. He felt weak though; the full moon would cause his transformation tonight and he still had to find a place where he was safe and wouldn’t cause any damage.

Severus never had any personal dealings with Tonks before. He had always been under the impression that she disliked him, so he had kept his distance. Their conversations had always been related to Order business. That had to change though. She was a mother now and Teddy was waking up. Why couldn’t the child have stayed asleep? He wasn’t good with children. “Welcome to Hogwarts,” he said, addressing her. “If Remus had informed me of your arrival, I would have provided proper transportation.” In the back of his mind, he sensed Hogwarts taking action, dispatching a boat so the family could travel to the castle in comfort. Side-along apparation wasn’t an option as Teddy was too young for that.

Remus looked rather guilty at hearing that. “I didn’t know I had to check with you.”

“You don’t,” Severus told him. “A boat shall arrive within the next few minutes and will take you to the castle.” He judged it best not to mention their exhausted looks. “The house elves will ready your rooms.” Severus then realized how cramped those quarters were; they were meant for a bachelor and not for a family. Hogwarts, thinking with him, was already moving walls and windows in order to create larger rooms. 

Harry recognized the blank expression on Severus’ face. He therefore stopped Remus who was about to address Severus. Remus arched an eyebrow but remained quiet. Studying Severus in turn, he noticed the strange look as well.

“It’s Hogwarts,” Harry said. “They have this eerie way of communication.” He took a step closer to Tonks in order to get a good look at the baby. “He’s tiny!”

“He’s only a few weeks old!” Tonks giggled. “What did you expect? A baby Hagrid’s size?”

“Merlin forbid!” Harry returned the teasing and offered Teddy, who was wide-eyed studying his new world, a finger. Teddy immediately grabbed it and wrapped his fingers around it, tugging at it. “He’s cute.” Harry hoped it was the right thing to say.

“Yes, he is!” Tonks beamed with happiness. “But he is a howler… Likes to get his fair share of attention and when isn’t getting it, he makes sure to get it!”

Remus noticed the moment the blank expression left Severus’ eyes and moved closer toward him. Severus WAS Headmaster, Remus reminded himself. That fact still had to fully register with him. “Severus, I need to talk to you about tonight. I don’t want to endanger anyone.”

Severus appreciated the fact that Remus brought up the matter himself. “I have a solution. I will collect you one hour before the moon rises.” As he was watching Remus, he noticed the relief that appeared on the other man’s face. In spite of all the mistakes Remus had made in the past – forgetting to drink his Wolfsbane for example – Severus had never believed the other wizard was careless on purpose. Remus did worry about the damage he could do when he was a werewolf. “For now, enjoy having your family close.” Severus walked them to the lake where a boat – more luxurious and larger than the ones which took the students to the castle – awaited them. “It’s a sunny and warm day; you don’t need to hurry.” Had he ever seen such gratitude on Remus’ face before? Probably, but it had never been aimed at him.

“You are not coming along?” Remus kept a close eye on his wife, while Harry helped her into the boat. Their surroundings intrigued Teddy, who was struggling to take in as much as he could. 

“Not this time.” Severus still had to prepare for Remus’ transformation and wanted to check on their rooms before the couple got there. “Harry and I will meet you at the castle.”

Amused, Remus watched Harry hurry over to Severus the moment the older wizard said his name. He noticed the happy glimmer in those eyes and the eagerness with which Harry claimed Severus’ hand. Apparently the two of them had talked and reached an agreement. It surprised him that Severus was willing to take such a risk; Harry was a lot younger and officially still a student. Maybe the ordeal they had gone through had changed them both. They had both died, Remus reminded himself. That surely changed one’s perspective on life and its rules.

Remus helped Tonks seat herself and then sat down next to his wife, who looked tired. Teddy was their biggest treasure in life, but they hadn’t expected him to be so lively and to keep them busy day and night!

The boat moved away from the shore and set course for the castle. Severus turned his head, only to find Harry had already secured his hand in his. It was his left hand, and he absentmindedly noticed that the dull ache that had tormented him was still there, but lessened whenever Harry cradled that hand in his. Did touch actually diminish that old pain? 

Harry wondered about the strange look on Severus’ face and cocked his head questioningly. 

“Later,” Severus said, knowing Harry would make him tell him. 

Harry nodded. “And now what?”

“We will check on their rooms. Once I am satisfied everything is ready we will give them their privacy.”

Harry still hated the pull of side-along apparation, but bore the discomfort. He found himself again in the centre of Remus’ old rooms. He frowned. “Is it just my imagination or do they seem larger?”

“I asked Hogwarts to add to the rooms, yes. Remus now has a family and Teddy needs some space too.” With his hand still in Harry’s they checked the rooms and Severus found everything satisfactory. The house elves had even gathered a large collection of toys for Teddy and a crib occupied the room next to the master bedroom. 

“They will love it here,” Harry said, eager to reassure Severus who had a strange look on his face. “This already feels like home. After they unpacked they will love living here.” Several trunks stood near a wall. Apparently the house elves had resisted the temptation of unpacking him which was good. Unpacking would give Tonks a chance to really make this into a home. 

Severus pulled him into the corridor and Harry followed his companion back to the Headmaster’s office. Which reminded him… “When will you make the Headmaster’s rooms yours? You don’t keep any personal things here. Where are they?”

Severus berated himself; he should have known that Harry would address the matter. “In the dungeons.”

“Why?” Harry moved in such a way that he stood in front of Severus and was able to study his expression. Severus looked caught.

Severus hesitated. “I don’t feel like I belong in the Headmaster’s rooms. I never felt like I deserved to live there – not after everything I did.”

Harry sighed. “You need to find a way to deal with the guilt, Severus. You are NOT a coward. I apologize for ever calling you that.” Severus flinched and averted his gaze, which pained Harry. “You are a very brave wizard, Severus. I hope that you will realize that one day.” He rested the palms of his hands on either side of Severus’ face and turned his companion’s head toward him. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Albus and Hogwarts want you to feel at home here. You ARE our Headmaster.”

Severus shrugged. “Rationally everything you say makes sense, but emotionally it is a different matter.”

Harry nodded; he knew that. “We will take it step by step, yes?” Severus nodded his consent, which urged Harry to press on. “Ask the house elves to move your things to your new quarters? You no longer belong in those dungeons. You lived there during another life time.”

What Harry said was true, granted, but that didn’t mean he had earned the right to live where Albus had once resided. He wavered and was reluctant to give in.

“Trust me on this, please. It’s what Albus would want… It’s what Hogwarts wants, or don’t you agree?”

Again, what Harry said was true. When he had first been named Headmaster, Hogwarts had eagerly moved his belongings to the office, even without him requesting it. When he had ordered the house elves to return everything to the dungeons, he had felt the resistance Hogwarts had put up. The house elves had agreed eventually, but every now and then he still found something that belonged to him in the office. It was Hogwarts’ way to tell him what it wanted. 

“You know I am right. You can’t deny it!” Harry shook his head in wonder. “Are you going to tell the house elves to move your things or shall I do it?” He wasn’t going to allow Severus to back out.

Severus realized he had lost. Hogwarts was already gathering his personal belongings to take them here. Several popping sounds echoed around them, telling Severus his belongings had arrived.

Harry, who didn’t know that Hogwarts was taking the initiative in the matter, looked around. He started to smile upon recognizing some of Severus’ things. Even the man’s potions ingredients and cauldrons appeared, only to be apparated to their new place. “Hogwarts?” 

Severus sighed and nodded. “Apparently it agrees with you.” He could make the castle move everything back, but he had the feeling Harry would start pestering him about it. Maybe it was best to just give in. He had to admit the office’s appearance was changing. With his books on potion making added to the library, and smaller cauldrons appearing on the shelves, the office started to feel like home – not that he truly knew the way that felt. He had never thought of the place where he grew up as home – the closest thing to a home were the dungeons, but they had seen too much misery. He couldn’t call them home either. 

Harry liked what he saw – he liked it a lot. He turned around and headed for the master bedroom. As expected, Severus followed him, a curious expression appearing on the older man’s face.

“What are you doing?” Why was Harry moving into his bedroom?

Harry looked about and nodded again. A few personal affects stood on the nightstand and a worn-looking chair stood against the wall. The quilt which now covered the bed hadn’t been there before. Harry headed for the wardrobe, which he opened, only to promptly cringe. A cloud of depressing dark clothes stared back at him.

Severus didn’t know what to make of the odd look on Harry’s face. He moved forward and joined the young man in looking at his clothes. Why did that upset Harry?

“Severus, do you own anything that is NOT black?”

Severus nodded. “Of course I do. Those white shirts.” Harry suddenly elbowed him in the side. “What?” he hissed.

“You hide those shirts beneath a sea of black! Don’t you have any clothes that are not black?” Maybe a trip to Hogsmeade was in order? Although, knowing Severus, the older man would fight him over it.

“What’s wrong with black?”

“It’s exactly that – black! I want to see you in colour!”

Severus shivered, recalling the colourful outfits Albus had worn in the past. “No, thank you!”

“I am not talking about pink! Or yellow! But how about some dark green? Or dark blues?” Hell, he would even settle for browns or greys, though he doubted they would do Severus credit. “I can see you in dark greens – maybe something velvety, something smooth.” The look Severus gave him could only be described as shocked – appalled even. “Green is your House colour!”

Severus felt uneasy even considering dressing in anything but his familiar outfit. The buttoned up trousers, coat, and sleeves made him feel safe. He had to that admit Harry was right though; he should give a different colour a chance. He cringed upon sensing Hogwarts taking charge again. 

Harry couldn’t help chuckling upon seeing two sets of black clothes attain a different colour. One featured dark green now, while the other had changed into midnight blue. “It doesn’t differ that much from black,” he told Severus in an effort to reassure him. “If the light’s right, it still resembles black.”

Severus didn’t particularly like Hogwarts taking charge in this manner, but so far, the castle had limited itself to small gestures, mostly intended to push him into a certain direction. Harry suddenly wrapped his arms around him from behind and the embrace caused him to freeze. The sudden close contact, the fact that he was in someone’s arms and being held, upended his life like Harry’s kiss had done earlier. “Harry?” He looked at the young man from over his shoulder and absentmindedly registered that Harry was almost his height. There was only a minimal height difference, which could easily be ignored. The boy he had known WAS gone – he had become a man. There was no way he could deny that Harry was an adult. 

“I would love to see you in Slytherin green.” Harry hoped his tactic was going to work. 

Severus moistened his lips and studied Harry. “I can no longer be a Head of House, Harry, and I doubt I will find a teacher willing to take on responsibility for Slytherin. It will be even worse than after the first war. Everyone in Slytherin will be branded a former Death Eater, or a child of a Death Eater.” That pained him.

Harry hadn’t even considered that. “But the war is over! Voldemort is dead!”

“Both convicted Death Eaters and those who are still on the run, will eventually have to enrol their children somewhere. Those coming to Hogwarts will find it hard to gain any respect.”

Harry frowned deeply and pondered Severus’ words. It was true - Slytherin would be branded a house of traitors. Even Severus being Albus’ loyal spy wouldn’t help the students gain acceptance. Most people needed a scapegoat, even though the war had ended. “Let me think about it. Maybe I can come up with a solution.”

“Harry, you can’t save everyone.” But the moment he said it, Severus realized Harry didn’t think that way.

“I will do whatever I can to prevent Slytherin being used as a scapegoat. If that happens, it will only give them a reason to lash out at everyone else. For this to work, Slytherin must be accepted and respected again. Or a new Riddle will rise from it.”

Harry’s insight impressed Severus. “Maybe you are part Slytherin after all.” Harry coughed nervously and Severus grinned. “I do know that the Sorting Hat wanted to place you in my house.”

“You do?” Harry gulped in surprise. “And you never told me?”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything.” Severus turned in the embrace and studied Harry’s expression. The young man refused to let go or even loosen the embrace; he was quite stuck in it. Not that he minded – that much. Harry seemed preoccupied though. “What’s on your mind?” He forced himself to relax, which took him a moment, but then the tension left his shoulders and he sagged slightly against Harry, who caught him even tighter in his arms.

“I might have found a solution, but I doubt you will like it!” Why did Severus have to be this damn close? How was he supposed to think? His hormones were short-circuiting his brain and all he could think about was how close those lips were – close enough to kiss. Actually they deserved to be kissed and he really should… Harry shook his head, trying to clear his mind. 

Severus didn’t know whether to feel amused or to panic upon feeling Harry’s erection pressed against his thigh. Harry hadn’t been joking when he had mentioned his hormones kicking in. It also meant Harry really desired him. There was no way to fake this – not where Harry was concerned. “What kind of solution?” Hopefully answering him would distract Harry. 

Harry was shamefully aware of the erection he was sporting. Even worse, pressed against Severus like that, his companion couldn’t help but notice it too. He considered moving away, but something in Severus’ expression reassured him. The older man wasn’t going to call him on it. Hearing Severus’ question forced him to concentrate on their conversation. If only he could lock out the sight of those lips!

“Harry?” Severus’ amusement increased and he smiled. “Did you hear me?” To him, it was a novel experience to actually feel someone’s desire for him. 

“I did,” Harry admitted and coughed again, trying to rid himself of that odd feeling constricting his throat. “Maybe you should consider hiring me as your new Divinations teacher. Maybe you will want to make me Head of Slytherin too. After all, the Sorting Hat wanted to put me in that house. Also, by making me Head of Slytherin, I can fight their battles and help them redeem themselves. No one is going to badmouth Slytherin with me as its Head.”

Severus had at one point entertained the same idea, but had quickly dismissed it. “But you want to be an Auror. That’s your dream.”

Harry shrugged. “Maybe that’s what it was – a dream. I wanted to be an Auror because my father was one. I wanted to fight Voldemort and other evil wizards, but after duelling him and dying, my outlook on life has changed. I want to build something instead of tearing things down. I truly believe that I can help redeem Slytherin. You can tutor me on Divination and if you find me unworthy of teaching students, you can step in as replacement.”

Severus chuckled softly. “Maybe you can teach the junior years? I can take on everything from fifth year up. I actually like the idea of you becoming Slytherin after all. You did manipulate the Sorting Hat.”

“Not manipulate,” Harry said, cringing. “I merely pointed out to him that I had to be in Gryffindor!”

Severus’ chuckles grew louder. “We will see. I will consider your idea.”

“Admit it, you like it!” Harry knew he was going to win. He could tell by looking into Severus’ eyes, which shone with mirth. 

“I do,” Severus admitted. “The same idea did cross my mind earlier on.”

Harry felt smug – totally and absolutely smug. “You are going to give in.”

Severus, getting carried away by their bantering and the relaxed atmosphere, slowly wrapped an arm around Harry’s shoulder. “I might – in this case.”

Harry, growing cheeky, grinned. “Are you going to kiss me?”

Severus felt torn between grinning in turn and fleeing the room. In the end, he made his choice, hoping it was the right one. “Do you wish to be kissed then?”

“Wish? I need to be kissed! I am…” He was horny. He knew they wouldn’t do anything besides kiss, but he desperately needed for it to happen now. He was about to claim Severus’ lips, when the older man moved first. Soft and wavering lips brushed his, only to desert them again. Harry wasn’t going to have any of that though. He pressed his upper body against Severus’, rested his hand at the nape of the older man’s neck, and pulled him in for what he considered a proper kiss. He wanted to slip his tongue into Severus’ mouth, but controlled himself. It was hard though – literally. 

Harry’s passion surprised Severus, who felt himself reacting to it. Using the slight height difference to his advantage, he claimed possession of Harry’s mouth and deepened the kiss. He hadn’t meant for it to happen, but suddenly Harry’s lips and teeth parted. Before he knew what was happening, the tips of their tongues touched. His breathing sped up and Harry gasped softly, moving even closer and challenging him by deepening their kiss. Severus let him; he had no need to dominate the encounter. The bitter truth was that Harry had more experience than him. 

Harry closed his eyes and sighed deeply into Severus’ mouth. He had dreamt of a kiss like this – had hoped for it, and now it was finally happening. Growing short of breath, Harry regrettably had to break off the kiss. Smiling at Severus, he savoured the fact that those eyes didn’t seem that dark anymore. “I could do that forever.”

Severus felt relieved; apparently he had done something right if Harry had enjoyed that kiss. “Forever is an awfully long time.”

“As far as I am concerned it’s too short.” Harry didn’t want to let go, but the magical moment had passed and he released Severus from his hold. 

“I should probably check on Remus and Tonks and ask if everything is to their liking.”

“You didn’t tell me yet how you mean to contain Remus when he’s a werewolf.” 

“You don’t need to know everything,” Severus said teasingly. “Maybe I will tell you – maybe I won’t.”

Harry grinned; if necessary two could play that game. He just had to wait for the best moment.

TBC

15

Remus was surprised to find Harry wasn’t accompanying Severus this time around. “Where did your shadow go?”

Severus arched an eyebrow. “My shadow decided a firecall with his friends was in order.” The fact that Harry and Neville were discussing Longbottom’s return to the school that very moment made him nervous. Maybe he was a coward after all – he would rather face Voldemort than Neville. He had wronged that young man and he was painfully aware of it.

“It’s good to see Harry isn’t neglecting his friends,” Remus said and guided Severus into their living room area. Tonks sat in a rocking chair and was bottle feeding little Teddy. The peaceful sight filled Remus’ heart with joy. “I need to thank you,” he said after gesturing for Severus to sit down as well. “I don’t recall these quarters being this large during the year I lived here.”

Severus sat down and wondered how to act around mother and son. Teddy wouldn’t be the first baby to be terrified of him. “Hogwarts made some changes to the rooms. Are they to your liking?” He watched Remus move behind the rocking chair and resting his hands on Tonks’ shoulders. It was Tonks who answered the question though.

“Thank you for allowing us to stay. I had hoped we would be able to settle down somewhere safe, but Hogwarts… It’s the best thing that could have happened to us!”

Severus inclined his head in understanding. “If you need anything, just tell the house elves. They live to please.” 

“I know why you are here,” Remus suddenly stammered. “It’s because of my transformation, isn’t it?”

Severus nodded. “What are your plans for the night?”

“I don’t know,” Remus admitted and lowered his gaze. “You can always lock me up in the Shack.” He felt terribly guilty for thrusting his problem onto Severus. The werewolf curse was something HE should deal with -- alone – not burden others that way.

Severus shivered at the mention of that dreadful place. “No one will ever again enter that accursed place.” He would ward it against intruders – personally.

Remus looked up in surprise. “But… I can’t stay in the castle! You know that!” He couldn’t bear the thought of accidentally hurting anyone during his transformation!

“I have something in mind which I believe will work. It is not a… comfortable solution, but it should do for now. Next month, I can supply you once more with the Wolfsbane, or, if you find you prefer my method, we can continue with that.”

“You are doing this on purpose,” Remus said accusingly. “Keeping me in the dark!”

“Not on purpose,” Severus clarified. “I am merely thinking of the best way to tell you.”

“Just spill it,” Remus said, his voice gaining a desperate edge. Tonks rested her hand on his and squeezed encouragingly. He loved her so much! He couldn’t risk hurting her or Teddy – or losing her love because of this beast he was about to become. “Just make sure they are safe, please, Severus.”

“I personally vouch for their safety,” Severus said, understanding Remus’ need to know them safe. “Now, about my solution… Years ago I perfected a static spell. It differs from the basic spell in that way that I can maintain it for a very long time – hours – or in this case, during the night.”

“I will basically be your prisoner then. Being unable to move,” Remus realized. Just as Severus had already hinted, it was a very uncomfortable solution; he would be a prisoner in his own body. 

“And should I cast it before you change into a werewolf, I believe it will stop the transformation.” Severus watched Remus carefully. “You will decide the moment when I cast it. It can be done before or after you transform. I won’t make that decision for you.” Remus suddenly seemed very alert – very interested in his offer.

“Are you saying that spell will stop my transformation?” Remus’ heart was going a million beats per minute.

Severus nodded. “I never tried it before, but I am fairly certain it will stop the transformation.” Looking at it from Remus’ point of view, he suddenly realized why Remus was this interested. “Your body needs days, if not weeks to completely recover from a transformation. If you don’t transform, you will maintain your strength.” Why hadn’t he thought of that before? “I assume you want me to cast the spell before you transform?”

“Can you really do that? Stop the transformation?” Remus was afraid to believe he might have found a solution to his problem. What if it didn’t work? What if Severus had miscalculated? What if he still transformed?

“I believe so, although, we will only know for sure once the moment comes.” 

Was Severus really going to do this for him? Remus was very, so very afraid, to believe it would work. “You will have to maintain your spell casting throughout the night. Can you do that?” Upholding the spell would most certainly drain Severus. What if his strength faltered during the night?

“I have help,” Severus said eventually. He felt it was safe to confide in them. “I will cast the spell and Hogwarts will maintain it, feeding it the energy it needs. I only need to direct that energy.”

“You are Headmaster, of course!” Remus knew it was folly, but he was beginning to believe it might work. “I appreciate you brewing the Wolfsbane, Severus, but if this works than I prefer the spell to the potion.”

“Even though you won’t be able to move during the night? You will be incarcerated in your own body.” The spell would allow Remus to continue breathing, but that was about it.

“I gladly take a night of imprisonment over the pain the transformation brings.” He wouldn’t need to recuperate; he could continue to care for his family and Tonks wouldn’t have to nurse him back to health. She needed to concentrate on Teddy for now!

Severus sought out Tonks’ gaze. “What is your opinion in this matter?”

Tonks stroked her son’s hair and cocked her head so she could make eye contact with her husband. “I agree with Remus. The transformation leaves him shattered – in body mostly, but his mind fractures deeper each time the werewolf manifests. If the spell works, I think it would be best for Remus to submit himself to it instead of taking the Wolfsbane. Provided of course the spell works.”

“We will find out before the night is through.” Severus rose from his chair. “I will collect you in thirty minutes. Be ready to leave.”

“Where will we go?” Remus’ nervousness increased.

“The Room of Requirement. It is perfect.”

Remus felt relieved – not the shack then. “I will be ready.”

“Good.” Severus gave them another look and his heart clenched painfully. Remus had much to lose – a wife and son, a family. He would do anything within his power to make sure he found a permanent solution to Remus’ problem. In the meantime, hopefully the spell would work and prevent the transformation.

/

“How did it go?” Harry looked up from the hot chocolate he was sipping. Winky had insisted on getting him some when he had made the mistake of mentioning he liked it. 

Severus needed a moment to process what he was seeing. Harry, wearing pyjamas – his! - had made himself comfortable on the sofa near the fire place. Magazines and books lay on the floor, as well as on the coffee table and the sofa itself. “What happened here?”

“I reckon I need to read up on the Divination subjects I need to teach. Yes,” he said and laughed. “You caught me studying!”

Severus shook his head in wonder. “I haven’t even hired you.”

“You won’t deny me. You won’t dismiss such a sound plan just to annoy me.” Harry raised an arm and gestured for Severus to join him on the sofa. “How did it go?” he repeated his question.

Severus sat down – rather cautiously—and had to remove a magazine first. “Remus agreed to my plan.” Recalling Harry didn’t know about said plan, he proceeded to explain it to… Severus faltered; what was Harry to him these days? His companion? His confidante? Or maybe his lover? Beloved would be more fitting though.

“Severus, you are lost in thought again.” Harry tried to catch the elusive, dark gaze. 

“It’s nothing,” Severus assured him and explained his solution to Remus’ problem. “I didn’t believe Remus would prefer the spell to the potion. He will be unable to move during the whole time.”

“Maybe he prefers that to the pain he suffers during and after the transformation?” Harry’s hand slipped into Severus’ dark hair and toyed with the strands. “When must you leave?”

“In twenty minutes,” Severus closed his eyes and relished the feel of Harry caressing his hair. He was quickly growing addictive to these touches. “How did your friends react when you firecalled them?”

“I only reached Neville. Misses Weasley told me that Ron and Hermione had gone on a date.” He grinned. “She actually called it that.”

Neville… So Harry had talked to Longbottom. He feared Neville’s reaction the most. The young man had suffered the worst out of all the students he had been forced to curse. 

Harry was quickly learning to correctly identify Severus’ expressions and this one told him his companion was greatly troubled. He scooted closer. He raised Severus’ arm and gently dragged it across his shoulders. Snuggling up to him, Harry sighed contently. “Neville is nervous about meeting you. You aren’t the only one not knowing what to expect and how to act.”

“When will Neville be back?” He needed time to mentally prepare himself for the confrontation. He found it impossible to believe that the young man could really have forgiven him. One didn’t simply forgive the person who had aimed a Crucio at one!

“Tomorrow.”

Severus groaned. That left him no time prepare! He would be monitoring Remus all night and tomorrow, he would be dead on his feet. Hogwarts might boost his spell casting, but he still had to maintain the focus of the spell. 

“Too soon?” Harry sympathised, but believed Severus had nothing to worry about. It was in Neville’s nature to forgive. Yes, their first encounter would be awkward, but Harry had faith in his friend. 

“Bad timing,” Severus admitted. “I will be watching Remus all night and come morn, I will be exhausted.” That was not a good condition to meet Neville in.

“Can I come along? Maybe I can help?” Harry disliked the notion of being alone during the night. He preferred to have Severus near.

“I will be busy till sunrise and you had better not distract me. I do not wish to find myself face to face with a werewolf.”

“I can’t help?” Harry felt disappointed.

“I am sorry,” Severus said, his heart cringing at seeing Harry’s sad expression. “But your presence would distract me.” He paused to gather his thoughts; why was Harry so disappointed? “Why are you so sad?” Damn, had he really said that aloud?

Harry raised his gaze and made eye contact. “I was rather hoping to sleep in your bed tonight – in your arms to be exact.” Severus grew flustered and it reminded Harry just how inexperienced his companion was in these matters. Not that he had ample experience, but at least, he had dated! Twice!

“You did?” Severus found that hard to believe. 

“You have no idea how much I want to be with you, do you?” Harry moved in such a way that he could study Severus’ face. “You really can’t believe that someone wants to spend time with you, can you?”

“It’s new.” Severus shrugged. “It never happened before. And then there is the difference in age… The fact that you hated me and I bullied you. And—“

Harry stopped Severus from continuing by placing a finger across his companion’s lips. “That’s in the past. You need to move on so we can start building our future. And make no mistake; I want us to be together. Do you remember what professor Trelawney said? She called it true love. Severus, whether you want to believe it or not, I am here to stay.”

Severus grew shy after hearing Harry’s little speech. “I still find it hard believe that you… love me,” he said, opting for the truth instead of detouring. “I find it hard to believe anyone can love me in that way,” he admitted. “I lived in solitude for so long that I don’t know how to react to your… rather fierce declarations.” Severus paused to gather his thoughts and wondered about that radiant expression in Harry’s eyes. Why was that young man so happy? “Harry, I don’t know how to act in a relationship. I will make mistakes – I am certain of that, and I… fear,” he uttered after a moment of insecurity, “that I will chase you away.” Now that he was opening up, he had better go all the way. There was no way of knowing when he would feel this courageous again. “I worry that I won’t grow used to be alone again – should you decide to end this.”

Harry nodded in understanding. It would never cross Severus’ mind that he would end the relationship instead. Severus was convinced that Harry would dump him sooner or later. A tough battle lay ahead of him, but one he was determined to win. He was going to show Severus how deeply he loved him. He was going to prove it over and over again. Raising his arms, he rested the palm of his hands against either side of Severus’ face. He caressed the skin and caught Severus sighing deeply at the touch. The dark eyes which had looked away a moment ago, now fastened on him. Harry read a strange mixture of hope, resignation, and desire in them and he vowed to never let the older man down. “You can entrust your heart to me, Severus. I don’t plan on abandoning you – ever.” He chuckled. He would propose marriage if he wasn’t sure that Severus would promptly declare him insane. “I am here to stay. I love you. I want to be with you.”

Severus wanted to believe him – he desperately wanted to, but he had been disappointed too many times in his life. “Harry, you need to be patient with me.”

“I don’t mind,” Harry said reassuringly. “As long as you will continue to touch me, kiss me, and share your bed with me. In time, you will allow yourself to believe in our love. I only need to make sure we get to that point.”

Severus drew in a deep breath and momentarily closed his eyes in order to savour the caress Harry’s fingertips bestowed onto his skin. He couldn’t deny the truth any longer. And the truth was that he was falling in love too. Harry had achieved the impossible. Opening his eyes again, he found Harry looking at him intently. “I am sorry, but I must leave now. I must collect Lupin before the full moon rises.”

“I am sorry to see you go,” Harry whispered, “But I understand the necessity. I will wait for you – here.”

“I won’t return until morn,” Severus cautioned him. “Don’t stay awake. Try to sleep.”

“I will,” Harry relented. “Though I will miss holding you close.” As expected, Severus grew flustered. It was going to take Severus a long time to feel comfortable with their changed relationship.

/

Remus tensed upon hearing the knock that announced Severus’ arrival. Tonks, who was in his arms, tensed as well, and in an effort to soothe her, he kissed her hair, which was auburn today. “Everything will be fine. You will see.”

Tonks hoped Remus was right. She needed her husband at her side. Looking after Teddy was exhausting and she continuously felt tired. If it wasn’t for Remus’ constant support, she wasn’t sure she would be able to manage. She cringed when he released her, but then straightened her shoulders and reminded herself that they had defeated Voldemort. They would face this as well en find a way to deal with it. 

Remus would have loved to keep holding on to her, but he knew they couldn’t be together tonight. Once the werewolf claimed him, he could easily tear Tonks and their son apart. He wouldn’t recognize them any longer. Remus moved over to the door and opened it. His heart beat loudly in his chest and seemed to echo throughout his entire body, causing him to choke up with nervousness and, yes, fear. For what would happen if Severus’ plan failed? Severus would be his first victim! Could he really continue with this? Maybe he should convince Severus to lock him up at the shack anyway!

Remus drew in a deep breath, opened the door, and was about to remind Severus what could happen in case the spell failed when he suddenly felt speechless. Yes, it definitely was Severus standing there, but it was Fawkes, grooming the black hair that made him blink. The phoenix didn’t seem to notice his presence – instead the magical bird remained focused on tucking Severus’ hair behind his ear. 

Severus endured the grooming. Yes, he could have told Fawkes to stop it, but then the phoenix would sulk and find other ways to make him pay for denying him. “Lupin,” he said, when the other wizard simply stared at him. “Are you ready?”

The sound of Severus’ voice snapped Remus to attention. “Severus, we need to talk,” he babbled. “We can’t do this! What if the spell fails and I attack you? The wolf won’t hold back! I will tear you apart! You should take me to the shack instead and ward it! This is—“

Severus had enough and bellowed, “Stop babbling, Lupin! We will do this my way!”

Remus swallowed hard, but grew quiet. He looked at Severus, who once more seemed composed and in control. Considering the kind of night that lay ahead of them, Remus wished he could feel that calm too. “Severus,” he started again, this time in a softer voice. “This is madness.”

Severus cocked his head. “Yes, it is. Our lives are like that. We will never be ‘normal’ no matter how hard we try.” His expression softened and he gave Fawkes a quick look. The phoenix understood and flew toward Remus to settle down on the wizard’s shoulder. He tucked his head beneath Remus’ hair and crooned softly into the man’s ear. 

Seeing Remus finally calm down, Severus looked deep into those amber eyes. “I vow to keep your family safe, Lupin. Furthermore, I will ensure that no harm comes to you. You can trust me in this.”

Tonks wrapped an arm around Remus’ waist and leaned against him for support. Remus’ reaction was instant – he mirrored hers. Her presence soothed him and also reminded him why he had to do this. “Severus, promise me that you will defend yourself should the spell fail.”

“Of course I will defend myself!” Severus shook his head at such folly. “I will fight and contain you. Never doubt that!”

Severus’ sincerity registered with Remus, who then placed a parting kiss on Tonks’ lips. “Don’t wait up for me,” he said, but in his heart, he knew that she would stay awake until he returned. “I love you…”

“I love you too, Remus.” Tonks pressed a kiss onto his brow and then stepped away from him. “Take good care of him, Severus, please. I can’t bear losing him.”

Severus barely suppressed the urge to roll back his eyes while witnessing the drama. “Remus isn’t going to die, you know.”

Remus blinked in surprise. “You called me Remus!”

This time, Severus did roll back his eyes. “We need to leave – now. We are running out of time.” He watched as they hugged one last time. Then he gestured for Remus to step into the corridor. He followed at once, not looking back at Tonks. But Remus did and even waved at her. Love was a strange thing, Severus mused. Would he find it this hard to part from Harry one day in the future? Would he act like that too? He did miss the young man – he readily admitted that. And the thought that Harry had wanted to sleep in his arms tonight made his heart ache. He sighed; apparently love had him in its tight clutches already!

/

Harry was restless. It might have helped if Fawkes had stayed with him, but the magical bird had decided to accompany Severus instead. Harry flung himself onto his right side, grabbed hold of the pillow and miserably failed to fall asleep. He missed Severus. It was amazing how fast he had grown used to having the older man close while they slept. Realizing sleep would elude him for the rest of the night, Harry left the bed and made his way over the sofa where he picked up a book on Divination. He might as well use his time studying.

/

Tonks rocked Teddy who was peacefully asleep in his crib. Every so often she looked out of the window to see if the full moon was already rising. She worried for Remus and prayed Severus’ plan would work.

/

Fawkes stretched his wings and flew toward his chosen master. He settled down on Severus’ shoulder and watched with anticipation. He would do whatever he could to aid his wizard.

Remus halted in his tracks, surprised by the room’s interior. He knew about the Room of Requirement and had often used it in the past, but this… Remus hesitantly sought out Severus’ gaze. The Potions Master seemed completely composed though – utterly unsurprised by the room’s appearance. “I didn’t ask for this,” he said, feeling the need to clarify that.

“I know you didn’t,” Severus replied as he headed for the padded and comfortable winged back chair next to the fireplace. “I did.”

Remus blinked. “You asked for this?” he said and gestured at the bedroom. A large bed stood in the corner, complete with a warm furs, blankets and several pillows. The whole room breathed a warm atmosphere even though it was shadowed in reds and dark wood. Now that he no longer worried about Severus’ reaction, he realized he felt welcome and at ease in the room.

“Why don’t you lie down?” Severus suggested as he settled down for the night. Fawkes climbed down his chest and cuddled up in his lap. “Make yourself comfortable for the night – it will be a long one.” Severus’ hand settled on top of Fawkes’ body and started to stroke. Fawkes produced that odd sound again and Severus definitely thought the magical bird was purring. He wasn’t going to voice that observation though. 

Remus hesitantly moved toward the bed and then sat down. “Are you going to cast the spell now?” The full moon was rising; he felt it in his bones. 

“Once you are lying down, yes.” Severus mentally rehearsed the spell so his spellcasting would be perfect – it had to be perfect in order to work. Especially as he had decided to add a sleeping spell. It would cause Remus to fall asleep first so he would sleep through the discomfort of the night.

Remus made himself comfortable and turned onto his side, so he could watch Severus. “I am ready,” he said, feeling on edge. Severus nodded. A moment later, his wand appeared in his hand and Remus closed his eyes. Severus was right; this was going to be a long night – for both of them. Did he have the right to demand this from Severus? The whole spellcasting would exhaust the Potions Master. Remus was still debating if he should cancel Severus’ plan when he suddenly fell asleep. It happened so fast, that he never noticed what was happening.

Severus’ fingers halted stroking Fawkes’ head and tensed with intent instead. Remus Lupin was asleep and a prisoner to his spell. Until Severus decided to release the wizard from his spell, Remus was his prisoner in body and soul.

/

Fawkes nibbled on Severus’ thumb and the wizard instantly reacted to it. His concentration had wavered and he had been about to fall asleep. They were four hours into the spellcasting and Severus knew he still have several hours ahead of him. He needed assistance - more than Fawkes could provide.

Hogwarts, my dear friend, he thought, reaching out to the castle. I need your help.

You have it, Headmaster. You need not ask for it.

A burst of energy swept through Severus’ wand, which then steadied again. Thank you. Severus felt Hogwarts’ presence even stronger now and knew it wouldn’t desert him until the sun started to rise in the morning. With this amount of support, he allowed himself to relax slightly. 

A quick look told him that Remus was still asleep – rather deeply. The other man’s dreams seemed peaceful and his breathing was regular. Severus returned to stroking Fawkes and the phoenix reacted by pressing tighter against him. Severus smiled. “And thank you, Fawkes, for staying.”

Severus’ words pleased the phoenix who pushed his head against his wizard’s hand. Then he settled down again, eager to please, but sill alert in case Severus threatened to doze off again.

/

Harry fought hard to stay awake, but when the sun started to rise, he made his way back to their bed. His eyelids closed and he finally drifted off into sleep.

/

Tonks wrung her hands, nervous and with weary anticipation. There had been no commotion during the night. She had even called a house elf to ask if something out of the ordinary had occurred. The elf had merely shook her head and had tried to assure her that everything was fine. Then the elf had insisted on making her some hot chocolate or hot, sweet tea, since she had been so eager to please. In the end, Tonks had given in, and she had to admit that the hot chocolate had briefly distracted her and soothed her nerves – somewhat. 

Now that the morning was upon them, she started to pace the living room. Thankfully Teddy was still peacefully at sleep. He hadn’t woken once during the night, for which she felt grateful. She might have had a hard time to soothe him, stressed as she was. 

How much longer did she have to wait in order to find out what had happened? She yearned to pull Remus into her arms again, but all she could do was wait.

TBC 

Part 16

Remus found it hard to open his eyes. He struggled to fully wake up; quicksand was trying to keep him under, but then he thought of Tonks and Teddy, and his love for them gave him the strength he needed to win the fight. He opened his eyes and stared in surprise at the canopy above him. Why did it sport a phoenix in full flight?

“Time to wake up and return to your family, Lupin. Our business here is done and I need to return to my office.”

Severus’ voice – wholly unexpected and rather mellow, if such a thing was possible! – made Remus turn his head. Upon seeing Severus seated on that chair, everything came back to him. Suddenly he remembered what had happened just a few hours ago. “Severus,” he whispered, his voice oddly raspy. “What happened?” He felt slightly dizzy when he pushed himself upright.

Severus rose from his chair, equally wobbly. He rested a hand against the wall for support. Even with Hogwarts boosting his spellwork, maintaining the spell throughout the night had drained him. A good night’s sleep would hopefully mend that, but at the moment, he felt weak in the knees. “Morning has finally come. The full moon’s gone. You no longer present a danger to the ones living at the castle. You can go to your rooms now. I am sure Tonks eagerly awaits your return.”

Remus nodded; Severus was right. He should reassure Tonks that he was fine. Fine… His head suddenly snapped back and his mind went to full attention. “I didn’t transform!” The pain which normally tormented his body after his transformation was absent. If anything, he felt rested! “I…” Remus jumped to his feet, surprised at the ease with which his body reacted. “I didn’t transform… There is no pain… I feel… well.” Remus swallowed nervously, realizing he owed that to Severus. He cringed upon taking in the Potions Master’s appearance. “You look ill.”

“It’s nothing,” Severus said, quickly dismissing Remus’ concern. Fawkes, who sat perched on the chair made a disapproving sound, but Severus ignored it. All he needed was rest. “You should go now,” he told Remus, eager to rid himself of the man’s presence now that he didn’t feel well. It didn’t do to show weakness in front of someone else. He had learned that a long time ago.

“Severus.” Remus whispered the name as he made his way over the other wizard. “I can help. Let me. I let you help me too.” Remus bore the glare Severus sent his way. He wasn’t surprised to see it. The Potions Master might have mellowed, but the man’s character couldn’t have changed that much that quickly. Old instincts still surfaced in moments of perceived danger. “I am not the enemy, Severus. I am your friend. You stopped the transformation and are giving me a chance to properly heal up. The last thing I want is to harm you in any way. Not after everything you did for me.”

Severus was loathe to accept any help, but since the room kept spinning around him, he had little choice. “Keep your distance though.”

“How am I to assist you,” Remus said, rather opting for assist than help or support, “from a distance?” As he didn’t believe Severus would lash out, Remus set aside any apprehension and carefully wrapped an arm around the other wizard’s waist. Why hadn’t he realized sooner that the Potions Master was that thin? “Easy now,” he cautioned upon feeling Severus trying to pull away. “You don’t want to hit the ground, do you?” Severus looked awfully pale.

Severus growled, but allowed the contact, albeit reluctantly. In his heart he knew Remus wanted to help and wouldn’t take advantage of his weakened state, but the spy inside him found it hard to trust. It was only recalling Harry’s repeated reassurances that the young man wanted to help, which made Severus give Remus the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the other wizard was like Harry in that aspect. 

Remus felt relieved when Severus stopped fighting him. The other man even leaned against him for support. “We will do this slowly, yes?” A slight nod told him that Severus would cooperate. The two of them slowly made their way out of the room and into the corridor. Fawkes trailed behind them, sometimes circling them.

Severus was grateful that they didn’t encounter anyone on their way to his office. But then again, there weren’t many people left at Hogwarts. The place was practically deserted except for Poppy, Filius, Minerva, Hagrid, Tonks, Teddy and Harry of course. He didn’t worry about the ghosts or house elves, they would behave themselves. 

The statue guarding the entrance to the office quickly moved aside and they rode the lift to the office. Remus remained quiet, judging it best not to tempt his luck by making conversation. It had to be hard on Severus to accept the help.

“Which way?” Remus asked once they entered the office. He looked about and realized that a lot of new objects had appeared at the office. Cauldrons, books, potion ingredients, a broom… A broom? He recognized Harry’s broom and everything clicked. “Harry has already moved in?” he said and chuckled. “He is a stubborn little bugger, isn’t he?”

Severus couldn’t help but grin. “That is a perfect description, Lupin. Walk me to the fireplace.”

“Not the bedroom?”

“I don’t want to wake up Harry.” He ignored Remus’ dirty grin and focused on placing one foot in front of the other. Hopefully he felt much improved after a few hours’ sleep. Remus helped lower him onto his comfortable chair and Fawkes promptly landed in his lap. 

Remus chuckled. “He is rather possessive.”

“No, he isn’t,” Severus mumbled, already half asleep and therefore not paying proper attention to what he was saying. “He merely wants to show he cares.”

Remus smiled at the Potions Master who was quickly falling asleep. He noticed a quill on the sofa, collected it, and tucked it around Severus after Fakwes had resettled on top of it. “Sleep tight. By Merlin, you earned it. Thank you, Severus. Thank you for everything.” Remus’ emotions choked up his throat and he found it hard to breathe. “I am going to see Tonks now, but I will check on you later.” Fawkes gave him a look that said, ‘Why are you still babbling? My wizard needs to rest.’ Taking the hint, Remus turned around and left the office, eager to rejoin his family.

/

Tonks spun around and headed for the doorway the moment the turning of the doorknob alerted her of Remus’ arrival. She sprinted toward him and Remus caught her in his arms, whirling her about. Tonks needed a moment to fully understand how well he looked. Normally, after a full moon, he would drag himself over to the bed and sleep fitfully. Now, he looked healthy, energized, and alert. “It worked?” she muttered, still feeling some disbelief.

“It worked,” he assured her. “I can’t recall the last time I felt this well.” 

“But…” Remus put her back onto her feet and Tonks studied him. “Didn’t you hate being imprisoned in your own body?”

Remus shook his head. “Severus added a sleeping spell. I was asleep before the actual spell took hold of me. I only remember sleeping through the night and peacefully at that. I didn’t have a single nightmare.” Which was extremely rare. “We have Severus to thank for that.”

“Do you think he will agree to repeat the spell during the next full moon? If it works that well, you might consider using this approach instead of the Wolfsbane.”

Remus guided her over to their sofa and they sat down. “I am not sure I have the right to ask Severus that.” Seeing her confusion, he added, “The casting left him weak. I had to help him back to his rooms. Normally I would have been the one unsteady on my feet – now it was Severus paying the price. I am not sure I can ask that of him again. My conscience…” He knew she would understand. 

Tonks bit onto her bottom lip. “But if the spell keeps you safe and sound?!”

“You know me, my love. I can’t force this amount of discomfort on Severus because of my condition. I can deal with the pain,” he whispered and gasped in remembrance. The transformation always left him shattered and he needed two weeks in order to even start recovering. And then, when his body had finally fully recuperated the full moon would cause another transformation. Severus’ spell had worked perfectly, but at the Potions Master’s expense. “I can’t,” he mumbled, feeling rather defeated. 

Tonks wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. “I am sorry,” she whispered and tucked his head against her shoulder. “I am so sorry. If only we found a cure – or a way to undo the curse!”

“What Greyback did can never be undone. You know that. You are an Auror. You know what it entails.” Remus wished he could offer his wife a solution, but there was none. “I can’t ask Severus to go through that again. The next time I will use the Wolfsbane instead. I don’t want him to suffer because of my condition.”

Tonks knew she wouldn’t be able to influence him in this matter. His compassion was one of the reasons she loved him so much. He would never use someone to better himself. “I love you.” She kissed his brow and tried to regulate her thundering heartbeat.

“I love you too,” Remus said, sighing. “We should make the best of the extra time we have been given. I have my strength for now and can support you any way you need me to.” He would make sure his family lived comfortably at Hogwarts.

/

Harry groaned; sunrays of golden light peeked beneath his eyelids and he closed them even tighter. He wasn’t ready yet to wake up! He had been asleep for too short a time! 

Severus! Remus! Harry quickly sat upright, remembering why he had gone to bed that late. He jumped out of bed and ran out of the bedroom. He was already on his way to the exit when he caught sight of a black shape from the corner of his eye. He came to a full stop, spun around, and ran back toward the fireplace. It was Severus! He almost called out the name, but stopped himself just in time. Severus looked dreadful – much too pale and gaunt. He probably needed all the rest he could get.

Recalling Neville was to visit today, Harry quickly cast tempus and cringed. Neville was about to arrive in ten minutes! That left him little time to plan his next action. Should he awake Severus and alert him of Neville’s arrival? Or should he let the older man sleep and collect Neville himself? But then again, Severus might not react well once he found out that Neville had arrived without his knowledge. Harry made his decision and ran toward the doorway. He would collect Neville and then… Well, he would hopefully know what to do when the time came!

/

Neville stood near the gate and wondered why there was no one there to welcome him. He didn’t expect a large welcoming committee, but Harry had promised to be there. He was going to wait another five minutes and should his friend hadn’t shown up by then, he was apparating home. He wasn’t sure this was the right thing to do as it was. Ever since the truth about Snape had come out in the open, he had realized that the spy had had little choice regarding the way he had acted in the past – especially once the Carrows had turned up at Hogwarts. But that didn’t mean he had forgiven the man for what he had done. Snape had aimed several Crucios at him and Neville counted himself lucky that he hadn’t suffered his parents’ fate. He still had nightmares about Snape cursing him.

“Neville! I am so sorry I am late!” Harry, who had run all the way down, stopped in his tracks and panted loudly. “I woke up and didn’t realize it was this late!”

Neville smiled forgivingly. “Not a problem, Harry. I was wondering if you had forgotten about me, but I really should know better.”

Harry then realized his problem – the gate. Only Severus could unward the gate and allow Neville to enter. “Shit!”

Neville grinned. “What’s wrong?”

“The gate won’t open for me. Only Severus can do that.”

“Severus?” Neville frowned. “I didn’t know you were on first name basis with the guy.”

“A lot has happened, Neville. Really, you have no idea… But I will tell you everything.” Harry cringed, realizing he did have a problem. He had to fetch Severus so Neville could enter Hogwarts. “Neville, you are not going to like this.” His friend’s frown deepened. “We need Severus – now.”

Neville had hoped to talk to Harry before confronting his nemesis. He didn’t like the idea of having to beg Snape entry to the school. “I can come back later – or another day!” he offered, suddenly getting cold feet.

“No!” Harry fervently shook his head. “You need to do this. Both of you!” Neville had to realize that Severus wasn’t the evil git he had always assumed him to be, and Severus had to face what he had done to Neville. The timing however, greatly sucked. Since he didn’t fancy running all the way back to the castle, he summoned his patronus. “Tell Severus we need him at the gate. It’s warded and Neville can’t enter.” The stag headed for the castle and quickly vanished from sight. Harry drew in a deep breath and turned to face his friend again. Since they couldn’t do much except talk, he asked, “How are you doing, Neville?”

Neville looked at Harry and was reminded of how much his friend had risked to save them all from Voldemort. When he had seen Harry’s corpse, he had felt enraged, sad, and cheated. Back then, he had thought he would never be able to talk to Harry again. Now that Harry was standing in front of him, alive and well, he realized he had to let go of any resentment he felt for Harry befriending Snape. Harry was a good judge of character and apparently Snape possessed some hidden qualities that Harry thought worthwhile. Therefore, he would make an honest effort to get along with the Potions Master, even if the thought alone made his skin crawl. “Better,” he replied eventually. “I have healed up – in body at least. I still have nightmares though.”

Harry appreciated his friend’s honesty. “About what?” He knew he had to face this – for Neville’s and Severus’ sake. He owed it to both of them.

“Seeing your corpse – or believing it to be your corpse… Snape cursing me… The Carrows cursing the younger students.” Neville studied Harry and saw the pain they shared reflected in those eyes. Harry wouldn’t excuse Snape’s deeds, he knew that. Harry knew what had happened at Hogwarts, and yet, found Snape worthy of his trust and friendship. “How about you?”

“Same thing,” Harry admitted and nervously shuffled his feet. “I have nightmares too.”

“What about?” Neville said, returning the question.

Harry never considered lying. “In my dreams Severus dies over and over again. Nagini,” Harry shivered. “I am so grateful you killed that monster, Neville. At times, I think Severus is afraid to believe that the snake is gone. He has nightmares too – mostly about Nagini.”

Neville nodded. “That’s why you asked me if I was willing to share that memory with Snape. So he knows it truly happened.” He chuckled. “Does he hate the fact that it was I, who beheaded her with that sword?”

Harry met Neville’s gaze without hesitation. “He’s grateful, Neville. Truly grateful. Nagini haunts his dreams. Seeing you behead her might make him believe he is safe. If you want to know how he feels about you being the one to behead her, you will have to ask him.”

Neville took a step closer to the gate so he could study Harry’s face in detail. “You care about him,” he said and cocked his head questioningly. “Did you forget how he bullied you? He tormented you – in and out of that classroom – for six years and you seem to have forgiven him.”

“I watched his memories, Neville. Yes, he made mistakes, but he also spent most of his life atoning for them. Severus isn’t the bully you think he is. He was forced to hide his true self for twenty years. Neville, please, give him a chance. I am not asking you to befriend him, but it would mean a lot to me if the two of you got along.”

“I will behave,” Neville said in a thoughtful voice. “But will your Potions Master do the same?”

“My Potions Master,” Harry repeated and chuckled softly. “My Potions Master might surprise you if you keep an open mind. I promise.”

Neville was inclined to give Snape his chance. “Let’s see how our first encounter goes.” Neville was about to add more when a silver patronus rushed toward them. To his surprise it was a doe. In the back of his mind, Neville thought the doe was the perfect match to Harry’s stag. Interesting. 

Harry, I will join you shortly.

“Well, that was a short message,” Harry said and frowned when the doe stayed clearly visible. He reached out and touched her head before she finally vanished.

Neville couldn’t help being curious. “I can’t believe that’s Snape’s patronus.”

“My mother’s patronus was a doe,” Harry said, giving Neville a pleading look. Hopefully his friend would understand. “When she died, she became Severus’ patronus. He loved her, you see.”

Yes, the papers had mentioned something like that. That Snape had loved Lily Potter. But there had been nothing about the man’s patronus being a doe. “And yours is a stag.”

Harry cringed; sometimes Neville was too observant. “They complete each other, you mean?”

Neville nodded. “It’s very odd.” His instinct was telling him that there was more to the story. Something was missing. Harry had told him that he had befriended Snape, but now Neville was beginning to wonder if there wasn’t something more to that friendship. If that was the case, he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. An old git like Snape seducing Harry? But no, that didn’t make sense. Harry would never allow himself to be treated in that way. If anything, Neville guessed Harry would have been the one to take the first step. Which sounded peculiar, but not impossible. He raised an eyebrow. “Is there something you want to tell me, Harry? Before I meet Snape?”

Harry nibbled on his bottom lip, trying to make up his mind. So far, he had told Neville that he had befriended Severus, but he had never hinted at it being more than that. Was this the right moment to confide in his friend? The decision was made for him when Severus appeared to their right. 

Severus wasn’t pleased. He had still been asleep when that patronus had woken him. That damn stag had possessed the audacity to bury its nose in his hair! He had tried to swat it away – which would never work with a patronus, but still, it had been a rude awakening from a rest which had been much too short. He still felt exhausted and had to concentrate in order to walk steady and appear to be in control. He hoped he would be able to maintain the illusion as he didn’t want Neville to see how tired he really was.

Harry knew he was in trouble upon seeing Severus’ expression. Maybe he should have woken Severus before he had left to meet up with Neville? Well, it was too late now. 

Harry’s expression told Severus that his discontent was showing and he quickly masked his feelings. He didn’t want to embarrass Harry in front of his friend. They would talk later. “Mister Longbottom,” he said as he came to a standstill next to Harry. He rocked momentarily on his feet, but the two young men didn’t seem to notice, for which he felt grateful.

Harry sighed in relief. Thankfully Severus was going to wait to lecture him until later. And yes, he realized he deserved that lecture. He really should have woken Severus. 

“Sir,” Neville said eventually after mentally debating how to call the wizard. “I am here at Harry’s request.”

Severus nodded. Now that his anger was fading, he realized he shouldn’t have shot Harry that glare. He didn’t know yet why Harry hadn’t woken him, but the young man must have had a good reason for letting him sleep. Damn, he did hate having to face Neville like this – unprepared and unfocused. “You may enter, of course.” 

The gate opened and Neville stepped through it. Being back felt strange. He was about to address Snape, when Fawkes appeared above them. The phoenix called out – rather loudly – dove lower, and hooked his claws in the fabric of Severus’ thick coat. At once, the phoenix started chirping in an excited manner. “What’s wrong with him?” Harry had told him that Fawkes was back and staying with Snape, but he couldn’t remember seeing the phoenix that agitated before.

“Yes, what happened?” For some reason Harry was under the impression that Fawkes was scolding Severus. The phoenix sounded upset and even a tad angry.

Severus hated being this exposed in Neville’s presence. He couldn’t grow angry with Fawkes, for he didn’t want Neville to flashback to being bullied in the past, but by Merlin, he couldn’t allow Fawkes to get away with such an attitude! “Stop it! In Merlin’s name, just stop it,” he growled at the phoenix. He wasn’t in any condition to deal with the squeaking, which was making him develop a headache. But Fawkes was relentless and continued in the same matter, making his head throb with discomfort.

“What’s wrong?” Harry repeated his question and frowned. Fawkes looked genuinely upset with Severus. And Severus, Severus looked like tired – much too tired.

“I didn’t wake him when I left the office,” Severus admitted while sighing deeply. “Now he is cross with me for leaving him behind.”

Neville blinked. Was Fawkes that much attached to Snape? “Why is he angry about that?” He struggled to understand what was happening right in front of him.

Severus hated being forced to elaborate in front of Neville of all people. “He has this absurd notion that he needs to protect me. So when I left, he panicked. At least, that’s what he insists happened.” Thankfully Fawkes’ squeaks lost some of their intensity. The chirping still made his head ache though.

“You understand that gibberish?” Harry hadn’t realized that yet.

“Sort of,” Severus admitted. “Maybe Hogwarts is translating, but yes, I know what he’s saying.” Thankfully, Fawkes was calming down now that the phoenix had convinced himself that Severus wasn’t in danger.

“Why does he want to protect you?” Neville knew discussing it here at the gate might be a bad idea, but he doubted the location of their discussion mattered. If Severus didn’t want to tell him, he wouldn’t. 

Severus finally met Neville’s gaze, something he had avoided so far. He expected to see anger, hate, discontent, and a need for revenge. Instead, he saw curiosity and a healthy sense of self preservation. He didn’t blame Neville for keeping his distance. He wouldn’t trust himself either if he was in Neville’s shoes. Neville cocked his head, which reminded him that the young man had asked him a question. “It’s a long story and to you it might seem absurd.”

“Tell me anyway.” Neville wondered about the pensive look on Snape’s face and when the man started walking toward the castle, Harry followed at once, which left him little choice but to join them. “Try me,” he added as he fell into pace with them. Snape didn’t look as intimidating as he had in the past. In his memory the man was much taller, broader, and way more menacing. How much of that had been due to being a talented actor? Was he seeing the real Severus Snape now? Had Harry tried to tell him that all along? That he didn’t know the man behind the spy? Neville was about to give up the hope of ever going to get an answer, when Snape finally starting to speak.

“Fawkes was always loyal to professor Dumbledore, you know that.” A quick glance told him that Neville was studying him. 

“I do. Go ahead.” Neville kept his distance, not yet convinced this mellow Snape was for real.

“I ended the Headmaster’s life at his own request,” Severus said, phrasing it that way on purpose, as he didn’t fancy Fawkes biting his ear should he describe himself as murderer. “You will not believe me when I say that it was the hardest thing I ever did. I loved that old man. He was like a father to me.”

Neville watched Fawkes affectionately rub his head against Severus’ neck. Even though he found it hard to believe Snape, Fawkes’ actions told him that the phoenix really cared for the Potions Master. The phoenix would never do so if Snape was the vile murderer Neville had thought him to be. “And?” he pressed on.

Severus’ bitter laugh echoed through the morning mists, which was rising from the damp forest ground. “Fawkes wants to reward me for services rendered.” The phoenix nipped him in the ear at once, making Severus flinch. “Maybe I phrased that incorrectly.” Fawkes turned his head toward him and seemed to wait for something – rather impatiently. “He believes me worthy… He wants to serve me like he served Albus. He bonded with Albus and now he has decided that I am his new wizard.”

Harry could tell Severus found it difficult to talk about this to Neville and he admired his companion for making the effort. He wanted to reach out and wrap an arm around the older man, but he needed to tell Neville about their budding relationship first. 

That explanation was much more to Fawkes’ liking who now returned to grooming the black hair much like he looked after his own feathers.

Neville remained quiet for a while. It was a lot to take in – a lot to process. The wizard walking next to him no longer resembled the greasy git from the dungeons. He still wasn’t ready to forgive Snape for cursing him and his fellow students, but he did find that he wanted to get to know the man better. Maybe that way he could make his peace with their past.

/

Neville curiously studied the Headmaster’s office. He hadn’t been in here before and was surprised at how welcoming it felt. He suspected that the number of cauldrons spread across the space hadn’t been there when Dumbledore had inhabited these rooms. In the past, cauldrons, potions ingredients, and the presence of his bullying Potions teacher would have sent him straight out of the room, but times had changed. He had killed Nagini, had helped Harry fight Voldemort, and had experienced victory. He no longer scared that easily. 

He watched Harry suddenly grab hold of Snape’s waist, quickly wrapping an arm around the Potions Master, who was growing increasingly wobbly on his feet. Neville assumed Snape didn’t want him to know he wasn’t feeling well and was putting on the show just for him. His suspicions were confirmed when Snape rested a hand on Harry’s arm, accepting the support. 

“Stop being so stubborn, Severus! If you don’t hold on to me, you will end up face first on the floor!” Harry’s concern increased when Severus suddenly accepted the support and leaned on him. Harry guided Severus over to his favourite chair next to the fire place and helped him sit down. A deep, heartfelt sigh left Severus’ lips and the dark eyes closed in surrender. Harry smoothed some stray hair away from the beloved face and felt undecided. Madam Pomfrey had told him to call her should Severus suffer a setback. He only needed to dispatch his patronus, but Harry didn’t want to do so without Severus’ permission. “Do you want me to contact Madam Pomfrey?” Tired eyes opened and Severus raised his head in order to look at him. 

“That’s not necessary. I merely require rest.” He wouldn’t dare inconvenience the Medi-witch about something so trivial.

“If you need to rest, the chair won’t do. Severus, you need to be in bed.” A shy smile appeared unexpectedly on Severus’s face. “Why are you grinning?”

Severus minutely cocked his head. “I should have known you would try to lure me into bed.”

Harry chuckled. “I will join you later. You need to sleep without any disturbances.” Severus lowered his head again and closed his eyes. The trip back from the gate had tired him. 

“Harry?” 

Neville’s voice almost made Harry jump. He had forgotten about his friend, who had watched him fuss over Severus. Neville looked mostly curious though; Harry had feared he would see disgust and condemnation instead. “Help me get him into the bedroom?” If Severus was really this exhausted, he would be a dead weight.

Neville didn’t need to think it over; he merely nodded. “Of course.” He walked over to them, and at Harry’s mark, they pulled the man to his feet. “Any reason why we can’t simply levitate him?” Neville groaned; it wasn’t that Snape was heavy, but any dead, unmoving weight would wear them down.

“He hates it,” Harry admitted as they made their way to the master bedroom. “I suggested levitating him once. Let it suffice to say his reaction reminded me of our bullying Potions Master of old.”

Working together, the two of them managed to deposit the wizard onto the bed. Neville then stepped back, giving Harry more space to work with. He watched closely as Harry lifted Snape’s feet, removed the shoes, coached the man into lying down, and then covered him with a blanket. Fawkes hopped onto the bed and curled up next to Severus’ shoulder, watching the wizard intently. 

“Fawkes is guarding him,” Neville said with wonder. 

“Fawkes is worse than Fluffy ever was,” Harry said and promptly received a glare from Fawkes. “Sorry,” he offered, not eager to be bitten in the ear like Severus had been earlier.

“Snape’s fine,” Neville commented. “He’s already asleep. That gives us a chance to talk. I have some questions, Harry.”

Harry draw in a deep, steadying breath. “I know you do.” He had shown his friend too much when he had cared for Severus. Neville suspected what was going on. Harry didn’t mind confiding in his friend, but he did worry about Neville’s reaction to finding out he was in love with Severus Snape.

TBC

17

They went back into the office, so they wouldn’t disturb Severus’ sleep. Harry grew increasingly nervous. What if Neville rejected him and abandoned their friendship because he had fallen in love with Severus? Harry reminded himself to have faith in his friend, who had always backed him up in the past, but then again, things had changed.

Neville watched Harry pace the area in front of the fireplace. His friend wrung his hands and kept giving him pleading looks. Neville wanted to reassure his friend, but they needed to discuss this first. He needed to know what was happening. “Are you going to tell me?” Harry came to a sudden halt and a shudder swept through his friend. Neville cringed; the last thing he wanted to do was to make Harry doubt their friendship, but he had to know the truth!

“I worry about your reaction,” Harry muttered as he came to a halt in front of Neville. He had never backed out of a difficult situation before and he wasn’t going to start now. “It gradually happened. When I found him in the shack, I felt relieved that he wasn’t dead after all. He could tell me more about my parents, you see.” 

Neville nodded. “What happened then?”

“I stayed with him in the infirmary and realized he wasn’t the bully I thought he was. He is actually a gentle soul.” Harry turned to the side, unable to maintain eye contact any longer while sharing something so personal. “We had nightmares. I screamed one night, the next, Severus did. We grew close – closer than I had thought possible. Somewhere along the line I began to develop feelings for him. It took me some time to make him admit that he likes me too. He thinks I am going to leave – leave him behind and he doesn’t want to go back to being alone again. This is hard on him, Neville. I understand if you can’t believe me, but Severus… You would like him, Neville.”

Neville frowned deeply. “Who made the first step? Did he approach you?”

Harry shook his head. “He would never do that. He believes he’s too old for me -- too damaged, he said so himself. I had to pressure him into talking about it.”

“So you approached him?”

Harry nodded. “I couldn’t pretend nothing was happening. Severus died once already. He can die again and I don’t want to waste time. I realize now how precious life is.” Harry hesitantly sought out Neville’s eyes again. “Are we still friends?”

“Of course! You idiot! Why would I stop being your friend because you fell in love? Yes, it isn’t easy to understand why you feel attracted to Snape – Snape of all people! But if that’s who you want to be with him... As long as he treats you well, I don’t mind.”

Harry sighed in relief. “I was worried you wouldn’t give him a chance. And I would have understood if you had rejected Severus. But the truth is, he is trying – and he is hurting. He knows what he did to you. He still suffers because of it. He would do anything to undo casting those Crucios, but he can’t. He knows that.”

Neville walked toward the window and looked outside. It was a beautiful sunny day. The trees still wore a lot of green, but gold, brown and red were quickly colouring their leaves. It reminded him of the passage of time. It also reminded him of the fact that they would probably have failed to defeat Voldemort if Snape hadn’t spied for them. Harry had cast that final curse and he himself had beheaded Nagini, but without Snape’s intelligence Dumbledore might have failed to plan Voldemort’s demise. He might not like admitting it, but the truth was that Snape had been instrumental to Voldemort’s destruction. He tried to put himself in Snape’s shoes and promptly flinched. Snape had been forced to live in solitude, hated by many, loved by no one, save perhaps Dumbledore. The man had walked in shadows for twenty years, expecting students to shun him, his fellow teachers to distrust him and… His head reeled. He wouldn’t have been able to pull it off, that much was sure. Living in isolation was one thing, but Snape had also had to worry about Voldemort and his Death Eaters.

“Neville?” Harry wondered what to do. He suspected Neville needed a moment to process everything, but since his friend’s back was toward him, he couldn’t see his expression. 

Neville drew in a deep breath and turned to face Harry. In the end, making up his mind was surprisingly easy. “I reckon everyone deserves a second chance and Snape, well…” Neville tried to find the right words. “He definitely earned a second chance. He is entitled to it, considering everything he went through. It took me some time to understand that he did it all for you – for us, in a way. Without Snape we might have failed to destroy Voldemort. You would be dead and Voldemort would have loved to torture me after seeing me behead his pet snake. Snape’s Crucio would have been nothing compared to what that madman would have done to me. I know what he did to my parents.” Neville smiled sadly at his friend. “We also have Snape to thank for that. Yes, you destroyed Voldemort – that was your destiny all along, but Snape… He would have died without anyone but you knowing the truth about him. Give me some time to get used to the idea of you being together, Harry, but have faith in me.”

Harry walked up to his friend and buried Neville in a hug. “Thanks, Neville.”

Neville chuckled and returned the embrace. “Hey, we faced Voldemort and his pet snake. I can cope with Snape too.” 

Harry pulled slightly back and smiled at his friend. “This means much to me, Neville.” His smile faltered, remembering he still had to tell Ron and Hermione. “Will you back me up when I tell Ron and Hermione?”

“I will, should I be there.” Neville squeezed Harry’s shoulder and was about to suggest they sat down, when the door opened.

Harry looked up at once, wand ready to slide into his hand in case of a threat. But he relaxed upon seeing Remus enter the office. 

Neville was happy to see his friend and former teacher as well and called out his name. “Remus!” He walked toward the older man and they shook hands before Remus pulling him into a brief hug. 

“I didn’t know you were back,” Remus said, studying Neville. Here was another boy who had grown into a man. Who would have thought the ugly duckling would change into a very handsome swan? The chubby cheeks were gone and Neville had definitely matured. 

“I am visiting Harry.” He exchanged a look with his friend, wondering if Remus knew about the relationship between Harry and Severus.

Harry nodded. “Remus knows. I told him because I needed someone to talk to. And yes, he reacted with disbelief as well, but I managed to convince him that this is not some sort of twisted hero worship. I am really in love with Severus.”

“You should know best,” Neville admitted before turning back to Remus. “It’s strange though, thinking of them being together.”

“I had some reservations at first,” Remus said, “But I have seen them together. And most importantly, I realized the truth about Severus. He is quite a different man than you think.”

Neville was beginning to believe that too. “Too bad he is asleep then. I would have liked to talk to him.” He noticed the way Remus cringed at hearing that. “Did I miss something?”

Remus shifted his feet nervously. “Last night was a full moon,” he whispered. “Since the Wolfsbane was uncontainable, Severus decided to use alternative methods. The spell he devised worked; I never felt this great before, but it left him drained in turn.” 

Harry easily read the guilt in Remus’ amber eyes. “Don’t,” he told his friend. “Severus made the decision to use that spell. He could have locked you up, but he decided to put you to sleep instead while working that spell. He knew it would cost him.”

Hearing it however didn’t ease Remus’ guilt. “Can I see him?” He needed to see for himself how Severus was doing.

“He’s asleep,” Harry told him and pointed Remus toward the master bedroom. “You had better be quiet. He might hex you if you wake him.” Severus wouldn’t react well to finding Remus inside his bedroom, watching him. 

“I will be careful.” Remus knew Harry was right; Severus might really hex him. Remus sneaked into the master bedroom and remained standing near the doorway, that way, he could get out quickly. Severus was on his side, sleeping peacefully with Fawkes resting next to him. The phoenix peeked at him and frowned at finding him there. “Don’t worry,” he told the magical bird. “Just checking if he’s fine.” That seemed to reassure Fawkes, who no longer paid him any attention. Remus returned to Harry and Neville and offered them an apologetic smile. “He still looks pale.”

“Severus said that all he needed was some rest. Trust me, if he lied to me, he will face Madam Pomfrey. I am inclined to believe him though. He exhausted himself last night and needs to recuperate. It’s nothing a few hours of sleep won’t fix,” Harry said in an effort to reassure his friend. The way Remus stood there, wavering and casting quick looks into the master bedroom, made Harry curious. “Is something else on your mind?”

“I want to thank Severus for what he did. Do you think he will be up and about during dinner?”

Harry considered it. “I believe so. Why, do you want to join us?”

Remus remained rather hesitant to continue. “Tonks wants to thank him too and we wondered if you would join us for dinner? And you too, of course,” he told Neville, who had an amused expression on his face.

Harry didn’t feel at ease making that decision all by himself. “I will talk it over with him. I will even try to persuade him to come along, but I can’t make that decision for him. If he’s still tired, he might prefer to stay here instead. He dislikes it when people realize he doesn’t feel well.”

“I noticed,” Remus assured Harry. “He didn’t want me to support him at first. I will tell Tonks. We will prepare dinner anyway and see who will show up. You are always welcome, Neville.”

“I will join you if I am still at Hogwarts.” He hadn’t yet met up his mind when to return to his grandmother’s home. Truth be told, he would prefer to stay at Hogwarts. His grandmother and he didn’t always get along. 

Remus smiled at them and then left the office to carry the news to Tonks.

“Did Snape really exhaust himself just to help Remus?”

“Yes, he did. There wasn’t time to rely on the Wolfsbane and Severus thought a spell he perfected some time ago might work.”

“Tell me more, but do get us something to drink first.”

Harry joined Neville, who had seated himself on the sofa and nodded. Yes, he could do with a drink as well!

/

Severus woke to someone caressing his hair. The sensation was unexpected – and it was definitely one he wasn’t used to. Warily, he opened his eyes, only to look into Harry’s. The young man was close – too close. While one hand played with the strands of his hair, the other rubbed soothing circles onto his back. Harry had draped one leg possessively across his waist, trapping him most effectively. Severus had never woken up in a way similar to this and wondered what to do. 

“Evening,” Harry whispered tenderly. “I was beginning to worry you weren’t going to wake up at all.”

Severus’ breath caught upon feeling Harry’s lips brush his. Harry’s eyes sparkled with joy and seeing it caused an odd sensation in the pit of his stomach. Severus found it hard to concentrate on formulating a reply, especially once he realized Harry was quite aroused. 

Harry was well aware that Severus probably felt overwhelmed, but he just didn’t care. He had kept his distance all day, accompanying Neville around the castle and visiting Tonks and Teddy. He had been the perfect host and now he wanted his reward; he wanted Severus’ attention, and if possible, his affection too.

“Harry…” Harry suddenly pressed his erection against his groin and Severus was startled to realize he was reacting to the stimulation. “Harry,” he started again, trying to talk some sense into the horny teenager. Had he ever been like this as a youngster? No, he hadn’t had someone to explore his body with. His exploration had been limited to pleasuring himself. He wasn’t sure he was ready to allow Harry to change that.

Harry moved closer and claimed Severus’ lips again. He kept his embrace loose, so Severus could retreat should his companion desire to do so. But while Severus allowed the close contact, he was going to taste and touch him. 

Severus closed his eyes and wondered if giving in was wise. He should probably stop this, but the truth was that being kissed in such a way felt incredibly right. Tentatively, as he wasn’t sure he was doing it correctly, he deepened the kiss. Their tongues locked in a sensual duel, but without the need to dominate the encounter. It was give and take. 

Harry sighed deeply and continued to rub his erection against Severus’ groin. Severus was hard too, which made Harry grin. Severus might be insecure and hesitant about taking this further, but his lover’s arousal showed him how much Severus wanted this. He dismissed any doubts he had and slipped his arms up Severus’ back, rolling on top of him. 

Severus suddenly found himself on his back with Harry above him. Had he still been thinking logically, he would probably have tried to stop Harry from taking this any further, but his body yearned for release. Harry’s thrusts grew more urgent and he raised his hips, trying to increase the friction between them. 

Severus’ move undid Harry and pushed him right over the edge. His orgasm took him by surprise and he cursed his hormones for making him come too soon. He had wanted to draw this out, not climax within the minute. 

The rapture on Harry’s face was something Severus thought he would never see. He raised his right arm and caressed his lover’s face. Harry’s eyes opened and stared at him with such love that it took his breath away. 

“Sorry about that,” Harry stuttered, trying to apologize for climaxing so quickly. “Couldn’t help it. I didn’t expect you to react in that way and…” 

Severus caressed Harry’s face and smiled. “I remember what it’s like to be young. You don’t have that much control over your body if I recall correctly.”

Severus’ words made Harry chuckle. “Hopefully I will last longer the more we practice.” Harry carefully lowered himself onto Severus and cringed. He had come inside his trousers and now felt truly uncomfortable. But first things first. “You didn’t come yet.”

Severus blushed. “It doesn’t matter. I can attend to the matter myself.”

“NO!” Harry gave Severus an apologetic look. He hadn’t meant to protest that vehemently. But he felt it was wrong to let Severus solve the matter himself. “Allow me?” 

Severus wasn’t sure he was comfortable with that. Harry’s passion had taken away the initial awkwardness, but it was back now. He coughed, trying to cover up his embarrassment the moment Harry unbuttoned his trousers. 

Harry decided against using a spell to rid them of their clothing. Severus would feel exposed and retreat. It was best to go slow. “I want this,” he whispered into Severus’ ear and licked his way down his lover’s throat. “I dreamt of touching you like this.”

Harry’s voice entranced Severus, who had wanted to protest. Now he felt like surrendering to his lover. 

Harry slipped his right hand below the waistband of Severus’ underwear and gasped when he encountered hard and willing flesh. Looking down, he pushed any constrictive fabric out of the way, granting him full access to Severus’ weeping cock. He wanted to be the one to make Severus come. He wanted Severus to moan his name when he came. “Oh yes,” he muttered enthusiastically as he wrapped his fingers around the shaft. He started to stroke in earnest. Severus’ reaction was instant; his lover raised his hips and tried to thrust into his hand. Loving the fact that he was driving Severus insane with need, he claimed those lips again, devouring that mouth he had wanted to possess for weeks now.

Severus found it impossible to think coherently. Harry’s kisses demanded his full attention and he tried to give as good as he got. But it was difficult to focus on their kissing, as Harry suddenly sped up his strokes. Those fingers, more agile and cunning than he had expected, drove him insane. His groin tightened and no longer caring what he was doing, he bit Harry’s neck. His orgasm erupted in the pit of his stomach and sent waves of pleasure through every cell of his body. When had he ever felt this alive before?

Harry tightened his hold on Severus and buried his face in that dark hair. He held Severus close while his lover rocked against him. A smug grin surfaced on his face. He hadn’t really planned this, but the fact that Severus had been asleep had given him the chance to hold him and kiss him the moment he woke up. Considering everything, Harry felt he had done really well drawing Severus out of his shell. Severus moved beneath him and Harry quickly locked gazes with his lover. He couldn’t remember Severus ever looking that open and relaxed before. Those black eyes suddenly didn’t seem that dark anymore. “I enjoyed that,” he hinted, suspecting Severus’ insecurity might return now that their passion had worn off. “And I most definitely want to do this again.”

Severus allowed himself to relax. Once the ecstasy brought on by the release had worn off, he had started to wonder if Harry regretted what had just happened. But the young man apparently didn’t. Severus slid the fingers of his left hand into Harry’s messy hair and forced himself to answer the look Harry was giving him. “I didn’t quite expect that. You took me by surprise.” Which was probably a good thing. He doubted he would have gone along had he been thinking rationally.

“But you liked it.” Harry’s grin turned indecently dirty. “Maybe we can make this our new bedtime routine before turning in for the night?” Severus burst out laughing and Harry relished hearing it. They were sweaty and sticky, but that didn’t seem to annoy Severus, who continued to chuckle at him.

“Maybe – we will see. I am not that young anymore, Harry.”

“Stop saying that,” Harry muttered and pressed a kiss onto Severus’ brow. “You are thirty-eight for Merlin’s sake! Thirty-eight! Not eighty-three!” 

Severus wondered about the fact that he couldn’t stop smiling. He felt incredibly relaxed and perfectly at ease with Harry on top of him. “We should clean up.”

“Yes, we really should. And change our clothes. We are invited to dinner.” Harry however didn’t want to release Severus. He liked seeing his lover pinned beneath him. “Remus and Tonks invited us. Neville will be there too. I promised to drag you along.”

Normally Severus would have protested, but in his current relaxed state, dinner didn’t seem much of a hassle. “I will survive.” After a moment’s thought he added, “How did Neville react?”

“To meeting you? Being here? You falling asleep on him? Or us being together?”

“You told him?” Severus hadn’t expected that.

“He figured it out himself. I am rather obvious when I touch you.” Harry rubbed Severus’ temple and wished they didn’t have to leave for dinner. There was a number of things he wanted to do to his lover. “He accepts our relationship. Give him some time and space and everything will work out.”

Severus didn’t share Harry’s confidence, but kept quiet. Harry knew Neville best and he would trust his lover’s judgement in the matter.

/

Severus felt like the castle itself was watching him now that he had made out like a teenager. His blush seemed to be permanent and he was about to resort to casting a glamour to hide his flushed state when he felt the heat finally lessen. The fact that Harry refused to let go of his hand reassured and worried him at the same time. Would he ever feel comfortable with Harry expressing his love for him that way?

“You worry too much,” Harry whispered. “No one knows what we did. Everything that happens between the sheets stays private. I am not going to tell Remus, Neville, or Ron and Hermione for that matter.”

Severus had worried about that. Harry was used to sharing everything with his friends. It eased his mind knowing some things would remain private. He forced himself to concentrate on visiting Remus and Tonks, knowing he would grow flustered again should he accidentally recall their exploration earlier.

Harry knocked and it didn’t take Remus long to open the door. Harry had to admit he had never seen Remus looking this healthy before. 

“Severus! Harry! I am so glad you could join us!” Remus had to look twice in order to realize what was different. “You are not wearing black!”

Severus glared at Harry, who had lured him into wearing his new, green velvet suit for the evening. He had fought Harry tooth and nail on it, but all it had taken to undo him was another kiss. His resolve had quickly crumbled and he had agreed to give the green outfit a chance. He felt distinctly uncomfortable though. “Is that a problem?” he growled.

“No, of course not! I am merely surprised! It’s good to see you in something other than black! Please, come inside. Your timing is excellent. We are about to sit down for dinner!” Remus failed to hide his smile at seeing Harry using his hold on Severus’ hand in order to pull him inside. Those two were good for each other – he wouldn’t have believed so in the past, but seeing them together now made him hope they would make it. He didn’t doubt that they would encounter problems once their relationship went public.

Tonks got to her feet the moment she caught sight of Severus. Like Remus, she blinked at seeing him in green, but then composed herself again. “I want to thank you, Severus, for what you did for Remus last night. You didn’t just keep him safe, you gave him a month of perfect health. Remus always is in some kind of pain, but not at the moment. Thank you for that.”

Severus nodded tensely. “I am glad my plan worked. There was always the risk I had miscalculated.”

“You didn’t.” Tonks smiled radiantly at them. “Will you join us for dinner?” She gestured toward the dining table, where Neville was already pouring wine and pumpkin juice. 

Severus straightened his back at encountering Neville here. “Mister Longbottom, I see you stayed.”

Neville looked up and studied the Potions Master. Snape looked different in more ways than one. Partly, it was due to the new clothes he was wearing, but there was also something in those eyes that assured him it was all right to relax. “I like it best at Hogwarts, sir. My grandmother isn’t an easy witch to please.”

Severus nodded. He had met Augusta. “You are welcome to stay as long as you like. The dormitories are empty, but you can always stay there.” Harry sat down and Severus quickly claimed the chair next to his lover. 

“I might do that,” Neville said, happy to receive that invitation. He had no desire to spend extra time with his grandmother who commented on his every mistake – well, mistake as far as she was concerned. “You seem rested. You did look a bit under the weather earlier.”

Severus fiercely fought the blush that threatened to embarrass him. “I slept. It helped.” He blatantly ignored the grin Harry shot him. He wasn’t going to discuss anything he considered private!

Harry knew he shouldn’t tease Severus – not even with just a smile – but the temptation was too much. He wanted to see some emotion and not the cool composure Severus always displayed in public. His lover didn’t have to put on an act in order to be accepted!

Food appeared on the table and everyone started to eat. Severus nibbled on his, taking an occasional bite, but mostly he moved his food around on his plate. He wasn’t used to eating large amounts and he had never enjoyed eating in public. Shared meals in the Great Hall still unnerved him. 

Harry noticed it, but didn’t comment. Instead, he addressed Tonks. “Do you like your rooms? Severus asked Hogwarts to expand them so they are fit for a family.” This time, it was he who ignored the look Severus shot him. Why shouldn’t Tonks know Severus had made those arrangements for the benefit of the family?

“I love them,” Tonks said enthusiastically. “I moved in with my mother so she could look after Teddy, but now that we have this place, we can truly make it our home. And the best thing is, Teddy’s godfather is close too.”

Harry twitched. Although he felt honoured they had asked him to be Teddy’s godfather, he felt he was too young to take on such responsibility. He had told them – Remus and Tonks - but they had insisted nonetheless. “Where is Teddy?”

“Asleep, thankfully. He was awake all day. He rather enjoyed Neville doing minor spells in order to amuse him.”

Severus listened to the chitchat but his thoughts had drifted elsewhere. When everyone grew quiet, he addressed Remus. “Did you experience any unpleasant effects due to the spell I cast?”

The fact that Severus so suddenly addressed last night made Remus stop eating. His fork froze mid air before putting it down. “None. I can’t recall the last time I felt this comfortable in my own skin. Normally I would be bed-ridden for the next three days.”

Severus thought everything over. “You prefer the spell to the Wolfsbane then?”

Remus’ heart skipped a beat. “I do. The Wolfsbane helps, but leaves my body shattered. Your spell… it… I can’t put in words how much it has helped me recover.” But he would never ask Severus for a repeat performance. He didn’t like how drained Severus had been in the morning.

Severus’ eyes narrowed in thought. “Does that mean I no longer need to brew the Wolfsbane and that I should ensure I have no other business during that one night of the month?”

Tonks’ knife dropped from her hand and crashed onto the plate with a bang. “You would do that for us?”

Remus quickly looked at his wife and caught her hand in his. “My love, we can’t ask that of Severus. I don’t want him to suffer because of my condition.” Severus huffed, which made Remus focus on the wizard again.

“That’s my decision to make, Lupin. It’s my call whether to offer you my assistance or to withhold it. I choose to offer it.” Severus chided himself; he should have known Lupin would put up a fight. “As you can see yourself, I have recovered. I don’t mind proving it to you by hexing you,” he added in a smug voice.

“No hexing!” Harry quickly intervened. “No hexing at this table.”

Suddenly Remus’ laugh echoed through the room. He chuckled as he placed his hand on Harry’s arm. “I can’t believe I am saying this, but that was a joke, wasn’t it, Severus?”

“Maybe,” Severus whispered, enjoying seeing the sudden uncertainty on Remus’ face. 

“Your humour always was rather dark,” Neville observed. “But I might come to appreciate it.” Some of Snape’s past remarks had been rather witty, had he been in Slytherin instead of Gryffindor. 

“In the past it kept everyone at a distance,” Severus admitted, wanting to make amends. “It was expected of me to put down Gryffindor. Too many children of Death Eaters were watching my every move.”

“I realize that now.” Neville had also had time to ponder their past. 

Remus had managed to compose himself in the meantime. The rollercoaster ride of emotions he had experienced lately made it hard to focus. “Severus, I can’t let you do this.” He would have loved to accept the offer and to be free of the curse for the very first time in his life. He didn’t mind being put to sleep for a night, not when he woke rested.

“As I said earlier, I will hex you.” 

Severus’ tone alerted Remus to the fact that he might end getting hexed for real if he didn’t stop protesting. “Severus, if you really want to do this, then… Thank you. I will never be able to thank you properly though. You have no idea what this means to me!”

Severus rolled back his eyes. “I will survive sacrificing one night each month to make sure you don’t go berserk and tear down the castle. I consider this matter closed. We need not discuss it any longer.” He would hex Remus – maybe by casting a minor spell – if the man continued to express his gratitude. He was about to take another bite from his meal when Harry’s hand suddenly came to rest on his arm. Harry’s hand sneaked closer and eventually twined their fingers. Severus fought his breathing from speeding up, unaccustomed as he was to any public display of affection. At first, he didn’t dare look up. He worried about Neville’s reaction in particular, although Harry had assured him that Neville was accepting of their relationship. Everyone started to talk again and no one seemed to pay attention to the gesture. No one was telling him to remove his hand from Harry’s as he had expected. Eventually, Severus felt brave enough to raise his gaze and look at Neville. Stunned, he found that the young man was smiling at him. Did Neville really not mind the fact that Harry and he were in a relationship? Apparently Neville was fine with it. Why else would the youngster smile at him?

Harry gave Neville a grateful look. Everyone at the table had noticed Severus’ sudden distress, but it was Neville’s smile that seemed to make Severus relax. A moment later, that dark gaze became trained on him and Harry nodded encouragingly. Everything was fine. 

Severus hesitantly allowed himself to believe so too. He desperately wanted Harry to know that he loved him and that he would do anything for him. Acting on instinct, he raised Harry’s hand and pressed a kiss onto the back. The gesture earned him an ecstatic look on Harry’s part, which was the only thing that mattered. It was during that moment that Severus decided he was through with hiding himself and his emotions. Anyone who disliked them being together could go to hell. He was going to fight for their love.

TBC

18

Harry wondered about their destination, but followed Severus outside nonetheless. It was a wonderful night. The air was still warm as the sun had shone all day long. A few stars twinkled from the dark-blue skies and added an almost romantic atmosphere. It took Harry some time to realize that they were headed toward the lake. Normally, it was he holding Severus’ hand. This time, it was the other way around; Severus had tightly gathered his hand in his. Harry smiled cheekily. Something had happened earlier. It had started when he had seduced Severus – he had no reason to deny it. And it had continued throughout dinner. Something inside Severus had shifted. A change had come over his lover. Harry merely wasn’t sure yet what that entailed. 

Severus guided Harry over to the trunk of a tree, which had been struck down during the battle. As he sat down, he pulled Harry along with him, gently cradling his young lover’s hand in his. He looked out over the smooth, silvery surface of the lake before turning his head to look at Harry. He gathered his courage, reminded himself of the fact that Harry had called him brave on more than one occasion, and was determined to live up to that claim. “I love you,” he whispered, barely audible and feeling terribly insecure. 

Harry shifted closer and wrapped his other arm around Severus’ shoulder. Hearing that admission touched him deeply. He had hoped his lover would declare his love one day, but hadn’t expected it to happen in such a way. He would have settled for waiting. “I love you too, Severus.” Severus’ breath hitched and those dark eyes met his, searching for something. “What is it?”

“Merlin knows that I don’t deserve you, but thank you for loving me, Harry. I never thought I would ever find love. Even less true love, as Sybil claims. I know I am not the best choice for a lover. I am insecure, bitter, and scarred, but if you still want me, you can have me.”

Harry knew how much it cost Severus to make himself so vulnerable. He was literally putting his fate in Harry’s hands. “Want you? Severus, I need you! I want to be with you forever! I told you so before. I wish you would stop to think of yourself in that way though. You are worthy, Severus. You are kind and caring. You are everything I want. I won’t desert you; I won’t tire of you. In fact, I hope that in time you will consider bonding with me.” Harry chuckled at seeing Severus’ shocked expression. “I probably shouldn’t have said that quite yet, but I want you to know that I am serious about us. I want us to be together and to remain together.”

It was impossible to ignore the passion in Harry’s voice. His lover meant every word he said, making Severus feel humble and immensely honoured to have captured Harry’s heart. “Our relationship will become public at some point. Do you think you can deal with the howlers sent your way once the wizarding world finds out who you are dating?”

“I will burn those howlers, Severus. I won’t even open them. Anyone who disapproves of our relationship can go to hell as far as I am concerned. I want to focus on the good, Severus. I want to focus on our friends who will support us. I want to focus on our love. I know it’s strong. It just needs to be nurtured properly so it will come to full bloom.”

Severus believed him. Harry was committed to him, dedicated to their relationship. “I want that too,” he admitted shyly. Turning Harry’s hand about, he brought it to his lips and kissed the palm. 

The feel of those lips against the palm of his hand sent sparks of desire throughout Harry’s body. His cock grew hard within seconds and strained against the fabric of his trousers. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he whispered in misery. All it took for him to grow aroused was one kiss, not even on the lips, and he was completely undone. 

Severus had never believed it possible that a simple kiss like that would make anyone hungry for his touch. The knowledge flattered him, but it also worried him, as he didn’t know how to proceed. In the end, it was Harry’s needy look that helped him make up his mind. Moving closer, he slid one hand up Harry’s back, only to rest it at the nape of his lover’s neck. Kissing Harry, he noticed the way the young man’s breathing sped up. He released Harry’s hand so he could wrap his arm around his lover’s back, securing him in his hold. He didn’t know what he was doing, or where this would take them, but he did know that it felt right.

Harry savoured every second of Severus kissing him. It wasn’t possessive or domineering; it wasn’t awkward. It was gentle and caring, just the way he had hoped Severus would kiss him, and he wanted more – so much more. Pressing his front against Severus’ chest, he rubbed himself against his lover, begging Severus to do something about this need that consumed him. 

Harry’s passionate response briefly overwhelmed Severus, who was unused to anyone wanting him so desperately. His right hand tugged at Harry’s shirt and then slid up the bare chest. His fingers encountered a nipple and he pinched it, rubbing the hardening flesh between his fingertips. Harry moaned loudly and jerked briefly. Severus deepened the kiss, slid his tongue past Harry’s teeth, and thoroughly explored that moist mouth. Harry latched onto him with desperate need and Severus knew he had to finish what he had started. 

Harry couldn’t believe his luck when Severus’ hand tugged at his waistband. A softly whispered spell did away with the zipper and Severus’ warm hand slid lower, cupping his sac and fondling him. “More,” he pleaded. “More, please.”

Severus allowed himself a moment to truly take in Harry’s need. The young man burned for him. Passion took over and Severus claimed Harry’s mouth again, possessing it, and leaving Harry no room to manoeuvre. 

Harry arched against Severus, his brain racing with the need to be touched and to finally find release. “Please,” he whispered, burying his head against Severus’ shoulder.

Severus’s fingers wrapped themselves around the hard and weeping flesh. His fingertips slid down Harry’s cock, mapping it, before moving back up and grasping more firmly. Harry bucked against him in want and Severus started to pump him. 

Harry bit onto his bottom lip, closed his eyes in bliss, and grew even hornier realizing Severus was bringing him to orgasm. “Damn,” he whispered, realizing he was too close already. He was going to come again!

Severus held Harry close while his lover came all over his hand. Severus shook his head in disbelief; the fact that Harry desired him and that he had made his lover come filled him with awe and love. It was during that moment that he decided to let go of any doubts he’d still had. Harry loved him – the fact that the young man allowed him to touch him so freely proved how much he desired this. 

Harry’s sped up breathing slowed down little by little. Severus’ actions had totally surprised him. He had never expected Severus to act so freely out in the open. It had probably never occurred to the older wizard that someone might be watching. Damn, that proved to be another turn on, but Harry was too spent to grow erect again. “That was amazing,” he raised his gaze and smiled blissfully at his lover. “You are going to be the death of me if we keep this up!”

Severus had the grace to smile apologetically. “I was under the impression you had a lot to make up for. You are young. Your body is still eager to explore.”

“What about you?” Harry would love to return the favour.

“Maybe later,” Severus whispered. Although he was hard, he didn’t want this to be about Harry feeling obliged to make him come in turn. 

Harry nodded eagerly. “I will put you to sleep tonight – you can count on it.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed. “Should I worry?”

Harry merely licked his lips in eager anticipation. “Just let me surprise you!”

/

Harry stared at his lover in disbelief. The moment Severus’ head had hit the pillow, his companion had gone straight to sleep. Severus wasn’t faking it, Harry would have known. Guarding Remus and maintaining the spell had exhausted Severus and it had caught up with him again. Harry snorted. Trust Severus to go to sleep when he was working up the courage to give the man a blowjob. Not that he had any experience with that, but he would have loved to demonstrate his eagerness. But he could hardly remain annoyed with the man; not after what Severus had done for Remus. 

“Sleep tight,” he whispered and kissed Severus’ brow. His lover shifted in his sleep, moved closer, and Harry wrapped him up in an embrace, once more possessively draping his leg across Severus’ thigh. “Mine,” he whispered happily. “And I am not letting you go ever again.” Fawkes, seated on the headboard, chirped softly as if to offer his approval. Harry winked at the phoenix, who tucked his beak beneath his wing, going to sleep as well. Left with no choice, Harry closed his eyes and followed his lover into sleep.

/

Severus was trapped inside his nightmare. He knew this wasn’t real, but he couldn’t wake up. His mind worked against him, tying him to the past. Voldemort towered over him. The mad wizard’s wand aimed at him and casting a Crucio that seemed never-ending. He had no idea how long he had been under the curse, but the pain was excruciating. He had to wake up! He had to escape this horrid vision! But he remained trapped and thrashed helplessly as Voldemort ordered Bellatrix to join him in casting the spell, their combined force crushing him and he screamed out in pain.

/

Harry was growing desperate. He had tried to wake Severus for five minutes now and nothing worked. His lover was stuck in a nightmare and Harry felt utterly helpless. “Severus, you need to wake up! You need to wake up now! It’s not real! It’s just a nightmare!” But Harry of all people knew the terrible hold a nightmare could have on one. “Please, Severus, you need to wake up for me!” Severus thrashed on the bed and Harry caught his lover’s wrists, trying to make sure the other man couldn’t hurt himself. 

Severus felt lost – utterly lost in this sea of pain. Suddenly Voldemort’s image faded, but Nagini’s shadow slithered into his dream instead. The snake slithered closer, opened its mouth, and poisonous fangs glittered with venom. Severus fought to get away from the monster, but found he was unable to move. Someone kept him down. It had to be Voldemort, or Bellatrix, working their spells.

“Severus, please, I love you. I need you to wake up right now. Don’t do this to me!” It scared Harry that he was unable to wake Severus. “Please, Severus,” he whispered as tears escaped his eyelids. “Please, you are scaring me!” 

Those tears dripped onto Severus’ face and the moisture registered with him in the deep dark recesses of his mind. The moisture didn’t belong here – it was oddly out of place and shattered the illusion. The nightmare deflated and the demons of his past faded. Severus opened his eyes and stared into Harry’s tearstained face. 

“You are awake!” Harry sagged against his lover in relief. He had almost given up hope. He had been damn close to dispatching his patronus to Madam Pomfrey!

Severus blinked, trying to get his orientation back. He knew this room. He had slept in here before. Not often, but sometimes, yes. This was Albus’ bedroom – the Headmaster’s quarters – and he was Headmaster now. This was his bedroom. He wasn’t trapped at Voldemort’s mansion, surrounded by Death Eaters and Bellatrix howling her promise that she would make him pay for betraying them. He was at home – at Hogwarts – and in Harry’s arms. “Harry,” he muttered in a raspy voice. “Harry…”

“That must have been one hell of a nightmare!”

“I am sorry,” Severus said, apologizing. “I scared you.”

“Yes, you did, but don’t you dare feel guilty about it.” Harry tightened the embrace. “I couldn’t reach you. You wouldn’t wake up. I almost panicked.”

“I knew I was dreaming, but the nightmare trapped me.” Severus leaned against his lover for support. In the past, he had never had someone to comfort him, but now that he had Harry, he realized how much a difference it made to wake up in someone’s arms. “Thank you for trying to wake me.”

“You would do the same thing for me,” Harry knew with certainty. He caught Severus’ gaze and continued a bit more hesitant. “Do you want to tell me what that nightmare was about? You screamed, but I couldn’t make out any words.”

Severus shivered, but Harry held him close and his lover’s body warmth soothed him – made him feel alive. “Riddle,” he said, avoiding Voldemort’s name on purpose. “And his snake.”

“Did it attack you?”

Severus drew in a deep breath in an attempt to steady himself. “You woke me before it could.”

“But you were in pain, why?”

Severus knew he owed Harry the truth. “Riddle and Bellatrix were cursing me.”

Harry flinched. “Crucio?”

“Bellatrix preferred that curse, yes, and Riddle liked to indulge her.” Severus felt calmer and sat up more comfortably. “I am sorry I woke you,” he offered in all honesty. “But the truth is, it will probably happen again.”

“I don’t mind. I rather be near when it happens so I can wake you.” Harry felt relieved now that Severus seemed composed again. “Neville left a memory for you in the pensieve when he visited earlier.”

Severus frowned at his lover. “Why did he do that?”

“He wants you to know Nagini’s dead.” Harry noted the way Severus shivered at the mention of that name. “He believes it might help if you actually saw him take her out.”

Severus felt humbled; Neville didn’t have to do that. “Maybe in the morning when the nightmare has faded. I can’t watch it now.” It would worsen the nightmares.

“That’s fine. There’s no hurry. Neville also wants you to know that you can ask him questions.” Harry judged it safe to lower them back onto the mattress instead of sitting upright. Severus followed his lead and the two of them curled up. Harry covered them with the blanket and studied Severus’ eyes, which seemed blacker than ever before. The nightmare still haunted him. “You have a friend in Neville.”

He didn’t deserve that, but he wasn’t going to question it. Neville had killed Nagini; the young man deserved his respect and if Neville wanted to befriend him, he welcomed it. He would never have approached Neville though – believing he didn’t have the right to do so. Harry took to caressing his hair and the gesture soothed him to such an extent that he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to go back to sleep though. He was fine resting in Harry’s arms, eyes closed, and concentrating on that soothing gesture.

Harry knew what was happening and didn’t mind. It pleased him that Severus found comfort in his touch. He tucked Severus’ head beneath his chin and continued to hold him throughout the rest of the night.

/

Severus woke to an empty bed. He had quickly become used to waking up with Harry at his side, and to find the bed deserted worried him. Why had Harry left? Had the young man become fed up with his nightmares?

“Severus is still asleep, but he is getting better, Madam Pomfrey. I can vouch for that.”

That was Harry’s voice. Intrigued, Severus pushed back the blankets, placed his feet on the floor, and soundlessly moved toward the doorway. He wasn’t eavesdropping; he just wanted to find out why the Medi-with was here.

“I believe you, Harry, but I would like to check for myself. You might have missed something.” 

Severus cringed, disliking the fact that she was here to check up on him. He was doing fine, thank you, except for those nightmares then. And those could be expected after everything he had been through.

“Once you have examined him, I would like a word with Severus myself, Poppy.”

Severus recognized Minerva’s voice at once. Well, he had to admit that the two witches had given him his privacy these last few days. He could hardly begrudge Minerva an interview. As his Deputy, she was probably trying to get everything ready for the return of the students. He had been lazy and needed to take up his duties as Headmaster. The time of recovery was gone.

Severus shuffled into the bathroom, still feeling a bit groggy. The nightmare had robbed him of his proper sleep and he felt tired. 

/

Harry gave his lover an inquisitive look when Severus joined them. Although Severus had once more adopted that familiar aloofness, he still looked tired. Even as good an actor as Severus Snape couldn’t hide he was still far from healed. “Morning.”

“Good morning,” Severus said and seated himself next to Harry. He reached for the tea, poured himself a cup, and sipped. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but knew he had to eat. He tried to ignore Poppy who cast a diagnostic spell on him. Instead, he addressed Minerva. “Are there any problems I need to be aware of?”

“Except that we are short of teachers?” Minerva studied him and liked what she saw. The last time she had seen him he had just been discharged from the infirmary. He looked much improved. He looked healthy compared to the way he had been back then. Still tired and too pale, but he had definitely gained weight. “I trust you are working on a solution?”

“I am,” Severus assured her. He felt confident that he would be able to convince Horace to stay for the rest of the year. With Potions covered, Remus teaching DADA and Harry and himself covering Divination he only needed to find a new teacher for Muggle studies, and he already had his eye on someone. He merely needed to contact him. He was fairly sure the wizard wouldn’t deny him. Severus startled because Minerva’s hand unexpectedly came to rest on his arm. Severus raised his gaze and gave her a puzzled look. 

“I am glad to see you are doing better, Severus. I worried about you, but Poppy and I agreed that you needed some personal time. Harry moving in apparently worked wonders.”

Severus’ gaze shifted toward his lover. Had Harry told the witches they were lovers these days?

Harry sensed the question in Severus’ eyes and smiled. He had hinted at them being together, believing the two witches needed to find out themselves how good Severus and he were for each other. 

Severus nodded at Minerva and sipped from his tea. “Anything else that demands my attention?”

“I am writing our students that they are expected back next Monday. We should be able to cover most classes by then.”

That left him little time to contact his hopefully new Muggle studies teacher. “Then we should meet on Saturday. I will let the staff know when they are expected to attend the meeting.” 

Minerva nodded approvingly. Severus seemed to have everything under control.

/

Harry eyed Severus critically when his lover suddenly entered the living area with his travelling coat draped across his arm. Severus had brooded ever since Minerva had mentioned starting the new term. “Are you going to tell me where you are going? And am I invited?”

Severus knew he had to tread carefully. “I am heading to the Burrow. If you want to tag along, you are welcome to accompany me.” He knew that Harry hadn’t talked to Ron and Hermione about their relationship and maybe Harry would prefer to tell them first before visiting them.

Harry considered his options. If he accompanied Severus he wouldn’t be able to hide how much he loved the older man. He wasn’t sure how accepting Ginny, Hermione, Ron, and the rest of the Weasley family would be, especially considering the fact that they didn’t know how much Severus had changed. But only a coward would back out now. “I am coming along.” 

Severus accepted the decision; Harry had to face the Weasleys sooner or later. He slipped into his coat; he didn’t need it to ward of the cold as they would apparate to the Burrow, but it was another protective layer to his chiselled armour. He didn’t know what kind of welcome he would get. Molly might tolerate him as she had put up with him in the infirmary, but he didn’t know about the rest of the family. “Come on then.” Severus raised his arm and offered Harry his hand.

Harry took it and hoped he found a way to make his friends understand why he wanted to be with Severus. Neville had accepted their relationship better than he had dared to hope, but Ron was a different matter all together.

/

Severus apparated them to the outskirts of the Burrow. He judged it best to give the Weasleys a fair warning. He uncovered his wand and cast the patronus charm. The doe appeared in front of him, waiting to do his bidding. ‘Tell Molly and Arthur Weasley that Severus Snape and Harry Potter would like to visit. We will wait here.” The doe ran away from them and headed toward the Burrow. Maybe he was overly cautious, but he wasn’t going to barge in on Order members, especially ones who had never trusted him; Arthur, Fred, George, and if present, Bill and Charley had all suffered because of him – either in his capacity of Death Eater or bullying Potions Master. “Maybe you want to contact your friends as well? Even if they don’t wish to meet with me, your friends might like to see you.”

“I am not stepping in there without you.”

Harry’s loyalty deeply touched Severus, but he had to be realistic. “Harry, there will be people who won’t forgive me. There will be people who will think you mad for wanting to be with me. If some of your friends are amongst those, I don’t want you to stop seeing them because of me. They have every right to avoid me. That doesn’t mean you should do the same.”

“I don’t care,” Harry declared passionately. “I am with you. If they can’t accept us being together, then they aren’t real friends.” He wasn’t going to desert Severus – never!

Severus shook his head at hearing the youthful folly. “We will see.” A silver shape appeared in the distance and came running toward them. Actually, looking closer, he realized two different patronuses came heading towards them. He identified Arthur’s weasel and Molly’s owl flying above it. He dreaded the answer, unable to believe he would be welcome. Harry’s hand squeezed his and he returned the gesture. 

Severus Snape! Of course you are welcome! We expect you to join us –now-. Make it quick!

He wasn’t surprised to hear Molly’s patronus to deliver the message while Arthur’s weasel continued to circle their feet. “Do you want to answer them?”

Harry nodded, uncovered his wand and a moment later, a stag appeared in front of him. “Severus and I are already on our way.” He kept it short on purpose, not trusting himself to add something too revealing. 

Severus tried to release Harry’s hand when they reached the family’s home, but his lover refused to let go. “Harry, this isn’t wise.”

“I don’t care,” he said stubbornly. If someone rejected Severus, they would also be rejecting him.

“Ginny might be at home,” Severus remarked in case Harry hadn’t thought of it. 

Harry had tried hard to deny that possibility, but he also realized that he had to face her sooner or later. He couldn’t postpone this forever. “I am counting on Ron and Hermione to help me out.”

Severus hoped Harry’s trust in his friends was justified. “We don’t need to flaunt our new relationship, Harry. Not just yet.”

“Don’t you think Molly Weasley already knows? She helped out Madam Pomfrey. Don’t you think the two of them talked?”

“Maybe, but I doubt it.” At least Severus hoped their secret wasn’t out just yet. “Do you really want to do this?”

Harry nodded. “Yes, I can’t hide for the rest of my life. Ginny is Ron’s sister and she used to be a good friend.” Ideally, he would love to stay friends with her, but he understood that might not be a possibility. He had hurt her feelings for sure.

Severus nodded. He didn’t look forward to the confrontation either, but this had to be done.

TBC

19

Molly exchanged a look with her husband. Poppy had hinted at a budding love affair between the two men that now approached their home. She found that hard to believe, but she also knew Poppy was rather observant. She didn’t necessarily worry about Harry, although he was young and one could argue that Severus was a bad choice. She did however worry though about the upcoming meeting between Harry and her daughter. Ginny had been heartbroken after Ron and Hermione had told her Harry had broken off the relationship. She wished Harry had had the courage to tell Ginny in person. Now her daughter still hoped she could fix their relationship. But if Poppy was correct and Harry was gay, it would explain a lot. She would give him a chance to explain himself to her daughter. 

“Harry! Severus!” Arthur approached them and shook their hands. “We didn’t expect a visit, but we are happy to have you!” His gaze settled on Harry. “You should talk to Ginny, Harry, and explain yourself. She has been crying her eyes out. She needs to hear it from you – personally.”

Harry swallowed hard. He had never wanted for Ginny to suffer. “I will talk to her,” he promised. “How mad is she?”

“Not mad,” Arthur explained. “But she is hurting.”

Harry nodded again; he would try to make amends. “Where is she?”

“In her room. She ran upstairs once we told her you are visiting.” Arthur noticed the look Harry gave Severus. It was only after Severus had nodded that Harry went upstairs in search of Ginny. 

“You look better,” Molly said as she took hold of Severus’ arm and guided him into the living area. “Would you care for some tea?”

Her manner took him aback as he hadn’t expected such a warm welcome. “I would love some,” he replied, unable to reject her kind offer. He did want to be on good terms with them.

“Why don’t you sit down while I fetch our tea?” Molly needed to check on the rest of her children, who had gathered in the kitchen. She wanted to gently prepare them in case they ran into Severus.

Severus selected a chair close to the window with a perfect view of the door. He felt safer that way. “Arthur, I am here on school-related business.” He didn’t believe in smooth talk, chit chat, whatever one liked to call it. 

Arthur sat down opposite his guest and needed a moment to remind himself that Severus was still Headmaster. It was easy to forget. “Tell me.”

“Minerva and I are in the process of starting everything up for the next term. Students will arrive next Monday.”

“You run a tight schedule then. Is everything ready?” Several of his children had requested to return to Hogwarts to finish their education. Ron, Ginny, and even Fred and George, in spite of their successful business had mentioned returning for a year. 

“I have already found solutions for most problems. I am still one teacher short though.” Severus watched Arthur closely. If his plan backfired, he would be in trouble.

“Maybe I can help? Offer some recommendations?” 

“Actually, I was hoping you would accept a teaching position for the rest of the year. I need someone to teach Muggle Studies.”

Arthur’s eyes widened and he stared at Severus. “I am no teacher!”

Molly, levitating the tray with their tea and biscuits in front of her, had overheard the last few sentences. Severus’ offer had surprised her too. She levitated the tray over to the coffee table and then poured their tea personally. She tried to pretend she didn’t know that George, Fred, Ron and Hermione had their ears pressed against the kitchen door. They had been rather intrigued by the fact that Harry and Severus had shown up that unexpectedly. “You would make a great teacher.”

Severus nodded his consent. “I believe so too.”

Arthur however remained unconvinced and shook his head. “I have no teaching experience.”

“You have raised several children. That qualifies you for the position as far as I am concerned.” Severus took hold of his cup and wrapped his fingers around the warm drink.

“Why me?” Arthur shrugged. “I am flattered, but I don’t believe I would do well at the job.”

“You are passionate about all things Muggle,” Severus explained. “I want that in a teacher. I want to see some passion. You love Muggles and their crazy inventions. I hope that you will find a way to make our students accept Muggles and their ways. The last thing I want is for the new generation of wizards and witches to look down on Muggles. It was one of the reasons why Riddle managed to lure so many onto his side. I don’t want our kind to hate Muggles.”

Severus’ speech impressed Arthur, who understood why the other man wanted him to accept that teaching position. “I need to discuss this with my family first.”

“Understood,” Severus said. “Also keep in mind that you can floo home each evening. I will excuse you from any activities taking place during the weekends so you can spend time with your family.”

Arthur smiled, truly appreciating the offer. It was tempting, he had to admit to that. He had never envisioned himself as a teacher, but teaching students about all these great Muggle inventions was an exciting thought.

Molly smiled at her husband. She had always been able to read him like a open book. Arthur wanted to accept, but not at the expense of his family. Molly however was sure they would be able to work something out, especially with Severus being so accommodating. “Will you go back to teaching as well? Now that you are Headmaster?”

Severus couldn’t stop himself from snorting. “I didn’t plan on it,” he admitted, “But Sybil decided to leave Hogwarts. She wants to travel the world. So I will be teaching Divination to the senior years.” Sudden commotion at the kitchen door made him shift his gaze. He wasn’t surprised to see the twins, Ron and Hermione tumble gracelessly past the kitchen door and ending up in a heap. He had suspected they were eavesdropping all along. “Good evening,” he said, enjoying their stunned expressions. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that’s impolite to eavesdrop?”

“YOU are taking on Divination? And Trelawney is gone?” Ron tried to make sense of what he had heard.

“Professor Trelawney,” Severus corrected, “has left Hogwarts, yes. I can assure you I am fully qualified to teach that subject.”

“Who will be teaching Potions then?” Hermione wasn’t sure what to think of this development. Snape had been a bully but he was also the best Potions teacher she’d ever had. 

“Professor Slughorn has agreed to stay until the end of the school year. I am certain he will perform to your high standards, Miss Granger.” Severus knew he shouldn’t be enjoying the bantering, but he did. 

Hermione cringed. She didn’t like Slughorn. “And Mister Weasley will teach Muggle Studies?” It was good thing she had maintained her full schedule. It would allow her to follow those classes too. They would be exciting with Arthur Weasley teaching them!

“That is up to Mister Weasley,” Severus said and chuckled at seeing the twins’ and Ron’s expression.

“Our dad will be teaching! The horror!” Fred exclaimed rather dramatically and grinning like hell.

“I will need someone to control the bunch of you if the two of you really plan to return to Hogwarts.” Severus sipped from his tea and wondered how Harry was doing. The fact that he didn’t hear any screaming or doors banging was encouraging. Maybe the two of them were really talking instead of throwing accusations at each other. 

The twins looked at each other, wondering if their idea to finish their education hadn’t been a mistake. They didn’t know how to act around a mellow Snape, and with their father teaching at Hogwarts, they had to behave – somewhat. Maybe it was time to focus on their shop again!

Ron watched it happened and objected loudly. “You promised!” 

Hermione felt it was time to intervene. “Ron, we only have a few months left. We can do this! I will help!”

Ron cringed, knowing she would make him study all day and night. He needed his brothers if he wanted an excuse to get away from studying every now and then.

Molly had watched Severus throughout their conversation and liked what she saw. If this was the man behind the bullying Potions Master, she liked him. “Arthur and I will discuss the matter and we will let you know in the morning.”

“That is acceptable,” Severus said and sipped again. He had only been to the Burrow once or twice and always on Order business. Back then he hadn’t had the chance to savour the homely feeling, but now he gladly soaked it up. 

“Biscuit?” Molly said, holding up the plate and offering them to their guest.

“Yes, please.” He took hold of one and nibbled on it, amused to see the stunned looks on the twins’ faces. Ron didn’t merely look stunned – he looked shocked. Hermione gave him a calculating look. Out of the four, she was the one who realized that the way he had acted in the past had been an act.

Suddenly fire exploded near the fireplace. All present whipped out their wands and assumed a defensive stance. Although Voldemort was dead, several Death Eaters were still on the loose. It was highly improbable that they had found a way to force the wards protecting the Burrow, but it wasn’t impossible.

Severus, who had also jumped to his feet, was ready to cast a protective charm over all present, when he realized what had happened – and cringed. Fawkes, squeaking loudly, flew towards him. 

The phoenix came to a halt in mid-air and began to lecture his wizard in earnest. How did Severus dare leave Hogwarts without informing him? When he had woken from his nap, he had found Severus and Harry gone. Thankfully Hogwarts had known where they had gone and he had followed, intending to give Severus a lecture he wouldn’t forget. His wizard simply didn’t leave without him!

It was Hermione who broke the enchantment that seemed to have settled onto them. “Fawkes, what are you doing here?” She walked over to the phoenix, closely followed by Ron, who kept his wand at the ready. 

Severus raised his left arm and carefully stroked Fawkes’ neck, knowing it was one the spots that soothed the phoenix. “I am sorry,” he whispered, making sure only Fawkes heard. “I apologize.” 

Fawkes instantly calmed down and chirped forgivingly now that his wizard acknowledged his mistake. Maybe he had overreacted, but Albus’ death had confronted him with the fact that wizards were mortal. Contrary to him, they died. Each time he found Severus missing, he feared losing his new wizard as well. He wasn’t sure he could cope with another loss. He was still trying to accept that Albus was gone. As long as he had Severus to fill that void in his life, he could cope. Fawkes settled down on Severus’ shoulder and glared at the Weasleys. Why were they staring at him? His outburst had been justified!

Molly rested a hand on Hermione’s shoulder, who continued to stare questioningly at the phoenix. “Fawkes bonded with Severus. I told you.” Yes, she had informed them of that fact, but they hadn’t exactly believed her. They had thought it impossible that Fawkes would choose to be loyal to the wizard who had killed Dumbledore.

Severus settled down in his chair and poured himself a new cup of tea. Fawkes, feeling at peace again, rubbed his head against his wizard’s head. Severus saw the effect the arrival of the phoenix had on the family. Their remaining suspicion faded. He decided to stay quiet and enjoy his tea instead.

/

Harry bowed his head in shame as he knocked on Ginny’s door. He knew he had to do this, but would have gladly given the Elder wand away if such a gesture insured he didn’t have to face her. 

Ginny opened the door and gave him a frosty glare. She knew he had arrived; Fred and George had sneaked upstairs to tell her. A part of her had hoped Harry would seek her out, another wished he had done so sooner. 

“Can I talk to you? I want to apologize, and if you want to hear me out, explain my actions. I am not proud of them and have no excuse for asking Ron to tell you I am through, but I do value you as a friend and I do care about you.” Harry finally raised his head and met her gaze. He cringed at seeing the ache in them. He had put it there.

Ginny tightly held onto her composure. She was tempted to give into her temper and yell at him, and although that would make her feel better, the feeling would go away and change to guilt in the long run. That had happened before. She stepped aside and gestured for him to enter.

Harry stepped inside but cautiously stayed close to the doorway. “How angry are you?” Ginny’s eyes blazed with fury and he averted his gaze. “I am sorry,” he said. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I do care about you – a lot, but not in that way. It took time for me to realize that and I am sorry you were hurt in the process.”

Ginny’s eyes narrowed. “Who is she?”

Harry blinked in confusion. “What?” What did she mean by that? “Who is who?”

“My competition. The girl that ensnared you and convinced you to leave me.” Her temper showed when she glared at him. “Just tell me it isn’t Hermione. I don’t want Ron to get hurt too!”

“No! It’s not Hermione! Ginny, please! Ron and Hermione are my best friends and I know they are dating! I would never get involved that way!” It hurt that she thought so badly of him, but he had given her ample reason to expect the worst. “There’s no other girl!”

Ginny didn’t believe him. “Then why did you end it? You told me you loved me! We kissed!”

Harry’s facial features contorted. “I am sorry. I thought I loved you, and I do love you, but as a friend! Not the way I love—“ Harry stopped at once, realizing he had been about to say Severus’ name.

Ginny angrily stamped her foot. “I knew it! There’s someone else! She manipulated you and made you believe she loves you!”

“It’s not like that,” Harry said and forced himself to calm down. Ginny was angry enough for both of them; he couldn’t lose his temper too. “I shouldn’t have kissed you, but it helped me to figure myself out.”

Ginny frowned at that cryptic remark. “I don’t understand that.”

“I don’t… feel that kind of way when I kiss a girl.” Harry wondered how to tell her. “I am not attracted to girls.”

Ginny took a step closer to him and studied his eyes. “What did you say just now?”

“I am gay,” Harry said, feeling distinctly ill at ease. “I am sorry that it took me so long to figure it out, but I wasn’t sure. I never really felt anything special when I kissed Cho. And when I kissed you, I wanted to feel that way, but it didn’t happen.”

Ginny had expected many excuses, many explanations for why he had dumped her, but that one had not been on her list – which had been rather long. “You are gay?” 

Harry nodded and shuffled his feet nervously. “I didn’t know for sure until I kissed a man. That was when it hit me. I am sorry, Ginny. I never meant to hurt you. I reckon I just wanted to be… normal. I wanted to be like everyone else.” He laughed a tad bitterly. “But I am not like everyone else. Everything about me is different from the rest. I am gay, Ginny. I am sorry.”

Ginny still felt tremendously hurt by what he had done. “Did you use me to test your preferences? Did you do it on purpose?” 

“No, I didn’t. I do care about you, Ginny. You have been a good friend and I am sorry I hurt you. I wish I returned your feelings, but I don’t. I am attracted to men and you, although lovely, are a girl.”

Ginny sat down on her bed and tried to make sense of everything he had told her. Harry was gay. Suddenly she looked up. “Or are you bisexual?” In that case, she might be able to get him back.

“Sorry, Ginny, but I am gay.” Harry knew the worst part was still to come though. “May I sit down?” he said, indicating the space next to her. Ginny nodded curtly, but at least she did allow the close contact. Feeling encouraged, he sat down. “I am sorrier than you will ever know. Do you hate me, Ginny?”

Ginny considered the question instead of blurting something out. “I am not sure. I am angry with you for the way you treated me, but I don’t hate you.” Harry had always helped her, had always been there for her when she had needed someone. He had saved her life once. But they had been children back then. They hadn’t been in love. Ginny corrected herself – he wasn’t in love with her. “Were you ever in love with me?”

Harry shook his head. “I have known you for so long, Ginny. Caring about you felt safe. When I realized you had feelings for me, I wanted it to work. I deluded myself, and by doing so, I did you a grave injustice.”

Ginny nodded; yes, he had wronged her. But hearing he was gay made their breakup less traumatic in a way. Had she lost him to another girl, she would have felt much worse. At least know she knew there was no way she could compete with a man. She had the wrong gender for that. “I have not forgiven you,” she said eventually. “But we always were good friends. Maybe, in time, we can be friends again.” But she was going to make him work for it. One way or another he was going to make it up to her!

“There’s something else you need to know.” She deserved the truth – she deserved to hear it from him instead of a stranger telling her. “I am in love with someone – a man, yes.”

Ginny sighed deeply. So there really was no way to win him back – not if his tastes ran that way. “For how long?” 

“It started shortly after I destroyed Voldemort. I know it was wrong to use Ron as a messenger. I should have told you in person that I wanted to end it, but so much was happening – all at the same time.”

“Do I know him?” Ginny turned toward him to better study his expression. He looked on guard. This couldn’t be good.

Harry wrung his hands. There was no easy way to tell this. “It’s Severus Snape.”

Ginny jumped up from her bed and stared down at him. “What?” She couldn’t believe it. Had he really said he was in love with their teacher?

“When Severus was recovering from his… death,” Harry said, swallowing hard. It did sound odd the way he had phrased that. “I got to know him better. He had to act a certain way for twenty years. He’s not the bully you know. He is a wholly different person than the one you know.”

“You are in love with Snape?” She didn’t know whether to burst out laughing or punch him. The situation was too absurd to be taken seriously. “Our Potions Master?”

“Yes,” Harry said, beginning to feel calm again. His love for Severus was real and it was strong. It would also make him defend his lover, should she decided to insult him. “I am in love with him and he returns those feelings.”

Ginny shook her head in disbelief. “You are in love with Snape? And he..?” She felt nauseous. “Harry, you can’t be serious. That git is too old for you! He’s a bully and a Death Eater. No matter what he did in order to help us win the war, Snape can’t be trusted!”

Harry knew it was her jealousy and hurt talking. “I know it is a lot to take in, Ginny, but I hope you will him a chance. Ginny,” he said, rising from the bed and gently gathering her hands in his. “I value you as a friend. I care about you. I respect you as a seeker. You are one hell of a Quidditch player and we covered our backs more than once. You helped me defeat Voldemort. Please, I beg you, give me a chance. I don’t want to lose your friendship. Please, Ginny.”

Ginny didn’t expect his plea – not to such a degree – and felt conflicted. What he said was true; they had defended each other during the war. They had fought side by side. But back then she had believed him to be her boyfriend, her future lover and husband. Now, all that had changed. “I need time,” she said eventually. “I need time to think this over and to make up my mind.”

“I understand that.” Harry felt relieved that she wasn’t screaming at him. She hadn’t kicked him out yet either. “I won’t contact you again. I will leave it up to you whether you want to continue our friendship or break it off completely. But we have been through so much together. We have so much history together! Ginny, I don’t want to lose your friendship and I promise I will make it up to you.”

Ginny nodded. “We will see about that. Now, I want to be alone. I need to think.” She pulled her hands out of his hold. “I will let you know once I have decided what I want.”

Respecting her need for distance, Harry stepped back. “I will wait – but I still hope you will give our friendship a chance.” If it still existed, that was. Realizing she wanted her privacy, Harry stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. He was glad he had found the courage to talk to her. Maybe now she could start to sort out her feelings and heal.

TBC

20

Severus tried to gauge Harry’s mood, but the guarded expression told him little. There were on their way to the apparation point outside the Burrow, and so far, Harry hadn’t said a thing. The young man seemed lost in thought and Severus didn’t want to interrupt Harry’s thinking. 

Harry sensed Severus’ gaze upon him and looked at him after releasing a troubled sigh. “My talk with Ginny went better than I expected. She didn’t yell at me, nor did she throw things at me. She allowed me to talk.”

Severus nodded and waited for his lover to continue, should Harry desire to continue to confide in him. 

“I apologized. I shouldn’t have asked Ron to tell her that I had ended the relationship. I should have done so in person.”

Severus nodded again. “But you did face the consequences of your decision today.”

Harry shrugged. “Talking to her helps me deal with it, but it’s much harder on her.”

“What did you tell her?”

“That I am gay,” Harry explained. “That I am in love with you.”

Severus fought for composure; he hadn’t expected Harry to tell her that. Now that Ginny knew, she would confide in Hermione and Ron, then her brothers, and before long, most of the wizarding world would know about their relationship. He had better prepare for the wave of protest, ridicule, and slander that would appear in the papers. Next, there would be howlers. He was fortunate that Harry was of age in the wizarding world; had he been underage, he would have been in real trouble. It also reminded him to officially hire his lover as the new Divination teacher and Head of Slytherin. Their relationship would be frowned upon as it was, but it would be even worse if Harry was still a student at Hogwarts. He should use Harry’s status as estimated saviour while the fame lasted and see to the necessary paperwork. 

“You are worried that she will tell them about us,” Harry observed.

“I worry about the possible repercussions,” Severus clarified. “I need to make certain arrangements and I need to do so quickly.” He had to prevent the public from assuming that he was taking advantage of the younger man. 

Harry cringed; he hadn’t thought about any consequences. He had acted on instinct, like so often before. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have named you as my love interest.”

“Love interest?” Severus chuckled and Fawkes squealed with delight. “You have such odd ways of saying things.” 

Harry chuckled in turn. “Well, I am interested in you and I do love you.” Severus grew quiet and his gaze drifted off to the distance. Harry halted in his tracks, took hold of Severus’ right arm, and forced him to stop walking. “Severus?” The older man gave him an odd look, which he failed to decipher. 

“I never was someone’s love interest before,” Severus admitted softly. “It’s odd hearing you say it.”

Harry wrapped his arms around Severus. “I love you, Severus. I really love you. I will never tire of telling you.” He had the feeling Severus needed to hear it many times before the older man would allow himself to believe those words were true.

Severus blushed and averted his gaze. He wished he didn’t feel that shy, but he did. The fact that someone cared so deeply for him made him feel out of his league. 

Harry understood and gently squeezed Severus’ hand. They were making progress, albeit slowly. “Are we going home?”

“Home,” Severus sighed contently. “Yes, we will go home.” Fawkes, who had been circling above them, landed on his shoulder. Although the phoenix could apparate himself, Fawkes often preferred to accompany him. 

A moment later, they were back at their home. Fawkes flew toward his perch and grabbed some seeds, apparently hungry. Severus felt undecided. Harry still gave him that adoring look which seemed to hint at wanting to be kissed. Tentatively, still uncertain how welcome his action was, he gathered Harry in his arms and kissed him. The kiss didn’t remain chaste for long, and Harry was definitely the one to take it further, by opening his mouth and inviting him in. Severus accepted the invitation and slowly explored his lover’s mouth. The tip of Harry’s tongue sought out his and lured him into a duel. Last time, Severus had awarded Harry victory, but this time, he didn’t plan to give in so easily. Harry manoeuvred him toward the bedroom and he didn’t object. 

Harry’s groin tightened in eager anticipation now that Severus stated his claim by kissing him into submission. He had fantasized about Severus taking charge, no matter how small. He sighed contently and rubbed his front against Severus, seeking stimulation as he was painfully hard. Severus was in a similar dire state. Harry rubbed his lover through the fabric of his trousers and wondered if Severus would allow him to take this one step further.

Severus stilled in his kiss, sensing Harry tense up. He broke off the kiss, cocked his head and whispered, “What is amiss?”

“I want to try something, will you let me?” Harry babbled nervously. “Don’t ask me to explain or I might get cold feet.”

Severus nodded; he was going to stop Harry though should he feel ill at ease, regardless of his lover’s plans. 

Harry had fantasized about this. He’d had several erotic dreams about finally getting his way with Severus. He decided against spelling their clothes off, as he wanted to take this slow. His hand rubbed the bulge in Severus’ trousers and he relished hearing that sharp intake of breath, which told him he had surprised his lover. Well, he was only just getting started. He was a very healthy young man whose body craved sex. All he had to do, was to trigger Severus’ sex drive. He unbuttoned his lover’s trousers, pushed the fabric out of the way and licked his lips. He had never done this before, but he wanted to taste his lover. He wanted to give him such bliss that Severus ended up screaming his name during his climax. 

Severus caught on, realizing what Harry’s plans entailed. “You don’t have to do this,” he cautioned, but allowed Harry to push him onto the bed. 

“But I want to do this. I will probably suck at it,” Harry chuckled at the way he had unwilling phrased that. “But I want to try.”

Severus swallowed hard, growing increasingly aroused. Being honest with himself, he had to admit that he liked Harry’s idea to bring him to orgasm. “But I want you to stop if you feel uncomfortable.”

“Trust me, Severus.” Harry crawled onto the bed as well and spelled Severus’ trousers and underwear away after all. Severus hissed at the sudden loss of clothing, but Harry didn’t give him time to object. He kissed him again and Severus melted into the mattress beneath him. The normally so dark eyes now glowed with lust – finally. “I want more,” Harry whispered, getting carried away, and he unbuttoned the coat, then the white high-necked shirt Severus still religiously wore. “Perfect,” he commented at seeing the hairless chest and pert nipples.

Severus raised an arm and rested the palm of his hand against Harry’s face. “Hardly,” he commented. 

“What’s not perfect?” Harry rubbed his cheek against Severus’ palm, but then moved lower, kissing his lover’s neck. “I love you the way you are.”

“The scars,” Severus whispered and cringed, because at that same moment, Harry’s tongue trailed one of the larger scars that marred his body.

“Earned during battle. You fought bravely and were injured. I treasure each one of them and so should you. They show your courage.” Harry kissed one scar and his fingertips trailed the outline of a particular vicious looking one that started at Severus’ chest and travelled all the way down to his thigh. He was curious, but wasn’t going to ask about it. Not now. As he moved lower still, he finally encountered his prize. Severus was hard and the tip glistered with moisture.

The dirty look Harry gave him made Severus’ heart beat faster. His lover really wanted to do this and the thought alone only made him come. “Harry,” he whispered and caressed his lover’s face.

Harry licked his lips again and moved closer to his target. Tentatively, he licked from the tip to the base and tasted his lover for the first time. It was an odd sensation, but not unpleasant. He had worried the taste and smell might put him off and make him nauseous. “Not bad,” he commented as he circled the head and took his lover into his mouth. 

Severus stopped himself from arching up from the mattress. That wouldn’t go over well with Harry. 

Harry settled comfortably between Severus’ legs and wrapped his fingers around the base. It took him a while to find a rhythm but after a minute, he got the hang of it and managed to take his lover deeper into his mouth. Congratulating himself that he seemed to be doing well, he added a little suction, like he would suck on a piece of candy. This time, Severus did surge up from the bed and robbed him of his breath. Harry used his other hand to push him back onto the mattress. “Cooperate,” he whispered wickedly as he returned the task he had set himself. 

Severus, feeling stunned, looked at his lover’s bobbing head as Harry returned to licking and sucking him. Harry’s hand began to pump him, and although Severus fought it, he climaxed – much sooner than he would have liked.

Harry wondered if he should retreat or swallow. In the end, he decided to get an experimental lick and then grinned as Severus’ warm semen covered his hand. He had done it! He had made his lover come. He felt proud; proud and smug. And he felt proud of Severus, who had taken a risk and had allowed him to do this. For a highly insecure wizard as Severus this had been a big step indeed. 

Severus had never felt so alive before. His body pulsed with lazy contentment. “Harry…” He pulled his lover down and into his arms. 

“Did I blow you away?” Harry grinned evilly. “I hope so.”

Harry’s remark made Severus chuckle. “Yes, you did.” His fingers moved through Harry’s hair and he lovingly looked at the younger man who continued to rock his world. “What about you?”

Harry settled down in Severus’ arms and wrapped his hand around his cock. “I dreamt about this once. You holding me and enjoying the fact that I bring myself to orgasm.” Harry stroked his aching flesh tightly. “Watch me,” he whispered.

Severus needed a moment to convince himself it was all right to be a voyeur. He tightened his hold on his lover and kissed a trail down his throat. “Thank you, Harry, for what you did just now.” He pressed his lips against Harry’s throat and sucked the sensitive skin there. Harry arched beautifully in his arms and then sagged against him when orgasm took him. He placed his hand over Harry’s heart and smiled contently.

Harry moaned in the afterglow of orgasm and returned that smile rather crookedly, but he didn’t care. For the first time in his life everything was right.

/

“Where are you going?” They had held each other tight after sharing such an intimate experience, but now Severus showed signs of activity.

“I prefer a bath to a cleaning spell,” he hinted. They really had created a mess this time. “Or do you want to end up stuck together? No, don’t answer that,” he realized belatedly. Harry would probably tell him that he would love to be joined forever. 

Harry inclined his head to show he had caught on. “Well, believe it or not, I like your idea. Your tub IS big enough for two, isn’t he?” 

Severus couldn’t help it; he burst out laughing. “Don’t tell me you still haven’t had enough! You can’t seriously get it up again!” 

“Oh, trust me, I can,” Harry whispered seductively. “I am a horny teenager, remember?”

Severus’ smile grew gentler. “Yes, I do.” And the fact that Harry wanted him instead of someone his own age still baffled him. In a rare moment of reflection, he shared, “I never was a horny teenager as you put it.”

“Why not?” Harry tucked Severus’ hand in his and guided him toward the bathroom. He did know about the large tub in there!

“I never had the opportunity, I guess,” Severus commented thoughtfully. “I loved Lily, you know that, but not in that way. After Riddle killed your parents, finding a lover was the last thing on my mind. I was a mess – emotionally. Hadn’t it been for Albus mentoring me, I don’t think I would have survived. The fact that Albus gave me a chance to redeem myself saved me and I sacrificed everything I was, everything I ever wanted in order to atone.”

Harry spelled his clothes away, turned on the tab, and watched the bathtub fill up. He didn’t like their topic. He would love to discuss this with Severus, but not right after being intimate – or right before it, if he got his way. “Severus?” He embraced his lover and kissed him – sweetly and gently. “Let go of the past, will you? Focus on what is right in front of you – and that’s me in case you are wondering. I forgave you every supposed wrong you ever did. I do not believe you are to blame and certainly not to the extent you judge yourself. I love you and want to be with you.”

Severus had been lost in thought and hadn’t realized Harry had removed their remaining clothes. Neither had he realized that Harry had guided him into the tub that was quickly filling up. He was stunned to feel Harry’s erection press against his abdomen. “You can’t be serious!” 

“Well, remember? Young? Horny? Desperately in love with you and lusting after you?” The warm water kept rising and reached their knees by now. “And I am going to do something about that, just don’t panic,” he whispered while pressing kisses down Severus’ chest. “I can’t get enough of you.” His heart missed a beat at seeing Severus’ expression fill with love for him. “I want you to make love to me. I want to know what it feels like to be connected in that way.” Seductively he whispered into Severus’ ear, “I want you inside me.”

Severus blushed; it was something he couldn’t control. He couldn’t deny that the words aroused him. Although he hadn’t believed it possible, he was growing hard again. “Harry, I have never done this before.”

“Neither have I. It’s alright. We will learn together.” Harry pushed Severus down and his lover complied, sitting down. Harry wasted no time and slipped into his lover’s lap. His heart thumbed a mad rhythm upon feeling Severus’ erection rubbing against him. “Severus?” He slipped his arms around his lover’s shoulders and looked him in the eye. Severus might look flustered, but he knew his lover want this too. Severus was merely a bit shy. “Do you happen to know a spell that will… make this easier? Less uncomfortable for me?” 

Severus chuckled. “Actually I do, though I never thought I would ever have use of it.” He cast the spell non-verbally, preparing Harry for the intrusion that would follow. “Are you sure about this?” He ran his fingers through the tousled hair. 

“I am,” Harry said, nodding. “Do you want this too?” He rubbed his bottom against his lover’s cock, daring him to deny his want. Severus’ spell must work for he felt all warm and tingly inside. 

“I do,” Severus admitted, realizing there was no way Harry would let him get away with lying. He ran his right hand down Harry’s back and it came to a halt at the small of his lover’s back. He cocked his head and smiled. “I love you,” he whispered, knowing the moment of truth had come. He could hide no more. “I love you like I never loved before.”

Harry took the initiative and manoeuvred himself in such a way that the tip of his lover’s erection pushed against his entrance. He drew in a deep breath, tried to regain some control of his raging emotions, but utterly failed at that. He was on fire and wanted this. He needed to complete their union. Placing his hands on Severus’ shoulders, he slowly lowered himself onto his lover’s shaft. There was no pain – thankfully. His body seemed to stretch where necessary to accommodate Severus. Gradually, he took in more of his lover’s length until he sat comfortably in Severus’ lap. “Great spell,” he commented before latching onto Severus’ throat to suck the skin between his teeth.

Severus heard the words, but found it impossible to formulate a reply. Being inside his lover, finally being a part of such a union took his breath away. He had never experienced such belonging before and eagerly sought out Harry’s mouth to kiss him.

Harry welcomed Severus’ sudden eagerness. He shifted slightly and caught Severus’ moan in his mouth. Severus’ pupils dilated and he had never seen such an expression in those dark eyes before. 

Severus felt afloat on a river of lust. His body was finally waking up and urged him to act. Thrusting up, he wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and held on.

Harry enthusiastically moved along, and they quickly established a satisfying rhythm. Harry loved the way Severus thrust into him, possessing him like he always wanted to be possessed. Severus loved the way Harry moved with him. He sought out his lover’s lips again and kissed him deeply, claiming his lover as his.

Harry wrapped a hand around his aching cock and stroked in pace with Severus’ thrusts. He lasted longer than he had expected, but when he felt his peak approach, he had no choice but to give in. His body desperately needed the release.

Severus buried himself inside his lover with one more thrust, staking his claim. Harry was his and no one was going to take him away. He pulled his lover against him, buried his face in the tousled hair, and held him close while their bodies pulsed with bliss. Panting hard, Severus tipped Harry’s head upwards so he could look at his lover during their moment of ecstasy. Thankfully there was no pain or regret in those greens; he had feared to see there. Instead, Harry was giving him a decisively smug grin. “You look like you are about to purr.”

Harry chuckled, enjoying the way Severus smiled at him. A moment later, he lamented the loss as that intimate connection faded. Severus had lasted long – just the way he had hoped. It had helped he had brought his lover to orgasm earlier. Severus would probably call him sneaky for thinking up that plan. “Well, I definitely feel like purring. Or rather like roaring, considering I am a Gryffindor.”

“Who is about to become Head of Slytherin.” Severus guided Harry’s head against his shoulder and stroked his lover’s back. The water was cooling down quickly and they should get out of the tub. At the moment, he felt too lazy to move though. 

Harry was about to ask Severus if his lover preferred him to hiss like a snake instead, when he quickly decided against that. Severus still suffered from nightmares featuring Nagini, which reminded him that they should really watch Neville’s memory. 

“Thank you for sharing yourself with me,” Severus whispered shyly. “It was an amazing experience.” He felt timid now that they had finally done the deed. “Did you enjoy it too?” Hopefully he had done everything right; Harry seemed fine.

“Enjoy?” Harry lifted his head and chuckled loudly. “I fucking loved it!”

Severus let it slip. Normally he would comment if someone used that offensive word, but not this time. Somehow Harry’s use of it seemed appropriate, considering the situation they were in. Harry rested his head back against his shoulder and Severus sighed contently. There had been a time when he had thought such a thing impossible – being in love and making love. Harry had proven him wrong though, and for that, he was grateful

/

Fawkes looked up from his perch at hearing the flapping of wings against one of the windows of the Headmaster’s Office. He uttered a warning sound, which made his wizard look up from the letter he was reading.

“What is it?” Severus followed the direction of Fawkes’ stare and realized he had a visitor. Spelling the window open, he watched a great grey owl practically tumble into the room. It didn’t help that it was rather windy outside, giving the owl an unwelcome boost into the wrong direction. The owl would have collided with the wall, hadn’t Severus quickly cast a cushioning spell. The owl now descended more slowly and ended up falling rather unceremoniously onto his desk in the midst of his paperwork.

Harry walked up to the desk in order to find out what was happening. “I know that owl,” he said.

“It’s Errol,” Severus remarked. “I know him too.” The owl gave him a disoriented look and hooted pitifully.

“What’s wrong with him that he always crashes into things?” Harry pulled up a chair and sat down opposite Severus.

“He’s old,” Severus explained and shrugged. “Too old to still be used to carry messages in that way.”

“Do owls retire at some point?” 

Severus shrugged again. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “But Errol definitely should.”

“Then why keep the Weasleys use him?”

Severus arched an eyebrow. “You are feeling inquisitive tonight.”

“Well, I am curious!” Harry grinned and adjusted his glasses. Ever since they had finally made love, he felt completely at ease around Severus. He had felt comfortable around him before, but having sex had changed things in a subtle manner. He no longer worried he might lose Severus due to the man’s insecurity. Making love had solidified their relationship. 

“They probably lack funds to replace him,” Severus said, taking an educated guess. He removed the letter from Errol’s leg and placed it on his desk. Studying the owl, he realized he really was in a sorry state. There was no way he was going to use Errol to carry a reply to the Burrow. “Fawkes?” 

The phoenix had a pretty good idea what his wizard wanted from him and nodded. Yes, he was fine with sharing his food and perch.

Harry watched as Severus gently gathered Errol in his arms and carried him over to Fawkes. Severus carefully settled the owl on the perch next to Fawkes and Harry nodded at seeing the concern in those dark eyes. Severus taking care of Errol in that way once more confirmed the older man’s caring nature. Severus must have hurt during all those years in which he had hide and suppress his true nature. Fawkes seemed to like Errol and scooted closer, encouraging the drained owl to eat some of his favourite seeds.

Severus remained standing next to the perch, which urged Harry to get moving. He walked over to his lover, wrapped his arms around Severus from behind, and sighed contently. “Tell me.” It was easy to see that Severus was plotting.

“I will send one of the school owls when I reply to Arthur. Maybe I can word it in such a way that they will accept the owl as a gift.”

Harry rested his chin on Severus’ shoulder. “I knew there is a reason I love you.” Severus’ plan showed once more how eager he was to help. Harry felt glad that the older wizard could finally act freely without having to worry about repercussions from Voldemort, the Death Eaters, Order members, or even Albus. “I am sure you will find a way.”

Severus nodded and turned in the embrace. He curled strands of Harry’s messy hair around a fingertip and studied his lover. For that was exactly what Harry was – his lover. He had never thought he would have a lover one day. “You have a lot of faith in me.”

“Rightly so.” Harry’s curiosity made him nod at the letter on the desk. “Don’t you want to know his answer?” 

Severus did want to know if he had secured a Muggle Studies teacher or not. For one moment, Charity Burbage appeared in his mind’s eye, about to be eaten by Nagini. He shivered violently and closed his eyes, which was a mistake as the memory merely manifested stronger. 

Harry instinctively tightened the embrace. “What are you remembering?”

Severus instantly opened his eyes again in the hope that looking at his true surroundings would chase away the memory. “Riddle killing professor Burbage,” he muttered beneath his breath.

Harry grew sad. “He made you witness that?

Severus shrugged helplessly. “It was a test of my faith. She begged me to help her. I couldn’t. Had I intervened, I might have been able to get us out, but Riddle would have known about my true loyalty. Albus and the Order would have lost their spy. I couldn’t take that risk. I was under strict orders to do whatever was necessary to remain Riddle’s favourite.

“I am sorry about that, my dear friend.”

Albus’ voice caught their attention and both men looked at the former Headmaster’s painting. Albus looked remorseful. 

“I couldn’t afford to lose you. You were my only link to Voldemort,” Albus explained tiredly. 

Severus briskly nodded and then averted his gaze. He looked at Fawkes and Errol instead. The sight of Fawkes pressed close to the exhausted owl and offering him his warmth was exactly what he needed in order to regain his belief in good. 

Harry hoped this was the right moment to make this suggestion. “We can watch Neville’s memory, you know. Seeing Nagini dead might help.” If memory served him right, Severus had once told him that Riddle had turned Charity Burbage into dinner for his pet snake.

Severus’ gaze drifted to the content of the pensieve. “I don’t feel comfortable watching that memory without Neville present. It feels like trespassing.”

Harry once more wondered about the older wizard. “Do you want me to fetch Neville? He’s staying at the castle. He told me that he really doesn’t get along with his grandmother.”

Severus considered it and then nodded. He knew he had to face that memory eventually. “Do it then.” Harry quickly pressed a kiss onto his brow, making him blush slightly, before the young man turned on his heels and sprinted out of the office. Let him in when he returns, he told Hogwarts. You do not need to ask him for a password.

As you wish, Headmaster.

Was it just his imagination or did Hogwarts chuckle in the back of his mind?

TBC 

21

Neville looked up in surprise at seeing Harry storm into his room. “Is something amiss?” He jumped up from his chair and checked his wand’s whereabouts.

Harry realized his hurry had alerted Neville and quickly shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong.” He smiled apologetically. “Severus agreed to watch your memory, but insists you are present while he does. Otherwise it would feel like trespassing, he told me.”

Neville nodded. “He does continue to surprise me.” He understood why Snape might feel that way. He wouldn’t feel comfortable either watching someone’s memory without that person being present. “I will come with you.” He fell into pace with Harry as they made their way out of the dormitory. “You look…” Neville paused in order to search for the right word. “Happy?”

Harry moistened his lips while recalling being finally intimate with the man he loved. “I am happy, Neville. Severus makes me happy.” Neville arched an eyebrow a certain way, which caused Harry to blush. “Yes, because of that.”

So they had finally done the deed. Neville didn’t feel interested in procuring more details because he considered something like that very private and secondly because the thought Harry had done the deed with Snape was something he still had to get used to. It would have been easier if Harry had picked someone else. Anyone except Snape. They reached the office and the statue moved out of the way, allowing them to enter. “You no longer need a password?” Neville asked knowingly.

Harry shrugged apologetically. “Maybe Severus instructed the statue to let us in?” Though the truth probably was that the statue would allow only allow him inside without uttering a password and no one else. 

Neville’s gaze immediately settled on Severus, who stood in front of the window, his back toward them. He was under the impression the older wizard’s shoulders were tense, which didn’t surprise him. They might have called a truce, but both of them were still trying to figure out where the other one stood. “Sir,” Neville said, feeling most at ease by calling him that.

Severus turned around and masked his feelings; at least, he tried. Lately he found it hard to hide his emotions like he had in the past. “Mister Longbottom, thank you for coming.”

Neville inclined his head, appreciating the welcome. Maybe it was time to do away with some of the distance between them? “My name is Neville. You are free to use it.”

Severus never expected the offer, but gratefully accepted. “In that case, call me Severus.” 

Now that was something Neville hadn’t expected, but he quickly recovered from his surprise. “I will try to remember that. I must admit I am rather used to addressing you as sir.”

Severus understood. Especially during the last year, Neville had faced the penalties for any insubordinate behaviour. “Neville,” he said, trying to make an effort to show the young man that he was safe here, “Harry told me that you would not mind if I viewed your memory regarding… her death.” He faltered briefly, unable to say the serpent’s name. 

“I am fine with that,” Neville confirmed. “That’s why I left that memory in your pensieve.” Neville caught Harry’s gaze and realized his friend was smiling radiantly, obviously pleased at the pleasant nature of their conversation. “You want me to watch it with you?” 

Severus nodded. “I do not feel comfortable watching it without your presence.”

“That’s fine with me. Do you want to do this now?” Neville walked toward the pensieve. Harry followed at once, but Snape seemed hesitant. 

Seeing them waiting for him to join them, Severus forced himself into action. His hands shook and he quickly hid them in his pockets. He didn’t want them to see how the prospect of watching that memory upset him. 

But Severus had miscalculated. Harry had kept a close eye on him and therefore noticed the tremors that shook his lover’s frame. The moment Severus came to a halt, Harry moved toward him and wrapped an arm around him, ignoring the worried look Severus gave Neville. 

Neville watched closely and realized Harry wanted to comfort the older wizard. It was eye-opening to see how easily his friend touched Snape. The fact that the older wizard accepted the comfort told him a lot about the relationship. “We can watch it now,” he said, like Harry realizing this was hard on Snape. “We will go in with you.”

Severus disliked the fact that Neville had noted his unease, but also realizing this couldn’t be avoided. He had to do this. He wanted those nightmares to stop, or if that wasn’t possible, he wanted them to lose their venomous sting. Locking gazes with Harry, and seeing his lover nod encouragingly, gave him the courage to follow them into the pensieve. He needed a moment to get his bearing once Neville’s memory manifested around him, but then he recognized his surroundings. Hogwarts was already partly in ruins. So the battle must have been raging for a while. Severus watched in awe how Neville suddenly pulled the sword of Gryffindor from the Sorting Hat. The young man was already charging the enemy. Severus found himself distracted by the battle surrounding him, but Harry tucked at his hand and it forced him to focus in the memory.

When Nagini finally appeared, Severus swayed. His first reaction was to pull out of the memory, but Harry still had a tight hold on him and forced him to stay. He had to do this. He had to find a way to deal with the way he died. He shuddered violently at seeing Nagini slither after Ron and Hermione. The snake was about to strike at them and Severus flash backed to the shack when Nagini had thrown her repulsive body at him. He felt the impact of that first bite all over again. His arm throbbed with remembered pain and he unwillingly reached for his throat, trying to protect himself from the bite he knew was going to follow.

“Look at the memory, Severus. Try to stay with us,” Harry whispered imploringly.

Harry’s voice anchored Severus to the present and his own nightmarish memory faded. Instead, he saw Neville lift the sword and strike at Nagini. The snake’s head was severed from her body and flew through the air. The large body convulsed several times before finally settling down and becoming motionless.

“Look, Severus. Do you see it? Do you see she’s dead? Neville killed her. Nagini is no more.”

Severus clung to Harry’s words. Yes, it was true; Nagini was dead. Her head had rolled out of his sight and the heavy body that had knocked the air out of him at the shack, lay unmoving and still. “She’s dead,” he whispered, afraid to believe the truth, but at the same time desperately holding onto Neville’s memory.

“Yes, she is dead,” Neville said, addressing Snape while they still remained in the pensieve. “And she isn’t coming back. I made sure of that.”

Severus continued to look at her remains. He almost expected her to slither toward him, re-growing her head so she could bite him again, but nothing happened. The body didn’t move.

Harry, realizing Severus needed to return to the present, pulled his lover with him as he left the memory. “Severus?” He felt relieved upon seeing those dark eyes fill with awareness once more. “Nagini’s dead. She can’t hurt you anymore.” Harry was unprepared for the impact when Severus flung himself at him. Harry instantly wrapped his lover up in an embrace and held him, rocking him slightly and crooning reassurances into the older man’s ear.

Neville felt like a voyeur watching them, but what else could he do? It also reminded him that he didn’t really know Severus Snape. He would never have believed it possible that the Potions Master could possibly experience a break down, nor that the wizard would ever clung to someone for support. But that was what was happening right now. Severus Snape would have completely fallen apart hadn’t it been for Harry supporting him. All of them had suffered, Neville realized. Harry had been through his personal ordeal while hunting for the Horcruxes and then he had died. Snape had been forced to live a lie for twenty years and had died while everyone had believed him to be a coward and a traitor. He himself had suffered too, but compared to those two, Neville felt he had gotten off easy.

Severus finally started to calm down, and with that, came a sense of shame for letting go in front of Neville. He pulled away, or tried to, for Harry didn’t want to let go. In the end, the younger man settled for holding his hand, but his lover refused to let go completely. Embarrassed, he noticed that his face was wet with tears. He had cried and angrily wiped at those tears. 

Neville wanted to reach out to the older wizard. During these last few moments he had realized something important about the Potions Master. Snape, the bullying bastard, was gone. The wizard standing next to him was someone completely different. “It’s fine, Severus. I have cried too. It helps to let go of the pain.”

Severus froze at hearing those words, but then he sagged against Harry. “I apologize,” he whispered, addressing Neville. “I didn’t plan on becoming emotional.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Neville reassured him. “I am glad I could help. I will leave the memory here. That way you can watch it again – and again, until you finally believe that the monster is dead.” Something told him that Severus needed to view that memory quite a few times before the older man knew peace. 

/

After Neville had left, Harry made sure to stay close to his lover. Severus seemed unbalanced after facing both Neville’s memory and the fact that he had died at the shack. Harry suspected Severus hadn’t expected the memory to trigger that particular trauma. But in retrospect, Harry was grateful it had. Severus needed to find a way to move past his death, even though that sounded cruel to his own ears. Maybe Severus would have found that easier, hadn’t his death been so traumatic. Harry decided to distract his lover from his brooding and picked up Arthur’s letter, which Severus had forgotten to open. “You should open it.”

Severus blinked at hearing Harry’s voice unexpectedly. Mentally, he had been sorting through Neville’s memory and he was trying to memorize the second the young man had beheaded Nagini, hoping that recalling the moment would chase away any nightmares sneaking up on him in his sleep. “You are right. I should.” Severus accepted the letter, broke the seal, and opened it.

“And?” Harry walked over to Errol, who was dozing sitting next to Fawkes. The phoenix didn’t seem to mind the company and continued to munch on his seeds.

“Arthur accepts,” Severus told Harry, relieved. Another burden had just been lifted from his shoulders. “One problem less to worry about.”

Harry returned to the sofa Severus was sitting on and seated himself next to him. He pressed close and Severus raised an arm, wrapping him up in an embrace. Harry snuggled closer and savoured the intimate moment. “Are there any problems left we need to deal with?”

Severus nodded. He had wanted to discuss this with Harry anyway. “I have written a letter to the Board of Governess and the Quibbler.” Catching Harry’s alarmed look, he quickly added, “I haven’t sent it yet. I wanted to discuss this with you first.”

Harry nodded, feeling a bit reassured. “What’s that letter about?”

“About you graduating from Hogwarts. By destroying Riddle you showed ample ability at spells, Defence, and all related subject matters. I also added that I will hire you as the new Divination teacher regarding the junior years. I will explain to them that I will tutor you and take on the seniors myself. They will eagerly accept that. The fact that you are willing to teach here will boost Hogwarts’ reputation, which will reflect kindly on the Board. I don’t expect any objections.”

“I can live with that, you sneaky Slytherin.” He pressed a kiss onto Severus’ hand. “What else?”

“I want to keep our relationship private for a few more weeks, if that is possible. Since you told Ginny, chances are that the Daily Prophet might find out. If that happens, prepare for a wave of protest.”

“What if Ginny keeps it to herself? I don’t believe she will go to Rita and tell her. She hates that witch as much as I do.”

Severus had also considered that. “Should we be successful at keeping our relationship a secret until Christmas, we will publish a statement ourselves. We will write the Board and the Quibbler that we are in a serious relationship and considering marriage.”

Harry listened up at that. “You want to marry me?” It would be his greatest wish come true!

“The Board will demand we make it official – either we wed or perform a bond that will bind us within our relationship. I will leave that up to you.” Severus felt tremendously relieved that Harry wasn’t opposed to marrying him. Although, being honest with himself, he realized Harry would actually be the one to propose marriage or a bond in the future. The young man had hinted at wanting to marry him in the past. “I reckon this is agreeable to you?”

“As far as I am concerned, we can get married this instant,” Harry purred contently. “I have no idea though what such a ceremony entails in the wizarding world! Does one of us have to wear a dress?”

Severus chuckled. “In such a case, you will be the one to wear it for I refuse to do so!” He felt relaxed now that their conversation was going so well.

“I don’t wear dresses – not even for you,” Harry said and kissed the tip of Severus’ nose, causing his lover to look cross-eyed at him. “I still need to officially tell Ron and Hermione though. That is, if Ginny already hasn’t.”

“Why don’t you invite them to the castle? I will be busy tomorrow. I need to make arrangements for the returning students, make last changes to the lessons plan, and meet with my staff.” Which now included Harry.

Harry realized he had to get used to having to share his lover with the rest of Hogwarts. “But the evenings belong to us,” he stated resolutely. “I don’t mind teaching during the day or counselling Slytherins, since I will be their new Head, but promise me that weekends and evenings are ours.”

“I won’t be able to keep that promise,” Severus replied honestly. “But I will promise you that we will spend all available time together.”

That had to be good enough for him, Harry knew that. As Headmaster, Severus would be obliged to attend meetings during the weekends and evenings as well, but the fact that Severus wanted to be with him, told him that his lover would free himself from his obligations if possible. 

/

Arthur had expected Errol to crash into the living room, but instead a large, black owl gracefully landed on the kitchen table. “Who are you?” 

Molly looked up from reading the Quibbler. She frowned, as she didn’t know the bird either. “And where’s Errol? Hopefully the owl was well. She was rather attached to the old fellow.

Arthur removed the letter and read it. “Molly, it’s from Severus – and Harry,” he added, upon finding that the young man had signed as well. “I am about to start on Monday. And there will be a staff meeting tomorrow at two in the afternoon. Severus is fine with me returning to the Burrow each evening and flooing in during the morning.” He studied the attached lesson plan.”This looks doable.” He had already let the Ministry know that he was taking a sabbatical for a year. Thanks to Kingsley, he had encountered no resistance. 

Molly looked over the schedule at well. Arthur would be able to have breakfast with them and he would be home in time for dinner. She nodded contently. “This doesn’t explain about the owl though.”

“There’s more written on the back,” Arthur noticed.

Molly turned the letter around. “Apparently Errol crashed into the Headmaster’s office and wasn’t able to carry a message back home.” Molly arched an eyebrow. “Severus says Fawkes has taken a liking to our bird. Apparently Severus wants to know if Errol can stay with them until he has recovered and he offers us this owl as a replacement. His name is Ostanes.”

Arthur read the note too after Molly handed it to him. “A gift?”

“Looks like it.” Molly considered the offer. Ostanes was in the prime of his life and could easily carry their messages. “Errol is too old, Arthur, we know that.” But they had lacked the funds to purchase a new owl as every Gallon went to their children’s education. 

Arthur nodded. “Maybe we can come to some agreement. Severus’ offer at pay is rather generous. I would be able to pay him back in two or three month’s time.”

“I doubt he will accept the money.” Molly had gotten to know Severus rather well, especially when she had helped Poppy look after him. 

Arthur realized the same thing. “Shall I write back and thank him for the gift? I am sure we will find a way to repay him if he doesn’t want our money.”

“I like that. Yes, we will find a different way to show our gratitude.”

/

Severus opened the window and Ostanes hopped inside. The owl looked well-fed and content. “Do you like your new master then?” Severus asked as he removed the note from the owl’s foot. Ostanes hooted before taking off again. “I reckon that is a yes.” Severus unrolled the paper and read the note. They thanked him for the owl and hoped Errol would return to them after he was rested. Molly especially seemed attached to him. Severus devised to ask Fawkes to take Errol to the Burrow once the owl had sufficiently recovered. 

Another owl landed on the desk. He recognized this one. The Board of Governors always used her. His hands trembled slightly upon reading the note she carried. He felt relieved however at seeing the Board approved of his plan. Yes, Harry would graduate honourably and was welcome to accept that teaching position. Severus had expected them to take the bait. Now they had to lay low for two months and then they could announce their relationship. Everything was going according to plan.

/

Harry was nervous. In the end, he had decided against firecalling Ron and Hermione. He had thought it best to send his patronus, asking them to come to the castle. He had sent the stag off ten minutes ago and was now biting his nails because he was so damn nervous. A minute later, their reply finally came. Hermione’s otter scrambled into the room and circled his feet before finally delivering his message.

“Of course we will be there! Expect us at the gate at one in the afternoon!”

To his relief, Hermione sounded calm and composed. He waited for Ron’s Jack Russell to make an appearance as well, but nothing happened. Should that worry or reassure him? Whatever happened tomorrow would determine the course of their friendship.

/

“I do not believe you need to be nervous,” Severus told Harry as they waited for Ron and Hermione to arrive. 

“I hope you are right.” Harry appreciated the fact that Severus had decided to accompany him to the gate, even though the Headmaster needed to prepare his staff meeting. Severus would unward the gate and then apparate to his office. Harry would join them after he had talked to his friends. Severus had reminded him he needed to attend such meetings in future now that he was their Divination teacher. 

Noise coming from the other side of the gate told Harry his friends had arrived. He dreaded looking at them – their expressions would tell them all he needed to know. 

“Go on, address them,” Severus urged him on. In the past, Harry had been the one to support him and now their roles were reversed. Hopefully it was a sign their relationship was working. 

Harry nodded and raised his head to look at his friends. His heart missed a beat looking at them. They had never been apart for so long. “Ron, Hermione, thanks for coming. Hermione was all smiles and Harry took heart. Ron was sulking, but then again, that was nothing out of the ordinary. Ron was good at sulking. 

Severus opened the gate and allowed them entry. Then he looked at Harry, squeezed his lover’s hand, and smiled. He didn’t care if Ron and Hermione saw the love in his eyes when they looked at Harry. “You know where to find me, should you need me.”

Harry nodded and drew in a deep breath before letting go of his lover’s hand. Severus disapparated and was gone, leaving him alone with his friends. “Want to walk with me to the castle? We need to talk.” He cringed. “I need to tell you some things. I probably should have done so before.” Why hadn’t he confided in then sooner? Probably because he had been so focused on Severus that he had forgotten pretty much around him. 

Hermione walked up to him and hugged him. She disliked the defeated expression in his eyes. Harry used to have faith in them. Why was he about to give up on their friendship?

Ron walked toward Harry as well. He had noticed the same thing and was relieved Hermione and he had discussed what might happen on forehand. “Harry, what’s going on? Why are you afraid to look me in the eye?”

Harry gave Ron a worried look. “You might not like what I am about to tell you.”

Hermione decided to go easy on her friend. “About Snape?”

Harry’s heart missed a beat and he stared at her. “What do you mean?”

“Ginny told us,” Ron said. “She felt confused and needed someone to talk to. She didn’t really need to tell us though; mum and dad talk about the two of you all the time. You might think your relationship is a secret, but it isn’t. People who know you, know.”

“As long as Rita doesn’t get hold of it, I am can live with that. I am sorry, guys. I really wanted to tell you, but I got caught up in this thing with Severus.”

Ron’s facial features briefly contorted. “I don’t mind you being gay, Harry, but Snape? Why the greasy git? Ouch!” Ron glared at his girlfriend, who had just kicked him. She glared at him and he recalled the conversation they’d had earlier. “Yes, you are right; he didn’t look that greasy just now.”

“It was an act! You know what your mum said about professor Snape having to pretend!” Hermione shook his head at him. She loved him dearly, but sometimes she wondered what exactly attracted her to him. 

“Yes, I know that,” Ron said and shuffled his feet. “Sorry, Harry.”

Harry felt much too relieved to be cross with his friend. “It’s fine, Ron. I understand why you’re reacting that way. I found it difficult to believe that I could be in love with him – at first.”

“So what’s he like?” A wicked gleam appeared in Ron’s eyes. “Anything we can blackmail him with when we return to school?”

Harry loved his friends for accepting he loved Severus. Apparently they were already done discussing his relationship with Severus and were back to normal. “I have to disappoint you,” he told Ron and grinned. “I will teach Divination to the juniors. I will be a teacher – part-time, that is. Severus will take on the senior years.”

That was bad news indeed as far as Ron was concerned. “You can’t be serious, mate!”

“That’s great, Harry! You will gain a lot of experience by teaching and tutoring the students. I reckon professor Snape will tutor you in turn?”

Hermione’s enthusiasm didn’t surprise him. “Hermione, do me a favour? Stop calling him that when we’re in private? His name is Severus.”

Hermione smiled. “I will. But this is wonderful, Harry! I am sure you will do well. You already gained some teaching experience when you trained Dumbledore’s Army!”

“There’s more,” Harry hinted as they started their way to the castle. “I am the new Head of Slytherin.” Ron halted in his tracks and stared at him – wide-eyed. Hermione had a sly and calculating look on her face. She knew why he was doing this – Ron however, was clueless.

“The snakes? Why would you do that?” Ron exclaimed horrified.

“To make sure Slytherin gets a fair chance in the future,” Hermione explained to her boyfriend. “Do you really want having to deal with a new Riddle? Chances are another wizard will get fed up with the way they are treated and search a scapegoat. Riddle decided the Muggles had to pay the price because of the way they treated him. Do you really want another Slytherin to rise from that house to start another war? They must be redeemed – the House and its students.”

“I knew I could count on you to understand.” Harry smiled at her when Hermione looped her arm with his. “And I don’t mind. I believe this is the right thing to do. With Severus being Headmaster, the Slytherins lose their Head of House. With me replacing him, no one will dare attack or slander them. Those students deserve a fair chance.”

“I will help wherever I can.” Hermione approved of Harry’s decision and felt confident her friend could help redeem Slytherin. When Ron remained quiet, she elbowed him in the side.

Ron rubbed his side and briefly glared at his girlfriend. “If that’s what you want, mate, you can count on me.”

Harry wrapped an arm around Ron’s shoulder and smiled happily at his friend. “Well, it seems, the terrible trio has reunited.”

“Who calls us that?” Ron snorted. “Let me guess, Snape.”

“I never heard him say it,” Harry relented, “But I wouldn’t be surprised if he calls us that in private.”

/

Severus looked about the table and felt contented. His teaching staff was complete. Arthur seemed a bit uncomfortable, but that was to be expected as this was his first staff meeting. Horace was sulking because he had let Severus talk him into finishing the school year, but Severus knew his old teacher and former Head of house would manage. Minerva as his Deputy would support him whenever necessary and Filius was already making changes to his lesson plan, deciding their students needed to learn charms that would help defend them. Remus was practically beaming with health and happiness and continued to throw him happy looks, which was beginning to annoy Severus. He understood that Remus felt grateful, but did he really have to show that gratitude all the time? Thankfully Septima Vector was her normal, calm self and even Pomona seemed pensieve. Madam Hootch sat watching them and he paid her little attention. Hagrid was squeezing Harry’s shoulder in a friendly manner, but Severus knew it had to hurt. Hagrid still had a hard time controlling all that power that resided in that large body.

“Welcome,” he said eventually. “To this staff meeting.” This was his life now. He was responsible for the lives and safety of his students and staff, and for the first time in his life it didn’t feel like a burden; it felt like a precious gift. Locking gazes with Harry, who smiled at him, he knew his lover felt likewise. Both of them had been given a second chance at life and they were going to make the most of it.

The end


End file.
